TNG Caption This! 343: Proper Procedures

[Triskelion]

Guinan<outside>: I know you're in there Data! I run the blammin' hat racket on this ship!

Worf: All systems nominal, your highness.
Troi: I should have empathically hacked the self-destruct code years ago.

Worf: Hydrogen is the gayest of all the inert gases.

Data: The Starbucks is this way, sir.

Geordi: The Captain isn't here. Let's sit down.
Data: You heard him, Geordi. "All systems stand by."
Geordi: It's only a technicality that you outrank me.
Data: The order was to stand by, not to stand by running your aye aye hole.

 

[Armored Saint]

YAR: That's no moon!
WORF: THE BOY'S ANT FARM!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The crew's vision of Hell: an eternity of Justin Bieber.

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: Are you picking up anything that way, Data?
Data: Just more craters, sir.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: I knew we should have taken that left turn at Allbuquerque.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WESLEY: I don't see any extra chips out here. Weird, the doors are stuck. Maybe you guys could try from your side...guys? Guys?

 

[Armored Saint]

Fleet Admiral's log: The two-months period was fully concluding, the Enteprise is absolutely more efficient when she has only this two dudes as bridge officer: no stating of the obvious, no bullshit about honor, no paternity suit, no Prime Directive fundamentalism, just button pushing and technobabbling. Their idea of replacing philosophical lectures by Poker nights and traditionnal diplomacy by Sherlock Holmes parties on the holodeck provided outstanding results.

 

[Vassa]

Data: Doctor, please remember to flush.
Riker: ..And wait a few minutes before opening the door!!
Troi (Whispering to Worf): You don't think it was my Gagh, do you?

 

[Holdfast]

TFTW, LH!!

WORF (shouting): Look! Over there!
WORF (thinking): Now to look at their cards. THIS is why I'm a great Tactical Officer!
TROI (thinking): Like an Empath is going to fall for that...

TROI (thinking): The Bridge is mine, all MINE!! Time for a joyride! We're insured, right?

PICARD: Is that... Beverly? Dancing in that window?

RIKER: They'll CGI the blue sky in later.

PICARD (via communication system): Data, La Forge, we're still waiting for you in Transporter Room 3. Just check your damn messages from your phones, OK?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RIKER: What was that noise, is it Picard?
DATA: I believe it's just the life support system.
RIKER: We can't let him know we're betting real latinum, he'll give us a sanctimonious lecture.

TROI: All the higher ranking officers are off the bridge. If there's an emergency now, I'm in charge!

Captain Picard discovered how to use Photoshop gradients, and was so excited that he started putting it in all his official reports to Starfleet.

DATA: I've got it. It's a virus that enters through your eyes and disintegrates you from the inside out.
GEORDI: Umm...everyone else is already dead.
DATA: Indeed.
GEORDI: So. Road trip to Risa?

 

[Finn]

Picard: ``The heck did we even get a Pink Alert?''

Worf: When Pink was thrown across time and ended up taking Reed's place on the NX-01

 

[Armored Saint]

RIKER: We can't let him know we're betting real latinum, he'll give us a sanctimonious lecture.

 

[Finn]

Worf: *stares*
Riker: What is it?
Geordi: Is someone at the door, Worf?
Worf: *growls*
Troi: I'm not sensing anybody
Riker: *shakes head* Klingons

 

[bbjeg]

Thanks for the Award!

Barclay (off screen): I know you're in there! Come on guys, let me play!

Diana (thinking): I can't believe they think I can sense emotions.

Tasha: Good thing I'm not a red shirt.

 

[Finn]

Diana (thinking offscreen): I can't believe they think I can sense emotions.

Marina: *thinking* Well, miss Dr. McCoy, I can, and more!

 

[Nerys Myk]

Little known fact: the third chair has a vibrate function.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Data: Ah, we must be in Key West.

 

[Finn]

 

[Armored Saint]

GEORDI: This is not good!
DATA: You are right Geordi. If Spiner and Burton were spending their time to learn their lines instead of paying drinks to strippers, they wouldn't need to have the script written on the consoles...warmly...a pissed-off director.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: Keep looking. There has to be a "cancel warp core ejection" button!