Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #483: Everybody Loves Worf

[LeadHead]

First up to the plate, we have the "Cleanup on the Battle Bridge" Award, going to Kick The Can for:

Yar: Number One on the deck!
Picard: Better get the mop.


Next, we have "The Problems of Today, in The Future!" Award, going to Mr. Laser Beam for:

Worf: Stop changing the channel, Tasha! The bat'leth tournament is on!

Tasha: Worf, this is my shore leave and we are damn well watching Survivor: Turkana IV.

Worf: That was just you with a camcorder!



Next, we have the "Compromises" Award, going to Leviathan for:

After an impassioned plea, the Security Officers Union (Local 289) eventually won the right to not wear dustbusters, but still had to go on away missions with senior staff.



Next, we have the "Silver Lining" Award, going to shivkala for:

Riker: Problem, Lt.?

Yar: Not if you really wanted to be Captain, since I can't seem to get his pattern to reintegrate.


Next, we have the "Medical Experimentation" Award, going to Mojochi for:

Q: Hold on. I've been dying to see if you people can really live with only 1 kidney

The award goes to The Green Monster for:

Captain's Log: My new first officer reported to duty. He looks like a buffoon. I'll have him promoted to Captain within a year.

The KBL goes to huskers57 for:

Tasha - "Hey... Macarena!"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, lets bring the funny and honorable captions for Lieutenant Worf!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: (thinking) Crap, Picard's back. I was hoping to be in command for longer.

Worf: Uh-huh. Right. Yeah. Whatever you say, Commander.

Riker: No Freemium games during staff meetings, Mister Worf!

Worf: You shot J.R!

Crusher: Troi broke your wrist? I can't wait to tell everyone.

Worf: Whatever happened to Doctor-Patient Confidentiality?

Worf: Commander Data had too many Deuterium Daiquiris. I'll drop him off at his quarters.

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win....

Worf: Stars have no honor!

Security Officer's Log: It has been a year since Tasha died. The idiot still doesn't even realize I have nothing on this padd when I tell him the daily security reports.

 

[shivkala]

Thank you for the win!

Pre-Tasha's Death Worf really didn't have much to do during season one, so Michael Dorn would take to just standing in every shot he could.

Worf: Security Officer's Log-I am finding it difficult to be honest in these entries as Commander Riker insists on being present whenever I make a log entry.

Riker: Just keep going, pretend I'm not here.

Worf: While the ship remains secure, I am concerned that due to Riker's massive libido he could put as all at risk. For example, if he were to bring a device back from Risa that would effectively brainwash the entire crew.

Riker: That would never happen! I mean, it would never happen, again.

Picard: Personal Log--I'll be damned, after performing with Worf for several nights, I have to admit he was right about Hamilton being better in the original Klingon. Lin'manuel brought great honor to the house Miranda.

Crusher: For that last time, Mr. Worf, I cannot medically diagnose your fist as a "lethal weapon.

Worf: I know he's valuable and the odds of it happening are low, but as Security Chief I cannot take the risk of him exploding, so I'm returning our Data Note 7 to the store for an exchange. Perhaps we should go with an iOS device and not another Android?

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW TheIllusiveMan!

Helm: These seats are too reclined. I feel like a slacker.
Ops: They are optimized for 24th century ergonomic comfort.
Helm: But it's making me want to take a 24th century nap.
Worf: <slaps his head> YOU WILL WAKE UP AND ADJUST OUR HEADING OR I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A TARG ON FEKLAR DAY!!!!
Ops: See? This is what the 24th century tactical officer is for.
Helm: Couldn't we just go back to Kirk's Burke model 115 light blue office chairs, with pebbled black vinyl slip-on chairback extensions....?
Worf: ....
Helm: We could paint them beige.
Worf: ....
Ops: He means 24th century ergonomically-optimized chromatic ecru.
Worf: DO I NEED TO GET MY PAIN STICK!!!

Worf: Regulan roses are red,
Ventaxian violets are blue,
Betazed chocolate is sweet
And I discommodate the gurgling death rattle from the dead corpse that was you.
...Trust me - this is sure to work on the female crew of the IKS Pagh.
Riker: Yup - romantic.

Worf: I said the Cha'DIch will be silent! I didn't say Mek'Tor Says! Ha ha, you're out, Chancellor!
Picard: This game is a bit more...stabby than I remember.

Beverly: There there, all better. You can see the receptionist on your way out for a pink lollie.
Worf: KLINGONS DO NOT LIKE PINK LOLLIES!
...
WE LIKE RED ONES! RED LIKE THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES!!!

Announcer: Federation Express. When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
Data: It's a living!

 

[Hutchy01]

Worf: Commander, I assume you didn't mean to send me a dick pic.

OBJECTION!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf (singing): STOP! In the naaaaaaaaame of honor,
Before you break my bat'leth...

 

[huskers57]

Riker (OS) - "Worf! Why isn't your leg up on the console? You will never make First Officer!"

"Do you like me? Check Yes or No"

Worf - "I am the King of the FFFFFFOOORRRRREEEESSSSSSTTTTTT!!"

Beverley - "Worf, you have got to quit 'firing the phaser' if you want that wrist to heal!"

Worf - "When I asked for a new portable data device, this is not what I meant!"

 

[Finn]

Worf: Any chance you can set it to Minsk? It's beautiful during this time of the year, there's a prune juice drinking contest and Mom sells her blood pies.

 

[Gepard]

"There! Worf! There! Castle!"

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the win

Picard: Now give me 20 laps, Mister, & make it snappy

Worf: Dear Worf, I'm still probably going to marry Will someday, Love Deanna

Worf: Mocking my captain's man purse is going TOO FAR!

Worf: No! No matter how much you want to choke her... don't do it!

Worf: I still think it would've been easier to just drag him by his silly trouser stirrups

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Oh yes Tactical station, someday you will be mine.

WORF: Weird. SpaceMatch keeps suggesting Trill and Betazed women.

CRUSHER: Thanks for volunteering to help with the prostrate exams. It's good to broaden one's horizons.
WORF: I doubt Commander Riker will feel the same.

WORF: That one!!!
PICARD: Hmmm. I thought choosing a new Chancellor would be a lot harder.

WORF: Yeah, I've no idea what the hell's happening here either.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Mr. Woof: "Tell Commander Riker I will be using his special quarters for a while..."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Worf: The position of these chairs is without honour, they should be the other way round!

Riker: Wow, so Q was wrong, you actually read the books.

Worf: I only eat the good ones.

Worf: Leadhead! You did a Yar contest before mine? Your father was a liar and a traitor!

Worf: I'm not saying your a bad doctor, but I shouldn't have to hold my hand on after treatment.

Worf: Right, we keep him broke and maybe the rest of us will have something to do in the films.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

(offscreen) Picard: Worf, I thought I told you to cut back on the overtime. Don't you realize there's other officers who can do a bridge watch?

Worf: Captain, do you see this viewscreen? It's showing you all the fucks I give.

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Mister Worf, can you please tell me where we are?
Worf: Yes sir! We are on the bridge of the Enterprise.
Picard: No, I mean, our position?
Worf: Well, you are sitting down and I am standing, sir.
Picard: Our ship's position, Mister Worf.
Worf: Oh. Well as I understand the Prime Directive, we aren't supposed to take sides in any conflict.
Picard: No, I mean, where are we in space right now.
Worf: Ah. Currently we are traveling between the stars, sir.
Picard: Which stars, exactly?
Worf: The ones on the viewscreen, sir. Although it resembles a screensaver, those are actually real stars. Pretty cool, huh.
Picard: Mister Worf, using the tri-axis Cartesian system, can you please tell me where, in three-dimensional space, is our ship's pinpoint location?
Worf: Yes sir. I can indeed, sir. All officers must pass the Cartesian Space Plotting course at the academy, sir. Although it had much less political intrigue than I'd hoped, sir.
Picard: Then proceed, Mister Worf, with all due haste.
Worf: Well sir, you see, in a three-dimensional Cartesian system, position remains relative to your zero point. Would you care to specify the zero point? Or shall I go ahead and assign one?
Picard: THE SHIP, MISTER WORF. THE SHIP IS AT THE ZERO POINT.
Worf: Oh well, why didn't you say so. Our position is zero by zero by zero.
Picard: ...Thank you, Mister Worf.
Worf: The honor is to serve.
Picard: Bridge to Data....
Data <com>: Diverting all bridge functions to my console now, sir.
Picard: Please review and report on all department logs.
Data: Yes sir, Just let me get my flappy lumberjack hat....

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Worf: I would rate your sex tape a "four", sir.
Riker: Out of five?
Worf: Out of ten.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Is this really the best use for this space?

 

[Finn]

Beverly: I noticed...Deanna didn't need medical attention

Worf: Apparently, she still can do it without being possessed as well.

 

[exocomp]

Wesley: Say "cheese", worf.

Worf: Can't I say "blood pie", instead?

Riker: ... and I'd like you to bring me a hot dog while you're at it... the darker mustard... not the stinky yellow one.

Worf: Don't touch that! That's my chocolate mousse, asshole!

Worf: How was I?

Worf: What do you mean "not against the wall"? You said I was the bouncer, didn't you?