TNG Caption This! #433: Medical Mysteries

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Oct 19, 2015.

  1. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Worf in the 23rd Century Premium Member

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    Deep Space Station K7
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    CRUSHER: Pass this test and you're a qualified Starfleet medical officer.

    BLUESHIRT: Is it hard?

    CRUSHER: Nah it's nothing. To pass the Bridge Officer's Test, I had to win three games of Battleship.
     
  2. Mojochi

    Mojochi Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Crusher: The device I'm injecting will allow Geordi to see through your eyes temporarily

    Picard: I'm assuming it will wear off well before our breakfast tomorrow

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    Riker: Picard to sick bay. I think you'll want to be here for this

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    Pulaski: His rendition of Moon River is really quite spectacular

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    Crusher: Who gave him a phaser?

    Worf: You said he'd never regain sexual function. I assumed suicide was the only option

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    Crusher: If we don't get an immediate isolinear chip donor, we're going to lose this bio bed!
     
  3. Catarina

    Catarina Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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  4. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

    [​IMG]

    Assistant Nurse: "This empty biobed is a metaphor, doctor. It represents the number of people wou'll get it on with during the show's run."
     
  5. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Worf in the 23rd Century Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Deep Space Station K7
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    O'BRIEN: What happened?

    RIKER: Brain freeze. Deanna tried to eat an entire carton Rocky Road in under a minute.
     
  6. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Crusher: "If this old bed could talk, it could surely tell some stories! It's seen a lot of medical drama over the years."
    Nurse: "It looks it! Are any of those stains still infectious?"


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    Troi: "Oh, Beverly! I had the most horrible nightmare! I was trying to get some rest in sickbay, but there were three perverts gawking at me and imagining all kinds of disgusting sexual scenarios!"
     
  7. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

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    Heart of Dixie
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    Crusher: ...and that will also take care of your monthly contraceptive. *wink*

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    Troi: HE HAS A BEARD NOW. I MUST GO TO HIM.
    Crusher: It's not that good a beard, Deanna.
    Riker: I beg your pardon?
    O'Brien: The commander's is a right good beard!
    Data: I must concur. Counselor, you have no choice.

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    Pulaski: ...ooh. Multiple lifesigns. Tell the kitchen we've got CAVIAR TONIGHT!

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    Crusher: He didn't escape, Alyssa, he...phased out of our plane of existance. In another plane of existance, he's...right there. Begging for help.
    Alyssa: He totally escaped.
    Crusher: Maybe spontaneous combustion.
    ...that's a thing now, isn't it? It's the 24th century.
     
  8. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Antidean: "Disappointed?"
    Pulaski: "Well...I gotta say...you don't look at all like your eHarmony photo."
     
  9. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
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    Picard: You gave me an injection, it's only fair I get to give you one next.
    Crusher: Do who now?
    Geordi: Wait a minute, this isn't engineering...!


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    Male Nurse: Yep, carpet matches the drapes....


    [​IMG]

    Nurse: Shouldn't we always start at the top and work our way down?
    Crusher: Do what now?


     
  10. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

    O'Brien: "Ay, they do. OH, you meant counselor Troi!"
     
  11. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Inside the Wastelands of my mind!
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    Worf (O/S): What a handsome race!
     
  12. hux

    hux Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Hard Sassenach in Moist Aberdeen
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    Picard: This is good shit.

    Crusher: I can't believe we never did this before.

    La Forge: I can see rainbows.

    [​IMG]

    Troi: What happened?

    Crusher: You had a threesome with Riker and O'Brien. Everyone has herpes. Try not to panic.

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    Pulaski: According to my readings, you should be served with red wine.

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    Worf: He's been here for hours. It doesn't look good. Can you help him doctor?

    Crusher: Oh shit, I left the iron on.

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    Crusher: I'm afraid he's dead.

    Nurse: What species was he?

    Crusher: I don't know but I'm gonna name them... "The flat cushiony type people."
     
  13. Bagofmostlywatr

    Bagofmostlywatr Commander Red Shirt

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    Land of hope....
     
  14. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Inside the Wastelands of my mind!
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    Ambassador: This thread is gonna be the chain of Second hand news as long as we follow or will we Go our own way . Don't stop with the little lies!

    (This is the last post consisting solely of Fleetwood mac song titles unless I'm Hypnotised!)
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  15. Bry_Sinclair

    Bry_Sinclair Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Orbiting Urectum
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    Crusher: Hold still, Jean-Luc, this hyper-viagra is very potent.
    Picard: I'm already feeling it's affects.
    Crusher: I can see that, spandex doesn't allow you to hide anything.
    Picard: I don't think I'll be able to get back to your quarters, Beverly, I might have to take you right here on this biob--La Forge? How long have you been there?
    La Forge: Long enough to feel very, very ill, sir.

    [​IMG]
    Crusher: It's alright, Deanna, just stay calm.
    Troi: Beverly, we have to do it, right now! It can't wait!
    Crusher: Just hold on two minutes, Alyssa will be back with out leotards and we can practice our sexy yoga again.
    Riker: [Thinking] Yes! Front row seat!

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    All of Pulaski's skill couldn't determine why the aquatic alien had both a nose and gills on his face.

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    Crusher: So other than the face boo-boo, what's wrong with him?

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    Crusher: Nurse Not-Ogawa, where is the patient?
    Nurse: ...
     
  16. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    "Well, no wonder you're so healthy: the tricorder indicates you're 98% fish oil."


    OR


    "You're highly inebriated. Someone here was going to post it, so: you drink like a fish."
     
  17. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Ambassador: I'm a Drummer from the 60's it is more than drinking!
     
  18. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Crusher: "Here we are. Last stop on your new-crewmember orientation tour. This is our exam bed. While we're here, why don't you take off your uniform and hop up onto it and I'll give you a quick once over?"
    New Nurse: "Alyssa warned me about you."
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2015
  19. Mr. Laser Beam

    Mr. Laser Beam Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    The visitor's bullpen
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    Pulaski: Ambassador, I'll have you know I take my medical career very seriously. I'm not doing this just for the halibut.
     
  20. Nebusj

    Nebusj Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    ``Still,'' he reflected, ``it is nice having some quiet time away from my groupers.''