TNG Caption This #209: Ready, Steady, Go.

[jep]

Woman: "Gasp! Do you see that?"

Man, (writing on padd): "... HOT-Troi. Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?"


.

 

[Skywalker]

Helm: "Sir, the Klingons on our starboard bow have been scraped off."

 

[Maurice]

Picard anticipates the audience reaction to Troi.

 

[Schistocerca]

O'Brien: So he got sucked straight into the pipe then?
Geordi: We warned him not to drink from the chocolate river!
Data (singing): Oompa Loompa dibetty do....

 

[Skywalker]

Picard: "Ugh, damned headache..."
Troi: "Captain, I'm sensing a lot of pain."
Picard: "Uuuuuggghhhh..."

Geordi: "Data, you built an exact replica of your android penis...in Main Engineering?"
Data: "It was the only location on the Enterprise which contained enough space."
O'Brien: "It's as big as the warp core!"
Data: "Lieutenant Yar did request that I be specific."

 

[Schistocerca]

Worf (thinking): I knew it was a mistake to date a colleague of a higher rank; things can get so awkward when you break up.

 

[Schistocerca]

Counselor Troi's unending sunny disposition always gave Jean-Luc a tension headache

 

[Mistral]

"Perhaps someone should be manning that station...." Worf thought.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF (thinking): What would Yar do?

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: Oh, no. Not Birds of Prey again.

 

[Finn]

Picard: Have you done the monthly senior staff evalutation yet?

Troi: Yes. Riker is sleeping with more women than lately. Data got into online dating. Geordi keeps sening Dr. Brahms Facebook friend requests. Worf has been having too much bloodwine lately and he have been coming on to our female Vulcan crewmembers, asking them if they were Romulan spies. Beverly is running a Baywatch holoprogram, with both you and Jack as the lead lifeguards.

Picard: *facepalm*

Picard: *stands up* Report

Lt. Smith: It appears to be... bowel movements.

Picard: What do you mean, out there?

Ensign Jones: Sir, if I may. I used to be stationed at a spacedock facility like this one. Once in a while, a rookie crewmember would be sent out there for maintaince close to the space doors. Too often, they would be starled by a passing nacelle, that they would be forced to release their waste.

 

[Schistocerca]

In the Enterprise production of Annie, Jean-Luc was the hit of the evening as Daddy Warbucks.

 

[Schistocerca]

Picard: Ensign have Commander Data and Mr La Forge finished the welding repair to the hull?
Ensign: No Captain, in fact we have lost contact with them and can't locate them on the view screen.
Picard: What? Play back their last transmission.
Voice of Data: Geordi could you pass me the lighter for the blow torch.
Voice of Geordi: Data can you smell gas?

 

[Distorted Humor]

So my Mom is coming on board, with her twin sister.

The Enterprise D in its teenage years suffered from Acne.

Worf: Do I really want to hear Rikers joke about the Borg, the Vulcan, and the Rabbi, please let my work station beep.

Laforge: You know how when you grab a woman's breast... it feels like... a bag of sand.
Data and O'Brian: What?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "I'm putting together a maintenance supplies request. Do you need anything for your tactical console?"
Worf: "More Lemon Pledge."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Then on morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas...

How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.

 

[LeadHead]

Picard attempted to surpass the Cigarette Smoking Man by becoming the Cigar Smoking Captain.

 

[Isis]

Worf (OS): "Sir, you're going to have to put that out. The 'No Smoking' signs just went on."

 

[Alrik]

Troi: "Sir, what is it?"

Picard: "A Spacebook friend request from Admiral Nechayev."

Trio: "I warned you about making her feel so welcome."

Riker (os): "I told ya that was gonna leave a mark."

 

[Alrik]

Riker: "Worf, your station is beeping, aren't you going to answer?"

Worf: "It is Lursa, looking for you. Again."

Riker: "Damn. Just let it go to voice mail. No more blood wine parties for me."