TNG Caption This! #373: Command Presence

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest!

We lost a great man and comedian this week. Robin Williams has been an inspiration to me throughout my life and a giver of more laughter and joy than can ever be measured.

I, like many of you were deeply shocked and saddened to learn of his passing. I'll admit that I was concerned that it would be hard to find comedy this week.

I was wrong, this most recent contest was phenomenal, so many great entries and moments of laughter contained in its pages.

To you all, I say thank you. The joy shall continue, the legacy of laughter will live on.

Everyone is a winner this week!

I wanted to share my favorite Robin Williams moment with you.

Please note that there is strong language, so it's Not Safe for Work.

[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDQd49rEF_0[/yt]

I've played golf (badly) for many years now, and still to this day, when I'm struggling, I'll be saying to myself "18 F^#*ING TIMES!" and cheering up.

I know I don't speak alone when I say, Thank you, Robin.

And now, lets have some fun with the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise!

Ordinarily, I say Enjoy here, given who the subject of this contest is: Engage and Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: (thinking) I can't believe Data won the Science Fair instead of me!

Worf: Incoming message from Starfleet, it's Admiral Nechayev.

Picard: Can you please take this, Number One?

Ardra: I'd like to question Captain Picard regarding the rumors that he is attracted to me.

Data: I will allow it.

Picard: Oh, come on!

Picard: Nobody can do that!

Crusher: All it takes is a proper stretching regimen.

Riker: Take us out of here!

Picard: No, I'm the Captain, I'll give the orders. Take us out of here!

 

[Nebusj]

Picard: ``This … this is a most upsetting arrangement of frozen yoghurt samples.''

Picard: ``Notify the Cardassians that if they do not withdraw I shall have to log this incident into their permanent record.''

Data: ``We shall take a brief recess while the Captain serves his fifteen-minute time-out.''

Picard: ``Personal log. As all attempts to recover my password have failed Dr Crusher has agreed to let me use her Netflix account.''
Crusher: ``Seriously? You're watching the Filmation Ghostbusters?''

Picard: ``Number One, I thought you had spoken to Thing about photobombing us.''

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Who the hell made Wesley Commander?
RIKER: I really need that beard.

RASMUSSEN (oc): Don't worry about me...hihihi...I'm just an...historian from the future hehehehehehe....
PICARD: Hey, you're not Robin Williams!
RASMUSSEN (oc): Sorry...teehee...he decided to play Peter Pan!
PICARD:**Mumble**

 

[Finn]

Female Palked Captain: (OS) It is traditional for Captain to have dinner with me. Who is Captain...smart captain?

 

[Smellincoffee]

It was all well and good that Crusher had figured out how to regenerate hair follicles, but why did the hair always come out pink?

Villain, OS: Why so SERIOUS? Ah-hah, hee-hee..

Data: Inquiry.
Ardra: Yes, my handsome robot friend?
Data: In the light of your claims, would it not be accurate to call you, 'the devil's advocate'?

Picard: You spend your downtime writing steamy fiction involving Starfleet admirals?!

Picard: An escort? I'm sure Commander Riker would be utterly enthralled to escort you to the Federation gala tonight, Ambassador Troi!

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Sniff, and you must promise me you'll remain the finest crew of the Fleet under Captain Babyface's command.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"It's called 'hair,' Wil ... look it up."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Ok, this is finally the day I tell her. All I want for breakfast is COFFEE AND CWASSANT!

PICARD (Thinking): Negotiation 101, whoever blinks first has already lost.

ARDRA: By the way, I have seen your Earth show, Seinfeld, and it has given me a great idea. Bring me oil. Lots of it!

BEVERLY: Look at this note from Data. Hey, it'll soon be obvious that we're missing two days of memory. I know none of you are stupid enough to be fooled for long no matter how good we cover it up, so just FYI, if we ever go back to that planet the aliens will kill us.
PICARD: Hmm... I have a strange feeling we should just let this one go.

PICARD: Wait, wait. You had a one night stand with THIS guy?
ALIEN WOMAN: Yes, a few weeks before I met you!
PICARD: Captain to Sickbay. STD panel, NOW!

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Captain's Log, supplemental. I understand the need to test this volatile substance. It has unique properties in that anytime it comes into contact with oxygen, it ignites into a giant fireball capable of burning through any substance known to Federation science. However, I cannot fathom the reason we have chosen to seal it in round containers, which tend to wobble precariously.

Picard: The line must be drawn here! No farther!

Riker: Sir, you get this way every time we play Pictionary on the viewscreen. I think the Ensign did a very respectable job. I mean, "ennui?" Who the Hell writes these cards, anyway? How do you draw "ennui?"

Picard: With a line right here, Number One!

Data: I fail to see the logic in this line of questioning.

Ardra: Oh, there's no logic. I was just curious of the Captain was a boxers or briefs man.

Data: Let the record show that Ardra inquired about the Captain's undergarments. Sir, you will answer the question.

Picard: Commando, okay! Are you satisfied?

Ardra: Quite so, Captain. Quite so.

Crusher: I've isolated the problem, sir. You do not possess the "Sexy gene."

Picard: It's never bothered you before, Beverly.

Picard: ...unprofessional, namby-pamby, ass-faced, toe-licking, jackassed, son-of-a...He's right behind me, isn't he?

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Little Pink Aliens: What are YOU looking at, baldy?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "I'm sorry, Beverly, but I have a standing rule. I never eat anything out of the refrigerator that's gone fuzzy."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks for the mass win LH!

Captain's Log Stardate 4567.28: Whilst I was visiting the Bolian Hair Refreshment conferance on Rigel VII, the crew of the Enterprise have been devolved into sponges. Myself and the unaffected Commander Data are now struggling to return them to normal.

Except for Counsellor Troi, whose usefulness has actually increased by 97%.

Picard: What... everyone won last week's contest? That's the same as saying no one won it!

Picard: I am NOT Wesley's father!

Data: That was not the question... nor do I see any relevance to the subject of this hearing.

Picard: Just putting it out there.

Crusher: I'm not even sure where the notion of me mispronouncing a popular French breakfast food even started, but the BBSers won't leave it alone!

Picard: A suicide mission into Cardassian space likely to end with either death or endless horrible torture? I've just the man!

 

[Armored Saint]

ARDA: You confirm the accused, Jean-Luc Picard, is also known as inflatabledalek on this thing called Internet?
DATA: Yes.
ARDRA: An you confirm the accused writes captions on this thing called Internet under the name of inflatabledalek?
DATA: Yes.
ARDRA: Is it true his captions are oftenly referential?
DATA: Yes.
ARDRA: What kind of references does the accused use for his caption on this thing called Internet under the name of inflatabledalek?
DATA: Essentially sexual and meta.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Number One ... Wil ... I have to make a wounding admission. I've recently had a woman with whom you ... I can't bring myself to tell you. Here, just smell my finger. After that, you should be able to guess the rest."

RIKER: "Woe! I can't believe what she just did to Tuvix."

PICARD: "Murder is what it is, Number One. This is why I don't watch VOYAGER. She's a horrible captain."

WORF: "Janeway is without honor."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Ardra: "Do you think I'm pretty, Judge?"
Picard (sighs): "Objection, Your Honor."

 

[Finn]

Beverly: Those are definite match to Riker's. He is the real father.

Picard: Sigh… I'll break the news to Geordi...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Cute show...but I'm confused. Can the family understand the baby?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: So, this proves I'm not Wesley's father.

CRUSHER: Yes.

PICARD: Post it to the TrekBBS, hopefully it will finally shut them up.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Look! Another TrekBBS flame war just started.