TNG Caption This! 314: The Return of LeadHead

[Triskelion]

Crush: It's Firp, Captain.
Pic: I think that's supposed to say "Fire," Beverly.
Crush: According to my readings...Firp is very hot.
Pic: Like fire?
Crush: It doesn't say.

Worf: Hiphuggers and a spit curl.
Data: My peripheral visual acuity is superior to that of a Klingon warrior. Lieutenant Yar is wearing a standard gold uniform.
Crewman: The Romulans are charging weapons, sirs.
Worf: A blue Vulcan ceremonial robe.
Data: A standard gold uniform. And a spit curl.

Riker: So you're telling me this sector is only now receiving the broadcast of Luke and Laura's wedding?
Geordi: That's right, Commander.
Riker: And Mister Belvedere?
Data: No, sir. Sorry sir.
Riker: DAMN YOU PROGENITORS!!!

Geordi: So you're telling me I can just whizz in this thing?
Crush: That's right, Geordi. Feel free.
Geordi: Ahhhhhhh. So where does the whizz go?
Crush: I don't know. It's just a wetsuit.

Geordi: You know what this evening needs? My Weird Al mix tape. I'll be right back!

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: You know what this evening needs? My photo album of alien butts. I'll be right back!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Geordi: You know what this evening needs? A large pizza with extra onions and Michelob. I'll be right back!

 

[Isis]

Data: "Klingon season!"

Worf: "Andwoid season!"

Data: "Klingon season!"

Worf: "Andwoid season!"

Data: "Andwoid season!"

Worf: "Klingon season!"

<brief pause>

Worf: "I should kill you where you stand!"

 

[Isis]

Picard: "Merde! I didn't bring any marshmallows!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Any reply to our message to the Enterprise that we're trapped in the bowels of an erupting volcano and need rescue?"
Crusher: "None. But it did get four 'likes.'"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Is it hot in here or is it me?

CRUSHER: It's hot, dumbass.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Okay, let's get all the 'guy talk' out of the way before Crusher and Troi get here."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Riker: Gentlemen, I've asked you here today because I just found out Counselor Troi changed her relationship status to Single on her Spacebook page. Geordi, you get her password. Worf, find out where she's been the last twelve hours. Data, get me a million Likes in the next ten seconds. Go!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Preheat oven to 400 degrees...

PICARD: I think that was supposed to be Celsius.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

CRUSHER: I'm detecting two life signs, both Tholian. I'm detecting elevated levels of... uhh... oh.
PICARD: We should probably give these two their privacy.

DATA: Mr Worf, your balls please.

GEORDI: Wait, wait. You...and Data? But, you and Troi!
RIKER: Troi was just a beard.

BEVERLY: But Data...Geordi is dead!
DATA: With these cybernetic implants and artificial intelligence program I created he'll be just like new.

GEORDI: I knew you were bluffing. I looked through your cards. I pretended I believed you because you act all mopey when you lose.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Beverly: Apparently this reaction is not uncommon when large quantities of Taco Bell are consumed.

Data: The chain of command is quite clear, now that Captain Picard and Commander Riker are dead, as third officer, I am to assume command of the starship.

Worf: But Starfleet regulations clearly state that in the event of loss of the ship's commanding officer, the position of Captain should go to whoever has the balls to just claim command of the ship. It's the "Kirk-addendum" to the Chain of Command.

Riker: Okay, so let me bring to order this month's meeting of the Enterprise Film Club. Today we'll be discussing Star Trek Into Darkness, namely is it a rip-off or an homage? Thoughts, gentlemen?

Geordi: Clearly an homage.

Worf: Agreed.

Data: I disagree. The film is a complete rip-off, down to the re-use of dialogue from previous Trek movies.

Geordi: Here we go again!

After this failed attempt, Geordi would forever be known as Tron-Guy around the ship.

Geordi: I'm telling you, the Fifty Shades of Grey books are practically literary porn, but you don't have to take my word for it...

 

[Amaris]

...

Geordi: I'm telling you, the Fifty Shades of Grey books are practically literary porn, but you don't have to take my word for it...

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: And don't look at my cards while I'm on the can!

 

[Gary7]

Picard: "Beverly, do you get the feeling that something is watching us, from behind?"
Crusher: "I don't detect anything on my tricorder."
Picard: "I'm picturing this huge olive green head, with a black pig nose, Klingon-like ridges, and a sinister smile."
Crusher: "Well, maybe if you stop thinking about it it'll just go away. On second thought, maybe *I* should just go away."

 

[Vulcan Logician]

Data: Ah, Lieutenant. Did you manage to force open the inoperative door to the turbolift?
Worf: ...
Data: Stand aside. I'll take care of it.

 

[Gary7]

Worf: "I feel I am better suited as acting captain, given my impressive stature. Wait, what are you doing Data?"
Data: "Leveling the playing field, Mr. Worf."

 

[R. Star]

Data: The chain of command is quite clear, now that Captain Picard and Commander Riker are dead, as third officer, I am to assume command of the starship.

Worf: But Starfleet regulations clearly state that in the event of loss of the ship's commanding officer, the position of Captain should go to whoever has the balls to just claim command of the ship. It's the "Kirk-addendum" to the Chain of Command.

Data: I understand your concern, Lieutenant. I assure you, my balls are fully functional, however. Shall I arrange a demonstration?

 

[Isis]

Riker: So you're telling me this sector is only now receiving the broadcast of Luke and Laura's wedding?
Geordi: That's right, Commander.
Riker: And Mister Belvedere?
Data: No, sir. Sorry sir.
Riker: DAMN YOU PROGENITORS!!!

Riker (to self): "And something about that Laura is so familiar. Where have I seen her before?"

 

[Gary7]

Crusher: "Captain, this is odd... I'm detecting unusually high concentrations of mono-sodium glutamate."
Picard: "Well that confirms it, we've definitely found the secret underground Chinese fire breathing parade--isn't this grand?"