Tiger Mothers

[Arrqh]

what kind of long term impact will it have on children raised this way in a western culture?

It'll make them brilliant at music and maths.

It might make them technically good at music, but from an artist standpoint they'd be mediocre at best.

This sort of parenting mode is using the piano and the violin to teach discipline, not music. As such, there's an extreme focus on the technical aspects of playing and a complete lack of the artistic side of things. Listening to someone trained and raised in this way play would be like listening to a robot and no one goes to see 14 year old robots play at Carnegie Hall. When I read this article a few days ago, I was flat out insulted by this corruption of what is supposed to be a form of artistic expression.

And on that note, what is fundamentally lacking with this sort of approach is any sort of nurturing of creativity which is a vital skill in today's modern world. Without the ability to be creative, a person will have extreme difficulty rising to the top in any given field. Science, engineering, medicine, software, whatever... the top people in the most important fields today need to be creative to truly make an impact. This sort of tunnel vision on discipline and measured academic and technical achievement is great if you want your child to learn how to be a cog in a machine, but that's about it.

This is a TED Talk from a few years ago and it's more about schools... but I think it provides a good counterpoint and demonstrates why creativity is so important: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

 

[TheSeeker]

^Thank you. I suck at getting my thoughts across in print but you pretty much summed up my feelings on the matter.

 

[Sephiroth]

this kind of parenting typically brings 3 results, there are those that take to it, and will only see things in black and white, while technically able to function in a work environment, when confronted with a gray area or any lack of boundary you will either see them stop, unable to process the information, some might snap and go violent, Socialy any relationships they may gain will be purely through work, expect to see a large subgroup of these members to show signs of scociopathy

the other extreme of these kids are those that completely reject it, those that haven't had complete breakdowns will be incapable of holding steady employment as they will typically reject any form of authority, socially they will have friends, most will marry and leave it up to the spouse to be the bread winner while they focus on the home

but for the most part children raised by this mindset do turn out well adjusted, they go with it til they can cut the umbilical themselves, then they promise never to be that bad to their own kids.

 

[RJDiogenes]

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Unfortunately I seemed to have raised 18yr old Son to have a mind of his own
I don't deny that I haven't 'nudged' him in certain directions and 'tigered in' on occasion ~ mainly concerning schooling and work ethics.
After he came back in tears from work (waiter at a Japanese restaurant) last night, I rang and said he was 'stressed, overworked and strungout' juggling A levels, work and social life, and that he wanted to leave unless he was given his due holiday (Son has been there since last May)
His boss was very understanding and did not want to lose him, so an understanding has been arranged.

I said 'Son wants 2 weeks off'.
She said 'When'
I said ' From now ~ or he walks'.

She agreed that she would not have been able to juggle everything at that age either.
Son and I stayed up 'til 2am cramming for his philosphy exam today ~ on his bidding I will add and many arguements were made ~ and we had a plan of brunch before the 1.30pm exam.
At 9.34 college rang to ask if he was sitting said exam as it had begun!
Bless him that he asked me to study with him, was pleased to bits that I'd faced his boss but for goodness sake GET THE TIME RIGHT FOR THE EXAM! ~ I never knew my little car could scurry so fast!

Yes, I would say I'm a Tiger Mum, and proud of it. Not to the extent of the OP, but unless they are encouraged and nudged, nothing will occur.
But I totally agree, it you put to much pressure on ~ it may well blow up in your face

 

[Amaris]

Sounds to me you're less of a tiger mom and more of a resourceful mother who wants to make certain her intelligent, hard working son isn't being taken complete advantage of by well meaning, but determined, authority types who know his potential and wish to exploit it to the maximum.

Wait, you know, "tiger mom" is easier to type out. Nevermind.

 

[scotpens]

I was hoping that this actually had to do with tiger mothers... as in mother cats.

Me too...I was thinking we'd get some article about new tigers being born at the zoo...something cute and fuzzy.

Not tigers, but close enough.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Sounds to me you're less of a tiger mom and more of a resourceful mother who wants to make certain her intelligent, hard working son isn't being taken complete advantage of by well meaning, but determined, authority types who know his potential and wish to exploit it to the maximum.

Wait, you know, "tiger mom" is easier to type out. Nevermind.

Thanks J.A.
I did go to the restaraunt this evening (not just for the marmalade martinis!) but to see her IRL, introduce myself and 'have a chat'. She was cool.

Off subject... but I also did this to a work mate ~ advised her to take her holiday before Xmas or it would 'disappear'.
That caused waves too

I'm no 'flag waver', but I will stand up against it

 

[Kestra]

I understand what you're saying, Kestra, which is why I pointed out that this is also a cultural issue.

Thanks, yeah. I do think there are harmful things here, but I also don't feel like it's all bad. But that's probably down to cultural differences about what things to emphasize.

 

[Unicron]

I was hoping that this actually had to do with tiger mothers... as in mother cats.

That was my first thought too.

 

[BolianAuthor]

Glad I wasn't alone, then...

I'd say there's a difference between a tiger mother, and someone like a Claire Huxtable, who is fully involved in their child's life, and guides them to excel is school, and have a good personal and work ethic... I mean, just because a mother is "involved", doesn't mean that they take it to the level of many Asian mothers, where they push, push, and push their children to do nothing less that attain perfection at all they do. But as has been pointed out here before, that's mostly a cultural difference. Just my two cents.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

What's the point in being that successful? Why put kids through that? What's it going to do for them in the long run? They spend their childhoods working all the time, their adult years working all the time, and then they get old and die. No time to enjoy anything in between, just work work work. Even if they end up making lots of money, why should they care? They can't enjoy it, they're too busy working 18 hours a day. This type of stuff probably contributed to the fact that my wife's dad(who was from Hong Kong)died of a heart attack in his 30s.

 

[Mary Ann]

I came across this article earlier, and I strongly agree with Brooks:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/18/opinion/18brooks.html?_r=2

Some excerpts:

[Chua's] critics echoed the familiar themes. Her kids can’t possibly be happy or truly creative. They’ll grow up skilled and compliant but without the audacity to be great...

I have the opposite problem with Chua. I believe she’s coddling her children. She’s protecting them from the most intellectually demanding activities because she doesn’t understand what’s cognitively difficult and what isn’t.

Practicing a piece of music for four hours requires focused attention, but it is nowhere near as cognitively demanding as a sleepover with 14-year-old girls. Managing status rivalries, negotiating group dynamics, understanding social norms, navigating the distinction between self and group — these and other social tests impose cognitive demands that blow away any intense tutoring session or a class at Yale...

Participating in a well-functioning group is really hard. It requires the ability to trust people outside your kinship circle, read intonations and moods, understand how the psychological pieces each person brings to the room can and cannot fit together.

This skill set is not taught formally, but it is imparted through arduous experiences. These are exactly the kinds of difficult experiences Chua shelters her children from by making them rush home to hit the homework table...

What do you think?

 

[TheSeeker]

I would have to say based on that excerpt I agree.