Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #497: Romulans!

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Fashion Improvements" Award going to tharpdevenport for:

Q: "Anything you want, I can give you."

Picard: "We don't ned anything you have to offer, Q."

Q: "Just think, with one snap of my fingers, I could present you with the greatest archeological find in the Alpha quadrant."

Picard: "The answer is still no, Q."

Q: "One flash of light and you could have a real beating human heart in your chest."

Picard: "There is nothing you can offer."

Q: "In an instant I could make all skant uniforms disappear."

Picard: "MAKE IT SO!!!"



Next, we have the "But we have better accents" Award, going to shivkala for:

Vash: What is it?

Q: A "Cease and Desist" letter from Warner Brothers claiming we're infringing on their movie, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Don't worry though, the Q Continuum lawyers will clear this up faster than you can say, "Public Domain."




Next, we have the "Prison Logistics" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Q: Yeah, I'm human now. Put me in a cell with a toilet.



Next, we have the "Made in Gothos" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:

RIKER: This whole place looks fake. Fake rocks. Fake sky Fake horizon.
Q: This is the last time I subcontract to Trelane.



Next, we have the "Keeping an eye on the Ensigns" Award, going to Catarina for:

Q: You see? I told you that you needed 360 cameras installed on your bridge. For an example; You can observe what your useless wall flower crew members are up to at the science stations. Behind Worf are a pair about to suck face on your time.

The award goes to GeorgeKirk for:

Security Log, Supplemental: While I wholeheartedly agree with Captain Picard's decision to throw Q in the brig, it seems to me he could've come up with a better charge than "crimes against fashion".

Our KBL goes to JirinPanthosa for:

PICARD: Do you need something Q? Are you here to annoy us again?
Q: Nope. Was bored. Just wanted to hang. Whatcha doin?



Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, some more of our villains just decloaked and want in on this contest. Say hello to the Romulans!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Jarok: Listen, they've built a whole new base in the Neutral Zone, you've got to destroy it to stop the new offensive.

Riker: We can't detect cloaked Romulan ships, they don't need the base, they could just invade right now.

Jarok: Ummmmm..... maybe those reports were false after all.

Sela: Dangit, Starfleet discovered my Spacebook profile. Now it won't be a surprise when I show up.

O'Brien: Anyway, I'm married, have a kid and I'm just 3 days away from transferring to DS9... Commander, what are you doing with that Phas-

Tomalak: And this is our Executive Cell. It comes with all the latest amenities, like 4 walls and oxygen.

Worf: I'll remember this in the unlikely scenario you need me to give a blood transfusion!

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: Looks like you're a Beatle short, LaForge

 

[Nerys Myk]

TOMALAK: And this is were we keep the bolts of cloth to create our uniforms.

 

[Finn]

Sela: What? What do you mean they cut off the Ivanka Trump line at all the stores back on Romulus?

 

[Nerys Myk]

B'ETOR: Of course it's a dye job. Look at the roots.

 

[shivkala]

Thank your for the win!

Jarok: It's clear your Captain has stopped listening. He's probably lost in his thoughts, but I'm sure he'll come to in a minute or so, therefore we have to be quick.

Geordi: Oh, boy, this is going to be the best surprise birthday, ever!

Sela: So, they stiffed us.

Romulan Officer: Sadly.

Sela: Lursa? B'etor? I wanted some frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams! How hard is that?

O'Brien: Geordi! Come join us! We're having Pangalactic Gargleblasters! It's guaranteed to make you feel like you're "having your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick".

Geordi: No, thanks, I just had my brain washed.

Tomalak: Are you sure we can't convince you, Commander? I promise this Bird of Prey has only been driven by a nice old Romulan grandmother who took it for church services only.

Worf: Security Officer's Log--And I thought Romulans smelled bad on the outside!

 

[Finn]

Jarok: I swear! She told me all about you. Your fishing trips with your father. Picard's heated arguments with his father before going off to the Academy. Geordi's experience in that fire as a kid...

Data: Can you describe any distinguishing marks?

Jarok: A birthmark shaped like the state of West Virginia on her right butt cheek.

Data: I believe him, Captain.

 

[Jedman67]

PICARD: "Tell me Number One, how many Romulans does it take to change a lightbulb?"
RIKER: "(whispering) Look behind you!"
PICARD: "Ah, Subcommander, can you provide an answer to my question?"
JAROK: "How many Federation Captains does it take to throw a Tea Party, Picard?"

TOMALEK: "MOO! MOO!"
RIKER: "What are you - ?"
TOMALEK: "Sigh. Charades, Commander!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Ensign: "Shit, he's coming. Somebody make up some reason he can't join us or none of us will get laid tonight."

 

[Ithekro]

TOMALEK: Oh the guy with the peacock hair? Don't worry about him. I spar with him on the holodeck every week. We go on like we are ambassadors on some sort of space station. Quite the fun rivalry it is.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

JEROK: Okay, seriously. You believed the Pakleds but you don't believe me?!

ROMULAN: Wait, wait. If your mother going back in time changed the timeline, your mother didn't go back in time, and you shouldn't be here. But if your mother never went back in time, then the Federation/Klingon war happened and your mother did go back in time. But if your mother went back in time...
SELA: I learned to stop asking these questions at a very young age.

ROMULAN: Well, what are you waiting for? Tell your friend Miles his wife Keiko is annoying.
GEORDI: Umm...how about I just murder him?

TAMALAK: Actually, imprisoning you is a gesture of peace. Now you can never hit on any uncomfortable ensigns ever again.

ROMULAN: Thank you...for helping me...filthyklingonanimalsayswhat?
WORF: What?
ROMULAN: Nevermind.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"They also double as space misquitor zappers."

Rker: "Good, I don't want to get the Space Nile virus."

 

[Leviathan]

TOMALEK: Oh the guy with the peacock hair? Don't worry about him. I spar with him on the holodeck every week. We go on like we are ambassadors on some sort of space station. Quite the fun rivalry it is.

...and after that I play a one-armed bad guy in a holonovel called 'The Fugitive'.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER:How much to up grade to the Presidental Suite?
TOMALAK:My dear Commander, this is the Presidential Suite!

 

[Leviathan]

Captain's Log, Stardate 43349.2: I have amended and updated Worf's security report entitled "The Battle of the Flashlight" to the more accurate "Security got his ass kicked by half-dead crash survivor and was a sore loser about it later".

 

[Leviathan]

O'Brien: No you idiot, shoot the Suliban and we wont have to suffer through Enterprise.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Security Officer's Personal Log: I still can't believe I was able to give a Romulan a blood transfusion when there's nothing in common between our two species. I mean, take this one for example. No resemblance to any Klingon ever.

Sela: I don't know what "Playboy" is, but these pictures definitely aren't me!

Romulan: At least, the secret of O'Brien's rank will be revealed to us!

Tomalak: I'd point out that in your fantasy your wife was dead. If you ever get married for real, I'm telling the bride this.

Worf: For the love of God man, tell me you have a comb I can borrow!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "do not worry, I am here to help."

Romulan: "Thank you, I was beginn ...that's not a flashlight -- that's a Kodak flash bulb camera!"

Worf: "Indeed, I am here to help myself. I need new material for my Spacebook page."

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Picard's Thoughts: Something's different about Counselor Troi today. Maybe her hair? Should I comment?

Tomalak: Dare you to lick it.