The Royale: What if it was a different book?

[borgboy]

It's not one of my favorite episodes by any means, but I've often given the concept thought, to what it would be like to be stuck reliving a specific book over and over again. If it's an especially beloved book, it might even be nice for awhile, but I expect even a great story with beloved characters would drive you nuts if you had to relive the same scenes over and over again without any new stimuli.

 

[The Castellan]

One of my favorite stories. I wonder what the 51st and 52nd states were.

 

[Tina Lawton]

Guess I plucked some nerves.

 

[Alrik]

OK, my two cents...

I'll give you an A for effort. You have a very entertaining writining style, and it was worth the read. However, I couldn't disagree more. The Royale is a guilty pleasure of mine. So the story line is shite. It is fun to watch Frakes, Spiner, and Dorn have what looks like legitimate fun on this particular playground. One of TNG's best efforts? Hell no, not even close. A fun watch non-the-less? For me, yep.

As to the OP, a different book wouldn't have worked unless it was a variation on the same theme. What made this work was the fact that the book was so predictable and badly written.

 

[Trekker4747]

One of my favorite stories. I wonder what the 51st and 52nd states were.

Puerto Rico would clearly be a solid choice for the 51st state, the Virgin Islands could be the 52nd or possibly Washington D.C. finally was granted statehood.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

What if it had actually been a novel that Richey actively LIKED and which he enjoyed being part of? How long would he have put up with it?

Even too much of a good thing can be unrelentingly boring after a long enough time. Especially if it repeats over and over like this must have been.

 

[Alrik]

What if it had actually been a novel that Richey actively LIKED and which he enjoyed being part of? How long would he have put up with it?

Even too much of a good thing can be unrelentingly boring after a long enough time. Especially if it repeats over and over like this must have been.

AP did mention the Kama Sutra
In that case I know I would go out with a smile on my face.

 

[7thsealord]

Part of the joke is that the novel is terrible. The poor guy or one of his shipmates brought along his favorite guilty pleasure, a tacky pulp novel, to pass among the crew for a laugh on their long voyage. The aliens mistook the bad novel as everyday life on Earth.

That said, we know which 20th-century authors are remembered by the time of Kirk and Spock: Jacqueline Suzanne and Harold Robbins.

At least with those, there would be a wide variety of scheming, high society carryings-on and sexual geometries to keep one entertained.

 

[7thsealord]

What if it had actually been a novel that Richey actively LIKED and which he enjoyed being part of? How long would he have put up with it?

Even too much of a good thing can be unrelentingly boring after a long enough time. Especially if it repeats over and over like this must have been.

That would probably have been the worst part - there was nothing you could do to change events.

Heck, in 'Groundhog Day', at least Bill Murray had an entire town to interact with, and could change events within a given cycle.

 

[DarthPipes]

I was always a fan of The Royale.

 

[The Castellan]

OK, my two cents.

On another website I have a thread running entitled "Star Trek The Next Generation - The Best and Worst Of". I reviewed this episode as part of that thread, and thought I would reprint that review here.

For those interested.

WARNING: Those of you who liked this particular episode....may not be pleased.

And now my review of:

THE ROYALE

“You’re traveling through another dimension--a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. Only this dimension will ruin your sight, sound awful and fry your mind. A journey into a wasteland whose boundaries are that of someone’s witless imagination. You’re moving into a land of both dark shadow and no substance, of things without ideas. There is a signpost up ahead, your next stop, The Extreme Boredom Zone!”

Apologies to Rod Serling.

The Hotel Royale. Scripts check in but they don’t check out! If ever a Trek episode needed to be cast into the Sea of Forgetfulness, this was it.

So, the Enterprise is in orbit around an uncharted planet named Theta Alpha Pi, rumored to be the last known location of an ancient Frat Party. Riker wants in, of course, so he goes to see Picard, and finds him engaged in trying to solve a mathematical puzzle which has been plaguing the Captain for hours and the best minds in Starfleet for over 800 years. The problem reads:

“A train leaves Chicago at 8 A.M. heading West traveling at 53 miles per hour……”

But their permutations are interrupted when Chief O’Brian calls and says they have intercepted some space junk floating past the ship. When they beam a portion of this junk on board, they find the NASA emblem painted on the side. Oh noes! Another mystery for Picard to send his minions off running around trying to solve by way of an improbable and at times impossible series of idiotic events leading to one of the worst, not to mention most boring, episodes ever to be produced.

Data tells Riker that the atmosphere of the planet below is comprised mostly of methane, but this is simply the result of the emissions of the Frat boys after their extended party. But wait! There is one place the intrepid crew of the Enterprise can safely beam down to, a structure built on the frozen Frat boy methane but which mysteriously is surrounded by breathable oxygen. That is all Riker needs to hear, and he, Data, and Worf are off to see if the party may still be going on.

At this point, dedicated fans knew there would be no real conflict in this episode, because Ensign Ricky was not assigned to the away team. Therefore, no one was going to die. Except perhaps the viewer, succumbing to the effects of the Extreme Boredom Zone.

Don't always need to be conflict or someone dying.

 

[Tina Lawton]

No, but Ensign Ricky was a staple within Star Trek. When any of his class were assigned to an away team, it usually meant they were not long for the episode. Consequently, when they were not assigned, it usually meant the primary cast would overcome whatever obstacle and move on.

 

[Trekker4747]

OK, my two cents.

On another website I have a thread running entitled "Star Trek The Next Generation - The Best and Worst Of". I reviewed this episode as part of that thread, and thought I would reprint that review here.

For those interested.

WARNING: Those of you who liked this particular episode....may not be pleased.

And now my review of:

THE ROYALE

“You’re traveling through another dimension--a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. Only this dimension will ruin your sight, sound awful and fry your mind. A journey into a wasteland whose boundaries are that of someone’s witless imagination. You’re moving into a land of both dark shadow and no substance, of things without ideas. There is a signpost up ahead, your next stop, The Extreme Boredom Zone!”

Apologies to Rod Serling.

The Hotel Royale. Scripts check in but they don’t check out! If ever a Trek episode needed to be cast into the Sea of Forgetfulness, this was it.

So, the Enterprise is in orbit around an uncharted planet named Theta Alpha Pi, rumored to be the last known location of an ancient Frat Party. Riker wants in, of course, so he goes to see Picard, and finds him engaged in trying to solve a mathematical puzzle which has been plaguing the Captain for hours and the best minds in Starfleet for over 800 years. The problem reads:

“A train leaves Chicago at 8 A.M. heading West traveling at 53 miles per hour……”

But their permutations are interrupted when Chief O’Brian calls and says they have intercepted some space junk floating past the ship. When they beam a portion of this junk on board, they find the NASA emblem painted on the side. Oh noes! Another mystery for Picard to send his minions off running around trying to solve by way of an improbable and at times impossible series of idiotic events leading to one of the worst, not to mention most boring, episodes ever to be produced.

Data tells Riker that the atmosphere of the planet below is comprised mostly of methane, but this is simply the result of the emissions of the Frat boys after their extended party. But wait! There is one place the intrepid crew of the Enterprise can safely beam down to, a structure built on the frozen Frat boy methane but which mysteriously is surrounded by breathable oxygen. That is all Riker needs to hear, and he, Data, and Worf are off to see if the party may still be going on.

At this point, dedicated fans knew there would be no real conflict in this episode, because Ensign Ricky was not assigned to the away team. Therefore, no one was going to die. Except perhaps the viewer, succumbing to the effects of the Extreme Boredom Zone.

The away team materializes inside a ZONE OF DARKNESS. Oooooh! They see a revolving door in the distance, and Doctor Who steps out and invites them inside, where they find the Frat boys have all grown up and are now shooting craps and playing blackjack in a casino. The Enterprise three join the fun, until they find out they are trapped, get this now, in a dime-store novel the events of which cannot be escaped until they play out the novel’s sequence of events.

Wow. Now there was an original idea. I kept waiting for Alice to run by, looking for the Queen of Hearts. Or perhaps Bugs Bunny poking his head up through the floor saying he must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. The “plot” of this episode certainly would have been right at home in a Warner Brothers cartoon.

During one scene on board the Enterprise, Picard is reading the actual novel the events happening below are based on. He comments on how badly the novel is written. So I guess that is the excuse for the entire episode. Counselor Troi, attempting to display some optimism in the face of the intense boredom threatening the entire ship, says that maybe it will get better. Picard responds:

“Not until the third season, Counselor. Provided we all survive that long.”

Test time, dear readers. See if you can correctly identify where the “aliens” who created this travesty of writing got the idea for the “Hotel Royale” story.

1. A bad dream the result of eating an entire bag of Doritos and having to breath your own methane emissions.

2. They stole if from an old “Lost in Space” episode.

3. They stole if from an Original Series episode.

Or, and no-one would ever have seen this coming:

4. One of the astronauts on board the ship found floating in pieces around the planet had brought it with them.

The answer is 2, 3, and 4. This episode was written, perhaps after the events described in number 1 above, by Tracy Torme. He was actually proud of it, even though he had originally pitched the idea for season one of TNG but was told it didn’t suck enough to be in season one. Kirk and company did something much like this in the TOS episode “A Piece of the Action”, and Lost in Space did an episode like this as well. The notion of characters becoming caught up in the events of other famous novels is as old as storytelling itself. One notable example is Clarke’s 2001, A Space Odyssey. Consequently, there was nothing new to see here. Well, there was one thing new to see, defined as how TNG took the ideal of “The Crappy Episode” to a new low.

WWKD: Set the auto-destruct on his ship simply out of pride.

There is one brief, and I stress brief, moment of worth in this otherwise completely forgettable piece of crap. When the Enterprise crew find the body of one of the Earth Astronauts, Riker comments:

"Looks like the poor devil died in his sleep."

Worf responds:

"What a terrible way to die."

Speaking of death, Riker and company find the last log entries of the dead astronaut interred at the Hotel Royale. In it, the astronaut states:

“I hold no malice toward my benefactors. They could not possibly know the hell they have put me through, for it was such a badly written book, filled with endless cliché and shallow characters. I shall welcome death when it comes.”

The fan watching this episode understood that sentiment only too well.

To end this episode, Picard suggest that, like the math problem involving the two trains, they may never be able to solve the puzzle of the Hotel Royale. Allow me to help out with that. The producers of TNG got caught with their pants down, and had nothing other than this juvenile sophomoric boring what qualified as a script in name only piece of crap to produce so that something would go on the air.

Puzzle solved. Oh, and the answer to the train problem? 123.5 miles out.

Your review is too full of snark and senseless humor to consider.

 

[MikeS]

No, but Ensign Ricky was a staple within Star Trek. When any of his class were assigned to an away team, it usually meant they were not long for the episode. Consequently, when they were not assigned, it usually meant the primary cast would overcome whatever obstacle and move on.

That always happened on the Next Generation. I've heard it called "the reset button". It even happened after Riker was promoted to Captain in BOBW - they overcame that and moved on. "Ensign Ricky" being involved did not mean there would be an insurmountable obstacle.

Entertaining review, even if I do disagree. Great guilty pleasure, The Royale.

 

[Tina Lawton]

Your review is too full of snark ans senseless humor to consider.

I did say those who liked this episode may not be happy. I don't fault anyone for liking this episode, I just personally did not. But if you can't take a joke, well, you probably shouldn't read my review of "The Child".

Thanks for reposting my review in its entirity, however.

 

[Trekker4747]

You don't like the episode, that's fine and good. Your recap, however, is too full of jokes and snark to make the reason why you dislike the episode clear.

 

[Sho]

Yeah, I had the same impression when I read it. I think "The Royale" is mediocre at best, but it's probably less full of itself than this review.

 

[TerragonSix]

It could've been worse; maybe like Ernest Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises"

(I do like the book, but think about living through that, over and over...)

 

[bullethead]

All of the problems with the episode are thanks to Maurice Hurley rewriting the episode against Tracey Torme's wishes. It's debatable as to whether Torme's original plan of having the episode focus on Colonel Richie would've worked, but it would've at least been an improvement over what we got.

 

[Shawnster]

One of my favorite stories. I wonder what the 51st and 52nd states were.

Puerto Rico would clearly be a solid choice for the 51st state, the Virgin Islands could be the 52nd or possibly Washington D.C. finally was granted statehood.

Washington DC's existence is specifically mandated/designated by the Constitution. For DC to become a state, a Constitutional amendment would need to pass.

There are, however, 5 territories that could become states.
Puerto Rico
Guam
Northern Mariana Islands
US Virgin Islands
Palmyra Atoll - Maintained as a wilderness preserve and is unincorporated. No one lives there so unlikely it'll become a state anytime soon. Things might change in 100 years, though.