Contest: VOTE TNG Caption This! #492: All Hands on Deck

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! While I'm late, I am posting the winners and the new contest at the same time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Where's Hugh?" Award, going to inflatabledalek for:

Riker: Mr Worf, there's a Borg somewhere on this planet. We must find him!


Next, we have the "Cast Away: The Next Generation" Award, going to shivkala for:

Picard: Chuck Noland got a frickin' volleyball and what do I get? Nothing!


Next, we have "The Highest Standard of Care" Award, going to Tenacity for:

Picard: "Will he be okay Doctor?"

Crusher: "He should be, I've placed him unprotected directly on a freezing cold surface and then covered him with a blanket,"


Next, we have the "Is it set on the U.S.S. Toronto?" Award, going to Leviathan for:

Star Trek: The Canadian Generation


Next, we have the "But is it legal in that Star System?" Award, going to The Laughing Vulcan for:

Riker: "Like, um, what are we supposed to do again. Heh, heh. Um, yeah. Away team, that's it. We should all go away... Ha Ha."
Yar: "Dunno about you, but I'm hungry. Can we beam down some cookies?"
Data: "Curious. My tricorder readings indicate that a neigbouring field of cannabis sativa is on fire. Are you experiencing any adverse effects, commander? Commander?




I always enjoy some Captioning Team work, so our Tag-Team Award goes to Happy Xmas & Hutchy01 for:

LAFORGE: Elsa?

Data: Let it go, Geordi.



Given how tardy I've been in recent weeks, I've been expecting (and hoping) for some good jabs to be taken at yours truly. Gep Malakai, this win's for you:

Hell froze over, but there were still no caption contest winners.

The Award goes to Finngle Bells for:

Captain's Log: At least, I won't haven to listen to Wil's complaining about me going on an away mission, Beverly's demanding me to do breakfast tomorrow morning, Data's latest humanity quest, whatever Counselor Troi is sensing and whatever that Geordi guy in Engineering is doing, and telling Worf to stop pointing a phaser at the viewer.......

Our KBL goes to Mojochi for:

Data: Curious. Why exactly do I need to bother shielding myself from this?

Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

Sorry again for being delayed, but at least I am able to bring both the winners and the new photos at the same time.

And now, in the spirit of the holiday season, lets get our senior staff together for a contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

La Forge: Whoops! Sorry about that Space Sign, Captain.

Picard: It clearly said "No Parking Orbits."

La Forge: As you can see, unless we break this loop we will never get to meet Frasier.

Picard: Strange, these tights are very comfortable.

Picard: Data, what happened?

Data: You were being influenced by alien mind control.

Wesley: That explains why he let me sit in his chair.

Picard: Damage report, Mister La Forge.

La Forge: Almost everything's back online. Just one problem, the Wi-fi won't be fixed for at least a week.

Everyone glares at La Forge.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Tea, Shakespeare and now Robin Hood? Why am I French, again?

PICARD: This doesn't feel right. Data, call the Quartermaster and get collars on these uniforms. Geordi, go down to Engineering. Worf, take Tactical. Riker, grow a beard to cover that chin butt. Counselor, do something about that hideous hair. Someone get the boy a uniform. Doctor, take a year off and get back to me.
YAR: What about me, sir?
PICARD: Sorry, and you are?

 

[tharpdevenport]

The rarely seen awkward transition moment from season two to season three before somebody who knew what they were doing stepped in and made sure people who were supposed to be there were there and that Wesley shouldn't be on the show.



IS IT SEASON ONE and/or TWO? IDENTIFICATION CHECK LIST:

☑ Lousy cinematography.
☑ Poor lighting.
☑ Overall 1970's cheapness feel with some good ideas.
☑ Doctor on the Bridge for no apparent reason.
☑ Counselor on the Bridge for no apparent reason.
☑ Senior officer striking awkward pose.
☑ Wesley sitting in the command area.
☑ Terrible hair on Troi.
☑ Turbolift doors on one side not all the way to the floor

Yup, it's probably season two.

 

[Smellincoffee]

LaForge: The phenomenon is registered in the computer as "The Eye of Sauron".

LaForge: *cough* Just adjusting my VISOR.
Worf, Picard: Riiiiiiiight.

Picard: Now, where are Hook and those pirates?
Worf: Captain, I protest! I am NOT a LOST BOY!

 

[Nerys Myk]

STEWART:...and cut! Great work everyone. I think my suggestions really helped the scene.
cast grumbling
BOLE: How long are we going to pretend Patrick is directing this episode?
BERMAN: Just until he signs the new contract. Make sure everyone but Patrick is on set for the real thing tomorrow.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the Log win

Counselor's Log: I have no idea what Geordi is saying...a lot of big words. So I spent the meeting counting the grey hairs on Wil.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: Captain's Log--There are way too many people on the bridge. Are there usually this many? Crap, I can't remember all of their names, yet. Let's see, there's Lt. Pinocchio, Lt. Hairclip, Dr. I'dhitthat, Commander BabyFace, Counselor Whatsherpurpose, The Boy, Lt. Tomboyhaircut, the Klingon, CannonFodder, Ensign Imnotevenbotheringtryingtopretendtoknow, and, of course, Ensign Jefferson, who I must invite over for tea and ask him how his family is. I am curious how his wife, Jenny; their sons Tommy and Billy; his father, Edgar; her mother, Eunice; their cat, Mr. Sprinkles; and of course, Todd, their mail carrier are doing.

LaForge: ...and, whoops, wrong presentation.

Crusher: *to herself* Who knew butt plugs had Bluetooth nowadays?

Troi: So, really, no one is going to comment on the Captain's facial hair?

Wesley: So, now that you're all cured of the Game's brainwashing, I'm out of here. Even though it was totally Commander Riker's fault this thing got on-board and spread so quickly, I'm still leaving before you find a way to blame all of those in-app purchases on me!

Picard: 1,793,803 credits to the iTunes app store?! Wesley! Do you know anything about this?

Wesley: Crap, too late!

Picard: Well, Doctor, I had to pick up Space Herpes from someone, care to explain?

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: Near as I can figure it's some sort of planet killer.
PICARD: A doomsday machine? Any known defense?
LAFORGE: Oops, my mistake. It's the one of the Bugles™ I had for lunch.

 

[Finn]

Picard: Any way you can install a mini-replicator on my end of the table so it'd replicate a cup of Earl Grey...HOT!....every fifteen minutes?

Geordi: ....I don't see why not....sir.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "Thank you for coming to the breifing. I think you all know what this is."

Riker: "No. Some annonymous spacial distortion?"

Data: "Perhaps a tear in the fabrtic of time and space, Geordi?"

Troi: "I'm completely useless here and I don't even know why a ship's counselor is called to any meeting that doesn't have to do with ship-wide poor counseling."

Worf: "Could it be a thermal imaging of the Tinman?"

Beverly: "Some complex alien thing that will take forty-seven minutes to resolve?"

Geordi: "Eh, no -- the captain's log. Might I suggest mroe fiber, Captain..."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

IS IT SEASON ONE and/or TWO? IDENTIFICATION CHECK LIST:

☑ Lousy cinematography.
☑ Poor lighting.
☑ Overall 1970's cheapness feel with some good ideas.
☑ Doctor on the Bridge for no apparent reason.
☑ Counselor on the Bridge for no apparent reason.
☑ Senior officer striking awkward pose.
☑ Wesley sitting in the command area.
☑ Terrible hair on Troi.
☑ Turbolift doors on one side not all the way to the floor

Yup, it's probably season two.

That last pic? It's from season one, because Worf and Geordi are wearing red, Riker doesn't have a beard, and Tasha is there.

 

[bbjeg]

Captain's log - Supplemental: Beverly was on the bridge again, and she brought her damn kid again. You'd think the head doctor would occasionally go to sickbay once in awhile and her son, a kid his age, should be in the holodeck commanding a ship full of Orion women or something. I think Beverly knows that I won't tell her off, due to leaving Jack Crusher behind and all. Well, at least I can stand at the front of the bridge obscuring them from my view.

Geordi: It was hidden away but I finally located the clitoris.

Picard was amazed to find out how discombobulated his crew became when someone else was in the captain's chair.

Picard: If you pronounce it "qwasawnt" one more damn time...

 

[tharpdevenport]

Geordi: "We've narrowed the weird naked suspect carrying around an antiquated weapon and leaving a trail of cookies down to one suspect..."

 

[Tenacity]

Data: "I strive to be more Human."
Picard: "Geordi's man-spread is more Human than your's"
Data: "I shall have to reprogram my hip servos."

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Would everyone who is not actually doing anything please vacate fhe bridge!
Worf: Technically that would include the Security station.
Yar: So says the Useless Suggestion station.

Geordi: - so that's why the alpha waves are causing fluidic dynamism throughout the interstitial anionic stages blah blah field interfluxing blah blah blah field magnetization blah....
Riker: Boy he can really suck the joy out of miniature golf.

Picard: Suddenly I am overcome with a vision of my new mission....
Beverly: Steal from the rich and give to the poor?
Picard: No, invent pants.

 

[Tenacity]

Beverly: "Captain, shadow man is back, he's by the turbo-lift this time."

La Forge: "As you can see by this graph, during minute twelve of my last date, things began to go down hill."

Deanna: "Beverly my fingers smell funny, here smell my fingers."

Picard: "No Doctor Crusher, I did not call this meeting to discuss my erectile dysfunction."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Yar: "Seriously, this is the pose that we're going with for our Christmas cards?"
Worf: "It's perfect. See, the boy already looks like he's photoshopped in. It's traditional."

LaForge: "The cross section needs to be refined, but see, the air passes over the top at a faster rate than below, causing a pressure differential and generating lift."
Riker: "My God!"
Data: "You are postulating heavier than air flight."
Picard: "A man could actually fly! This could change Federation science and technology as we know it."

Picard: "Stand fast men! It's the Sheriff of Nottingham. Watch me show him what for with my trusty quarterstaff. Confidentially, it's a buck and a quarter quarterstaff, but he doesn't know that."

Director os: "When's the set going to be finished?"
Producer os: "Tuesday, why?"
Director: "Tell them to hurry it up. This lot suck at green-screen acting."

Picard: "And finally, it seems congratulations are in order. Our Chief Engineer finally got laid last night. Ensign Kaplan was more than complimentary following your date in Holodeck 2."
LaForge: "That wasn't me. That was a holographic simulation of me I created to try and evaluate my deficiencies."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Yar: Worf, why are you standing in my usual place?

Worf: Oh, I just thought I'd see what it feels like.

For no particular reason.

Geordi: And this is literally what your brain looks like on drugs.

Picard: Probably a less effective campaign Mr LaForge.

Stewart: So I said, "If we're going to shamelessly ride the coattails of a big 90's film, why not Basic Instinct?" But no one ever listens to me.

Engineer's Personal Log: The new X-ray Vision feature on my visor works like a charm.

Geordi: I'm just saying, why bother inviting Worf to these meetings when you always ignore his suggestions?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "And finally, it seems congratulations are in order. Our Chief Engineer finally got laid last night. Ensign Kaplan was more than complimentary following your date in Holodeck 2."

LaForge: "That wasn't me. That was a holographic simulation of me I created to try and evaluate my deficiencies."

Picard: "Ah. Well, then congratulations to your holographic deficiencie simulation getting laid last night."

Troi: "I'm sensing pity."