TNG Caption This! #433: Medical Mysteries

Discussion in 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' started by LeadHead, Oct 19, 2015.

  1. The Return of Zombie Cheerleader

    The Return of Zombie Cheerleader Moar Nu Trek Pleeze Premium Member

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    CRUSHER: Pass this test and you're a qualified Starfleet medical officer.

    BLUESHIRT: Is it hard?

    CRUSHER: Nah it's nothing. To pass the Bridge Officer's Test, I had to win three games of Battleship.
     
  2. Mojochi

    Mojochi Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Crusher: The device I'm injecting will allow Geordi to see through your eyes temporarily

    Picard: I'm assuming it will wear off well before our breakfast tomorrow

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    Riker: Picard to sick bay. I think you'll want to be here for this

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    Pulaski: His rendition of Moon River is really quite spectacular

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    Crusher: Who gave him a phaser?

    Worf: You said he'd never regain sexual function. I assumed suicide was the only option

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    Crusher: If we don't get an immediate isolinear chip donor, we're going to lose this bio bed!
     
  3. Catarina

    Catarina Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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  4. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    Assistant Nurse: "This empty biobed is a metaphor, doctor. It represents the number of people wou'll get it on with during the show's run."
     
  5. The Return of Zombie Cheerleader

    The Return of Zombie Cheerleader Moar Nu Trek Pleeze Premium Member

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    O'BRIEN: What happened?

    RIKER: Brain freeze. Deanna tried to eat an entire carton Rocky Road in under a minute.
     
  6. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Crusher: "If this old bed could talk, it could surely tell some stories! It's seen a lot of medical drama over the years."
    Nurse: "It looks it! Are any of those stains still infectious?"


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    Troi: "Oh, Beverly! I had the most horrible nightmare! I was trying to get some rest in sickbay, but there were three perverts gawking at me and imagining all kinds of disgusting sexual scenarios!"
     
  7. Smellincoffee

    Smellincoffee Commodore Commodore

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    Crusher: ...and that will also take care of your monthly contraceptive. *wink*

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    Troi: HE HAS A BEARD NOW. I MUST GO TO HIM.
    Crusher: It's not that good a beard, Deanna.
    Riker: I beg your pardon?
    O'Brien: The commander's is a right good beard!
    Data: I must concur. Counselor, you have no choice.

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    Pulaski: ...ooh. Multiple lifesigns. Tell the kitchen we've got CAVIAR TONIGHT!

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    Crusher: He didn't escape, Alyssa, he...phased out of our plane of existance. In another plane of existance, he's...right there. Begging for help.
    Alyssa: He totally escaped.
    Crusher: Maybe spontaneous combustion.
    ...that's a thing now, isn't it? It's the 24th century.
     
  8. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Antidean: "Disappointed?"
    Pulaski: "Well...I gotta say...you don't look at all like your eHarmony photo."
     
  9. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Picard: You gave me an injection, it's only fair I get to give you one next.
    Crusher: Do who now?
    Geordi: Wait a minute, this isn't engineering...!


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    Male Nurse: Yep, carpet matches the drapes....


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    Nurse: Shouldn't we always start at the top and work our way down?
    Crusher: Do what now?


     
  10. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

    O'Brien: "Ay, they do. OH, you meant counselor Troi!"
     
  11. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Worf (O/S): What a handsome race!
     
  12. hux

    hux Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    Picard: This is good shit.

    Crusher: I can't believe we never did this before.

    La Forge: I can see rainbows.

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    Troi: What happened?

    Crusher: You had a threesome with Riker and O'Brien. Everyone has herpes. Try not to panic.

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    Pulaski: According to my readings, you should be served with red wine.

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    Worf: He's been here for hours. It doesn't look good. Can you help him doctor?

    Crusher: Oh shit, I left the iron on.

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    Crusher: I'm afraid he's dead.

    Nurse: What species was he?

    Crusher: I don't know but I'm gonna name them... "The flat cushiony type people."
     
  13. Bagofmostlywatr

    Bagofmostlywatr Commander Red Shirt

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  14. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Ambassador: This thread is gonna be the chain of Second hand news as long as we follow or will we Go our own way . Don't stop with the little lies!

    (This is the last post consisting solely of Fleetwood mac song titles unless I'm Hypnotised!)
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2015
  15. Bry_Sinclair

    Bry_Sinclair Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Crusher: Hold still, Jean-Luc, this hyper-viagra is very potent.
    Picard: I'm already feeling it's affects.
    Crusher: I can see that, spandex doesn't allow you to hide anything.
    Picard: I don't think I'll be able to get back to your quarters, Beverly, I might have to take you right here on this biob--La Forge? How long have you been there?
    La Forge: Long enough to feel very, very ill, sir.

    [​IMG]
    Crusher: It's alright, Deanna, just stay calm.
    Troi: Beverly, we have to do it, right now! It can't wait!
    Crusher: Just hold on two minutes, Alyssa will be back with out leotards and we can practice our sexy yoga again.
    Riker: [Thinking] Yes! Front row seat!

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    All of Pulaski's skill couldn't determine why the aquatic alien had both a nose and gills on his face.

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    Crusher: So other than the face boo-boo, what's wrong with him?

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    Crusher: Nurse Not-Ogawa, where is the patient?
    Nurse: ...
     
  16. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    "Well, no wonder you're so healthy: the tricorder indicates you're 98% fish oil."


    OR


    "You're highly inebriated. Someone here was going to post it, so: you drink like a fish."
     
  17. Hutchy01

    Hutchy01 Captain Captain

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    Ambassador: I'm a Drummer from the 60's it is more than drinking!
     
  18. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

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    Crusher: "Here we are. Last stop on your new-crewmember orientation tour. This is our exam bed. While we're here, why don't you take off your uniform and hop up onto it and I'll give you a quick once over?"
    New Nurse: "Alyssa warned me about you."
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2015
  19. Dr. San Guinary

    Dr. San Guinary Fleet Admiral Admiral

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    Pulaski: Ambassador, I'll have you know I take my medical career very seriously. I'm not doing this just for the halibut.
     
  20. Nebusj

    Nebusj Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

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    ``Still,'' he reflected, ``it is nice having some quiet time away from my groupers.''