TAS Caption Contest #18: Substitution

[Rat Boy]

Hello, all. If you haven't heard by now, Shatmandu's gone MIA and I've taken upon myself to keep his caption contests going in his absence. So, first up, let's close the book on #17 and honor...

For proving that Spock is smarter than people give him credit for, our winner (wherever he may be) is...

Sarek: "Your mother and I were ..."
Amanda: "... wrestling. Playing."
Spock: "Oh. Okay."
Sarek, relieved: "It is settled, then."
Spock: "Yep. Sure looked like you were fucking her, though."

For placing style over very furry substance, our winner is...

With his current relationship, Kirk came to the realization that women who are all fluff and no substance leave something to be desired.

And for getting the honeys G, our Photoshop winner is...

Congrats to our winners, as always. Considering the fact that TAS doesn't have as many images to choose from as other caption contests, I'll be letting this run for two weeks as opposed to one. First up, Kirk asks Scotty if he's been swimming in the water pipes again. Second, Spock lists his demands. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "That's the drug test sample jar? Who's it for?"

Scotty: "Spock."

Spock: "I'm not paying. I ordered a seven layer burrito and I only received six."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "So who's the intrepid redshirt that's been volunteered to boldly conduct Spock's prostate exam from the inside out?"

Scott: "Lieutenant Tuck Pendleton."

Kirk: "May God have mercy on his soul..."

Spock: "Excuse me while I whip this out..."
Mrs Johnson screams and faints
"By the power vested in me by Starfleet..."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "I've been to a lot of planets, Captain. And I have to say that's the biggest rectal thermometer I've ever seen!"
Kirk: "You know what would be funny? If we filled that thing with water and then beamed you inside of it."

Spock: "Captain, if you intend to remain on this planet overnight, I suggest you request several rolls of their toilet paper."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Doesn't look like much.
Scotty: Nah worry, cap'n. She packs quite a wallop. Lieutenant Uhura's vibrator will never be outta power again.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk:"That's the the biggest penis pump I've ever seen!"

Scotty: "Aye sir, I found it in Sulu's quarters."

Spock: "
The Nominee’s for worst producer are
1) Richard Keith Berman.
2)
3)
4) "

 

[Nerys Myk]

THE DOCTOR: Martha, in the future I'd prefer all changes to the TARDIS and any new companions come through me.

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "What is this again."

Scotty: "Transparent titanium thumper keg, a intermediate stage between the distilation chamber and the condenser.

Kirk: "It's another still, isn't it Scotty?"

Scotty: "Aye, and a fine one she is captain."

Kirk: "Did the Vulcan government sign the treaty?"

Spock: "Negative Captain, this is a palimony sue from T'Pring.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Cancel red alert. We've found Carl's bong."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Remember the first mission we had--
Scotty: And I got stuck in one of those.
Kirk: Good times.

 

[Valin]

"Captain, this document states that since CBS now owns Star Trek, it's logo will be on our uniforms."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: We're canceled again.

 

[shivkala]

Kirk: "...And Spock, what did you find?"

Spock: "I'm sorry, sir, I am still unable to find the humor in any of Jay Leno's monologues."

Kirk: "Where'd this come from?"

Scotty: "Oh, that, it was delivered by the Neptune Boon Corporation as a replacement for the one they gave us a few years back."

Kirk: "So, what you're saying is that we've been shafted by NBC again."

Scotty: "Aye, Sir."

 

[Isis]

Scotty couldn't contain his excitement about the new piece of equipment. On the other hand, it didn't phase Kirk one bit, who couldn't get over himself as usual.

 

[Isis]

Spock: "Damn goyim--don't they know better than to put a Torah in the wash?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock couldn't help but get a chubby after seeing the new M-6 computer circuit centerfold in this month's PC Galaxy.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Wait a minute, this isn't the Constitution, it's an Arby's menu."

Cloud William (off screen): "It is said that good shall have all you can eat ribs."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: It reads: "100 million credits or Shatmandu sleeps with the fishes."

 

[Brian]

"It says here that you are full of shit, Doctor."

 

[Brian]

KIRK: So this is the environmental chamber for the visiting Princess of Aquaton?

SCOTTY: Aye.

KIRK: How the hell am I supposed to bed her in that thing?