TNG Caption This! #358: Watch Closely...

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, time for a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have "The Hangover: The Next Generation" Award, going to:

Picard: "Make a note, Mr. Worf. After last night, we now have a new Prime Directive: 'Never go out drinking with Montgomery Scott'!"
Riker: "Amen to that!"

Next, we have the "Blame Austin Powers!" Award, going to:

TASHA: Your shipment of Risan virility cream has arrived, Commander.
RIKER: I swear, this isn't mine!

Next, we have the "Okay, that's scary even for an android..." Award, going to:

Geordi: Just remember, you were the one who said I couldn't blow your mind...

Next, we have the "Dangerous Effects" Award, going to:

RIKER: So... much... hairspray. It's reaching down from orbit into the lower atmosphere. Someone tell Deanna to stop!

Next, we have the "Life Lessons from Anne Hathaway movies" Award, going to:

Picard: "Is that *sniff*, is that Prada I smell?"

Ardra: "You noticed. I'm flattered."

Crusher: "Maybe she is the real deal after all."

So many photoshops this week! So hard to choose! I had to give the award to two entries!

"Data, when someone asks if you're a Starfleet officer...YOU SAY 'YES'!"

And...

LaForge: "OK, we said it three times Data, but that doesn't look like Beetlejuice."

Riker: "Is that... a dress it's wearing?"

Gorgon: "You wouldn't be so arrogant if I had some children here."

Stardate: Monday morning, am I right folks?

LaForge: "I may be the minority character, and I'm wearing a red shirt, but I've seen Raiders of the Lost Ark, and seeing as I'm blind, I'm safe. You guys are screwed though."

Congratulations to our winners and many thansk to everyone for participating!

We have entered the month of may, typically one of my busiest months of the year. So don't be surprised if I miss starting a contest on the weekend. I'll do my best, but I may be tardy once or twice this month.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: (hologram) Thank you for inviting us to your station, Doctor Apgar. Now I will plot to steal your wife and kill you.

Picard: Well, I'm convinced. Bye-ye Number One.

Crusher: Why are you asking me how this works?

Riker: We don't get a regular Chief Engineer until next season!

Picard: Quickly, Lieutenant Yar! Send my tweet is hashtag wars to @Midnight!

Second Officers Log: Given how invested Commander Riker seems to be these days, maybe Worf was smart for transferring to DS9.

Worf: What the &#%$ are you looking at?!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Riker: He knows! He knows Troi and I are back together!
Crusher: If he attacks you, Will, you have the hypo with the sedative I gave you. Use it.

Riker: Something's off with their projection system. The characters are too wide.
Picard: You're wide, yes, but I should think that more an issue of too much dessert than their projection system.

Fifteen minutes into the Wesley Crusher Baby Photo gallery presentation, Riker thought of Picard's orders to indulge the doctor and considered mutiny.

Picard: Don't go in there! She has a gun, you fool!
Worf, sotto voice: Does he realize this is a recording?
Yar: Worf, leave the captain and his stories alone.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Picard: "The holo-sims of you and Commander LaForge are spot on, Number One. But...do I really look like that?"

Crusher: "Sorry to bother you, Will, but I was just wondering if you had any thoughts concerning this recording from the security cam I installed in my quarters."
Riker: "Well...it appears to show...Commander LaForge...and me...rifling through...your underwear drawer."
Crusher: "Yes, it does, doesn't it!"

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead, and good luck on getting your stuff done this month!

Frakes: Damn, these 3D Porn Parodies are really nailing the accuracy.

Stewart: Phrasing!

Crusher: You know, Commander, usually people are a little more subtle when sending dick pics. As in, not calling me to the bridge so I could log into my account on your computer screen.

Yar: Sir, this isn't the time to be counting the lights you see.

Picard: Damn it, Lt., how can you be so sure I won't ever have to have an accurate count of the lights I see?

Riker: First Officer's Personal Log: You'd think I'd learn, but no. I just had to ask out the Security Officer on duty right at the beginning of her shift. Now, I've got 6 hours of sitting right in front of her with the entire bridge crew knowing I got shot down. Oh wait, here's Data, just arrived from engineering, hopefully he hasn't...

Data: Commander, I apologize for being late for my shift, however, I felt the need to stop by Sick Bay to pick up this salve for you.

Riker: Salve?

Data: Yes, sir. Apparently, Geordi was monitoring what was going on at the start of this shift on the bridge when he made mention that you got burned.

Crusher: Will? Shouldn't you be on the bridge?

Riker: Can't.

Crusher: You can't? Care to explain why?

Riker: *Sigh* I was bored, okay, so I suggested we play a game. Worf demanded we play "Worf Says," and I thought, "What the Hell, why not?" Of course, he starts off with "Worf says Commander Riker has to leave the bridge." And now, I can't go back until he says I can.

Worf: Worf says, Commander Riker, enter the bridge...

Riker: Yes!

Worf: ...competition Guinan is hosting in Ten Forward now.

Riker: D'oh!

 

[Armored Saint]

STEWART: A Star Trek episode isn't a Star Trek episode without a sexual tension. The next time's my turn, like it was for the one with Data.
FRAKES: The next one's supposed to be with a grandma Admiral...
STEWART: Damn!

DATA: Captain Riker, is there a link between the sudden replacement of mister Worf at head of tactical department by Lieuteant Ginger and the size of ther boobs?
RIKER: Whistling

 

[jep]

Frakes: "This movie sucks."

Stewart: "It's not a movie, Crow."

Frakes: "Why do you keep calling me 'Crow'"?

Stewart: "With your robotic acting it seems fitting."


.

 

[Gepard]

TFTW, LeadHead!

"First Officer's Log: Henceforth, the 'one-cheek sneak' shall be known as 'The Riker Maneuver.'"

"First press this button to lure Westley into airlock 4, then press this button to open the outer doors. And remember: I was never here."

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: You might want to delete your search history.

RIKER: No worries,I'm logged in under the Captain's password.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Picard: No, Q, don't leave! You forgot to pull my finger!

 

[Mistral]

Crusher: "...and right there, the shin bone? Yeah, it's connected to the leg bone."

 

[Armored Saint]

CRUSHER: Isn't it Tasha with long hair?
RIKER: Yes, and she rejects Tony Iommi.

WORF: It's safe.
BEVERLY: Come on Will, a phobia of leaving a turbolift, even Barclay couldn't do that.

 

[Triskelion]

Manua: I'll be with you every day, Geordi. When you're touching the engines, you're touching me....

Picard: You left LaForge alone with the program again, didn't you.

Riker: Dammit Geordi!

Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with me, there must be something wrong with the LCARS computer system.

Riker: It's just asking for your password.

Picard: Second star to the right, and straight on till Orion slave girls.
Yar: Hells yeah.
Worf: Finally a mission I can get on board with.

Data: Commander, on behalf of the bridge crew we request that you stop saying "make it so" after everything.

Riker: Dismissed, Commander. Make it so.

Worf: When you heard me say that I'd like to split that Crusher like Yridian firewood, I was referring to battling Doctor Crusher with a bat'leth.

Riker: Sure, that makes sense.

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Computer, viewsceen on mirror mode....so this uniform makes my moobs to Tasha's...and what...a science division officer on the Enterprise-D?

 

[Armored Saint]

WORF: I don't see any reservations under Riker.
RIKER: IMPOSSIBLE!
CRUSHER: Great...

 

[Holdfast]

RIKER (watching): It's true, the does adds 10lbs.
PICARD (watching): Does a film crew follow you around 24/7?

CRUSHER: There! The bandwidth spike again!
RIKER: Oh, that. Yeah, that's what happens when both Wesley & Reg hit the holodeck at the same time. But look on the bright side, Galactic Pornhub has reforested several solar systems as a result.

PICARD: There, I knew it! I did leave a light on back at Starbase 212.

DATA: Why so sad?
RIKER: The Naked Parisi Squares tournament is on and I'm stuck here on duty. Again. It's like they make sure of it...

CRUSHER: I'm not going back on the bridge until the ventilation system gets rid of all the smell.
RIKER: Worf, this is the last time you eat Rokeg Blood Pie before coming on duty.

 

[T'Girl]

Riker: "...seeing as there is a killer lose in the station, the three of us will stay in this brightly lit large room, while the lone black man walks by himself through the dark corridors.

LaForge: "Wait, what?"

 

[Armored Saint]

APGAR: OMG! It's Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge!
MANUA: GEORDI TAKE ME IN EVERY ROOM OF THIS STATION!
GEORDI: Yeoman Riker, what did they say? I can't hear them over the sound of how awesome I am.
PICARD: I think we can forget the Geordi's testimony.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

JUDGE: Our justice system is not like yours. Here, third hand gossip is admissible as evidence.
RIKER: But don't a lot of innocent people get convicted?
JUDGE: That's beside the point.

BEVERLY: Jean-Luc does sketches of me while he's waiting at his console?
RIKER: These are only the less explicit ones.

PICARD: Look, it's another beautiful energy being!
TASHA: I know sir.
PICARD: They're more evolved than us.
TASHA: Yes sir.
PICARD: We're too primitive to interact with them. We must continue growing as a people in order to be worthy of them.
TASHA: Yes sir.
PICARD: Someday humans will evolve beyond our physical bodies and be like them.
TASHA: Whatever you say sir.
PICARD: We saved the beautiful energy being because we're so evolved.
TASHA: Aye aye sir.
PICARD: But not as evolved as they are.
TASHA: *sigh*

RIKER: Data, last night was your first time as Captain of the night shift, correct?
DATA: That is correct sir. Was my performance satisfactory?
RIKER: That explains why the ass groove is ruined.

WORF: Commander Riker! Phew, I thought it was Doctor Crusher. I've been dodging her for a week to avoid my yearly physical.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Enterprise "D" is whole. Yar's back. My favourite uniforms are back. Locutus and Shinzon never existed. Alright, Mister Data, one more trip around the Sun at Warp 10, and we'll save my family from that aweful fire. Engage!"