TNG Caption This #151 - "Twist and Caption"

[NathanielM]

<Ensign, report.>

Ensign: Captain, my underwear is wedgied tight in my buttcrack and I cannot stand up...

Picard: "I'll send Mr worf wit h the crowbar..."

"Thank you siiiir!"

Data: rOW rO rOW YOUR BOAT GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM... mERRILY MEERILY MEERILY..
Riker: rOW rOW rOW YOUR BOAT GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM... mERRILY MEERILY MEERILY..
Riker: Worf you did not chime in...
Worf: Klingons do not sing, nor do they chime. (mutters to himself) Idiots...

 

[cooleddie74]

"Ensign Ricky to Commander Riker.

My lower back just locked up. I...I can't budge. It...it hurts like HELL. Permission for emergency medical beamout?"

DATA:"Your breath smells of fresh roses and lilac."

RIKER:"EXCUSE me?!"

DATA:"I said nice day we are having."

 

[Captain Crow]

Riker: What you talk'in 'bout Data!

 

[Rat Boy]

Riker: "Didn't that new crewman look just a little familiar?"

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Much to my chagrin sir, the academy stories were true: You really can outstare a robot, a Klingon, and a surreptitious Vulcan.

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: I'm gonna tell.
Riker: Aw, come on! Don't tell Picard that I was sitting in his chair!
Data: There must be something that you want.
Worf: Of course there is. Guess.
Riker: Love?
Data: Respect?
Worf: A CHAIR!
Riker: Okay, I'll get you one, and I'm sure that you'll get to use it for a long time.

Ensign Johnson: Whahoo! I finally get to be on an away mission! Everything is gonna go great!
Riker: You do know that Goldshirts are the new Redshirts right?
Ensign Johnson: What?
(Shot)

 

[Civil Shadow]

Huzzah, 'chopping in a Rick Roll wasn't totally lame!

Riker: Data, I can't bear to look. Is he wearing assless ch-
Worf: Yes.

 

[NathanielM]

Riker: Stand by to come right. Picard to the BRIDGE!
Worf: You are not Picard. You do not have a bald head and a british accent.
Riker: So sue me, just make it so.
Data: Who the hell died and made you the Captain.

Riker: (muttering under breath) Assholes...

Ensign: <lets a silent fart>
Riker: <off camera> Alright goddamn it who farted!
Ensign: It was Worf! See my methane scanner went off the scale!
Worf: <off camera> Wha don't look at me...

 

[Shatmandu]

Data: "I wish to practice my ... 'small talk.'"
Riker: "Sure, go ahead."
Data: "So, work-related aquaintance, last night I was laying pipe on Counsellor Troi, and ... Is there a problem, Sir?"

 

[cooleddie74]

RIKER:"If you EVER say Deanna and I aged inconsistently during the Pegasus mission again...I'll deactivate you and stuff you in the starboard nacelle waste vent...got it?"

"Tricorder's not picking up any signs of energy weapons, sir.

But it IS detecting lots of styrofoam and painted rubber for some reason."

 

[Hedbergian]

"That ... doesn't look like my shadow. Ahh hell!!! Enterprise??? Mr. LaForge is invisible and nude again!!!!"

 

[Hedbergian]

The beginning of the Worf/Troi fling:

RIKER: Do you think Deanna's hot?
DATA: ... w-w-what?
RIKER: You'd tell me if you had feelings for her, right? RIGHT?!
WORF: I would most certainly ...
RIKER: I'm not worried about YOU, she's not interested in ugly. But you, Data, you're the "sensitive type". You'd tell me, wouldncha?
DATA: Hi I'm Data, you must be Captain Conniption.
WORF: *I'll show him.*

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: And then Q said, "Eaten any good books lately?" Man we all laughed about that one for weeks! What a douche.

Data: Ah I see. You are attempting to arouse irritation in Commander Worf by referring to a former insult to him in a trivial manner. Most amusing, Commander. If I may add - when Worf told me he'd finished War and Peace, he neglected to mention whether he had passed it. I assume so since I never saw that book again.

Worf: I will best any of you at passing anything at any time! <swigs prune juice>

 

[cooleddie74]

DATA:"Were you aware Lieutenant Worf is diddling Counselor Troi's pooter, Commander?"

 

[cooleddie74]

The Egyptian Council of Antiquities eventually entered the 24th century in its excavation measures.

 

[Hedbergian]

Riker: What does your tricorder say? What is it?
Ensign: ... Oh look, look here. Uh huh. It's BORING!!!!

 

[Triskelion]

It's some kind of artifact that proves the Ionians were here before the Preservers. But it's all broken and stuff.

<Crap. Keep looking, Ensign. Picard out.>

Man, worst armchair archaeologist ever!

 

[cooleddie74]

"Negative, sir.

Nothing.

My GameBoy Color just keeps telling me to stack the Tetris cubes...nothing else."

 

[cooleddie74]

RIKER:"Did...did you just SPIT on my head, Data?"

WORF: (*chuckling*)

 

[Gary7]

Data: (whispering) "Commander Riker, do you also detect a... biological odor?"
Riker: "Lt. Worf! Did you have an enormous bowl of chili for lunch again?"

"Hooked on Away Mission Aerobics" became the latest craze.