The Art of Thanking

[Gryffindorian]

Thank you all for the thoughtful feedback.

I really do believe that people shouldn't give expecting anything in return, but I also believe in common courtesy, which shouldn't be too much to ask. Why bother to teach our kids to say thanks if the giver didn't need acknowledgment? It's not like I was expecting Gracie to send me a box of chocolates in return. All of the people I've given to have thanked me in some ways, and I do the same to others. Giving is a lot more important than getting, which gives us a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Being acknowledged or appreciated is not the same as expecting a favor in return.

Anyway, I won't stop giving because of some sour experience like this, but I can't help it if I feel disappointed.

 

[scottydog]

I always send a thank you when I receive something, but now-a-days I find that most people don't bother. I have never received even an acknowledgement that my nieces or their children have ever gotten what I've sent them. Yes, I think that's wrong, but it doesn't stop me from sending something. Maybe someday someone will thank me; that's a small thing though and you shouldn't let the small things bother you.

When I was younger, I used to make a whole loaf of bread's worth of sandwiches and go to a local park where a number of homeless people lived to give them out. 1 person out of 50 might thank me. It doesn't matter. They all got something to eat and THAT'S the important part. Just remember that only one leper out of ten thanked Jesus for healing him; but it didn't stop Jesus from healing and helping others. I think that's important to remember.

I wish I could hug you, Ghost.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

So OP have you asked your mom about the money yet?

 

[Gryffindorian]

Update: I talked to my mother today and told her how I felt about Gracie's lack of response. Mom did say that Gracie was thankful for the cash gift. I don't know why it took me this long to follow up with her. I guess I was expecting Gracie to write me an email, and when she didnt and Mom didn't say anything right away, I assumed the worst. I was quite resentful for some time, and recently that feeling resurfaced when I sent the watch and heard nothing. Still, Gracie couldve sent me some kind of an acknowledgment. It didn't have to be anything elaborate.

 

[Maestro]

This thread reminds me, I need to send thank you notes to the ADs from the two high schools our Boys Basketball team played at for sectionals last week. Their game management staffs were exceptional and treated me and my band kids very, very, very well.

Lesson learned long ago, a thank you note for exceptional behavior will make it more exceptional next time.

 

[Kestra]

Yeah, there was an advisor here who helped me get into classes I really needed my first quarter. I wrote her a thank you note and she was so touched by it that she's gone out of her way to help me out every quarter since. I've gotten into classes that I didn't have the prereqs for, that were filled. A small gesture can go a long way. I'm going to do something nice for her after I graduate because she's been such a big help to me.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I just wanted to give an update on the ungrateful wench who's the mother of my godson.

My sister Dana came back from her trip last night, but I haven't talked to her yet about Darren's gift. At this point, it doesn't really matter whether Gracie acknowledged the gift or not. This isn't about me or her. It's about Darren. Am I still going to send Darren gifts in the future? Of course, although I've given up on his mom's lack of gracious manners.

I would like to share the following inspirational quotes I found on a website that help put things into perspective.

"Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted."
-Buddha-

"It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving."
-Mother Teresa-

"For it is in giving that we receive."
-St. Francis of Assisi-

"I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver."
-Maya Angelou Quotes On Giving

"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give."
-Winston Churchill-

 

[auntiehill]

^Those quotes don't really match up with calling her an "ungrateful wench."

Since you haven't heard from her, you have no idea what's going on in her life or how she feels about the gifts at all.

 

[trampledamage]

I think you're being overly harsh on Gracie. If someone had given me a gift from another person who they were going to see soon I would probably have said "oh that's wonderful, do say thank you for me" and depending on how busy I was in the next few days I might not get to sending a separate thank you, and I wouldn't worry too much about that because I'd asked the other person to pass on my thanks.

So maybe the thank you message from Gracie has got lost in the mix somewhere between her, your mom, and you.

If you have direct communication with Gracie, I'd send her a message "did Darren like the watch? wasn't sure if you'd find it easier if I sent money or if he liked receiving the presents" or something, and go from there.

 

[Sector 7]

"Ungrateful wench" not only is rude, but it appears hypocritical. This kind of language makes me think you give to get your arse kissed. The quotes you provided say the opposite of what you have said. Perhaps you should not only read them, but take them to heart.

 

[Gryffindorian]

^Those quotes don't really match up with calling her an "ungrateful wench."

Since you haven't heard from her, you have no idea what's going on in her life or how she feels about the gifts at all.

Posted by Sector 7:

"Ungrateful wench" not only is rude, but it appears hypocritical. This kind of language makes me think you give to get your arse kissed. The quotes you provided say the opposite of what you have said. Perhaps you should not only read them, but take them to heart.

Can't you just sense how bitter and resentful I am? I admit that was pretty harsh. I felt so enlightened though after reading those quotes.

trampledamage, thanks for the advice. I figured something like that happened. Since too many people and channels were involved between giving and getting, the message must have gotten lost in the process.

 

[Gryffindorian]

My sister Dana said she delivered the gift, for which Gracie responded with appreciation. I opened up by saying, "Was the watch a good fit for Darren?" Dana said she didn't know, only that Gracie expressed her thanks. That was indirect, but still it was good to know she acknowledged it on Darren's behalf. Now if only Gracie had mentioned that to me directly, I wouldn't have thought of her as being ungrateful.

 

[trampledamage]

Well, there's your opening - you can now ask Gracie was the watch a good fit, and then see what her response is.

 

[Avalon]

Also -- if Darren's old enough to use a watch, he's old enough to take on the responsibility of writing you a thank-you note himself. (Or thanking you directly in some form.)

 

[SiorX]

Getting into the habit of thanking people well is a good skill to teach kids, I think. Good manners just make the world a nicer place for everyone.

On the other hand, I reckon it's every bit as important to be mannerly in one's gift giving as well. If one (anyone) gives unsolicited gifts too often and wants gratitude in repayment every time, that can very quickly become exhausting or infuriating for the giftee.

 

[Ghost07]

Also -- if Darren's old enough to use a watch, he's old enough to take on the responsibility of writing you a thank-you note himself. (Or thanking you directly in some form.)

You should have read the first post. I believe he said the child was Autistic. He may be unable to write his own thank you.

 

[Avalon]

^^^ Ah. I did read the OP, but it was a while ago and I had forgotten that detail.

 

[Maestro]

There should be a sense of inner peace in doing the right thing. The high road is never easy, but you're not on it with your reaction to the lack of thank you. Get back on the high road, and continue to give gifts for the sheer joy of giving, not because you expect something in return, even if you are due a thank you (and, well, you are). Be better than that. Right now, you're worse than someone who fails to give a thank you note. Relish the inner peace of just doing the right thing for the right reasons.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Thank you all for the suggestions and feedback. I'm not always a patient man and have zero tolerance for lack of good manners. But due to my high expectations, I realize I could end up being just as bad. As I said, it doesn't matter to me anymore whether Gracie acknowledges the gift or not; it's not for her anyway.

Gracie is one of those long-distance friends I have. She and I have obviously grown apart over the years, and although we still keep in touch via Facebook, we're not really close per se. A lot of old friends and acquaintances from the old country have asked me on FB when I'm going on vacation back there. Some old classmates are planning a class reunion, and I said I might join them. Now I'm having second thoughts. I never really cared about going back to the old country in the first place. There are certain people I don't like over there, and the list seems to be growing.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

There should be a sense of inner peace in doing the right thing. The high road is never easy, but you're not on it with your reaction to the lack of thank you. Get back on the high road, and continue to give gifts for the sheer joy of giving, not because you expect something in return, even if you are due a thank you (and, well, you are). Be better than that. Right now, you're worse than someone who fails to give a thank you note. Relish the inner peace of just doing the right thing for the right reasons.

This is a good post. I have always admired those that give and care without keeping an account book. I remind myself of this because the accounts just always rear their (ugly) heads at me, but it is quite freeing to walk away from that mentality.