Star Trek: Withers

[Withers]

I decided to pitch this to see what the sharks thought of it. Chalk it up to my absolute lack of better things to do at this particular moment


We'll start with the assumption that this is either taking place after Nemesis (far enough after it that characters from previous Trek outings need not be present) or the new alternative universe. That's for the sake of avoiding walking on cannon and having to put up with the constant complaints about it. For the sake of this general idea the setting doesn't matter so long as it isn't taking place during or before anything we've already seen.


Going from there we abandon the idea of a show based on seven people specifically and just focus on one who moves from post to post and here's where the character comes in;


This character is somewhat bitter about his career in Starfleet. He hasn't saved any galaxies, his name isn't likely to appear in any history books, and with the current state of affairs he isn't likely to live up to any of the heroes of the Fleet. I'm imagining he's probably about a Lt. Commander level with moving along the science division. He's generally a decent guy if somewhat more jaded than the typical Starfleet officer.


This is a very rough outline but it would start out something like this; the Commander is given an assignment by either SFI or SFS to “investigate” the goings on aboard a ship conducting research in the Beta Quadrant. It's an unusual request since, seemingly, if anybody wanted to know what they were up to they could conceivably just ask for a report. He isn't given any more information than that. He is told his background in spacial mechanics will be key in his observation but that his role is just an observer aboard the ship he's headed to.


He arrives and it's clear that his presence sparks some tension. Through a sequence of events (yet to be determined) he figures out that what they are doing is very much illegal; they're trying to screw with the timeline in order to develop weaponry and the Captain of the vessel is being kept out of the loop by the ships XO. The protagonist of this reports back to Starfleet a week or two later. A little while after that the ship in question is destroyed under dubious circumstances.


At this point the Lt. Commander is called in and an Admiral basically relays that he knows all about him; he's listless, has no family, and has ambition but no where to direct it. The Admiral suggests that this Lt. Commander can find out what it really takes to make the Federation work and that based on his skill set he is perfect for the job. When asked what exactly he is talking about the Admiral simply says he'll come to know the nature of his work over time and that officially he reports directly to him.


That's my idea for the start. This is basically about exploring the shades of grey in the Trek universe. This Lt. Commander will be fighting against elements of 31 (which can just as easily go unnamed) and officers who take it upon themselves to do good illegally (i.e. the Admirals) while at the same time exploring the necessity of such behavior and the difficulties that lie beneath fleet battles and obvious heroism. He's assigned to different posts all over the place from time to time and is kept “unknown” through various means of subterfuge. Genetic manipulation, political intrigue, morality, technological advancement for its own sake, and the machinations of upper tier of the Federation would all be explored through his various assignments.


I know this isn't as fleshed out as a lot of peoples work around here. Honestly, that's my first swing at any type of science fiction based writing at all period. I basically just took what I liked about DS9 and decided I wanted a series out of it. I think in the hands of a team of writers who were confident in making it work, and with some amendments here and there, it could be pretty good. But what about you guys? What do you think?

*duck and covers*
-Withers-​

 

[Dukhat]

I think you have some highly imaginative ideas; however, I don't think your concept would quite work for a new Trek series. Having one guy esentially going on secret missions every episode and rooting out the Federation's evil underbelly isn't really the concept of Star Trek. The concept is seven or eight principle characters on a starship, visiting new planets and peoples that nobody really cares about

I'm not saying your idea wouldn't work as a sci-fi series, just not Star Trek.

And honestly, I don't see Section 31 as much of a threat anymore post-Dominion war, as they've been found out and their existence isn't so secret anymore.

 

[Withers]

You're absolutely right. I don't know why I posted this here. I want to write this myself... and in looking at it, if they were to make a show of this it would be so far removed from the nature of story telling in the STU it might as well be its own thing.

So, that in mind, I would like some help fleshing this thing out before I sink into it too deeply. If anybody has any thoughts or suggestions on how I might better this (or whether or not you'd read a finished product based on the scenario or something like that) I'd be glad of them.

-Withers-​

 

[Lindley]

Moved to fan fiction by request.

 

[mirandafave]

Well Withers to me it strikes to a certain degree like Quantum Leap - in the sense one character leaping about from one hotspot to another trying to fix things.Meets a little J.A.G. with rooting out illegal practices. S31 on paper can actually read as fairly yawn fest. However, D'Noth's series here often has S31 as the protagonists and it works exceedingly well. Especially as you intend to keep them fairly shady and unknown. So I don't see a particular problem with that angle, particularly if you mix things up a little.
Now the one issue however is characters populating this world. The main character is really going to have to sell it. That's very doable. But it will need a few supporting characters to help ground him in the spinning cast of characters. The Admiral himself and some aide or contact between the two. But it also means that in the 'episodes' the characters you create will need to reach out to the audience and have a short but clear character arc/development [well where appropriate].
Certainly, worth trying it out. Write some and see where it goes.

 

[TheGodBen]

You're absolutely right. I don't know why I posted this here. I want to write this myself... and in looking at it, if they were to make a show of this it would be so far removed from the nature of story telling in the STU it might as well be its own thing.

That's the thing that strikes me about it, it seems like it would be a spy show in space. Personally, I think that Trek does need to shake things up, and I liked the fact that DS9 and the later seasons of Enterprise did new things with the universe, but I'm not sure that the franchise should completely abandon its roots. Even during the Dominion War DS9 still did traditional sci-fi episodes like the one where the runabout shrunk. I think that those kinds of sci-fi elements would have trouble fitting into a spy-based show.

Also, there is the problem that a large ensemble cast would be difficult to develop in a show that's moving all over the place every week, as mirandafave said, it seems a bit like Quantum Leap and that show only had three main characters: Archer, Cavil and Ziggy. As someone that enjoys shows with large casts, I think losing that aspect would be disappointing.

You've also committed the cardinal sin of including some sort of time-travel plot into the pilot episode, which was one of the things that caused some people to turn on Enterprise.

I actually had a series idea of my own a few years back that included a group of Starfleet officials who were concerned about the rumours of S31 and set out to topple the organisation, but that was still a spaceship based show and that element of the story would only have been introduced around season 2 or 3 rather than in the pilot. I've thought of writing up some sort of plot description for it in the past, but like all critics I have a very thin skin and don't want to put my ideas out there. Besides, I know Mike Sussman reads my posts and I don't want him to steal them.

 

[mari]

Two things that occurred to me as I read your treatment... first, if you set it in the reboot universe, you can have it before any formation of S31, and maybe your guy is either battling its founders or eventually ends up founding it himself. Second, a wandering spy just begs for an arch-nemesis (who could be a regular player, along with his/her sidekick... because villains need sidekicks).

I'm not a fan of either S31 or time-travel (double agents and paradoxes annoy the crap out of me) but I think you've got the beginnings of a good series. The trend in television right now is for expansive casts, and fanfic writers (myself included) tend to do the same thing. But there's nothing wrong with doing the spy/thriller-throwback thing, and I think it would be really cool.

 

[Withers]

Alright, there are a few things so far I really like and I want to try to expand on them a little bit and see if I can't get a decent work-up before I actually sit down and start writing. Here goes. What follows will not blend with my initial post completely.

1.) I really like the idea of this person founding 31. Let's say this guy is recruited by this Admiral to "investigate" the Federation like, say, an Internal Affairs kind of guy, only his missions involve very top level operations and officers. Through these assignments it becomes clear that the Admiral would rather have the Federation be destroyed than "bend" the rules in order to survive (putting him up as essentially the guy who sees in black and white but is very much on the "white" side of the spectrum). This leads the protagonist to start being a sort of "double" agent in that he allows what he starts to see as necessary and gives the Admiral less than completely accurate/honest reports. It then becomes him deciding what is necessary to defend the Federation and what isn't. In this case I wouldn't use the phrase "section 31" until the very last line of the very last page of the very last entry in his saga.

2.) In keeping with that I also want very much for this to hang on to sci-fi and not just be "Law and Order: Alpha Quadrant." With him in the thick of things himself (as he becomes involved with his assignments rather than just spying on them) that could introduce the possibility of more science fiction stuff, right? Just to toss out an example of how it might work (this won't be great but it'll get the point across I think)- cloaking devices are illegal. He's assigned to a assist a "think tank" that is supposedly working on one. He's supposed to find out. He goes (assigned as a technical adviser or something), they're working on one, but haven't gotten it perfect just yet. Cloaking device accident = ...oh, I don't know, something to the tune of the Ro/Geordy being out of phase with everybody else. Something like that and, based on the fact that it almost kills him, he decides that cloaking devices should be illegal (or at least that this think tank shouldn't be developing one) and gives the full report to the Admiral... in that instance.

3.) I think my slightly bitter Lt. Commander could easily be joined by maybe two other "agents" of this Admiral and rather than focus exclusively on him, there can be 'episodes' where the focus is on one of the other two. I would give them all the same rank but establish, by his personality, that ambition makes the Lt. Commander (who I'm pretty sure is going to be named Walter Reed) the defacto leader of the group. With their addition there can be a dynamic as to what he's doing in regard to the Admiral and his choices of whether or not to report certain things, whether they do things like that, and if not if they would approve. It sets up a little more for him to interact with without losing the focus (I think?)

4.) My goal in going in this direction would then be to neither explain 31 nor to justify it but rather to expound on the fact that actions have consequences that can't always been seen (somehow I'm going to make this guy responsible for the eventual occupation of Bajor by the Cardassians or something really big like that). I would probably write heavily the contrast of what makes good officer/citizen of the Federation on the surface and how that differs from actually working specifically for that good (likening the Federation to a clock and these "dirty" officers as the grease in a way.)


I know that was all over the map but this is sort of my process before I tackle any sort of writing and having you guys post your thoughts is a tremendous help and I can't thank you enough. Seriously, all of you who have posted so far, thank you so much. Keep 'em comin'

-Withers-​

 

[Rush Limborg]

Speaking as a fan of Section 31, I kinda like you train of thought on this.

However...if you're making this guy the reluctant founder of 31, you'll have to explain the discrepencies with The Bureau appearing in Enterprise--which, like it or not, still exists in the JJ-verse....

Still, I could easily see where you could run with this. Good luck!

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Withers--don't let Dukhat get to you. Your concept can be whatever you want it to be, and if you DO see a dark side to the Federation, go for it.

And if the time travel plot is fully planned out from beginning (THAT was the cardinal sin of ENT, NOT using time travel at all) and you know exactly where you are going with it, it's doable.

I mean, I write for the Cardassians and they see a lot of that stuff too...and as far as I'm concerned, it's still Trek regardless of what anybody thinks! Don't let anybody censor you...go for it.

 

[Dukhat]

Withers--don't let Dukhat get to you. Your concept can be whatever you want it to be, and if you DO see a dark side to the Federation, go for it.

Who said I was "getting to him?" He asked for constructive criticism, and I offered some. I didn't put down his ideas, and he was welcome to completely ignore what I said.