Okay, so I've read a lot of the posts around here, and they are starting to upset me. And things that upset me need to be changed. Which is why I come to you now.
Before I had even seen the Star Trek XI trailer, I pretty much already knew how to feel about the new movie. How could I not? I had some loose conjecture. A few blurry spy photos. Some misinformation on the internet. Basically, a rock solid foundation on which to base my opinion of the new film. But, in fairness, I decided to wait for the trailer.
You may be shocked to believe that watching the trailer only further solidified my fairly locked-in opinion of the new movie. And, as we all know, a movie trailer is a fairly foolproof way to judge the ultimate quality of a yet unseen film. Which is why I waited for that. Feel free to congratulate me on my open-mindedness and fairness. Hell, I could work for Fox News.
And then, to be even more fair, I decided to get a second opinion. In other words, I watched the trailer a second time. And guess what? I was even more convinced.
Hell, I feel so sure of myself that I now feel comfortable speaking on behalf of large populations of people that I have never met and telling you exactly what they will think and what they will do with respect to this movie.
Then, to further demonstrate my objectiveness, and in the interest of eliminating bias, I ran the trailer by my friends who have pretty much all the exact same tastes and interests that I do. I then selectively filtered out or ignored any comments that weren't in line with my clearly informed opinion, and used the resulting consistent opinions to bolster my own existing thoughts.
So now that we can all agree how fair and objective I've been, I'm here to state the problem. And this is a problem that I'm going to need your help with.
Here it is:
There appear to be some people on the internet who have a different impression of Star Trek XI than I do. And this needs to stop. Immediately.
Let me be blunt: Coming here and reading all these comments that differ from mine gets real old, real fast.
The more I watch that trailer, the more I can see that there is only one way to feel about Star Trek XI. My way.
Any other way is unreasonable. Any other way is uninformed.
So here's what I'm hoping for:
I'm hoping that a handful of you (the wise ones) will agree with me here, publically. (Hell, I need you to agree with me. If I was secure enough in my own opinion, I wouldn't be so disturbed by the opinions that are different from mine that I had to come in here and start this thread to make myself feel better.) Once enough of us are in agreement, we can all pat ourselves on the back for our reasonableness, and then maybe form some sort of a loose affiliation, like a gang. (But not a gang. That's such a negative word.)
Then, when somebody comes in here to disagree with us, we can point out the errors of their ways. I suggest we don't act like pussies and debate them. Let's show them the strength of our convictions and actively dismiss them. Maybe even mock them. That's not only good for discussion, but a great way to get the other side to come around to our (correct) way of thinking.
And, much as I am loathe to say it, I think there may even be something mentally wrong with those people on the other side. Having judged them, I feel a little bit better about myself. In a sense, I pity them, but don't tell them I said so.
Let me tell you why this is so important:
The fate of the entire Star Trek franchise hangs in the balance. And, yes, I know, the fate of the entire Star Trek franchise has hung in the balance about a thousand times already, but this time -- THIS TIME -- is the real time that it really, really, truly hangs in the balance.
And the entire franchise will FAIL unless you do the right thing. Think the right way. Feel the right emotions. And that thing... is my thing. And that way... is my way. And those emotions... are my emotions.
So, as you can see, I think not only of myself here, but also of the entire Star Trek franchise! Of all of the rich history that Star Trek has created! The ideals that Roddenberry espoused (if you are unclear as to what those are, I will explain them to you).
I think only of all of you. And nothing would sadden me more than if you didn't get what you want. If you were somehow disappointed. And the only way for you to truly get what you want, is for me to get what I want first. And for you to agree with me. I know it sounds weird, but it's true.
Trust me, I'm a lawyer.
Plus, in the end, after watching this movie two or three times and buying it on DVD, I will have spent almost fifty dollars of my own money on this thing. So given that it will probably make somewhere between 150 to 300 million dollars, I think you can begin to understand how much of a stake that I have in this.
So I ask you to do the right thing:
Post a response to this. It doesn't have to be long. Just a few words: "QFT," "Agreed," "Cogley is right," "Cogley is the motherfucking sexiest anonymous blowhard on the internet," etc. Feel free to quote a paragraph of mine (or two) and then point out how I "nailed it."
For this to really work, we're going to need of few of you on the right side of this issue to back me up quickly, before somebody else on the wrong side of the issue gets here to try to ruin our fun. And when that guy from the wrong side gets here, you'll know what to do.
Lastly, let's get as much divisiveness and polarization in here as we can before some humorless moderator comes in here and shuts the whole thing down. Because the moderators are just trying to protect the pussies who can't handle the truth. And nothing helps the image of Trekkies in the eyes of non-Trekkies like incessant bickering and infighting. Chicks dig that. I don't have to tell you.
Enjoying or hating this movie on an individual basis is simply not enough. I need all of you to agree with me in advance. Failing that, I need to demonize those that can't see the light. I think that's only fair.
And, more importantly, I think that's what Star Trek is all about.
Before I had even seen the Star Trek XI trailer, I pretty much already knew how to feel about the new movie. How could I not? I had some loose conjecture. A few blurry spy photos. Some misinformation on the internet. Basically, a rock solid foundation on which to base my opinion of the new film. But, in fairness, I decided to wait for the trailer.
You may be shocked to believe that watching the trailer only further solidified my fairly locked-in opinion of the new movie. And, as we all know, a movie trailer is a fairly foolproof way to judge the ultimate quality of a yet unseen film. Which is why I waited for that. Feel free to congratulate me on my open-mindedness and fairness. Hell, I could work for Fox News.
And then, to be even more fair, I decided to get a second opinion. In other words, I watched the trailer a second time. And guess what? I was even more convinced.
Hell, I feel so sure of myself that I now feel comfortable speaking on behalf of large populations of people that I have never met and telling you exactly what they will think and what they will do with respect to this movie.
Then, to further demonstrate my objectiveness, and in the interest of eliminating bias, I ran the trailer by my friends who have pretty much all the exact same tastes and interests that I do. I then selectively filtered out or ignored any comments that weren't in line with my clearly informed opinion, and used the resulting consistent opinions to bolster my own existing thoughts.
So now that we can all agree how fair and objective I've been, I'm here to state the problem. And this is a problem that I'm going to need your help with.
Here it is:
There appear to be some people on the internet who have a different impression of Star Trek XI than I do. And this needs to stop. Immediately.
Let me be blunt: Coming here and reading all these comments that differ from mine gets real old, real fast.
The more I watch that trailer, the more I can see that there is only one way to feel about Star Trek XI. My way.
Any other way is unreasonable. Any other way is uninformed.
So here's what I'm hoping for:
I'm hoping that a handful of you (the wise ones) will agree with me here, publically. (Hell, I need you to agree with me. If I was secure enough in my own opinion, I wouldn't be so disturbed by the opinions that are different from mine that I had to come in here and start this thread to make myself feel better.) Once enough of us are in agreement, we can all pat ourselves on the back for our reasonableness, and then maybe form some sort of a loose affiliation, like a gang. (But not a gang. That's such a negative word.)
Then, when somebody comes in here to disagree with us, we can point out the errors of their ways. I suggest we don't act like pussies and debate them. Let's show them the strength of our convictions and actively dismiss them. Maybe even mock them. That's not only good for discussion, but a great way to get the other side to come around to our (correct) way of thinking.
And, much as I am loathe to say it, I think there may even be something mentally wrong with those people on the other side. Having judged them, I feel a little bit better about myself. In a sense, I pity them, but don't tell them I said so.
Let me tell you why this is so important:
The fate of the entire Star Trek franchise hangs in the balance. And, yes, I know, the fate of the entire Star Trek franchise has hung in the balance about a thousand times already, but this time -- THIS TIME -- is the real time that it really, really, truly hangs in the balance.
And the entire franchise will FAIL unless you do the right thing. Think the right way. Feel the right emotions. And that thing... is my thing. And that way... is my way. And those emotions... are my emotions.
So, as you can see, I think not only of myself here, but also of the entire Star Trek franchise! Of all of the rich history that Star Trek has created! The ideals that Roddenberry espoused (if you are unclear as to what those are, I will explain them to you).
I think only of all of you. And nothing would sadden me more than if you didn't get what you want. If you were somehow disappointed. And the only way for you to truly get what you want, is for me to get what I want first. And for you to agree with me. I know it sounds weird, but it's true.
Trust me, I'm a lawyer.
Plus, in the end, after watching this movie two or three times and buying it on DVD, I will have spent almost fifty dollars of my own money on this thing. So given that it will probably make somewhere between 150 to 300 million dollars, I think you can begin to understand how much of a stake that I have in this.
So I ask you to do the right thing:
Post a response to this. It doesn't have to be long. Just a few words: "QFT," "Agreed," "Cogley is right," "Cogley is the motherfucking sexiest anonymous blowhard on the internet," etc. Feel free to quote a paragraph of mine (or two) and then point out how I "nailed it."
For this to really work, we're going to need of few of you on the right side of this issue to back me up quickly, before somebody else on the wrong side of the issue gets here to try to ruin our fun. And when that guy from the wrong side gets here, you'll know what to do.
Lastly, let's get as much divisiveness and polarization in here as we can before some humorless moderator comes in here and shuts the whole thing down. Because the moderators are just trying to protect the pussies who can't handle the truth. And nothing helps the image of Trekkies in the eyes of non-Trekkies like incessant bickering and infighting. Chicks dig that. I don't have to tell you.
Enjoying or hating this movie on an individual basis is simply not enough. I need all of you to agree with me in advance. Failing that, I need to demonize those that can't see the light. I think that's only fair.
And, more importantly, I think that's what Star Trek is all about.
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