TNG Caption This #151 - "Twist and Caption"
- Thread starter cultcross
- Start date
"CRAP.
My batteries are dying...and the nearest convenience store is four parsecs away."
RIKER:"Can you keep a secret, Data?"
DATA:"Yes, Commander. For the entire remainder of my operational existence if you wish."
RIKER:"Well...don't need you to keep it for THAT long. But...check this out. Worf likes the Jonas Brothers."
"Nothing grows here. Nothing's ever going to grow here. My scans say this is sand. D'ya know what it's going to be in 10,000 years? It's going to be sand! Let's just pack our shit up and move to where the food is!"
RIKER:"Anything on your console over there, Data?"
DATA:"Fingerprints...and what appears to be dried chewing gum."
"Ensign Naymont to Enterprise.
Captain, we're not detecting ANYTHING down here. If this Spagett prankster is on this planet...he's hiding with his camera crew somewhere else."
Riker: "FULLY functional?"
Data: "Yes. Why do you ask?"
Worf: To himself, "Hum..."
Data, Riker and Worf Together: Macho, Macho man, i awanna be a Macho man!
Ensign Stevens: Stevens to Enterprise.
Could you please shut the hell up? Jesus Christ I can here that old twentieth century 70's disco song clear down here!
Riker, Worf and Data can be heard over com link laughing.
I am serious, I can't scan for Ensign Crusher's lost penis if I get that static!
Riker and Data KNEW about Worf's horrible taint stench. They just couldn't risk alerting him to it.
ENSIGN RICKY NAYMONT:"Sir...I'm picking up something strange on the far end of the EM spectrum.
It's coming from this old pottery. Could be artificial.
Could be your momma."
Data and Riker where making googly gay lust eyes at each other and Worf desperately tried to ignore them but found he was insanely jealous...
ENSIGN RICKY NAYMONT: Sir! I have found it! I found Commander Data's Penile attachment he lost in the first season!
Data: "I am attempting to make you laugh, Commander."
Riker: " And yet, I am not laughing."
Data: "You are creeping me out! It would bother me more if I wasn't drunk. No, seriously."
"Wow, sir, I've found a piece of pottery and Cool Eddie's Type 2 Phaser handle, as well as a Breen lower mouthpiece, and they are all lying around the exact point where I beamed down. What do you think the odds against that are? Oh, wait, this is a tv show, isn't it?"
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DATA(very loudly):"Really, Commander?
I always assumed Lieutenant Worf was heterosexual."
"Tricorder scans are detecting trace tachyon particles, sir. Possible use of a cloaking field of some kind to mask and hide these ruins.
Permission to spout more technobabble so the audience loses interest and turns the channel to HEE-HAW, sir?"
[
WORF: Commander Data, command Riker, We are being scanned!
Riker: After you...
Data, no after you...
Riker: I insist... Please take it...
Data: no no no I wouldn't think of it...
Worf: <gritting teeth before exploding> What the hell do you want me to do! Stop sitting there and make a DECISION!
Riker: Emotional isn't he.
Data: Yes, but I wouldn't know...
Worf: <grumbling> Klingons do not get "Emotional" Commanders. We get results.
Ensign Foxx: Sir! I found it EUREKA!
Picard <on comlnk> found what:
Ensign: That's What! *laughs* YESSSSS!!!
Picard: <grumbling> Blazes I walk into it every time!
WORF: Commander Data, command Riker, We are being scanned!
Riker: After you...
Data, no after you...
Riker: I insist... Please take it...
Data: no no no I wouldn't think of it...
Worf: <gritting teeth before exploding> What the hell do you want me to do! Stop sitting there and make a DECISION!
Riker: Emotional isn't he.
Data: Yes, but I wouldn't know...
Worf: <grumbling> Klingons do not get "Emotional" Commanders. We get results.
Ensign Foxx: Sir! I found it EUREKA!
Picard <on comlnk> found what:
Ensign: That's What! *laughs* YESSSSS!!!
Picard: <grumbling> Blazes I walk into it every time!
DATA:"When is Captain Picard returning to the Enterprise, Commander?"
RIKER:"When you stop touching yourself at night."
ENSIGN RICKY:"Nope.
Nothing, sir.
Not a damn thing.
And what's worse, I can't make outgoing calls on this stupid piece of crap."
Riker: "So you think the caption contest has run its course?"
Data: "Definitely, sir."
Riker (imitating Picard): "What do you think we should do, Number One?"
Data (imitating Riker): "I believe I should lead an away team and have sex with the female alien leader."
Riker (imitating Picard): "Capital idea, Commander. Make it so!"
Picard (off camera): "You...bastards."