Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #506: Two Enterprises, One Episode

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! The chaos of this weekend did not permit me time to judge winners, those will be posted either Tuesday or Wednesday.

First, I made a mistake in setting up the last contest, (setting up 3 back to back means you may miss a step or two, on that note, Thanks Mutai Sho-Rin for stickying the contest even though I never messaged you) the episdoe poll was to allow you make two votes, but I accidentally set it for one, I realized this later and changed the setting, but since that was not done right, the top 2 will be voted on in a poll with this contest. Even with that, there was a clear wish to have "Yesterday's Enterprise" be our next episode.

Here we go!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Guinan: *gasp*

Worf: What is it?

Guinan: You're about to be mostly written out of this episode.

Troi: At least he has lines.

Castillo: What's it take to get a new commbadge around here?

Data: Starfleet reports heavy Klingon activity in this area, Captain.

Picard: I'll deal with that later. There's a pikachu in this system.

Yar: Would you get out? We're about to have a romantic moment.

Castillo: We are?

Riker: The first person to say "We scratched the paint" spends two days in the brig!

 

[rcjames]

Guinan: Ooh, the SFX department have outdone themselves. Dont you think?

*Worf disappears*

Guinan: Worf?

Castillo: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

Yar: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Castillo: No!

Picard: Can I get some lights on here? I cant see a bloody thing!

Riker: Im just saying, it would make more sense that the first officer got a chair of his own.

Picard: This is hardly the time, Number One.

 

[Ithekro]

Guinan: I didn't think we were this close to Bajor.

Worf: We are not. Why would you think we were near Bajor, that is Cardassian Space.

Guinan: No reason. Just remembering something I saw a long time ago.

Yar: Look friend. I know you are from like two decades ago, but in this time, I do all the hitting on people around here, got it!?

Picard: Clear the Bridge. All you extras are getting in my light.

Chief: Wait, are you saying that twenty-two years ago, Starfleet was not a military?

Castillo: Well yeah. Its been like that since long before I was born.

Yar: He's a red shirt, Chief, they never know. Just smile and lets transport him back to his ship so he can die in glorious battle.

Castillo: I'm right here.

Yar: You're cute when your dense. If the Klingons give as a few minutes I'll see what your ship has left for a private room and make you want to live for another day.

Riker: You know, if we dumped some of this excessive weight...like all these suspenders extras, we might be able to get this tub up to Light Speed, and flank those Cylons.

Picard: I fancy some toast. Make it so.

 

[shivkala]

Worf: And in 3..2..1...

Picard: Bridge to Lt. Worf.

Worf: Worf here.

Picard: We've found a place to dump the boy. Go get him and report to transporter room 3.

Worf: Aye, sir.

Guinan: Wow, I thought I could predict the future! Nicely done, Worf!

Castillo: Don't do it, Tasha. Don't fall in love. You'll be convinced to follow me back in time, they'll capture you, and your half-Romulan daughter will become an enemy of the Federation.

Yar: What are the chances of that?

Paramount Executive: Note to self, this is the perfect lighting for a TNG movie.

Transporter Chief: O'Brien? He's the head of the Starfleet Corps of Engineers! Why would he be in a menial job like this?

Yar: Well, I guess by saving the timeline, we doom him to a life of mediocrity...

Castillo: Is that a problem?

Yar: Absolutely not.

Riker: Sir, you realize by doing this, we're giving up the cool bridge design.

Picard: Yes.

Riker: And the shoulder strap for some crew members.

Picard: Worth it.

Riker: And these cool belts.

Picard: Abort, Mr. Crusher!

 

[Mr Soak]

Not particularly funny, I'll admit. Just a bit of fun. While Chris McDonald's role in Grease 2 wasn't major, it's about the only thing I recall about the movie, due to Chris's Trek connection.

Guinan: You like Grease 2? We'll spare you what's about to happen, then.

Yar: Guinan, back me up. Grease 2 was a blight on the memory of Grease.

Guinan: Yep.

Picard: You're right, Ensign. Grease 2 is an abomination.

Transporter Chief: I'm Sorry Lieutenant Castillo, Captain Picard has banished you back to the Enterprise-C.

Castillo: Did the Captain give a reason why?

Transporter Chief: Grease 2.

Riker: You sure about this, Captain?

Picard: Yes. Target the Enterprise-C. Let's make sure that history forgets the name... Grease 2.

 

[Hutchy01]

Picard: Dim lighting, two kinds of uniform, I have a new chair. Must be a movie, under no circumstances let councillor Troi near the helm

 

[Triskelion]

Guinan: Not this space-sphincter again.
Worf: What kind of anomaly is that?
Guinan: There's an anomaly?

Callisto: What'll you have - Sex on the Beach? Slippery Nipple? Ménage à Trois?
Yar: How about a Virgin Screaming Orgasm?
Guinan: One Wesley Crusher, coming right up.

Callisto: If you ever see an old man taking a long hard look at you from across the room -
Ensign: Uncle Merv?

Oh, Ziggy. Yours is a life of gentle mirth.

Picard: Mister Riker...F-
Riker: FIRE PHASERS SIR? PHOTONS FULL SPREAD? FULL POWER TO SHIELDS AND WEAPONS? PHASERS? IS IT PHASERS?
Picard: Fetch me an Earl Grey tea. What these Klingons need is a sound talking-to.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WORF: What's that?
GUINAN: That's just a plot hole, don't mind that. We come across them all the time.

Tasha didn't appreciate Guinan's "Get everyone to look at me like they just found out I'm dying all day" prank.

PICARD: Captain's log. I hope this war ends soon. All this dim lighting is really straining my vision. Maybe when the war is finally over we can finally turn the lights up to a reasonable level.

BASHIR AND EZRI (Offscreen): Wait, Tasha! We're coming with you! This is our 164th try, but this is the day we finally win this battle!

PICARD: Put the Klingon captain on the viewscreen!
RIKER: Why?
PICARD: You know, so we can see if it's Worf.
RIKER: That seems pretty unlikely. Billions of Klingons in the galaxy and we happen to run into the one that is our friend in the main timeline?
PICARD: But wouldn't it be cool if Worf came on screen and threatened us?
RIKER: It would be pretty silly and contrived and undercut the weight of this scene a little bit.
PICARD: Yeah, I suppose you're right.

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

"Thanks Mutai Sho-Rin for stickying the contest even though I never messaged you."
Not a problem. I'm usually on the forum several times a day and caught the new contest as soon as it hit the page.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Where did that come from?
GUINAN: 2258 by way of 2387
WORF: Huh?
GUINAN: It's complicated

 

[Tenacity]

Worf: "What's that?"
Guinan: "It a localize tear in the time space continum."
Worf: "There's a ship coming through ... hey, it's the Bozeman again."
Guinan: "God but we're out of ideas."

 

[Nerys Myk]

YAR: Let me guess. Belts, badges and shirts don't arrive till Tuesday.
CASTILLO: Well they don't .
GUINAN: This is why replicators were invented.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: Captain, we have raised your chair to optimum level. We can begin the buffing of your head any time.

Dr. Hans Reinhardt (offscreen): Mine was bigger, you know.

 

[Tenacity]

Data: "Sensor reading confirm, the ship is shrinking around us."

 

[Mojochi]

Worf: Worf to Laforge. Have maintenance send somebody out front with a squeegee again. We hit another Calamarain

For a race of listeners, somebody sure as hell doesn't know when to keep their damn mouth shut

Captain's Log: Ever since we implemented battle conditions lighting, I really do see how distracting the glare from my head can be

Transporter Chief: What? All I said was mine is bigger than yours. I like smaller shoulder straps.

Riker: Captain, I noticed you put your seatbelt on. If we were going to ramming speed... you'd tell me 1st, right?........... Sir?..........

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Not funny, Number One.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Yar: "You tried to set me up with a Kirk impersonator? Really??"
Guinan: "Honey, don't judge him before you've heard him speak. (to Castillo) C'mon, say "sabotage". "

Picard: "Yep...this is how I want the statue to depict me."

Worf: "Uh-oh, there's that tunnel again. Somebody's going to die in this episode."
Guinan: "Where's the light at the end?"
Worf: "Be glad you don't see it. That means it's not you."

Riker: "Uhhhh...sir? Hate to bother you, but..."
Picard: "I told you to go before we left, Number One!"

Riker: "Are we there yet?"

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Worf: What a pretty space hole.
Guinan: I bet you say that to all the ladies.

Castillo: Hey blondie. You, me, holodeck two and a Gorn costume?

Picard: [thinking] I wonder what made these birds so angry?

Goldshirt: Welcome to McTransporter Room. Can I take your order?

Picard: [thinking] This ship is such a sausage fest!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: Is that LeadHead with the winners?

Guinan: No, he got a cold and is trying to get over it quickly. He will post winners when he can.