"The Turd in the Caviar"--Songs that Almost Derail Albums

[Glitch]

http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-turd-in-the-caviar-24-songs-that-almost-derail,49441/1/

I was reading this old article and I wondered if you guys might want to expand on it. Everyone has favorite albums, but there's always one or two songs on them that just...don't make the cut.

Anybody have any examples? Revolution 9, off the White Album, is first on the AV Club's list. While I disagree with that particular choice, I think I could pick a song on every Beatles studio album that's a stinker. So...I will. I realize this isn't a complete list (I'm not including the Yellow Submarine soundtrack, for example).

Please Please Me: "A Taste of Honey." Not a Lennon/McCartney-penned track, but hey, they chose it. Just a very boring song.

With The Beatles: A massively underrated Beatles album. I would have to pick "All I've Got to Do". Not a bad song, but between "It Won't Be Long" and "All My Loving", it's definitely a bit of a buzzkill.

A Hard Day's Night: Another underrated album. I never liked "Any Time At All." It's "It Won't Be Long" redux--and not well.

Beatles For Sale: "Mr. Moonlight", obviously. No one likes this song. If you like this song, you need help.

Help!: "I Need You", by George Harrison. Bad beginning, bland song. But really, the whole album doesn't pick up until after "Ticket To Ride".

Rubber Soul: "The Word." All you need is love, etc. etc. Generic song on a very influential album--you wouldn't have Pet Sounds without it.

Revolver: "Love You To." Harrison only did one really good song in the style we all associate with him--the White Album's "Long, Long, Long." But hey, at least this one isn't "Blue Jay Way."

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: I don't hate the song by any means, but "Getting Better" brings us down to Earth after the transcendent opening of this seminal album. I would have bumped up "Fixing a Hole" after "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", put in "Strawberry Fields Forever" and "Penny Lane", and continued the album with "Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite!". "Getting Better/She's Leaving Home" would have been the single that came out before Pepper.

Magical Mystery Tour: "All You Need Is Love." Sorry. It's a ridiculous, overrated song.

The Beatles (White Album): Hey, I liked "Revolution 9." I don't even mind "Ob-la-di, Ob-la da". But "Savoy Truffle" is a deeply inessential song. Sorry, George.

Abbey Road: "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" serves as a warning as to what we could expect from Paul after the breakup of the Beatles.

Let It Be: I really like this album. I really don't like "I've Got a Feeling."

That should do it...I really hope there are some ardent Beatles fans in here, or I just wasted a lot of time. Other examples are welcome!

 

[the G-man]

Warren Zevon. Album: "Excitable Boy." Song: "Nighttime in the Switching Yard." The rest of the album is literate LA rock-noir: The Eagles and Neil Young by way of Randy Newman and Tom Waits and then, in the middle of the album, there's a strange funk song that sounds like a incredibly white local wedding band trying to play George Clinton.

 

[CaptainCanada]

"That's Not Her Style", the opening track on Billy Joel's otherwise excellent Storm Front album, is markedly inferior to all the other songs.

 

[Count Zero]

That should do it...I really hope there are some ardent Beatles fans in here, or I just wasted a lot of time.

There are, but suffice it to say that I disagree with you on most of what you stated. The only thing that I think comes close to a song almost derailing an album is "Yellow Submarine" on Revolver. I mean, really, what were they thinking?

 

[Alidar Jarok]

I like Maxwell's Silver Hammer.

Anyway, just to move away from Classic Rock, I thought Weezer's first album was really good, but the last song, Only in Dreams, went on for what felt like 45 minutes too long.

I'm not a huge fan of Radio Friendly Shifter Unit off of In Utero either (and I'm someone who enjoys Bleach).

 

[Glitch]

That should do it...I really hope there are some ardent Beatles fans in here, or I just wasted a lot of time.

There are, but suffice it to say that I disagree with you on most of what you stated. The only thing that I think comes close to a song almost derailing an album is "Yellow Submarine" on Revolver. I mean, really, what were they thinking?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

As for "Yellow Submarine", it has always been odd to me how well it fits. It's the last song you could possibly expect to follow "Here, There, and Everywhere," but there the incongruity works for me...whereas "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" shouldn't be on the same album as "Something", let alone the following track.

 

[Glitch]

Anyway, just to move away from Classic Rock, I thought Weezer's first album was really good, but the last song, Only in Dreams, went on for what felt like 45 minutes too long.
.

Weezer is pretty much a study in disappointment.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

After Pinkerton? I agree. But the Blue Album is quality from the first song to second to last.

 

[CorporalClegg]

Beatles fans have long debated whether The Beatles (a.k.a. The White Album) would have been better as a single album instead of a double, but just about everyone can agree that if the album had to lose one song, it’s “Revolution 9.” The archetypical turd in the caviar, it’s a collection of noises, musical clips, and sound effects—an abrasive, sometimes disturbing sonic experiment dropped into a pop record. Not only doesn’t it fit contextually (especially between the lullaby-esque “Cry Baby Cry” and “Good Night”), but it’s also the longest track the Beatles ever released—nearly eight and a half minutes—making it extra-punishing. The song’s defenders like to complain that naysayers simply don’t get its avant-garde content, but next-level shit or not, “Revolution 9” isn’t good.

This person needs to do the human race a favor and stop listing to music.

 

[Glitch]

I love the AV Club, but the writers there have terrible taste in music.

 

[Spot's Meow]

I would say that, for the White Album, the one that sticks out to me as not belonging on the album is "Don't Pass Me By." The White Album is one of my favorite albums of all time and I generally consider it as close to perfection as possible, but this particular song is one I can gladly skip past.

 

[Starbreaker]

Jack Johnson's Inbetween Dreams has excellent songs... except for "Situations". I refuse to listen to that crap ever again.

 

[Goliath]

Huh. I was really surprised to see Ministry's "Test" at No. 24, though I have to agree: that was not a very good song. I'd actually forgotten all about it until I read that list.

I think an even better choice, though, would have been "Abortive," the last song on Ministry's third album, The Land of Rape and Honey. Seldom has a song title been so well-chosen.

What should have been one of the best songs on Beers, Steers, and Queers by the Revolting Cocks became one of the worst instead. The original album included a cover of Olivia Newton John's "Physical," but they were forced to remix it and change the lyrics over some kind of copyright problems.

"Driven Like the Snow," the penultimate song on Floodland by The Sisters of Mercy, wasn't quite a turd in the caviar, but it was noticeably inferior to the rest of the album.

Ditto for "Dead End," the second-last song on Plastic Surgery Disasters by the Dead Kennedys. Not coincidentally, it's the only song on the album credited solely to their guitarist, East Bay Ray.

But when I think of songs that almost derail albums, I think of Bites, the first album from Canadian darkwave band Skinny Puppy.

Bites is absolutely flawless--if you listen to the original Canadian LP. Unfortunately, the band, or the label, or someone, has insisted on changing the track list with every subsequent release, and every song they've added has been a turd in the caviar.

The cassette, with its three inferior "bonus" tracks, was bad enough. But the original CD release actually swapped out the original version of the best song on the album, "Assimilate," for an inferior remix. Whoever was responsible for that should have been fired.

The second CD release restored "Assimilate," but included all the bonus garbage from the cassette, plus more bonus garbage--including a terrible ten-minute song, "The Center Bullet," that wasn't even by Skinny Puppy! WTF?!?

 

[Count Zero]

Ah, bonus tracks ruining things reminds me of how Driving Rain by Paul McCartney was originally supposed to end in the fantastic and epic song "Rinse The Raindrops" before Paul decided to tack on the abominable "Freedom" at the end of the album.

I agree with the poster above about "Don't Pass Me By" on the White Album. I also hate "Good Night" by Ringo on the same album with a passion. But the album is more of a potpourri, anyway, so I don't mind skipping over songs that much.

 

[Kirby]

"Hot Dog" on Led Zepplin's In Through The Out Door

 

[HappyDayRiot]

^ Whilst I try and think of some of my own, Hot Dog is a damn good example of this. Terrible, terrible song. It doesn't belong on the same planet as All My Love, let alone the same piece of plastic.

ETA: also, I don't like Revolution 9 at all, but surely it's too near the end of the album to derail it.

Edit 2: ha, shuffle provides the answer. It just picked Fitter Happier by Radiohead. A perfect example.

 

[lurok]

With quite a few albums I find it's usually the caviar in the turds; just a couple of standout tracks in otherwise mediocre selection.

 

[LitmusDragon]

Ringo's songs (or the songs they gave to Ringo) were generally pretty weak except for "With A Little Help From My Friends" and "Yellow Submarine" (and "It Don't Come Easy", but that came later). I think his songs served a useful purpose in the band, giving them a challenge to work towards (what can we write for Ringo?) and making the next John or Paul track following the Ringo track sound that much sweeter. I'm a firm believer that an album should be structured around non-sequiters for maximum impact. A pop song doesn't sound as good coming straight after another pop song. Beauty is most beautiful when it's relative to something else. Which kind of puts me at odds with the premise of this thread, really. Though I suppose I can always pick least favorite songs.

If I were to pick one aspect of the Beatles and their songwriting that I'm not crazy about it would be McCartney's penchant for vaudeville-sounding tunes. Not really sure what he was going for there. "When I'm Sixty Four" is a great song but "Honey Pie" (not Wild Honey Pie) just leaves me scratching my head.

 

[Electric Coleslaw]

Please Please Me: "A Taste of Honey." Not a Lennon/McCartney-penned track, but hey, they chose it. Just a very boring song.

Agreed. But the goal was to recreate their live show and this one must have been on their set list.

With The Beatles: A massively underrated Beatles album. I would have to pick "All I've Got to Do". Not a bad song, but between "It Won't Be Long" and "All My Loving", it's definitely a bit of a buzzkill.

I would have gone with "Til There Was You", hate that song. Paul learned how to sing properly AFTER doing this one.

A Hard Day's Night: Another underrated album. I never liked "Any Time At All." It's "It Won't Be Long" redux--and not well.

I like "Any Time At All" but this is a great album so if you have to choose one, I guess this is it. Love this record.

Beatles For Sale: "Mr. Moonlight", obviously. No one likes this song. If you like this song, you need help.

The only redeeming quality of this song is hearing the big drum Harrison hits on the remastered versions. But I dislike "Rock and Roll Music" almost as much.

Help!: "I Need You", by George Harrison. Bad beginning, bland song. But really, the whole album doesn't pick up until after "Ticket To Ride".

No! Great song! "Act Naturally" is the big loser on this one.

Rubber Soul: "The Word." All you need is love, etc. etc. Generic song on a very influential album--you wouldn't have Pet Sounds without it.

"What Goes On" is the real turkey. "The Word" has a great groove to it.

Revolver: "Love You To." Harrison only did one really good song in the style we all associate with him--the White Album's "Long, Long, Long." But hey, at least this one isn't "Blue Jay Way."

I agree that this song is a downer but "Long, Long Long" isn't done in the Indian style at all.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: I don't hate the song by any means, but "Getting Better" brings us down to Earth after the transcendent opening of this seminal album. I would have bumped up "Fixing a Hole" after "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", put in "Strawberry Fields Forever" and "Penny Lane", and continued the album with "Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite!". "Getting Better/She's Leaving Home" would have been the single that came out before Pepper.

No, great song. "Within You, Without You" is torture.

Magical Mystery Tour: "All You Need Is Love." Sorry. It's a ridiculous, overrated song.

This one is hard because after Rubber Soul, Revolver and Pepper which all had cohesion, MMT was just a cobbling together of leftovers and singles. The only thing holding it together is the psychedelic theme of all the songs.

The Beatles (White Album): Hey, I liked "Revolution 9." I don't even mind "Ob-la-di, Ob-la da". But "Savoy Truffle" is a deeply inessential song. Sorry, George.

No, great tune!! IMO, the album ends right before "Revolution 9" and "Good Night" start up. No need to keep going.

Abbey Road: "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" serves as a warning as to what we could expect from Paul after the breakup of the Beatles.

Yeah, George and Ringo hated playing this song enough even without the many many takes Paul insisted on. John refused to even bother with it and went on holiday.

Let It Be: I really like this album. I really don't like "I've Got a Feeling."

I go for "Across the Universe". Besides the droning of the song, you have this sort of "live" album and you throw in one song that actually done in early 68 and was a total polished studio creation. Although, the fact that there are several versions of it tells of the Beatles not quite feeling it was "done". John blamed Paul for messing this one up which means that John never liked it either.