Crusher: "Mmmmm, lilac."
Worf: "I protest Doctor, I am not an air freshener."
Crusher: "Just ten more minutes Worf."
Conversationalist Kettle: "Would you like some tea?"
Data: "No, I am an android, I do not require liquid water in any form to ensure my continued existence."
Conversationalist Kettle: "But you have been made to mimic human form?"
Data: "Yes."
Conversationalist Kettle: "And you can imitate humans to the point of ingestion."
Data: "Indeed. It would be difficult for me to integrate if I did not."
Conversationalist Kettle: "So how about a nice cup of coffee."
Data: "No."
Conversationalist Kettle: "Warm Ribena?"
Data: "No."
Conversationalist Kettle: "Maybe you're hungry. How about I boil some water so you can have some delicious pot noodles."
Data: "I believe that is an oxymoron. And no."
Conversationalist Kettle: "Hot chocolate, Horlicks, Cup a Soup, maybe you need an envelope steamed open? I'm nothing if not versatile."
Data: "Listen appliance, I activated you for some intelligent conversation from something of my own 'species' for want of a better word. I wish to exchange ideas and philosophies with another artificial life form. I do not require any beverages, any foodstuffs, or anything at all to do with the boiling of water. Is that clear?"
Conversationalist Kettle: "But I'm a kettle, I exist to boil, it is my raison d'etre. To ask me not to boil would demand that I go against my very nature. I boil, therefore I am. Would you like some chamomile tea?"
Data: "Allow me to elucidate. You are comprised of a polycarbonate handle, stainless transparisteel body with a frosted look, high temperature polymer coating, a tritanium base, a galvanic microwave element, and assorted pieces of electronics and duotronics. If you do not cease the inane chatter based on the volatility of water, then I shall, with a hand phaser, discover the collective boiling point of your various components. Is that clear?"
Conversationalist Kettle: "Crystal"
Data: "So no talk about beverages."
Conversationalist Kettle: "None."
Data: "No foul tasting powdered snack sensations."
Conversationalist Kettle: "Not one word."
Data: "Nothing about steam either."
Conversationalist Kettle: "My metaphorical lips are sealed."
Data: "Good, begin."
Conversationalist Kettle: "Mountaineering, interested?"
Data: "Ah, yes, now that is something that has always intrigued me, particularly the motivations behind such endeavours. I feel that 'because it is there' is scant reasoning for undertaking such dangerous endeavours."
Conversationalist Kettle: "Especially as the conditions are hardly conducive to human existence. Why, did you know that the air pressure at the top of a mountain is a fraction of that at sea level?"
Data: "Indeed, why would anyone wish to ascend to a height where they cannot breathe?"
Conversationalist Kettle: "The pressure gets so low sometimes that it actually lowers the boiling point of water. You just can't get a decent cuppa at the top of a mountain. Speaking of which..."
Data:
dirty look: "I'll get my phaser."
