The Rules of Acquisition

[Toril Toran]

I use #1 and 3 all the time.
I also use the following rules
Rule 9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit
Rule 23: Nothing is more important than your health; except for your money
Rule 74: Knowledge is power


and never forget the following Rule of Acquisition
Rule 34: War is good for business
Rule 35: Peace is good for business
Rule 284: Deep down everyone’s a Ferengi
Rule 285: No good deed goes unpunished

Rule 286: Once Morn leaves, it’s over.

 

[90sTrekGuy]

Rule of Acquisition Number 3, Never spend more on an acquisition than you have to. I use this one all the time. Just brought myself a new TV, at a considerable discount. Also worked out a while back how to get P+ for peanuts.

 

[Toril Toran]

My personal favorite is Rule of Acquisition #76:

Every once in a while declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

and
Rule of Acquisition #218:
Always know what you are buying

 

[Oddish]

Rule of Acquisition Number 3, Never spend more on an acquisition than you have to. I use this one all the time. Just brought myself a new TV, at a considerable discount. Also worked out a while back how to get P+ for peanuts.

Nice. Most of my stuff was acquired dirt cheap, too. Aside from my scalped PS5...

 

[Toril Toran]

I can’t remember who made up this rule (Marek???) but it sounds like a rule:

An oral contract isn’t worth the paper it is printed on.

 

[Frontis]

I know that in the early days of "TNG", the Ferengi were originally written to be serious villains. But the audience didn't take it that way, so over time the characters were made more comedic - that's how we eventually got Quark.

I can't think of any moment in my life, where I've personally put the Rules of Acquisition into practice, but its still a very funny concept. I remember one episode, where a high-ranking Ferengi decides to rewrite them all, and his comrades were horrified beyond reason. I laughed my head off over that.

Yes in the early TNG days the Ferengi appeared very strange to me and also martial.
An opposition to the Ferengi in DS9.
I remember Quark saying: Humans used to be a lot worse than Ferengi. Slavery, concentration camps, interstellar war. We have nothing in our past that approaches that level of barbarism.

 

[kkt]

I can’t remember who made up this rule (Marek???) but it sounds like a rule:

An oral contract isn’t worth the paper it is printed on.

That would make a good rule. In our universe, we have "A verbal agreement isn't worth the paper it's written on," attributed to Samuel Goldwyn.

 

[Kilana2]

The flimsier the product, the higher the price...

We live in times of inflation after all. The products keep on getting more and more expensive just to throw them away after several times of use because they are broken....

 

[Toril Toran]

Not sure if this is an actual rule, but here goes:

The only price for a collectable is what you can get someone else to pay for it.

 

[Zapp Brannigan]

But there was no sign in Zek's previous appearances that he cared a rat's hind end for women's rights, health care, retirement, welfare, or representative government.

Because he hadn't yet met Moogie.

Love does funny things to people. Why does Zek love Moogie? Likely because she's an intellectual equal, and that's incredibly rare in Ferengi society. She can keep up with the best of them.

Moogie likely explained the benefits of reform in terms of economics. For example, letting women wear clothes means they now have pockets, and they'll want to put latinum into those pockets. Plus, fully half of the population is now economically active, meaning more transactions are happening.

I vaguely remember a throwaway line about Slug-o-cola launching a new line of drinks aimed at women, and I'm sure they're not the only company working on capitalizing.

Zek's Moogie-inspired reforms make sense, and cents.

 

[Oddish]

Honestly, the fact that women hadn't been used thus already was kind of weird. For the Ferengi, exploiting people for profit is an expected behavior. And over half the population is idle, minimally educated, and can be employed at minimal pay with minimal risk because they're not supposed to be working (or even dressed) at all. All you need is a set of rubber lobes and some loose clothing for each woman you hire, and you have an eminently exploitable workforce. And if the powers that be complain about you employing females, just do what Ferengi always do and bribe them to look the other way.

Again, this sort of thing could have been going on for years, placing Ferengi society at a tipping point. Then, Ishka wouldn't be the magical force that singlehandedly transformed Ferengi society... she'd just be the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

[Frontis]

The good thing is how the Ferengi changed until the end of DS9.
So there is hope in the universe

 

[Toril Toran]

I believe that Zek’s faculties were not as sharp as they once were. Ishka just helped him with his business transactions. Although I do believe she was his intellectual equal

 

[Toril Toran]

I can’t remember which rule it is, but

Never insult a Ferengi’s mother. Insult something he cares about instead

Rule 112(?) Never have sex with the boss’s sister
Rule 113(?) Always have sex with the boss
YEECHH!!
(I presume they mean oo-mox)

 

[Shamrock Holmes]

Never insult a Ferengi’s mother. Insult something he cares about instead

Rule 31: "Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother (insult someone he cares about instead)"

Rule 112(?) Never have sex with the boss’s sister

Yup.

Rule 113(?) Always have sex with the boss

Yup.

YEECHH!!
(I presume they mean oo-mox)

You can assume that, I wouldn't.

 

[Toril Toran]

Keep your ears open, and your eyes on the mark

Rule 22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind
Rule 48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
Rule 59: Free advice is seldom cheap

 

[Toril Toran]

I have added a couple of rules of my own:
(Copyrighted)

-Always keep 3 sets of books. 1 for the government, 1 for employees, and 1 real set.

-Never flaunt your wealth. It makes people wonder how much you have.

-Quadriple the price, then sell it for half off. It makes people think they are getting a deal.

- If you buy wisely, you can corner the market on something.

- If you can’t beat them, join them. If you can’t join them, eliminate them.

- It is just good economics to give women and wives the chance to earn latinum. Do so, and you will double your profit.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Always keep 3 sets of books. 1 for the government, 1 for employees, and 1 real set.

I suppose a Ferengi would also argue "one for blackmailers/extortionists".

 

[Toril Toran]

The funds for that would probably come out of the real set.

See the second last rule.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

To fool them into thinking you're not as good a mark as they thought you were, I mean. So they'll leave you alone.