Sweetie, dear, hon, love

[Miss Chicken]

Question for the women here, though it might apply to some men as well.

What is your reaction if a stranger in real life or online calls you 'sweetie', 'dear' etc? Does the age or sex of the speaker make a difference to the way you feel?

 

[auntiehill]

Unless it's some very elderly person, I usually get somewhat annoyed. If it's from a man anywhere close to my age....we're going to have a problem.

I have NEVER had a woman, who was a complete and total stranger, call me "sweetie" or "dear."

 

[The Lady Eve]

^Same answer.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I told a woman off today on Facebook for calling me sweetie, I told her I considered it to be condescending especially as she seems to be quite a few years younger than me. She was a total stranger to me.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I spend hours on the phone every day with patients and I get all of those, pretty much on a daily basis. Probably mostly from women who are older than me (or think they are). I assume it means they like me.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I can't say I've ever been called names like that. Not even in Baltimore (where everybody supposedly calls everybody else "hon").

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Here in central Kentucky, I get called things like "sweetie" in the drive-through every now and then, by a woman who's a complete stranger. It also happens when I'm getting waited on in, say, a pizzeria. In the latter case, it's probably a bit of buttering up for the tip, but certainly not in the former case. Maybe a little flirty in both cases, and it would be nice if they thought I was cute, but I have no illusions about that!

Full disclosure: I'm a man. Sorry to crash your thread!

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I use dear a lot as in "excuse me dear.." though only for the last 5 or so years, to all ages. I think it began as kind of self deprecating because I was clumsy/in the way and progressed to a kind of respectful uber-etiquette which then in itself becomes self deprecating.

A lot of women say "hon" to me affectionately, whether they are people in shops or a total stranger you bump into. I don't think anything of it though I've never said it myself, very not me.

Sweetie, nope, never had it said to me except by gay friends being self deprecating themselves.

Really old men men say dear and love to me all the time, they are getting older though.. it's dying out. it doesn't bother me at all, in fact I barely hear it. It just comes with the era.

 

[stardream]

Eh, I live in the south and those sort of terms can get used by anyone in almost any situation. I might accidentally bump into a lady in the store and she might say 'Excuse me, hon' or 'excuse me sweetie' and I will think nothing of it.

 

[lurok]

What is your reaction if a stranger in real life or online calls you 'sweetie', 'dear' etc? Does the age or sex of the speaker make a difference to the way you feel?

Never used myself. Affectionate terms with intimate partners is one thing...this is another. It depends on level of bonding/intimacy. Sex / age is irrelevant. It will all pass eventually

 

[publiusr]

Eh, I live in the south and those sort of terms can get used by anyone in almost any situation. I might accidentally bump into a lady in the store and she might say 'Excuse me, hon' or 'excuse me sweetie' and I will think nothing of it.

Same here I've been tempted to use that if I a lady in distress. Have to watch that.

 

[Bagofmostlywatr]

Sheffield, UK.... Everyone seems to call everyone "love". As a heterosexual male, I wasn't really expecting to hear it from a door man at a bar, I was wondering if I'd gone into the wrong type of hostelry

 

[Nerys Myk]

Some of the women at work use "sweetie" and "hon" with fellow employees. So not quite strangers. A waitress or two have called me "hon" on occasion.

 

[Spot261]

I work with a straight man who uses "love" in a non gender specific way amongst his friends. Considering he's over 22 stone, covered in tattoos and has biceps that are quite literally bigger than Arnie's were at his peak (we measured them once on a quiet shift to test the claim) I tend to let it slide.......

On a more serious note I'm cautious about how i use terms like that (particularly towards females) and typically restrict it to intimate friends or colleagues whom I'm pretty sure will actually appreciate rather than just tolerate it (the indicator being how they address me first, the litmus test being how they react).

So it's an individual thing and rests on knowing the person well enough to gauge it.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I told a woman off today on Facebook for calling me sweetie, I told her I considered it to be condescending especially as she seems to be quite a few years younger than me. She was a total stranger to me.

In text it's almost always condescending, especially in the context of any disagreement. Same with honey etc.. though obviously an established usage of it between friends would be different.

 

[Random_Spock]

I had that happen before and it's a little annoying. But honestly it depends on the person. If it's someone I know well then I'm ok with it. If it's a stranger, then not so much.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I have been giving this topic some thought and I remember back to when I was a teenager (16/17) and I worked in a nursing home. I remember complaining to my mother that I didn't like the way people spoke to the elderly women. It was a single-sex nursing home. I realise now it was elderspeak I was referring to. My parents never talked to my grandmother like this, or any other elderly person they interacted with.

https://changingaging.org/elderhood/elderspeak-babytalk-directed-at-older-adults/

 

[USS Triumphant]

It also happens when I'm getting waited on in, say, a pizzeria.

If you *aren't* called "sweetie" or "baby" or similar by a truck stop or 24 hr breakfast joint waitress, she's either new in her job or you've probably rubbed her the wrong way.

Women who are in or whom I can tell have previously been in that line of work get a free pass to call me by names like that. And they're the only people who can get away with addressing me with such familiarity without correction - outside of family - too.

 

[Timewalker]

One of the older male clerks at the main post office (back when we had a main post office) used to call me "dear." I didn't mind, as he was always polite and genuinely tried to be helpful.

In most online situations, "dear" is a term of disrespect, condescension, and not that I intend to reveal my YT username, but if I ever address anyone there as "dear" it's because I think they have said something monumentally stupid.

"Sweetie" is a nickname I had for one of my cats. I've never used it to any human or any other pet I've had. It just seemed to fit this one particular cat, as he really was a sweetie.

"Hon" is something I find a bit annoying, but don't make an issue of it.

The really bizarre one, though, is "Love." One of the guys in my SCA group started using that one, and his wife picked it up, too. It's downright weird to be called "love" by someone who you know doesn't like you, you don't like them (much), and it just seems so hypocritical.

It's when officious strangers or people in authority trot out these words, or just assume that first names are okay, that I get really riled. I'm honestly not offended if someone calls me "ma'am" and there have been times when I've had to actually explain that some words and names are okay if we're either related or very good friends. But if we're neither of those, formality is what I prefer.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

When I was in the UK years ago I noted that an entire generation seemed to address absolutely everyone as Love.

So it varies wildly between countries how it's taken and given.