(Except it's not anywhere near as short.)
Kingsman: The Golden Circle is... fairly weak sauce. I recommend a rental for those particularly interested in spite of the mediocre reviews (45 on Metacritic), but everyone else can safely skip it. It's watchable enough, but dull at times, and I myself certainly don't see myself sitting through it again, far less putting a blu on my shelf.
Mild spoiler observations:
- One of the coolest parts of The Secret Service was the extent of the Kingsman organization. Well, in the first fifteen minutes, it's pretty much entirely wiped out via missile strikes, apart from Eggsy and Merlin (Mark Strong). But, though that's a letdown, for plot purposes it doesn't really matter, because it turns out that there's a virtually identical American group called Statesman. Why high-raking agents of both organizations have never heard of the other isn't at all explained - do they really never cross paths during their international exploits?
- Speaking of the Statesmen, they really don't do much of anything; they're just there to replace the Kingsmen background players in all but name.
- There are lots of fights, but nothing even attempts to be as thematically daring or eye-popping as the original's church massacre. It's as though Vaughn knew/feared he couldn't top that scene, so he didn't even bother.
- Having (subtly but unmistakably) killed off Obama in the original, the new POTUS is... Dubya, basically. Er, you're a decade late on that one, fellas.
- There's a scene that BBC film critic Mark Kermode says he wouldn't forgive in a Michael Bay movie, and can't forgive here. It's... yeah, it's pretty crass, and lame, to boot. You'll know it when you see it, oh, trust me, you'll know.
- One key plot twist is not at all explained, that I could tell. (How did Firth know that Kingsman was bad news?! He says he dropped the vial on purpose, but wasn't even in the cabin when that happened.)
- Holy moly, are there a lot of F-bombs. So many F-bombs, from just about everyone, and they're delivered without any of the style one finds in, say, The Big Lebowski. "Manners maketh the man"? No one told these potty mouths. It's just an unending cluster strike of "f***"s, to the point where it's actively distracting.
- The action climax manages to be overblown and overlong yet also undercooked.
- Firth's revival is fine, and he and Eggsy have a nice mentor/student relationship, but with all the crass humor and kids' cartoon-level plotting, it's hard to feel much investment, and the prickly edge from the original is all but gone.
here's a Part Trois, here's hoping for more from Hally Berry and Channing Tatum, and less from Firth. And a bigger scope, with a half-hour shorter runtime.
The Secret Service: B+
The Golden Circle: C
Mild spoiler observations:
- One of the coolest parts of The Secret Service was the extent of the Kingsman organization. Well, in the first fifteen minutes, it's pretty much entirely wiped out via missile strikes, apart from Eggsy and Merlin (Mark Strong). But, though that's a letdown, for plot purposes it doesn't really matter, because it turns out that there's a virtually identical American group called Statesman. Why high-raking agents of both organizations have never heard of the other isn't at all explained - do they really never cross paths during their international exploits?
- Speaking of the Statesmen, they really don't do much of anything; they're just there to replace the Kingsmen background players in all but name.
- There are lots of fights, but nothing even attempts to be as thematically daring or eye-popping as the original's church massacre. It's as though Vaughn knew/feared he couldn't top that scene, so he didn't even bother.
- Having (subtly but unmistakably) killed off Obama in the original, the new POTUS is... Dubya, basically. Er, you're a decade late on that one, fellas.
- There's a scene that BBC film critic Mark Kermode says he wouldn't forgive in a Michael Bay movie, and can't forgive here. It's... yeah, it's pretty crass, and lame, to boot. You'll know it when you see it, oh, trust me, you'll know.
- One key plot twist is not at all explained, that I could tell. (How did Firth know that Kingsman was bad news?! He says he dropped the vial on purpose, but wasn't even in the cabin when that happened.)
- Holy moly, are there a lot of F-bombs. So many F-bombs, from just about everyone, and they're delivered without any of the style one finds in, say, The Big Lebowski. "Manners maketh the man"? No one told these potty mouths. It's just an unending cluster strike of "f***"s, to the point where it's actively distracting.
- The action climax manages to be overblown and overlong yet also undercooked.
- Firth's revival is fine, and he and Eggsy have a nice mentor/student relationship, but with all the crass humor and kids' cartoon-level plotting, it's hard to feel much investment, and the prickly edge from the original is all but gone.
here's a Part Trois, here's hoping for more from Hally Berry and Channing Tatum, and less from Firth. And a bigger scope, with a half-hour shorter runtime.
The Secret Service: B+
The Golden Circle: C
