TNG Caption This! 268: The light at the end of the tunnel

[LeadHead]

Good Evening everyone! I hope the week has been good to you! Lets get some winners!

First up to the plate, we have the "The Motionless Picture" Award, going to:

Unfortunately, the BluRay release of TMP wasn't the Director's Cut.

Next, we have the "Futuristic Fads" Award, going to:

Geordi: "You'll want to switch your visors to 3D mode at this point."

Next, we have the "Don't talk about my Mama!" Award, going to:

Trio: DATA! I think you broke his jaw...

Riker(in obvious pain): ooowww

Data: I advised him that further innuendos regarding Dr Tainer were unwise.

Next, we have the "Worf, Son of Nukem" Award, going to:

Worf: I'm here to drink prune juice and kick ass...and I'm all out of prune juice.

[punches guy behind him]

Next, we have the "Noise Ordinance" Award, going to:

Picard: "Do you hear that? That's Commander Riker and his damned trombone again! I told you to beef up the soundproofing around his quarters!"

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Q: "We now interrupt your regularly scheduled program for an important look into your future."

Geordi: "Let That Be Your Last Makeup Application."

DATA: Gravity is back to norm...ooh

Many thanks to all of our contestants and congrats to our winners! I'm sorry for this starting a little late again, things are calming down for me, so things should resume a more normal schedule soon. (Fingers crossed)

And now....

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: This is no time for you to set off fireworks, Beverly!

Crusher: You're pregnant.

Worf: I say we go in, you take Picard, I take Data and we'll be the new Captain and First Officer of the Enterprise!

Picard: No, Worf! She's not really K'Ehleyr!

Data: Captain, I suggest we fire on them immediately. Miranda Class ships are usually the first ones to be taken over by Genetically Engineered Supermen.

 

[Skywalker]

Data: "Sporadic energy readings, port side, aft. It could be an impulse turn."
Riker: "He won't break off now. If he followed me this far, he'll be back. But from where...?"
Data: "He is intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking."
Picard (O.S.): "Oh, for the love of... Stop quoting Wrath of Khan and get back to work, you two!"
Riker & Data: "Sorry, sir."

 

[LeadHead]

Data: "Sporadic energy readings, port side, aft. It could be an impulse turn."
Riker: "He won't break off now. If he followed me this far, he'll be back. But from where...?"
Data: "He is intelligent, but not experienced. His pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking."
Picard (O.S.): "Oh, for the love of... Stop quoting Wrath of Khan and get back to work, you two!"
Riker & Data: "Sorry, sir."

Ro: Sir, May I quote General Order 12? On the approach of any vessel, when communication has not been established-

Picard: Shut up!

 

[Skywalker]

Crusher: "According to prophecy, if we throw the Book of the Kosst Amojan into this flame, the Pah-wraiths will be sealed in these Fire Caves for all eternity."
Picard: "Do we have the book with us?"
Crusher: "No, sir. It's apparently in the possession of Gul Dukat."
Picard: "I see. Which Gul Dukat?"
Crusher: "The Season Seven version, sir."
Picard: "...Screw it, we'll let Sisko deal with it. Let's get the hell out of here."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Crusher: "According to readings, the whole planet is alive."
Picard: "... and a teenager."
Criusher: "How can you tell?"
Picard: "It's lighting its farts."

Crusher: "How many times must we go through this, Chief? This is your elbow. Your arse is what you are currently sitting on."

Worf: "Two bridges? Two ships? Nagilum? Again!?!? Must I go insane!? Aaarghhhh!!!"
Riker: "No man, I'm just messing with you. I set this up on the holodeck for kicks."

Picard: "Stop. Captain's prerogative. Security officer gets sloppy seconds."
Crusher: "Thirds."

Data: "Incoming communication from a Mister Khan. He would like to know about, Genesis?"

 

[Isis]

Crusher: "My readings say it's hot and emits light."

Picard: "No sh*t, Beverly."

Crusher: "You're fine."

O'Brien: "Are you sure?"

Crusher: "Absolutely. I just had this salt shaker recalibrated yesterday."

Riker: "You didn't leave your fingerprints on that Whoopee cushion, did you?"

Worf: "No, and I actually had Wesley carry it over here."

Riker (snickering): "And people say we're not a fun group."

 

[shivkala]

Crusher: Next time, I'll do the cooking...

Crusher: For the last time, "use some elbow grease" is an idiom.

While it was widely known that due to the Writer's Strike, some of the second season of TNG re-used scripts from the aborted Star Trek: Phase II show, it is lesser known that the Set Designer's Strike of the same year forced them to re-use sets, as seen above.

Data: Incoming hail from the USS Bozeman, sir. Apparently, they are unsure what to do with all of their tossed salads and scrambled eggs. Hold on, they're calling again.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Sorry, Mr. O'Brien. There is no know cure for Rank Fluctuation.

 

[Holdfast]

... Geordi: "You'll want to switch your visors to 3D mode at this point."

That was definitely my fave caption from last week's entries; brilliant.

PICARD: Did it look at you? Did the fire look at you? It did. Whoa. Wow. Our worlds aren't that far apart after all, are they? So, whoever is doing this knows the animal well, doesn't he? He knows him real well, but he won't let him loose. He won't let him have any fun, so he does not love him. Now who doesn't love fire? And is around trychtichlorate all day long?
CRUSHER: Oh my God!

CRUSHER: Olecranon bursitis, commonly know as tennis elbow and caused by repeated rhythmic movement. But you don't play tennis... what fast, repetitive motion have you been doing with this arm?
O'BRIEN blushes and looks down sheepishly

RIKER: The ship designers smoked a lot of weed.

PICARD: Stay back Mr Worf, that devil has a Crusher growing out of her shoulder. Who knows what else she may be capable of.

DATA: I do not believe we will win this game of chicken.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Riker: "And next to the actual, operational bridge, we have this 'time-out' bridge where we send misbehaving bridge crew members."
Worf: "These new Galaxy II-class ships are truly...odd."

 

[Ln X]

Fire exploding out of the ground was one of many dangers as Picard and Crusher made their way through Hades...

O'Brien: Ahh! Jesus Christ do you have to be so hard woman?
Crusher: Keiko been beating you up again?
O'Brien: Feck off...
Crusher: With an attitude like that it's no wonder she hits you!

Riker: What do you make of this microbrain?
Worf: (growls) If we were not lost I would disembowel you right here and now!

Picard: Restrain yourself Mr Worf! I want to see her cleavage for just a little longer before you remove her off of my chair!

Data: Captain our warp drive is offline, impulse is offline and that ship is about to collide into us. What course of action should we take?
Picard: You have the bridge number one!

 

[BriGuy]

Creature of Flame: Behold! I am the Creature of Flame! You will worship me or I will destroy your ship!!

Crusher: How do we worship you?

Creature of Flame: With methane!

Picard: I'll bend over first, Bev.

Crusher: Another sprain, chief? We're gonna have to find you a wife...

Riker: Now that you mention it, from here it does kinda look like a hotel lobby...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Beverly, do you remember a couple of days ago when I was having trouble describing to you how my hemorrhoid pain felt...?"

 

[Cmdr.Druss]

Picard realised just how bad Dr Crusher's throwing-arm was as the grenade exploded.

Crusher: Lucky for you you're a recurring character, otherwise it could have been fatal.

Work: *Sigh* We're going to miss happy-hour.

Picard: Calm down Mr Worf, it's only a chair. You Klingon's really do hate to share.

Data: Unfortunatley sir, the writers have run out of ideas for the next movie. Shall I set a course for the nebula?

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Picard: No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Beverly: Jean-Luc, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Picard: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.

 

[Kirby]

Crusher: Yes, here it is, an official entry in the Starfleet database from Captain Spock... Two graham crackers, a chocolate bar and place your roasted marshmellon between them. Squeeze together and enjoy.

Crusher: I saw this once while in medical school. It's called an 'elbow'.

Worf: So they placed the battle bridge right next to the main bridge. What happens if we have to separate the ship?
Riker: Oops.

Data: Captain, the Bozeman's communications officer, Roz, is asking us to 'hold' and you will next up to speak with Dr. Crane.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Picard: "Are you sure it's a fire? It might be something else. Maybe I should pull my tricorder out too-"

Crusher: "Don't be an ass."

Picard: "No, really. I have it right here. Let me just whip it out and confirm that for you. You never know when something isn't fire."

O'Brien: "-and then I told him I was transferring to DS9, and he broke my arm. This was after he locked Ensign Ro in the cupboard to keep her from transferring there."

Crusher: "Let's hurry it up here, I have to brainwash Nick Locarno with a fake identity."

Riker: "The bridge is connected to itself. Creepy, huh?"

Worf: "Must be a Brannon Braga episode."

Picard: "Your parlor tricks are insignificant next to the power of The Force."

[He tries to push Crusher with the Force]

Picard: "Ah, Beverly. Would you kindly-?"

Data: "Reliant, in our sector."

Riker: "We're not the only ship in the sector? Gee whiz, can't wait to see what happens next."

 

[Ln X]

Picard: Mr Worf set phasers to seduce -- I mean stun -- stun!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

... Geordi: "You'll want to switch your visors to 3D mode at this point."

That was definitely my fave caption from last week's entries; brilliant.

Thanks! Nice to be appreciated.