*TAS* Caption Contest 014: Female Trouble

[Mr Nighttime]

"YOU JERK! YOU GREEN BLOODED, POINTY EARED JERK! YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO MAKE THAT DAMN PLOMEEK SOUP? YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WAITED ON SUBSPACE CHANNELS TO GET THE RECIPE FROM YOUR MOTHER? OR HOW I GREW THE DAMN VEGETABLES MYSELF IN SOIL BROUGHT SPECIALLY FROM VULCAN? DO YOU? WELL DO YOU?? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO STAND THERE OVER A HOT COOKING ELEMENT AND COOK THIS FOR YOU OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY PROPERLY PLACED HEART WHEN I...WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HAS IT BEEN 27.3 DAYS ALREADY"? WHAT DO YOU MEAN MOOD SWINGS?? I GOT YOUR "NURSE CHAPEL TRY TO BE LOGICAL" RIGHT HERE!!!!!!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Either that phaser's too small or she's got a wicked case of man hands.

 

[Shatmandu]

Chapel: "Here's how we get shirts so clean, Mr. Lee. <pulls trigger>"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Chapel: (under her breath) Nurse, could you take care of the captain's hemorrhoids for me? Sure thing, you goddamn redneck, country bump--
Kirk (off camera): What was that, Chapel?
Chapel: Nothing, sir. Hold still; almost done.

 

[26138]

Even in the 23rd century, doing that really cool wall-run thing in real life was pretty much impossible.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Ensign: This was the wrong day not to wear my knickers.

 

[tehfunz0rz]

To settle a bet, Ilia cues up one of her “historical documents,” proving that bullet time was used waaaaay before “The Matrix.”

or

[training video resumes] [v.o.] …And now, let's slow things down and talk about…relaxation. There are many ways to decompress while on active duty. In fact, having fun on the job is one of our "prime directives," if you will!* [chuckles] Why, here comes a sassy go-getter right now! For fun, this yeoman likes to pose as different characters while no one is watching. Here, she does her famed "Heisman Trophy" impression. Good job, Kara! You must feel like a real “MVP”! [audio technician enters booth, strangles v.o. man]

*Starfleet Legal would like to remind you that this is, in fact, a lie.

 

[tehfunz0rz]

Nurse Chapel is one of only a few opthamologists licensed to practice “phasik surgery.” Here she is seen polishing her skills on a red shirt.

Chapel: …And if I squint, I think I can just make out the cornea…
Redshirt [offscreen]: AAAUGGGGHHHHH!!!!! OH GOD, MY EYES!
Chapel: For goodness' sake, hold still.

 

[Rat Boy]

In the 21st Century, women have the Brazilian. In the 23rd Century, they have the Cardassian.

 

[Maurice]

Either that phaser's too small or she's got a wicked case of man hands.

Well, it IS ani-Majel, after all.

 

[Noname Given]

Either that phaser's too small or she's got a wicked case of man hands.

Well, it IS ani-Majel, after all.

Too true, I mean she looks like a real blonde in that cell

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Ensign: I'm so glad they color-coordinated the intercom light with my uniform.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Ensign: I'm so glad they color-coordinated the intercom light with my uniform.

BLUE ALERT! BLUE ALERT!

Ensign: But what the hell is a Blue Alert?!

 

[Jptrekker]

Now that the Blue Alert (indicating that the warp nacelles are glowing blue) sounded, the crew quickly donned their festive headgear and began to move towards dancing on the walls.

 

[Mistral]

Annoyed at the loss of her left arm, she fired back.

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Blue Alert always made Chapel trigger happy

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Ensign: Hah! Lt. Ritchie said we'd go dancing on the ceiling - this isn't even close!

 

[LNJM906]

Say hello to my little friend!!




(ah hell, that's the best I can come up with. )

 

[Nerys Myk]

Number One visits the Executive Offices of NBC

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Yoman Colt had "overstepped the mark" with Captain Pike once too often...