The XO of any ship (or any military organization) is not going to win any popularity contests. It's the Captain's privilege to be the impressive "old man" and make decisions and sometimes soften the impact when he/she thinks the XO is being too tough. It's a "good cop/bad cop" type of situation.
"If the crew doesn't hate the XO, he's not doing his job." - Saul Tigh
Very much what I was getting at. However, I think Riker did a pretty good job of balancing his personality with his job. It looks like he was fairly popular and managed to be pleasant at most times. Of course, he was always going to be feared to a certain extent, because getting on his wrong side could break your career track.