TNG Caption This #151 - "Twist and Caption"

[NathanielM]

Riker : Less Filling...
Data: Taste's Great...
Riker : Less Filling...
Data: Taste's Great...
Riker : no Less Filling...
Data: no Taste's Great...
Riker : Less Filling...data
Data: No Commander, it Taste's Great...
Riker : Less Filling...
Data: Taste's Great...

Worf: <snarling after glancing at Yeoman off camera> Just fucking place the order to the Yeoman, don;t make me seperate you two assholes!

 

[Voyager]

Ensign: Sir I found...wait...damn...

Picard: <over communicator> what did you find?

Ensign: ...my ass...

 

[NathanielM]

Ensign: Sir i found the mummified remains of...
Picard: What did you find Ensign...
Ensign: Uh... The mummified skin remains of...
Picard: Yes yes, What is it?
Ensign: Wayne Newton's failed Botox treatments and face lifts.
Picard: Uh that's extraordinary...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Ensign: "Johnson to Enterprise, I... I could really use a chiropractor about now."

Picard: "Already? But the Caption Contest has another three weeks to run."

Ensign: "Three weeks! Someone please shoot me now!"

Picard: "Acknowledged."

 

[Triskelion]

<Ensign, report.>

Captain, my lanolized-formulation conditioner is bonding against the humidity for now - but I'm picking up traces of flaking along the acid mantle of the scalp. I recommend an enzymetherapeutic astringent shampoo, in order to exuviate the dead skin and rejuvenate the inborn glisten and billowous vibrancy of the follicle.

<Would an extract of lotus blossom suffice, Ensign?>

Good call, sir. Recommend I proceed immediately.

<Make it so, Ensign. Make it so.>

Data: Sir, did you grow a beard?
Riker: Good catch, Data.
Worf: Soong was an idiot.

 

[Rat Boy]

Data: "Metathesis is a common error, sir. 'Worf' to 'Woof.'"

 

[cooleddie74]

DATA:"Do not worry, Commander.

I will not tell Counselor Troi of your homosexual remarks about Lieutenant Worf's buttocks."

 

[John Picard]

Riker: "Mister Data, it would help your career to laugh when the Captain asks me if Mister Worf's head looks like a fanny."

Data: "Noted, sir."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Not picking up anything, sir.

If there was a point to this caption contest...it vanished LONG ago."

 

[John Picard]

Riker: "Data, I hate back seat navigators."

Data: "But Commander, by plotting a course of 113 Mark 287 Mark 45 will get us to the Coachella Valley Carrot Festival and completely bypass Albuquerque."

 

[cooleddie74]

RIKER:"Data...your positronic net is writing checks your servo-driven upper torso can't CASH.

Watch yourself."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: What ya say we ditch turtlehead and go crusing for chicks in 10 Forward?

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Riker: "Mr.Data, that was anything but silent."
Data: "Just wait sir, it has some hangtime"
Riker: "Gagh again?"
Data: "Yes sir"

Worf: "With all due respect sir, if this were a Klingon ship you would be fed to the Targs!"

Security officer:"Sir! I beleive Cmd. Data's ass fell off!"
Picard: (over com-link) "Must be all that Gagh, he's been trying, pick it up lt and bring it back."
Security officer:"EEwww"

 

[Kirby]

Riker : Do you smell lilac?

 

[cooleddie74]

DATA:"Do not be offended, Commander.

All I said was 'your beard must feel good rubbing on genitals in the heat of passion.'

I am studying human...foreplay rituals."

"Ensign Ricky to Enterprise.

We found him, sir. The Rockman from STAR TREK V. The past eighty-two years haven't been kind."

 

[cooleddie74]

RIKER:"I'm not certain, Data...what's your assessment?"

DATA:"The fumes smell like...a gagh fart, Commander. 99.34% probability of gagh being the source of that odor."

RIKER:"That does it, then. I'm having Worf's food replicator removed from his quarters."

 

[Piper]

Worf took his role as judge in the staring contest very seriously.

The Lt felt silly when he realised he had beamed down to the planet in his slippers.

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: Is he...
Data: Yes sir.
Riker: How long has he been...
Data: One hour forty seven minutes thirteen seconds and counting, sir.
Riker: What does he think will happen?
Data: Unknown, sir.
Riker: Well I wish he'd stop. I can feel his eyes burning the back of my neck.
Worf <thinking>: Spontaneously combust, pahtk!

Riker: Should we tell him it was all a holoprogram?
Troi: No, let him keep scanning for snipes.
Riker: I just love "us".

Will, this was you before lunch. The hell?

 

[cooleddie74]

RIKER:"Who you callin' FURFACE...Whitey?"

"As suspected, sir.

POTTERY BARN crap."

 

[cooleddie74]

DATA:"Would this be the appropriate time for a racist, anti-Klingon metaphor?"