TNG Caption This! 307: I'm not Evil, I'm Parallel

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Thanks very much for your patience in my starting this contest, I have a good reason, which will be clear further down this post. Lets get things started!

First up to the plate, we have the "Special Guests in the new Star Wars Movies" Award, going to:

New Cantina scene from Abram's upcoming Star Wars movie.

Next, we have the "Be careful what you wish for" Award, going to:

Data: ...and that is the intersection on the ven diagram between those who wish you had directed Star Trek: Nemesis and those who have seen Thunderbirds.

Next, we have the "Pride Overload" Award, going to:

Will and Thomas: I can't stay mad at you, you handsome bastard!

Next, we have the "Which Version are we talking about?" Award, going to:

TROI: Beverly, you know the movie Karate Kid isn't real karate, right?
BEVERLY: Next time the ship is invaded, CRANE KICK!

Next, we have the "Priorities" Award, going to:

While you're down there get my frisbee!

The Photoshop Award, goes to:

CRUSHER: I don't see how this will help me resolve my issues with Jean-Luc.

TROI: Use the puppet Beverly

Captain's log supplemental: The hunt continues for a swarm of spiders which turns my crew into a bunch of sissies...

"Damn, turkeys really can't fly!"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners! And now, I promised to explain my lateness in starting this up, well typically I have an opportunity on the weekend to end one contest and start another. Well, I didn't have that time last weekend, because I was going to see this guy...

10 points to the first person to figure out what event that was! DISCLAIMER: The points don't matter, like the ones Drew Carey gave out on Whose Line Is It, Anyway?

And now, we complete out journey through the TNG Seasons with a contest showcasing one of my favorite Trek episodes of all time, Parallels! I'm planning to have some special awards this time around, so lets have some fun!

This contest will run through March 16-17.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Even in the 24th Century, people still don't like getting flu shots.

It's "Switch Jobs" day aboard the Enterprise. Data is a Nurse, Ogawa is the CMO and Worf is the orderly.

Worf: (thinking) The good news, I'm First Officer. The bad news, that kids got my old job.

Picard: Didn't LeadHead just have a contest with doubles in a photo?

Worf: You were Captain.

Riker: That's Good!

Worf: Picard was dead.

Riker: That's Bad.

Worf: I was your First Officer.

Riker: That's Good!

Worf: Wesley was the security chief.

Riker: That's bad.

Worf: Deanna was still the counselor.

Riker: That's Good!

Worf: She was my wife.

Riker: That's Bad.

Worf: We were at peace with the Cardassians.

Riker: That's good!

Worf: The Bajorans were violent and aggressive attacking starships.

...

Worf: That's bad.

Riker: Can I go now?

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Scenes from Picard's one-man show, "Engage This!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: You are mistaken, Doctor. Klingons do not chafe.

DATA: I do not see how squashing a small furry lifeform is a great victory for the Empire.

WORF (thinking): Wesley must have majored in Smug Douchebaggery at the Academy.

RKER: Why is it always the same damn episode?

WORF: Your translation is faulty, Commander. It says "first place" not "participant".

STEWART: Also, I won't be answering any questions about Star Trek or X-Men.

Off stage, the head of Con Security issues a red alert.

 

[Mojochi]

Charles Xavier projecting himself into the minds of a room full of people all at once?

No thank you Doctor, I just got a massage from Deanna in the last dimension

When smart people talked... Worf tended to snooze a bit

Worf: This can't be a coincidence. I'm the XO, & I still haven't had a post with a chair since I was a Lt. Junior Grade

Picard: Jesus... I hope I was dead before I had to see this

Worf: Good news, You should enter the tournament next year. They're going to have a "blow hard" event

 

[Mojochi]

Captain's Log: I'm beginning to think I've made some bad decisions in crew assignments

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: Did you say open hail or fire phasers? I always mix those up.

 

[Finn]

Picard: Interesting bridge design

Alternate Riker: Yep, dates back to the great Chief Engineer Parker who rose to fame when the legendary Trip died in 2161

Picard: Trip who?

 

[Triskelion]

King of the Nerds audition video # 65423425.

"Bones! Spock!"

"Next!"

Beverly: It's Beverly. Not "Murdock," whoever that is.

Data: Sorry Lieutenant; it seems your "Angry Targs" app is not catching on with the crew.

Worf: That was the last torpedo, sir.
Riker: Well then Worf, find something else we can shoot at them.
Crusher: Don't even think about it, Commander.

Riker'':Captain...Picard?
Picard: I'm sorry, have we met?
Riker': !@#$%.

Riker: You...actually fought in the tournament? And didn't use it as an excuse to bang every chick from Qam-Chee to the Lake of Lusor?

Worf: <does double take>

Riker: Honorable. But stupid.

 

[Finn]

Worf: ....yeah, she said I was the only one she did it with when she was aboard nine months before Alexander was born.

Riker: *thinking* Oh boy

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Patrick Stewart's impersonation of his own microphone was a big hit at the convention.

 

[Riker's Libido]

Data: Commander Worf, I'm not certain that you people are suited for this type of work.

Worf: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "YOU PEOPLE"?

Worf: AND THEN HE REFERRED TO ME AS "YOU PEOPLE"

Riker: What? The emotion chip is creating some problems clearly.

Worf: He then laughed and said "TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE!" - I took the tricorder to the bridge and he laughed at me further. Klingon honor demands I redeem myself!!

 

[Riker's Libido]

Riker: Alright everyone, strategic advice?

Crusher: Well Commander, I -

Riker: EXCUSE ME WESLEY, VIRGINS DON'T COUNT.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Bless ye FTW!

Patrick Stewart: God, I hate fans. Smelly, ugly, stupid people that make me want to vomit. Especially the ones who take part in caption contests. The only reason I do these freak shows is to make enough money to keep me in cocaine and hookers.


Wait... is that camera on?

Crusher: In any Universe the one constant is after a night with Troi you need your jabs.

Data: Can I please stay to watch you play "Doctors"?

Wesley: In this Universe, I'm the most popular character.

Captain's Log Stardate 47685: We've just encountered an alternate Enterprise where that bearded, pie eating dim witted sex maniac actually made Captain. Sucks to be them.


Captain's Log Stardate 47685: We've just encountered an alternate Enterprise where that bald, cowardly frigid French git is still Captain. Sucks to be them.

Riker: So you got a focus episode that wasn't about honour, Klingon politics, your bastard son or all three? How'd that happen?

Worf: I think Braga got me mixed up with Geordi.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Patrick Stewart: Hey Seth! I've come back from the future to warn you! You should go with the Star Trek captain who actually knows you from Adam for the Oscars thing!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SHELDON: This is the worst bridge re-creation I've ever seen. The tactical arch and command chair are wrong. Worf is wearing the wrong color and I should be in Science blue!

 

[Triskelion]

Clap, damn you! I'm "Time Lord of the Dance" dammit! I need this!

I hope it's not roofies again, Doctor.
Come on, Worf, Butt Pirates of Space needs a sequel!

Data: You like that? My tricorder is set to "narrow dispersal." It'll mess you up.

Ogawa: Unnnnh.....

Alien vessel! I am Captain Chia Minge, this is my first officer Commander Buttcrack, and my science officer Chodo Baggins. I know what you're wondering - it's because he's a phenomenal choad.

Picard: Mister Worf! Increase volume of "I'm Too Sexy" by fifty percent!

Riker": So it's a fight you want? You've got it! <Sashays down the catwalk>

Riker: Sometimes I want to overload a phaser in my pants.

Worf: Ah, this is the right universe.

 

[TommyR01D]

The real reason Riker took so long to make captain was that Starfleet feared what his sense of interior design would do to the Enterprise bridge.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: Do not despair, Commander. Counselor Troi and I will let you have this sex toy when we are finished with it.

Riker: Not helping, Worf.

 

[Finn]

Data: Commander Worf, I'm not certain that you people are suited for this type of work.

Worf: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "YOU PEOPLE"?

Data: Security Officers

Worf: Oh, I thought you meant people from Minsk