Well I saw TS today and I'm ready to review it...
Heh. Words ain't flowin' like they should be. I didn't hate it. Didn't love it. Not sure I liked it.
Was I entertained?
Hmmm.
I'm not sure. At times I certainly was. The movie wasn't short on spectacle and I
love me some spectacle. It certainly
was short on
character and I certainly
love me some character.
Salvation was kind of like one of those 1980s action cartoons like GI Joe or the Transformers that felt really deep and cool as a kid but when you watch as an adult you realize it was really quite...
empty.
The potential was all there in the story. John Connor struggling with Resistance command to establish a powerbase. Marcus Wright struggling to unlock his past and redeem his sins. Kyle Reese struggling to fight back against the machine oppressors.
It was all there.
But it was flat. Undeveloped. It was clear that there was a
lot of fighting over the direction of the script. I got the impression that McG's heart was with Marcus and Kyle but he was forced to carve out a story for John Connor to justify hiring Christian Bale in the first place. The problem was that there wasn't much of a story for Connor. He was basically being played for a fool by Skynet so his characters journey was nonexistant. If anything Connor comes off as a petulant child for most of the movie Worse than Eddie Furlong. Worse than Nick Stahl. Worse than the dude that played him on TV. John Connor was a fucking idiot.
Of course Christian Bale didn't help things by giving a completely craptacular performance that makes his acting in Shaft look positively Shakespearian by comparison. His acting range in TS was either scowl or growl and that was it. The only thing he did in TS that got any reaction out of me besides sheer contempt was almost dying. When the T800 spears him I actually
gasped. Thought for a minute that the rumors about Marcus taking over for him were going to come true for a moment. Too bad they didn't. I liked Marcus better than Connor.
That brings me to Sam Worthington. A fully likeable presense. I had no problem following him around for two hours because he was everything he was supposed to be. Well muscled and tough. He wasn't as iconic in his Terminator role as Ah-nuld was in his but I'd take him over Summer Glau any day of the week.
Let me amend. I'd totally fuck Glau any day of the week but I'd take Worthington as a
Terminator over Glau any day of the week. I don't know what I liked more about Worthington. The gentle sincerity he brought to the part of the fact that his wasn't the limp-wristed pussyboy physique that you see in actors these days. Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom I'm talkin' to you! Christian Bale too! Worthington played a man's part and was built like a man should be! I had no problems with his performance and would certainly go out of my way to catch him in another movie.
Too bad the script fucked him. I bet a lot of his character stuff was sacrificed for Christan Bales ego.
Anton Yelchin. Loved him in Star Trek. Loved him as Reese. His characters story was the best and most complete and that was pretty sparing.
The funny thing is he was everything that Bale should have been. He was smart. He was fun. And he had leadership skills. The way he was trying to inspire all the other Skynet prisoners to calm down was just a great scene. I mean why couldn't Connor have been more like this? Anton was the heart of TS and should have had a bigger part. He totally honored Michael Biehn in the first two flicks.
There's one more part I wanted to get to that I totally dug.
Not Bryce Howard. Not Michael Ironside. Not Helena Bonham Carter, who I quite liked as Skynet. Not Moon "I would so fuck her" Bloodgood. No. Aside from Carter none of them had real parts. Carter just barely had one. Not the part I'm getting to is...
Ahnuld. Or Roland Kickinger. The Terminator anyway. I knew about his part in the movie. Knew it would be very brief. Knew it would be Ahnulds head on Kickinger's body.
I just didn't expect to be so blown out of my seat by it. I figured taking scanned footage from a 25 year old movie and pasting it on a bodybuilders head was going to look cheesy.
It didn't. It looked...
Generally it looked real. There was one really shitty shot right before Connor blew off the Terminator's face but by and large it looked right. I mean this was
the Terminator. The best. Fuck T2. It was T1 Arnie that was scary as fuck. This is the Terminator that took a street gang to pieces with his big ol' metallic wang, took out Tech Noir, the cops and got squished by Sarah in a metal press. This fucker was badass!
My heart was
pounding from the minute I saw the T800 to when he finally got terminated.
For a few sweet moments TS was
classic Terminator.
Sadly those moments passed and it was what it was.
All I can say is that it was a decent,
generic sci-fi actioner but it was a
mediocre Terminator movie. I don't hate it. Don't love it.
Might catch it again on DVD but wouldn't go out of my way to see it again.
In conclusion I say:
Fuck McG.
Fuck Christian Bale.
Fuck whoever the fuck wrote this movie plus Jonathan Nolan.
Props to Sam Worthington.
Props to Anton Yelchin.
Props to Ahnuld.
Props to Roland Kickinger as well for being in a Terminator movie but not being able to prove you were
really in the movie. That takes balls.
Balls the movie sorely lacked. Or brains. Or...
Whatever.
