The Zombie Apocalypse is here: How useful are you?

[{ Emilia }]

I feel that @Jayson1 shouldn't be the only one making bizarre threads so here goes:

The Zombie Apocalypse is here and you're part of a cast of characters who are trying to survive that.

What's your role? What skills do you possess that could be useful?
Will you die during the first 10 minutes? Half-way through season 1? Or form an anti-zombie state that still exists in season 5? Will you be a fighter or care for others? Will you live an action movie or a soap opera?
Would you stay where you are or move to some other place/city?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Can't imagine anyone's going to need software developers when the world has fallen to the zombies.

Guess I'll get by on being handy in general. I'm a problem solver. Probably be the sidekick to whoever is in charge. Not the leadership type myself.

I will hope for a quick death.

 

[NOVE9]

I would definitely break the 4th wall and jump into a more interesting and hopeful world.

 

[{ Emilia }]

Can't imagine anyone's going to need software developers when the world has fallen to the zombies.

Maybe you'll be the only one who can keep Instagram running so that the zombie millennials can post their food and selfies?
I think there's some potential there.
Maybe they'll capture you and make you run the server.

I would definitely break the 4th wall and jump into a more interesting and hopeful world.

Doesn't seem any more grim than the other show that keeps breaking the fourth wall: House of Cards.
In fact the similarities are striking.

 

[1001001]

Well, I'm a Psychologist.

I suppose I could help people with their trauma, but we all may be too busy running to have any substantive dialogue.

I'm pretty good with kids. If any remain uneaten I could help raise them, watch over them etc. Run a Zombie Daycare kind of thing while the tough men and women are out there chopping away at the enemy.

Other than that, I'm pretty useless, unless there'll be a call for snarky, unhelpful commentary.

 

[Santaman]

I'll be the scientist who turns them into vegetarians... GRAINZZZ GRAINZZ...

 

[Thestral]

I'll be one of those characters that's always around in the background and gets a scene or two but is never really the focus of an episode. A Beth type, but not even slightly as pretty or musical as Emily Kinney.

At the very least, I'll be potentially useful because I'm perfectly comfortable doing funerary rites which are.... gonna be pretty useful for morale and maintaining at least the pretense of civilization. And I'm pretty good at listening.

Beyond that in terms of actual survival skills, I'll be a spear-carrier. Put me on a cooking team, put me on a medical team, put me on a building crew... maybe, I'll fill in where you want me. Maybe even put me on watch duty or zombie repellent duty if you need a warm body. In terms of outdoors/scavenging/running I'll be a lot less useful but still try and pull my weight. In general don't put me in charge but I'll do what you think I'll be useful at.

ETA: I'll be the (TV) Dale or Herschel, but I'm not old or respected enough to meet their grisly fates I think.

 

[thestrangequark]

I have an idea for a story about a gang of disabled and chronically ill people working together to survive the zombie apocalypse. Basically, we're considered the first to go, right? The most useless, the most needy. We'd be outcast by fitter people right away who think we'd drag them down. But the thing is, fighting for our lives/nearly dying are mundane and routine things for us, and we are forced constantly to adapt, meaning we'd be fucking amazing at surviving. Our gang would have some of the most ingenious people -- underestimated by the normals -- all prepared to use their disabilities to strange and clever advantages. There would be the constant suspense of the characters having to work out how to obtain or make their drugs and medical supplies, pharmacy raids, outwitting the normals. I mean, how great would it be to have a guy in a crazy modified motor-powered wheelchair cruising away from the zombies at high speed while the normals get eaten.

 

[{ Emilia }]

Well, I'm a Psychologist.

I suppose I could help people with their trauma, but we all may be too busy running to have any substantive dialogue.

You actually sound very useful. You can join my shelter!
How do you imagine your dramatic death, though? Will it be one of your patients?

Other than that, I'm pretty useless, unless there'll be a call for snarky, unhelpful commentary.

There is always need for that. Always.

 

[1001001]

You actually sound very useful. You can join my shelter!

Score!

How do you imagine your dramatic death, though? Will it be one of your patients?

Did you ever see I Am Legend?

I imagine it would be something cool like that.

 

[thestrangequark]

BTW if anyone steals my story idea I'm gonna sue your ass!

 

[{ Emilia }]

I have an idea for a story about a gang of disabled and chronically ill people working together to survive the zombie apocalypse. Basically, we're considered the first to go, right? The most useless, the most needy. We'd be outcast by fitter people right away who think we'd drag them down. But the thing is, fighting for our lives/nearly dying are mundane and routine things for us, and we are forced constantly to adapt, meaning we'd be fucking amazing at surviving. Our gang would have some of the most ingenious people -- underestimated by the normals -- all prepared to use their disabilities to strange and clever advantages. There would be the constant suspense of the characters having to work out how to obtain or make their drugs and medical supplies, pharmacy raids, outwitting the normals. I mean, how great would it be to have a guy in a crazy modified motor-powered wheelchair cruising away from the zombies at high speed while the normals get eaten.

This is a pretty amazing idea. I wonder what other illnesses or disabilities can be weaponized, so to speak.
I suppose you could trick some vampires but I'm not sure they're very picky. Zombies on the other hand... just eat everything.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The Zombie Apocalypse is here and you're part of a cast of characters who are trying to survive that.

Well, that leaves me out, because I wouldn't be trying to survive. I'd shoot myself in the head so as to ensure that the rest of the people in my group get more food (and so I wouldn't come back as a zombie).

Plus, with my constant whining and complaining, I'd only slow them down anyway.

 

[Santaman]

^^ That's a usefull power.. whine the zombies away..

I've watched every Bud Spencer movie at least 10 bazillion times, I know the moves! I've got the muscle and the belly!
Emilia is from Germany IIRC? if so she must have seen them as well, she'll be my Terrence Hill, we'll beat the zombies into submission..

 

[thestrangequark]

This is a pretty amazing idea. I wonder what other illnesses or disabilities can be weaponized, so to speak.
I suppose you could trick some vampires but I'm not sure they're very picky. Zombies on the other hand... just eat everything.

I'd thought about that -- like, what if one of the advantages of being on insulin is that something in synthetic insulin is zombie repellant? That could work for some other drug or disease and be a storyline: trying to discover what specific ingredient in the drug or what specific symptom of the disease makes one zombie-repellant. I thought about using someone with COPD's oxygen tanks to make bombs. Someone with an artificial limb throwing it to distract the zombies a la black humor fetch and hopping on the Cerebral Palsy guy's souped up chair to hightail it away. And it'd all have this great moral lesson about not underestimating people because of their disabilities and how they can become more advantageous in the end -- after all, humanity's wit is our prime evolutionary advantage, not our bodies.

 

[{ Emilia }]

I'd thought about that -- like, what if one of the advantages of being on insulin is that something in synthetic insulin is zombie repellant? That could work for some other drug or disease and be a storyline: trying to discover what specific ingredient in the drug or what specific symptom of the disease makes one zombie-repellant. I thought about using someone with COPD's oxygen tanks to make bombs. Someone with an artificial limb throwing it to distract the zombies a la black humor fetch and hopping on the Cerebral Palsy guy's souped up chair to hightail it away. And it'd all have this great moral lesson about not underestimating people because of their disabilities and how they can become more advantageous in the end -- after all, humanity's wit is our prime evolutionary advantage, not our bodies.

And I thought it was opposable thumbs and flexible cooperation.
I suppose lots of zombies could be tricked into losing their teeth by letting them bite on prosthetic limbs.

 

[sojourner]

I'd thought about that -- like, what if one of the advantages of being on insulin is that something in synthetic insulin is zombie repellant? That could work for some other drug or disease and be a storyline: trying to discover what specific ingredient in the drug or what specific symptom of the disease makes one zombie-repellant. I thought about using someone with COPD's oxygen tanks to make bombs. Someone with an artificial limb throwing it to distract the zombies a la black humor fetch and hopping on the Cerebral Palsy guy's souped up chair to hightail it away. And it'd all have this great moral lesson about not underestimating people because of their disabilities and how they can become more advantageous in the end -- after all, humanity's wit is our prime evolutionary advantage, not our bodies.

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As for me, I'd die pretty quick. My bad leg makes me slower than a even the walking zombies.

 

[Mudd]

I'm out of touch on this stuff - do they still shamble slowly or are they all speed zombies?

If they're like Liv I'm going over to the other side.

 

[thestrangequark]

And I thought it was opposable thumbs and flexible cooperation.
I suppose lots of zombies could be tricked into losing their teeth by letting them bite on prosthetic limbs.

Flexible cooperation falls under my usage of "wit".

Opposable thumbs are overrated. Possums have opposable thumbs.

 

[Sparkle Fabulosa]

I'd most likely be the first person eaten. But I think I'd probably rather allow myself to be scratched and join them so I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten.

I'll be a pathetic zombie who will starve to death because I can't catch my food.

Either as a human or a zombie... I'm already dead!