TNG Caption This! 307: I'm not Evil, I'm Parallel

[Riker's Libido]

Worf: Commander Riker I do not trust this course of action!

Crusher: Pipe it down, Ridgehead.

Worf: EXCUSE ME?!

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Worf: Doctor stop it. You're making me angry.
Crusher: Calm down, Worf. This'll just take a second.
Worf: You won't like me when I'm angry...

Ogawa: You can see here where the hypospray was inserted. Death would have been slow and painful for her.
Data: Do you have anything to say for yourself, Lieutenant?
Worf: I warned her she wouldn't like it.
[beat of uncomfortable silence]
Ogawa: So, since no one said anything about it, I take it I can keep the coat.

Worf: [whispering] How could anyone take him seriously as Security Chief? I've left scarier things floating in the Head.
Riker: [whispering] We know, Worf. You send us the holoimages.

Captain Picard: So if I was killed during the Borg attack on Earth, how come Commander Shelby isn't your Exec?
Captain Riker: We had a...um...difference of opinion.
Captain Picard: You boffed her.
Captain Riker: [hangs head] Yes.

Worf: I have seen it, Commander. First we get rid of Picard and you get the command you always wanted.
Riker: What do you mean, 'get rid of'?
Worf: Leave that to me--that is, if you honour my price.
Riker: Fine, I'll promote you to XO.
Worf: And?
Riker: And hook you up with Deanna.

 

[Riker's Libido]

Worf: Sir... I need to request leave for a... personal matter.

Riker: *sigh* ... is this one of those Klingon things?

 

[jep]

Worf: "Sir, you can pull on that arm rest until it tears off, but there IS NO FOOT REST!"

Crusher: "Giggle."

Riker: "Ensign Crusher. My quarters! 2100 hours! Bring a bucket of lubricant with you!"


.

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the captain's log award LeadHead!

Worf: Doctor, the hypospray... It stings!
Crusher: Don't tell me Worf that you're afraid of one little hypospray?
Worf: Well in my universe the hyposprays are painless!

Data: Mr Worf when I asked for a sample I didn't mean you to produce one right now.
Ogawa: Potent stuff... It's fizzing to on the floor...

Worf: What is the boy doing on this bridge?
Riker: I'll have you know that 'boy' is a lieutenant commander, so you give the respect he's due.
Worf: Much has changed indeed...

Picard: The spoonheads serve Starfleet?

 

[Ln X]

Captain's log supplemental: Starfleet has tasked me with stitching up another twenty tears in the timeline resulting in conduits to alternate universes forming. With the chronotron generators I'm sure this will be fixed expediently and safely. In other more important news I have personnel matters to attend to, in particular my first officer who keeps pestering me to oversee his wedding to Counsellor Troi.

 

[jep]

Riker: "What was that noise?"

Worf: "I believe Ensign Crusher just queefed."

Riker: "Uh, no... that was me."


.

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: In this universe...Starfleet put a suggestion box...next to the tactical station.
Wesley: One word: Levels!
Riker: <sighs> Still not a Starfleet policy, Worf.
Worf: I have suggested it numerous times. Sir.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead. Glad you enjoyed your hiatus!

Patrick Stewart: And, I can now announce I've been cast by J.J. Abrahms...

Crowd: *Murmers of excitement and cheers*

Patrick Stewart: ...as Emperor Palpatine's clone!

Crowd: *jeers, boos, and gasps*

Patrick Stewart: I love messing with Trekkers!

Worf: But in the early 21st Century, Nobel Prize Winner Jenny McCarthy warned us all of the dangers of vaccinations!

Crusher: Wow, your reality is really messed up. Perhaps you should just stay in this one!

Data: Tonight's Thursday. On Thursday nights, Worf strips naked, and runs through the corridors yelling Klingon curses.

Worf: I think I'm going to like this reality!

Worf: *to himself* I can accept Riker being Captain. I can accept being XO. I can accept the bridge design. I can even accept Wesley taking over my position. But I cannot accept Wesley's haircut. Does this reality have no sense of style?!

Picard: So, it's agreed. You'll give us Worf and in exchange we'll give you Wesley and Barclay. Just give us a minute to get them ready... *signals for the audio to be cut-off* Number One, get Reg and Wesley packed and in the transporter room in 5 minutes. I'm afraid if we wait any longer, they'll wise up and realize we're getting the better end of the deal!

Riker: So, naked Thursdays? Not a bad idea you have there. Yeah, I think we can put it on the ship's calendar.

 

[Finn]

Stewart: ..There's something none of you knew about Parallels. Actually, most of the cast including Michael never knew either. I was chatting with Braga outside Michael's trailer when we overheard Michael talking in his sleep from inside the trailer. We could see in. He had ChiPs sheets. It was ramblings about Data with blue eyes, Wil with gel in his hair and being XO of the Enterprise. that's where Braga got the idea for the episode.

 

[jep]

Picard: "I'll ask one more time. How many d-.."

Riker: "There are..... FOUR PICARDS!"

Data: "Commander, I believe there are actually five..."

Riker: "Did anyone ask you, tin man?"

.

 

[Holdfast]

WORF: "I ain't goin' in no shuttle, foo'. You ain't knocking me out with that hypo, neither! Last time I let you near with one, I woke up and we were out in space, man!"

DATA: As you can see, she scores a 10.

WORF (thinking): Wesley Crusher in charge of torpedoes and phasers. This place really is fucked up.

PICARD: Yeah, in this universe, you're still my bitch.

WORF: Trophies. That's why Deanna's with me these days. You gotta man up and alpha male this shit.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

BEVERLY: What happened Worf, did Troi beat you up again?
WORF: Shut up.

WORF: I can't believe Alyssa Ogawa is a Doctor. In literally every other reality I've ever seen, she's a nurse. I mean, what are the odds that a person like her could conceivably...
OGAWA: I'M RIGHT HERE! And I have feelings!
WORF: My dimension is the only one of conseuqence.

Here we see the alternate reality where Gene Roddenberry's health never declined and he remained the show's primary creative force through all seven seasons.

This is a clip from the episode where Riker died and Wesley became Captain.

PICARD: If I died in the Borg attack, where is Commander Shelby?
RIKER: She transferred right after our divorce. It's complicated.

WORF: Sup dude. Diggin ur ex. Mind if I hit that?

 

[Holdfast]

CAPTAIN'S LOG: Day 9295. The time-travel experiment remains a great success; the inhabitants of this era continue to treat me as if I'm this Patrick Stewart.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Crusher: ""Remain perfectly still. This will only hurt a bit. Until it hurts a lot."

Worf: "Wow. A Gameboy Color. Really keepin' up with the times, huh, Data?"

Riker: "Does something seem different to you?"

Worf: "I think Wesley did something different with his hair."

Riker: "Yeah, that must be it. Ah well, back to work. Set a course for Earth. Death to the Federation."

Riker: "Does that mean you're from a... parallel parallel universe?"

Picard: "You tit. You only ever need to use one parallel."

Worf: "Oh, this? Ms. Qo'nos 2370."

Riker: "Forget I asked."

 

[Finn]

Crusher: Captain, The Pegasus is approaching...

Worf: Weren't you assigned there once?

Riker: *nods* I shot Pressman when he tried to cover up an accident. God knows how many tragedies I averted that day

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: So, in this Universe I was the consort to Empress Hoshi VI?

RIKER: Until she had you castrated and killed. Fickle bunch those Hoshis.

 

[Riker's Libido]

Worf: Is something troubling you, Commander?

Riker: It's Data. His modesty subroutine is malfunctioning and he is running around nude in engineering, asking "Who wants to get dongblasted? Who wants some of my fully functional dong? The Son of Soongh is hung like a horse!"

 

[shivkala]

Riker: Captain's Log: I know he keeps claiming that he's from a parallel universe and all, but Commander Worf keeps checking out Lt. Crusher. That's not right. That's just not right.

 

[Mistral]

Worf(thinking) : "Wow, only two people to run the whole ship! This universe is far more advanced than my own!"