Table Manners...WTF?

[marillion]

I can't believe this hasn't been mentioned yet, or then again, maybe I can...

Remember not so many years ago when we would get PISSED if someone at a table nearby was yakking on their cell phone... God forbid someone you were with started doing that too.. It was considered the height of rudeness, sometimes even if they got a call and got up from the table to take it..

Now cell phones at the table are a norm, especially since everyone texts now... At my parent's house, however... Well, before my mom died in April... No cells were allowed at the table, even if I was on call...

I guess I'm at the point that if you get a call you need to take, it's fine to excuse yourself and go take it.. In this day and age of electronics and immediate gratification (especially in my business), you're expected to be available all the flippin' time...

 

[JarodRussell]

Remember not so many years ago when we would get PISSED if someone at a table nearby was yakking on their cell phone... God forbid someone you were with started doing that too.. It was considered the height of rudeness, sometimes even if they got a call and got up from the table to take it..

I never understood why people got pissed about that.

 

[auntiehill]

Because, if I'm out with you at a restaurant, I'm THERE with you and deserve a little more respect than being ignored while you yak away on your phone, or even worse, text. Hell, if you're texting, you're not even LOOKING at me. It's a total dick-move. It says, "I know you invited me out and want to talk and interact, but my phone is just far more interesting than you are."

If there's an actual, in the flesh human being in front of you, they deserve your attention, not your God damn phone.

I don't mind anyone talking at a nearby table, as long as they're not screeching at the top of their lungs, on the phone or otherwise.

 

[thestrangequark]

^Agreed. Except in cases of emergency or specific social situations when it is expected, taking a call or texting while with another person is very rude. I think the most obnoxious cell phone etiquette offenders are those who make orders/purchases while on their phone at a store or restaurant. When I worked at an ice cream shop during university, my boss had a no phone orders policy. It's just common decency.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Because, if I'm out with you at a restaurant, I'm THERE with you and deserve a little more respect than being ignored while you yak away on your phone, or even worse, text. Hell, if you're texting, you're not even LOOKING at me. It's a total dick-move. It says, "I know you invited me out and want to talk and interact, but my phone is just far more interesting than you are."

If there's an actual, in the flesh human being in front of you, they deserve your attention, not your God damn phone.

I don't mind anyone talking at a nearby table, as long as they're not screeching at the top of their lungs, on the phone or otherwise.

I'm not sure texting is even worse than talking, but I sure agree with the rest. Glance at your phone to see who it is, if you must, but then -- please! -- just press "ignore".

 

[MacLeod]

Because, if I'm out with you at a restaurant, I'm THERE with you and deserve a little more respect than being ignored while you yak away on your phone, or even worse, text. Hell, if you're texting, you're not even LOOKING at me. It's a total dick-move. It says, "I know you invited me out and want to talk and interact, but my phone is just far more interesting than you are."

If there's an actual, in the flesh human being in front of you, they deserve your attention, not your God damn phone.

I don't mind anyone talking at a nearby table, as long as they're not screeching at the top of their lungs, on the phone or otherwise.

I agree, if you really, really need to take the call, it is considered good manners to ask first.

But it's not just at dinner tables where you find impolite use of a mobile phone. You see people using them at checkouts in stores while being served, if the cashier was talking on their mobile phone you would know doubt find it rude.

 

[RoJoHen]

I think it's important to make a distinction between BAD manners - i.e. deliberately acting disgusting at the dinner table - and an absence of overly GOOD ones.

Meaning: Just because you don't observe a hundred meaningless, officious and stuck-up rules when you eat, doesn't mean your manners are bad. Just...realistic.

This is what I'm getting at.

Putting my elbows on the table is only considered bad manners if I adhere to the rule that you keep your elbows off the table. Since I don't consider that an actual rule for dining, failing to adhere to it does not make me ill-mannered.

It's not like I'm sitting down to dinner going, "Bwahahaha! I'm going to put my elbows on the table!" It's not being ill-mannered if I don't consider it a manner in the first place.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I think it's important to make a distinction between BAD manners - i.e. deliberately acting disgusting at the dinner table - and an absence of overly GOOD ones.

Meaning: Just because you don't observe a hundred meaningless, officious and stuck-up rules when you eat, doesn't mean your manners are bad. Just...realistic.

I absolutely agree with you. That's the common line, and I wouldn't look down on people for adhering to basic etiquette.

Still, I prefer myself to act a little bit "over"-mannered, if possible. And I judge positively people who do the same. It's the same idea that it's better to be a bit over-dressed than risk to be under-dressed: it makes you stand out a bit in the crowd, and in a good way.

I went to a dinner at a nice restaurant on Friday with a conference group I was with. No black tie or anything that fancy, but slacks and a collared shirt type of place.

Another little cultural difference, I guess, because I would think the only dining places where a t-shirt is acceptable attire are greasy spoon and fast-food joints.

Because, if I'm out with you at a restaurant, I'm THERE with you and deserve a little more respect than being ignored while you yak away on your phone, or even worse, text. Hell, if you're texting, you're not even LOOKING at me. It's a total dick-move. It says, "I know you invited me out and want to talk and interact, but my phone is just far more interesting than you are."

If there's an actual, in the flesh human being in front of you, they deserve your attention, not your God damn phone.

I'm totally with you.

 

[RoJoHen]

Because, if I'm out with you at a restaurant, I'm THERE with you and deserve a little more respect than being ignored while you yak away on your phone, or even worse, text. Hell, if you're texting, you're not even LOOKING at me. It's a total dick-move. It says, "I know you invited me out and want to talk and interact, but my phone is just far more interesting than you are."

If there's an actual, in the flesh human being in front of you, they deserve your attention, not your God damn phone.

I don't mind anyone talking at a nearby table, as long as they're not screeching at the top of their lungs, on the phone or otherwise.

I agree, if you really, really need to take the call, it is considered good manners to ask first.

But it's not just at dinner tables where you find impolite use of a mobile phone. You see people using them at checkouts in stores while being served, if the cashier was talking on their mobile phone you would know doubt find it rude.

When somebody calls me at dinner or wherever, I usually let out an exasperated "Oh, who the hell could possibly be calling me?" and then I either answer it with an annoyed look on my face (to let my friends/family know I don't really want to be taking the call) or I say "Nope" and hit the DECLINE button.

 

[sojourner]

The "no elbows" thing I never really understood.

One of the reasons for it is to prevent one, especially when cutting food, from shaking the table.

How the hell do you cut food with your elbows on the table and not end up with your arms in your plate?

ETA: On the cellphone thing. What I find more rude than answering is the people at other tables in a restaurant who let their phones ring. Loudly. On and on. Answer the god damn thing or put it on silent mode.

 

[marillion]

Remember not so many years ago when we would get PISSED if someone at a table nearby was yakking on their cell phone... God forbid someone you were with started doing that too.. It was considered the height of rudeness, sometimes even if they got a call and got up from the table to take it..

I never understood why people got pissed about that.

I get pissed because we all tend to talk loudly on the phone, especially when we're in a crowded place that somewhat noisy to begin with... Add to that, if the connection is lacking, we tend to subconciously raise our voices, as if that's going to help...

It's bad enough in a loud place trying to hear conversation over the normal din, but adding "WHAT? CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAIN? THERE'S A BUNCH OF RUDE PEOPLE HERE IN THE RESTAURANT TRYING TO TALK NEAR ME WHILE I'M USING MY CELLULAR PHONE!!!" into the mix is just icing on the cake...

 

[Captain Ice]

Remember not so many years ago when we would get PISSED if someone at a table nearby was yakking on their cell phone... God forbid someone you were with started doing that too.. It was considered the height of rudeness, sometimes even if they got a call and got up from the table to take it..

I never understood why people got pissed about that.

I get pissed because we all tend to talk loudly on the phone, especially when we're in a crowded place that somewhat noisy to begin with... Add to that, if the connection is lacking, we tend to subconciously raise our voices, as if that's going to help...

It's bad enough in a loud place trying to hear conversation over the normal din, but adding "WHAT? CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAIN? THERE'S A BUNCH OF RUDE PEOPLE HERE IN THE RESTAURANT TRYING TO TALK NEAR ME WHILE I'M USING MY CELLULAR PHONE!!!" into the mix is just icing on the cake...

Agreed. I'm constantly telling my companions to keep the volume down if they must answer. I have a short list of people who I will answer for if I am out with others, otherwise the only people I will answer the phone for while out with friends are people who are expected to join us somewhere while we are out.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

Nobody is so irreplacable that they can't afford to not be in touch for an hour or so. After all, that's what you have a second / colleague /#1 for.
Exceptions are, of course, emergency calls when a family member unexpectedly dies or has an accident. But other than that, no phone call is excusable at a dinner engagement, especially when you have a date with a lovely person.
At any rate, if you feel you must bring your cell, you should at least change the settings to have it vibrating rather than ringing and if you do have a call, excuse yourself from the table and make the call in the lobby.

Rather a lot of German restaurants forbid the use of cells. A custom I very much appreciate, I have to admit.

 

[SmoothieX]

Unless I am expecting a life or death call, I just leave my phone in the car when I go out to eat.

I get super pissed when I am dining or having a conversation with someone and they just pick up the phone and chat away. One, it's rude. And two, I don't want to hear your conversation.

 

[Jim Gamma]

OK, here's one... should your waiter remove your plates as each person finishes what's in front of them, or should they wait until the whole party has finished eating before removing anyone's plates? For example, if four of five people have finished their main course, but another person hasn't (and obviously hasn't, because they're still moving fork between plate and mouth), should the waiter come and remove the four plates from the people who've finished?

Personally I don't really care if they do that, but I know people (including family members) who go ape about it, because it looks to them like the waiter is trying to hurry the last one or two people along or something.

 

[trekkiedane]

^Right, the courteous way would be that no one starts before all have their meal in front of them and are ready to eat - and no plate is removed (no one leaves the table) before everyone has finished.

But in a restaurant setting, where people might get their meals at different times (according to the preparation time of what they have ordered), I'd suggest that the plates may also be removed at different times... but I don't know what the correct thing is.

 

[Jim Gamma]

Yeah, assuming that (as in most halfway decent restaurants) all meals arrive at about the same time... I think most UK restaurants do try to time preparation so that this happens.

 

[trekkiedane]

Yeah, assuming that (as in most halfway decent restaurants) all meals arrive at about the same time... I think most UK restaurants do try to time preparation so that this happens.

I think they do that everywhere, try to anyway.

Some people shove down their meals (like it was a magic disappearing act) and others take their time and eat at a slower pace (and usually less, as this makes you feel that you're full -opposed to that you're stuffed).

It might be in the restaurant's interest to get you out of the door asap, but it isn't very nice to the diners in the party that take their time; it would, indeed, be like rushing them -which isn't very polite.

That being said, I too know people that can take an hour to eat a small salad...

 

[Holdfast]

Regarding taking calls when out for dinner, this is one area where I think it totally depends on who you're with and what the dynamic is between you. I don't think it's necessary to have a blanket etiquette rule for this one.

For example, if you're with close friends and family and it's tacitly understood that you're all happy if someone else takes a call, then that's perfectly fine IMO. I know when I'm out with my friends and family that they couldn't care less whether anyone takes a brief call, if only to say that they're at dinner and will call back later. No-one feels left out or offended by it, so "no harm, no foul" applies.

If you're with strangers, in a business setting, or with someone you already know doesn't like the practice, then obviously you turn it off. Or put it to silent or vibrate and check it when you go to the loo.

There are practical exceptions, however. For example, you're on-call for work and have pre-warned others you may get called and have to take it. People understand stuff like that, especially if you have certain kinds of job.

OK, here's on... should your waiter remove your plates as each person finishes what's in front of them, or should they wait until the whole party has finished eating before removing anyone's plates?

They should definitely wait until everyone has finished. Otherwise it comes across as rushing those members of the party who haven't finished yet. I'd actually find it very odd if they started clearing away some people's plates before others had finished.

Any now-empty communal serving dishes still on the table can be cleared though. But not individuals' plates.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

IMHO, waiters should remove plates as they are finished. If it's empty, get rid of it, no matter if anyone's still eating. Reduce clutter.