So, at this moment, here is how I would revise the film through the destruction of Vulcan to be more believable and to flow better.
My Revised Star Trek XI
PRE-CREDITS
The Late 24th Century
A Romulan science vessel is taking readings of Romii, the primary of the Romulan home system. Instability has been monitored for the past thirty years, but it is getting worse exponentially. Due to the détente between the Federation and Romulus, Spock is aboard this vessel. He confirms that there are signs of degeneration within the star that is leading to a solar event. The Praetor does not wish to alarm the populous, but admits that Romulus does not have the ability to solve the issue alone. Spock goes to the Federation, seeking aid. While they readily agree to help, developing the technology to work on the stabilization of the star is tricky. Spock has a theory on how to save the star, but is never able to convince anyone that it is the right path to follow. When Romii begins emitting deadly solar flares, Spock is forced to take matters into his own hands, but it is too late… upon arrival in Romulan space, he boards Nero’s vessel in an attempt to save the star. Because all power has been diverted to the theoretical system, the engines are cold when a massive shockwave takes out Romulus and heads straight for the Narada. With only seconds standing between life and annihilation, Spock offers a way to both escape and attempt to save Romulus: go back into the past – through a cold-start of the engines of the Romulan ship.
OPENING CREDITS
A reverse time travel sequence runs in the background while the opening credits run, featuring great moments in Star Trek history going back to the beginning of the series. They are fuzzy images, not meant for real scrutiny… just to give a sense of connection and time travel.
SCENE 1
The Early 22nd Century
The Narada appears in the vicinity of a Federation starbase, and Starfleet sends the USS Kelvin to investigate. The Kelvin has no idea what the ship is or how it got there, and repeated hails are ignored. On the Narada, nobody has yet recovered from the transition back in time. Systems are out, the ship is drifting. The Kelvin crew sends a boarding party over to investigate. It is their first experience with Romulans. They begin nosing around the ship and trying to administer medical aid when the Narada’s crew begins to awaken. Nero doesn’t realize how far back in time they have went, but does recognize when someone is trying to pick one’s ship apart. The boarding party is talking about the war, using Romulan slurs… you name it. Nero begins a massive fight and slaughters many of the Kelvin’s boarding party before the ship is revived and attacks the Kelvin. Spock desperately tries to talk him out of this course of action. Nero is convinced that the Federation has engineered the destruction of his home and destroys the Kelvin pretty much as seen in the movie, including Kirk’s birth.
SCENE 2
At the same time, Spock is being born on Vulcan. I’d use the original scenes as plotted in the original script.
SCENE 3
Kirk, as a kid, is verbally and emotionally abused by his stepfather, and begins hanging with a new cadre of friends that leads him away from home. Kirk becomes something of a vagabond as a teenager.
SCENE 4
Spock is tormented, much as we see in the film, though Spock would be about the same age as Kirk.
SCENE 5
Kirk down and out in a bar meets Pike. No Uhura.
SCENE 6
Spock’s Vulcan/Earth decision, as scripted.
SCENE 7
Kirk goes to the Academy, boarding shuttle. No McCoy in this sequence.
SCENE 8
Spock goes to the Academy, he occassionaly sees Kirk, but as the two are on different tracks, he has no real interaction with him.
SCENE 9
Kirk and Spock both study hard and then begin their careers.
SCENE 10
Spock and Kirk meet when both are posted to command school. Both are six or seven years into their careers.
SCENE 11
Kirk takes Kobyashi Maru at Command School, fails multiple times before reprogramming the test. Spock figures out the tampering, and Kirk is suspended pending a full investigation.
SCENE 12
Distress Call from Vulcan – same symptoms in the star we heard about back in the 24th century, but much more rapidly developing. Kirk sneaks aboard the Enterprise in the hopes of getting a piece of the action.
SCENE 13
The Narada is bombarding the Vulcan star with something to cause it to go unstable and flare-out the planet. They engage in a fight with the Enterprise, and, though from the future, the Narada is forced to withdraw – but not before toasting Vulcan. Spock rescues the council but most of Vulcan and her history is eradicated.
More later when I get more time to work on it.
Rob+
My Revised Star Trek XI
PRE-CREDITS
The Late 24th Century
A Romulan science vessel is taking readings of Romii, the primary of the Romulan home system. Instability has been monitored for the past thirty years, but it is getting worse exponentially. Due to the détente between the Federation and Romulus, Spock is aboard this vessel. He confirms that there are signs of degeneration within the star that is leading to a solar event. The Praetor does not wish to alarm the populous, but admits that Romulus does not have the ability to solve the issue alone. Spock goes to the Federation, seeking aid. While they readily agree to help, developing the technology to work on the stabilization of the star is tricky. Spock has a theory on how to save the star, but is never able to convince anyone that it is the right path to follow. When Romii begins emitting deadly solar flares, Spock is forced to take matters into his own hands, but it is too late… upon arrival in Romulan space, he boards Nero’s vessel in an attempt to save the star. Because all power has been diverted to the theoretical system, the engines are cold when a massive shockwave takes out Romulus and heads straight for the Narada. With only seconds standing between life and annihilation, Spock offers a way to both escape and attempt to save Romulus: go back into the past – through a cold-start of the engines of the Romulan ship.
OPENING CREDITS
A reverse time travel sequence runs in the background while the opening credits run, featuring great moments in Star Trek history going back to the beginning of the series. They are fuzzy images, not meant for real scrutiny… just to give a sense of connection and time travel.
SCENE 1
The Early 22nd Century
The Narada appears in the vicinity of a Federation starbase, and Starfleet sends the USS Kelvin to investigate. The Kelvin has no idea what the ship is or how it got there, and repeated hails are ignored. On the Narada, nobody has yet recovered from the transition back in time. Systems are out, the ship is drifting. The Kelvin crew sends a boarding party over to investigate. It is their first experience with Romulans. They begin nosing around the ship and trying to administer medical aid when the Narada’s crew begins to awaken. Nero doesn’t realize how far back in time they have went, but does recognize when someone is trying to pick one’s ship apart. The boarding party is talking about the war, using Romulan slurs… you name it. Nero begins a massive fight and slaughters many of the Kelvin’s boarding party before the ship is revived and attacks the Kelvin. Spock desperately tries to talk him out of this course of action. Nero is convinced that the Federation has engineered the destruction of his home and destroys the Kelvin pretty much as seen in the movie, including Kirk’s birth.
SCENE 2
At the same time, Spock is being born on Vulcan. I’d use the original scenes as plotted in the original script.
SCENE 3
Kirk, as a kid, is verbally and emotionally abused by his stepfather, and begins hanging with a new cadre of friends that leads him away from home. Kirk becomes something of a vagabond as a teenager.
SCENE 4
Spock is tormented, much as we see in the film, though Spock would be about the same age as Kirk.
SCENE 5
Kirk down and out in a bar meets Pike. No Uhura.
SCENE 6
Spock’s Vulcan/Earth decision, as scripted.
SCENE 7
Kirk goes to the Academy, boarding shuttle. No McCoy in this sequence.
SCENE 8
Spock goes to the Academy, he occassionaly sees Kirk, but as the two are on different tracks, he has no real interaction with him.
SCENE 9
Kirk and Spock both study hard and then begin their careers.
SCENE 10
Spock and Kirk meet when both are posted to command school. Both are six or seven years into their careers.
SCENE 11
Kirk takes Kobyashi Maru at Command School, fails multiple times before reprogramming the test. Spock figures out the tampering, and Kirk is suspended pending a full investigation.
SCENE 12
Distress Call from Vulcan – same symptoms in the star we heard about back in the 24th century, but much more rapidly developing. Kirk sneaks aboard the Enterprise in the hopes of getting a piece of the action.
SCENE 13
The Narada is bombarding the Vulcan star with something to cause it to go unstable and flare-out the planet. They engage in a fight with the Enterprise, and, though from the future, the Narada is forced to withdraw – but not before toasting Vulcan. Spock rescues the council but most of Vulcan and her history is eradicated.
More later when I get more time to work on it.
Rob+
