Unfortunately people would still do it, even if we do ALL that you suggest. We have jail time (and in some states death penalty) for commiting murder, and yet murders happen EVERYDAY.
Well, I'm sure most people would understand that most of my suggestions were exggaerations, but I DO think that we should impose income crippling fines for these offenders. Seriously, drivers should know better. It's a common sense thing.
Exaggeration or not, the simple fact is no matter the punishment, people will keep on texting while driving.
Actually, I had just thought of a good idea (well, all of my ideas are good ideas, but this is a GREAT idea!)...before you pour the maple syrup into the balloon, insert a laminated business card that reads, front and back...
GET OFF THE F*$&ING PHONE!!!
When the maple syrup balloon explodes on their car, the laminated card will stick to the car, and if you nail their windshield, they will be able to read the message immediately, thereby educating themselves quickly and hopefully alleviating any further driving problems.
Well, unless they then get into a fiery auto crash, in which case they should have been paying more attention to their driving, anyway.
Hey, food for thought.