We here at the pageant committee care about your health and sanity, even if it perhaps hasn't always seemed like it. We're aware of the unfortunate "stroke" incident at one of our other pageants, and we didn't want a repeat. (We did, however, check our disclaimer contract, and we cannot be held responsible for what purely voluntary viewing does to our potential judges.) It is oddly appropriate that we find ourselves discussing legal issues considering where we are now.
As some of you gentle viewers may be aware, Ferengi custom dictates that females wear nothing. That's right. They stay as naked as the day they were born. In that spirit, many of our "Miss" Ferengi Alliance contestants have boldly chosen to bare it all. You, however, will not have the benefit of (you mean be subjected to!) hush you! Ahem, you will not see our naked "ladies" as this is not purely a live feed. (By way of thanks, we will be accepting all manner of currency.) I said hush!
We realize that some of our viewers are under age, and we would not feel right exposing said viewers to nudity when their parents aren't expecting them to see such in our vaunted venue. As the pageant is still in progress, those of you who want the full benefit of the Miss Ferengi Alliance Pageant still have time to make it to Ferenginar. We'll save you a seat.
Now, without further disclaimers, without a sense of decency, and without any cheesecake (well, a little cheesecake, as you'll soon see), we present the Pageant that has us rethinking this whole pageant thing, the Miss Ferengi Alliance Pageant! Here are your lovely (ahem) contestants!
#1 Miss Grand Nagus, Zek! Zek says age and treachery beat out youth and beauty every time, and she should know! She has been outwitting the competition for the better half of this century, and she shows no signs of slowing now. We almost died when she stepped out from behind the curtain. Fortunately, we are sparing you the shock and awe of such unadulterated Ferengi beauty. (Unfortunately, Zek just informed us she gets at least half of our take of the "gratitude money". Knew we should've read the fine print.)
#2 Miss Guided, Rom! Come on. You know it. We know it. Rom has wasted a large part of her life in the shadow of her big...er...sister. She feels it is high time she stepped out of that shadow and took a chance to shine on her own! She doesn't want to have to say that she never set a good example for her...lovely...um...daughter, so give her some much needed encouragement, and be extra grateful our censors are so quick on the draw!
#3 Miss Avarice, Brunt! Brunt is a schemer and a dreamer. She fully believes that one day, some how, some way, she will make it to Grand Nagus, and if she doesn't, she'll at least get in good with whoever does by sucking up as per Rule of Acquisition # 33! We can't fault a girl for trying!
#4 Miss Junior DS9, Nog! We at the pageant committee feel somewhat conflicted about youngsters participating in pageants, but the Ferengi quickly reminded us, their planet, their rules, as per contract sub-clause 156.92 C, "We make the rules, you follow them." (Did anybody bother reading over this contract?!) In light of that, we present our youngest and most enthusiastic contestant! What she lacks in clothing, she makes up for with her smile!
#5 Terrible Miss Take, Quark! We...we really don't know what to say about Quark, except that we salute her bold move to fly in the face of tradition. She, ummm...yeah. Here's your cheesecake. Try not to eat it all at once.
So there you have it! We've done our part. Now it's your part to send one and only one of these lovely ladies on to represent their alliance in the Epic DS9 "Miss" Universe Pageant, coming sooner than you might wish! Get to voting!
As some of you gentle viewers may be aware, Ferengi custom dictates that females wear nothing. That's right. They stay as naked as the day they were born. In that spirit, many of our "Miss" Ferengi Alliance contestants have boldly chosen to bare it all. You, however, will not have the benefit of (you mean be subjected to!) hush you! Ahem, you will not see our naked "ladies" as this is not purely a live feed. (By way of thanks, we will be accepting all manner of currency.) I said hush!
We realize that some of our viewers are under age, and we would not feel right exposing said viewers to nudity when their parents aren't expecting them to see such in our vaunted venue. As the pageant is still in progress, those of you who want the full benefit of the Miss Ferengi Alliance Pageant still have time to make it to Ferenginar. We'll save you a seat.
Now, without further disclaimers, without a sense of decency, and without any cheesecake (well, a little cheesecake, as you'll soon see), we present the Pageant that has us rethinking this whole pageant thing, the Miss Ferengi Alliance Pageant! Here are your lovely (ahem) contestants!
#1 Miss Grand Nagus, Zek! Zek says age and treachery beat out youth and beauty every time, and she should know! She has been outwitting the competition for the better half of this century, and she shows no signs of slowing now. We almost died when she stepped out from behind the curtain. Fortunately, we are sparing you the shock and awe of such unadulterated Ferengi beauty. (Unfortunately, Zek just informed us she gets at least half of our take of the "gratitude money". Knew we should've read the fine print.)
#2 Miss Guided, Rom! Come on. You know it. We know it. Rom has wasted a large part of her life in the shadow of her big...er...sister. She feels it is high time she stepped out of that shadow and took a chance to shine on her own! She doesn't want to have to say that she never set a good example for her...lovely...um...daughter, so give her some much needed encouragement, and be extra grateful our censors are so quick on the draw!
#3 Miss Avarice, Brunt! Brunt is a schemer and a dreamer. She fully believes that one day, some how, some way, she will make it to Grand Nagus, and if she doesn't, she'll at least get in good with whoever does by sucking up as per Rule of Acquisition # 33! We can't fault a girl for trying!
#4 Miss Junior DS9, Nog! We at the pageant committee feel somewhat conflicted about youngsters participating in pageants, but the Ferengi quickly reminded us, their planet, their rules, as per contract sub-clause 156.92 C, "We make the rules, you follow them." (Did anybody bother reading over this contract?!) In light of that, we present our youngest and most enthusiastic contestant! What she lacks in clothing, she makes up for with her smile!
#5 Terrible Miss Take, Quark! We...we really don't know what to say about Quark, except that we salute her bold move to fly in the face of tradition. She, ummm...yeah. Here's your cheesecake. Try not to eat it all at once.
So there you have it! We've done our part. Now it's your part to send one and only one of these lovely ladies on to represent their alliance in the Epic DS9 "Miss" Universe Pageant, coming sooner than you might wish! Get to voting!
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