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Star Trek: Shoebox

There were only a few constants in the universe. One of them was already mentioned in an earlier chapter of the story; the placement of chocolate cakes in sensitive areas of the cosmic reality. Another such constant was the awful smell emitted from anus of most mammals. Humans, monkeys, dogs, and camels were all guilty of such odorous emissions; but none of them could equal the smell emitted by a cow. In fact, Earth’s very bio-dome was threatened by the methane gasses that came from the rear orifice of these large mammals.

But who would have guessed that not only were the smells from a cow’s rear end were well, stinky, they were also the stuff of miracles. Because from the massive amounts of defecation came the seeds of life; fertilizer. In fact, the business of selling their crap was more profitable than selling their meat for food. This ability to draw plant life from their waste was only one such miracle cow manure could provide; the other was more germane to this story. For, in the grand scheme of ‘what was’, the methane emission of cow #112525146 was even more miraculous. For, as fate would have it, the USS Enterprise, the one from the shoebox that featured very heavily earlier in this story, found creation through the methane of cow #112525146.

Cows, in Georgia, just as most cows in the American cattle industry, did not have names; they were numbered, and stamped with those numbers from the first moment they could walk. The numbering system was complex since most cows, high-end cows, were now product of heavy DNA and other cloning techniques. Cow #112525146 was a cow that could draw its lineage to cow #112500000, who was born nearly four years previously from a line of cow sperm bought in Texas for three-million dollars.

Now, maybe it was the mixture of the DNA, or the embryonic fluid control factors, or just plane happen stance, but for whatever reason, on one sunny day, cow #112525146 emitted a gasser, just as all cows do. The sound of a cow gasser sounds like a low trombone sound that slides up to the sound of violin. It was the music of the herd. Down and up those gassers went with their sound, taking their rich stink into the sky, and tearing a small piece of the ozone layer as it did.

But on that sunny day, cow #112525146 emitted a gasser that started high, as a violin, and went down to a low base. And then, something large, and metallic, dropped out of its anus once the gas was all gone; it was the Starship Enterprise.

Upon seeing this in the grand beyond, Gene Roddenberry was said to have cursed the word ‘shit’ seventy-nine times, each time in honor of the seventy-nine episodes of his fabled show. And eightieth one was emitted if one considered the Cage an entirely different episode, which some fans insisted, and others defied.

Later that day, when most of the herd was taken to slaughter, and their necks were slit to let their blood drain so as to not cause any harm to the animals, one of the farm hands, an illegal immigrant from some other country that will go unnamed here so as not to offend any one, found the metallic object in the pasture. He gave it to his wife, who took a bunch of other junk she had found, including several unused ABBA albums, and then she took the haul to the swap-meet, where upon Barb and Mitch came upon it, cleaned it off, and put it in the shoebox for their son Jeffery to find on the counter in the kitchen of their trailer.

How did the animal’s innards create the Enterprise, only to have it eventually squeezed out of its lower intestine, out its backdoor, and on to the ground below? No one could say.

Now, as fate would have it, the truck taking cow #112525146 blew a tire, and several of the cows, including #112525146 escaped to freedom. Although, in the case of #112525146, freedom was being captured by a local farmer who ended up having insatiable desires that involved cows, which will go unsaid in this story.

--
What would you do? What would you do if suddenly, from out of now where, you saw the following; a red object, the head of a human in fact, chubby round, with eyes and a mouth, that were getting larger and larger as you were getting closer and closer to it. Because that is exactly what Kirk and McCoy saw as they flew into the tent, and directly in to the target path of the Beebo, cannonball boy, who had just been fired out of the cannon, and was now screaming at the top of his lungs as the force of the blast flung him through the air towards a large stack of cushions on the other side of the circus tent, with the shuttle now directly in his path!!!

McCoy, pent up with anxiety, turned to face Kirk.

James T Kirk’s mouth tensed up, just as it always did before the end of each tension packed scene from the old Star Trek show; and then, in his stern Kirk voice, Kirk said;

“Oh…. CRAP!”


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When flying through the air, after having just been shot out of a cannon, one might wonder what such a person who did such a thing might be thinking about. It was one thing to put on a tight, blue colored, spandex body suit, with a red wrestling mask, and not care what others might think. But then, what did it say about one’s mind if they were then willing to be lowered down into a live cannon, and fired out of it?

When the child-labor board sent a representative to verify that Beebo was indeed eighteen years old, they sent a kindly woman, in her late fifties. Her name was Glenda, and she was African-American. Poor Glenda had lost her African-American husband, Norman, only one year before she came to the swap-meet to verify Beebo’s age. Glenda’s husband was also in his late fifties, when he had died last year. They had been married for over twenty years.

One night, while they were watching the Conan O’Brien show, Norman got the urge to get frisky. Since he was in his late fifties, that urge only came around on rare occasions. So to prepare, Norman had a prescription of Erectile Dysfunction medicine filled, and placed the bottle of blue pills next to his bed. When the urge came, he would take a pill, and in one hour, he and Glenda would be frisky together.

But one night while watching Conan O’Brien, poor Norman, who was filling that urge to get frisky, wanted to really satisfy his wife. So, Norman decided not to take one blue pill; instead he decided to take twenty.

Two hours later, after pleasing his fifty-seven year old wife for the fifth time, and her body too pained for more, Norman rolled over on to his back. The resulting change of blood flow caused his manhood to shoot quite literally off of his body, thanks to the twenty blue pills, and out the window behind the bed; his memory was that hard. The sudden loss of blood cost Norman his life. Two days later, after Norman was buried at the local cemetery, a neighbor’s dog found the expunged body part, and brought it to Glenda’s door, where she then fainted at the site of the ten-inch memory. But, ever so much in love with her husband’s memory, Glenda had it waxed, and kept it in her dresser on special nights.

When Glenda appeared at the swap-meet to verify Beebo’s age, she had no idea that fate would intervene. After meeting the boy, Glenda was quite sure that the boy, at best, was thirteen-years old. The swap-meet’s owner would certainly be fined, and most likely lose his license. But then, while coming through the entrance, Glenda met the security guard, Bart. Although no one could really replace Norman, and his 10 inch memory, Bart was a close second. So, in exchange for a date with Bart, and the resulting sexual encounter that would come from it, Glenda threw away her report about the under-aged cannonball boy. She, and security guard Bart, watched as Beebo was shot out of the cannon.

Beebo, as usual, screamed as he flew threw the air, and towards the cushion on the other side of the circus tent. He could hear the crowd cheering as he arced up, and then back down towards his landing area. And as he soared down out of the sky, he was sure that he had swallowed a bug. It was actually the shuttlecraft Galileo that had gone down the Hawaiian boy’s larynx.

It was a long six hours as Kirk and McCoy could only wait as the shuttle, with its shields activated, made its way through the boy’s stomach, and eventual lower intestine, and then, to the freedom that waited inside of a white porcelain toilet in Beebo’s trailer.

Kirk piloted the shuttle out of the small trailer, and moments later made contact with the Enterprise, which was still inside Jeffery’s trailer, which was located next to Beebo’s trailer. Kirk piloted the shuttle through one of the open windows, and eventually Kirk parked it inside of the shuttle’s hanger-bay. Jeffery had taken the starship into his room, so as to hide it from his oblivious parents, and was glad to see that Kirk and McCoy had survived their foray into the real world.

Kirk was back on the bridge, as Jeffery stared in at them from outside the saucer section.

“I’m glad you made it,” Jeffrey said to the ship. “You must have been blown off my shoulder on the bus when the driver opened the window.”

“Ye were blown out a window?” Scotty asked Kirk. “Where did you land?”

“Scotty,” Kirk said, “we landed between two very large and shapely,” he looked over at McCoy, who was standing next to Uhura, giving him a stern look, “melons.”

“Astonishing,” Spock said from his post, “I would like to have seen the large melons.”

McCoy gave Spock a dismissive look.

“Somehow,” McCoy said to Spock, “I don’t think these two melons would have had any effect on you.”

Jeffery prepared for bed, telling the crew he would see them the next day. Kirk and the main crew were relieved by the night bridge crew, and prepared to rest themselves. Where would tomorrow take them?

--
Air Force Sergeant Mike Donovan was driving a rental car, having left his wife at the hotel room. He had set up the signal tracker in the front passenger seat, and had picked up Kirk’s last message to the Enterprise, and had tracked the subspace message to what appeared to be a trailer park.

Little did Sergeant Donovan know, but a woman and a man were having sex in the bathroom of an airliner high above the ground. And little did Sergeant Donovan also know that the woman’s discarded bra, which accidentally fell into the toilet, and was jettisoned out of the plane in preparation of landing, would change his life in no more than twenty minutes…

But that story would have to wait until next time…

STAR TREK
SHOEBOX
 
Continued craziness with plenty of laughs. I actually feel guilty for reading this, but I can't stop. :lol:
 
Hank Dumerville was a perfectionist. Meaning, he lived a very ordered life, and everything had to be done perfect, or at least in his definition of what perfect was. This annoyed those who worked at him at the Target, store #627, which was located in a suburb of Savannah Georgia.

Hank was one of the daytime shift supervisors. He came to work at 8am, and left work at 630pm. He made sure that the salespeople on the floor were where they were supposed to be. His current crop of salespeople was a strange mix, a strange mix indeed.

Take for example, Louis Frost and Marian Thomas. Louis was a fifty-year old man who had spent several years in the United States Marines. He wasn’t so much of a grunt as one might think. In fact, when he told those who knew him that he was gay, no one believed him. There was no such thing as a gay Marine. He worked in the female clothing section, but was also a collateral supporter of hygiene products. When regular female customers wanted information about a douche product, tampons, or even adult diapers, they came to see Louis. He didn’t wear a nicely scented douche, but he did wear Depend undergarments, so he had good advice to give. How did this gay marine end up wearing a diaper?

During Desert Storm, Louis was accidently shot by a fellow Marine, who was using the urinal right next to where Louis was using one. The soldier forgot to unhook his weapon, and while he was wiggling his manhood to get the last few drops of urine out, his gun butted up against the urinal and fired one shot, right into poor Louis and his bladder. The wound was fixed, but unfortunately, it affected his bladder control, which necessitated the use of the adult diapers.

Marian Thomas was a in her late forties. She was married, and worked at Target, in the electronics department no less, for extra money. She had told her husband, who was a retired film projector operator, that she was saving her money for a new car. In fact, Marian, your typical looking older white woman, had a secret; she was addicted to crack cocaine. The money she was earning was paying for her crack, which she got from another Target employee, Giles, who ran the gardening area and had a direct supply for crack; his own wife who worked at a local stripper joint. She got the drugs at wholesale from one of the other dancers, who husband was a local Sherriff who sold was able to get a good deal on the crack via his contacts with an FBI agent who worked the narcotics detail in the southeastern part of the country. The FBI agent was able to smuggle in the crack via his partner, who ran a chain of bait shops through-out the Florida/Georgia area. As it turned out, the bait shop owner’s son was a young gay man who worked, of all places, in Savannah Georgia at a local newspaper, and who was, as it turned out, Hank Dimerville’s current gay lover, though was out of town covering the Christmas parade in Los Angeles.

Hank Dumerville, who was the supervisor to all three of them, was unaware of any of the private lives his employees lived, and the strange circle he was indirectly part of. As it turned out, Hank also lived, alone, in the same trailer park as Jeffery and Beebo. In fact, his trailer was next to Beebo’s trailer. And as much as he was a perfectionist at home, he was doubly so in his own trailer.

Every item in his trailer was labeled, and put in the most optimum place. Whether it was his clothes, or his electronics, or anything, everything had a purpose and place where it was situated in his trailer. He was also the trailer-park’s resident snoop. He would spend hours in his trailer, with binoculars around his neck, just looking for suspicious activities in the trailer-park. And then, on one particular night, he became involved with the events in our little story.

Because as Hank was watching a rerun of Hogan’s Heroes, he happened to look out his front window, and saw that some branches, from a tree, were walking. Not only were th branches walking, but one of the branches was carrying a Bud-lite can. Hank happened to drink Bud-lite as well, and found it quite fitting that a tree would too. But he was smarter than that. He was never in the armed services, but he loved to watch the military channel. He walked over to his closet and got out the crossbow he had ordered after seeing a commercial selling them during a documentary about the final days of Hitler’s life.

--
Sergeant Donovan had brought the camouflage tree outfit with him from Colorado. One of his marine buddies had given it to him for a birthday present years ago, and it worked quite well. It was a form fitting rubber-suit that was all black, and had what appeared to be the fittings of a tree on the outside; branches and all. He had worn it on several hunting trips, and has the urine stains near the bottom of the tree to prove how authentic, and natural, it looked. Several dogs, and a horny dear, had mistaken the outfit for the real thing.

Donovan also had his signal tracker inside the suit with him. The GPS guided instrument that tracked the subspace signal had led him to the trailer-park, and the exact coordinates zeroed in on an exact trailer. How someone such as Captain Kirk, a fictional TV character, came to be inside a trailer in Savannah Georgia, transmitting signals on top secret frequencies, was beyond Donovan. And before he reported such facts to his supervisor, a man ironically named Captain Pickard, Sergeant Donovan had to be sure.

The rubber-suit had two strategic openings. One was large enough that he could look through with binoculars. The other was a small hollow tube. One end encompassed his penis, and allowed him to piss, if he needed to, and for the urine to trickle out naturally at the rear end.

Donovan was looking through the peek whole of the tree, right at the trailer where the signal had come from. He could see two young boys inside the trailer watching TV. And then, suddenly, Donovan saw a large, strange looking, circle; it was someone’s belly button and it was right in front of the tree, blocking Donovan’s view. Then, whoever it was, squatted down and looked straight into the peep whole.

“What the hell are you doing?” Hank Dumerville asked the startled man inside of the fake tree.

“Saving our country,” Donovan replied.

“Really, is that so?” Hank asked, as he looked back at Jeremy’s trailer. “You mean you are trying to save our country by spying on that boy and his fat Hawaiian friend?” Hank asked. “You must be one of those perverts.”

Hank walked out of view for a moment, but then came back into view, aiming his cocked crossbow directly at Donovan’s eyeballs.

STAR TREK
CROSSBOW
 
The briefing room on the Enterprise came to life as one by one the department heads entered and took their seats. Dr. McCoy was sipping on a cup of coffee, and was engaged in a conversation with Scotty when finally Kirk and Spock, flanked by Sulu, arrived and took their seats.

“Alright gentlemen,” Kirk said to the gathered men, and Uhura, “I want to know my options. Mr…. Spock, please update us on our…current…sit----uation.”

“The Enterprise has been reduced in size by nearly factor of fifty,” Spock reported. “Through some as of yet unknown event, we have also been brought into a universe where, it would also appear that our lives, and the very actions of this ship, are, and have been, viewed by millions for the past forty plus years.”

“Capn,” Scotty said in an excited way, “what are we gonna do?”

“Calm yourself,” Kirk said to Scotty, “because…as of now…we don’t know.”

“Jim,” McCoy said, “Spock said we are being viewed? What does he mean by that?”

“Earlier this evening,” Kirk told McCoy, “I conversed with..this…young boy Jeffery,” Kirk said. “He has one of those antique televisions,” Kirk said. “And he showed Spock and I… images… that were transmitted through what they used to call… a television. I had our first office record…those..images.”

Kirk nodded at Spock.

Spock placed a computer data chip into the computer, and instantly the three sided monitor on the table came to life. The images, moving images, with sound, showed Kirk on the auxiliary bridge of the Constellation. They all watched and listened as Kirk’s life was nearly ended, and he was beamed away at the last instant, when the mighty starship exploded inside the maw of the planet killer.

“Captain, how is that possible?” Uhura asked, as she sat next to Scotty at the briefing table.

“We…do…not know, and,” Kirk continued, “and according to Jeffery, we….the crew…went onto make several motion pictures…and I…and I can’t fathom how…but I, you’re Captain… will DIE… in one of them.”

“I don’t believe it,” McCoy stated.

“We can not deny what we have seen,” Spock said, as he joined his Vulcan fingers together on the table, making a triangle shape as he did.

“Spock is right,” Kirk continued. “We…all of us…have to accept the fact that…we…are…not in the usual parallel universe. In fact,” Kirk said, “we may…actually be in the universe that created our universe.”

“You sound daft,” Scotty said. “I bet its some kind of Klingon mind game.”

“Wait a minute,” McCoy added. “If our lives, our very actions, have all been recorded and televised, then what about this conversation we are having now? Wouldn’t this be a very strange episode for the viewers to see?”

“I believe, Doctor,” Spock replied, “what you are referring to is the breaking down of the forth wall. It is a term used to describe events when characters refer to unseen readers of a book, or other such examples. And yes, this conversation, the actions we have taken in the past three days while we have been in this universe, are possibly being recorded by some, as of yet, unknown means.”

“Jeffery is sleeping now,” Kirk told them all. “Tomorrow…once his parents are gone…he is going to show Spock and I more….episodes. According to him there over….seventy…made.”

“Captain,” Spock said, “I have thought over his offer to show us more episodes. I do not think it is wise for us to view these images, and sounds, on the chance that they might actually reveal events in the future. We may alter the flow of time by doing so.”

Kirk thought for a moment.

“I thought about..that…too,” Kirk said, “but…what if we…have arrived…at a point after the so called television show…was…depicting our actions.”

“You mean,” McCoy said with a sarcastic smile, “we were canceled?”

“The boy,” Spock said, “does not consider himself a fan. But apparently the era of time we exist in right now, on this ship, failed to last beyond the seventy episodes that were created.”

“And,” Kirk cut in, “apparently we...found…a new life in movies.”

“Capn,” Scotty said, “I’m confused.”

“I know,” Kirk told his perplexed engineer, “I am…too…Mr. Scott.”

--
Little did the crew of the Enterprise realize that outside the confines of Jeffery’s trailer, there was yet another conversation about the crew’s immediate future taking place.

Upon being convinced that national security was on the line, Target employee Hank Dumerville entered the rubber-tree outfit, after being allowed to do so by Sergeant Mike Donovan of the US Air Force. Donovan had tracked the usage of highly-restricted subspace frequencies to Jeffery’s trailer. Dumerville, who lived in a nearby trailer, and who was loyal to his country, and was also armed with a crossbow, decided to help Sergeant Donovan in his duty to protect the country from the threat posed by a twelve year old boy, Jeffery, and his Hawaiian friend named Beebo; better known as cannonball boy.

STAR TREK
SHOEBOX
 
Having your nose zapped was one thing; having it zapped by a fingernail sized spaceship is a totally different thing. And yet, that is how Jeffery was woken on a particular morning. He had been dreaming; dreaming that he was in a balloon high over the Alps, with a two legged horse who was atop a unicycle. The fact that Jeffery was naked in this dream was of no matter, since it was just he and the two-legged horse. But what did concern Jeffery, as he stood in the gondola with the horse, was the fact that he really had to use the toilet.

It had been a recurring dream of Jeffery’s, ever since his father and mother had killed themselves. In various dreams, Jeffery would find him self naked, and confronted with the urge to defecate. Luckily, the need for defecation had not manifested itself in to reality; but somehow, Jeffery worried, it was only a matter of time.

And thus, here he was, in this dream about a two-legged horse, and him self in a balloon, with the need to defecate ever so near, and with all that, now he had to contend with a stinging sensation on the tip of his nose.

With the dream at a point where nothing was really happening, Jeffery opened his eyes to encounter the true cause of the stinging sensation on the tip of his nose. There was nothing on his nose; well then again, at first he saw nothing there. Then, as his eyes focused, he saw that the tiny shuttlecraft, the one Kirk and McCoy had flown to the carnival, was floating just before his eyes.

“Jeff…ery,” Kirk’s voice said through the outside speaker system of the shuttle. “We… need to talk. The Enterprise, my….starship…Enterprise, had..BEEN,” Kirk paused for effect, “capt….ured.”

“Ummm,” Jeffery replied rubbing his very tired eyes, “what?”

“The ship,” Kirk repeated, “the….ship….the Enteprise,” Kirk in an exaggerated way, “is…gone.”

Jeffery had remembered setting the ship, which was back in the box, on the small desk in his room, before he had gone to sleep the night before. Kirk was right; the box and the ship; were gone.

“Maybe my mom put it somewhere,” Jeffery added as he put his head back down on his pillow.

“Spock, and I,” Kirk said as he looked over at Spock, who was piloting the shuttle, “were…investigating the rest of your…home…when we returned to see a …GIANT…tree stepping out the back door just moments ago, with…the box containing the Enterprise… in its branches. The door closed before we could follow.”

None of what Kirk said made sense usually anyway, but it was even more so now.

“There is no such thing as a giant tree that can walk,” Jeffery said to shuttle craft that hovered above his right cheek.

“There is,” Spock offered, “the Enurian Vine tree on Vega-9,” Spock said to Kirk. “It can move nearly fifty point eight-five-seven meters in a year on what most scientists believe are a latent forms of limbs.”

“Well,” Kirk said, “this…thing...was moving much father that that.” Kirk countered with.

“That is true,” Spock said.

“So what do you want me to do?” Jeffery asked, now sitting up in his bed. “I don’t know of any walking trees around these parts.”

Spock, who was looking at his instrument panel, looked over to Kirk.

“Captain,” Spock said, “I am detecting slight waves of residual neutron levels in the lower sub-space region near to the position of the shuttle.”

“In English, Spock,” Kirk said.

“I believe this trailer, or this room to be more specific, has recently been scanned.” Spock said. “What technology exists on this world that would have that capability?”

“The Xfiles,” Jeffery said. “Or maybe even Dr. Who,” Jeffery said. “Its some dumb show my dad watches and it’s made in, ummm, Sweden I think. The guy has real curly hair and the show is a lot like Star Trek; really silly with girls in tight outfits.”

“Those, the Xfiles and Dr. Who… are…entertainment shows as well?” Kirk asked.

“Yes, so they probably are not real?” Jeffery said.

Kirk was about to ask more about Dr. Whoo when suddenly he saw the picture of a man on one of Jeffery’s shelves.

“Who…is that person in the…picture…on your desk?” Kirk asked.

Jeffery smiled, and reached up and took down the picture and looked at it, then held it closer to the shuttle, which hovered near to his eye level.

“Oh this,” Jeffery told Kirk, “is my father. He killed him self, and my mom later killed her self as well. People at school, other kids, say that I will most likely kill my self too. I don’t know, maybe I will.”

Kirk looked to Spock, who then arched an eyebrow.

“Jeffery,” Kirk said through the PA system, “loss…is part of life. You…will find…that in your life, in your…travels…that loss will always be there. My mother and father were killed, tragically, when… I …was younger than you are,” Kirk said to the boy.

“Really?” Jeffery asked.

“Yes,” Kirk replied. “I…won’t pretend to know…how you feel, I can only tell you…how I went on. Inside of all of us, there is pain…the pain you feel. You can either…shrink from the pain…or…use it to shape who you are, or… in your case…WHO…YOU..will become. You must earn…from it..the…pain.”

Suddenly the door to Jeffery’s room swooshed open and cannonball boy ran in, in full gear!!!

“Where is that walking son of a bitch tree monster!!!!???” Beebo yelled, ready to kick some ass!!!

STAR TREK
SHOEBOX!
 
There were cookie monsters and there were yeti. Monsters came in all shapes and sizes, according to various literatures on the subject of monsters. Heck, some young boys would argue that their sibling sisters were the true definition of monsters. But it was quite rare when someone mentioned anything about a monster that resembled a tree. What could be so scary about a walking tree?

But that’s what Beebo, the cannonball boy, claimed he saw. He told his story with much gusto to an eagerly listening Jeffery, Captain James T Kirk, and Mr. Spock.

Beebo, clad in his two sizes too small one piece blue spandex body suit, red cape, and red wrestling mask stood atop the kitchen table inside of the trailer’s equally small kitchen, as he told his story of what he saw. Spock had piloted the shuttle and landed it upon Jeffery’s left shoulder.

“Alright,” Jeffery said, “lets here it.”

Beebo, with only the eyes of his head peaking through the slits of the wrestling mask, began his story.

--
It was cold dark night, and the wind what howling outside my window. The snow was slightly falling, creating a constant pitter patter upon the metal roof top of my humble abode.

--
“What did you say, your humble abode?” Jeffery asked. “What does that mean?”

“Abode,” Spock said from inside the shuttle, “a dwelling, or house. It was a word that had fallen out of favor by the mid twentieth-century.”

“Oh,” Jeffery said, looking up at Beebo, who still stood atop the kitchen table.

“Can I continue with my story?” Beebo asked.

“Hurry up,” Jeffery said.

--
As dreams of Diamond Head began to tease me away from reality here on the mainland, back to my home on Hawaii, I began…

--
“Come on Beebo,” Jeffery pleaded, “you’re twelve years old, like me. We’re not supposed to talk like that.”

“Maybe,” Beebo said, looking all serious in his cannonball outfit, “if we tried to talk like that more, then our friends would too, and we could change the world.”

“We don’t have any friends,” Jeffery reminded Beebo.

“Jeffery,” Kirk said from inside the shuttle, “we…should let Beebo..finish…his…story.”

“Yes sir,” Jeffery said to the tiny fingernail sized spacecraft on his shoulder.

--
As I said, my dreams had taken be back to Hawaii. And once again I was being tormented for having short arms by the local bully. Then, I started to feel the sensation of having to pee. So, opened my eyes...

--
Beebo jumped off the table, causing the trailer to slightly rumble, and he excitedly continued his story.

“That is when I saw it!!!” Beebo said.

“Saw what?” Jeffery asked.

“I saw a large tree walking through your front door,” Beebo said, “it was very early, maybe 2am, and I just stared out the window and watched as it went inside your trailer. Your mom left the side drapes open, and a light on, because I could see it make its way into your apartment. It took small steps so as to not make any noises. Because the ceiling was too low for the top of the tree, it banged its upper branches right there,” Beebo said as he pointed at the small beam in the ceiling that marked the entrance into the kitchen.

Jeffery turned to look up at the ceiling where Beebo had been pointing, and surely enough, there was a broken twig wedged into the beam.

“Then,” Beebo went on to say, “it came into your room, and after putting the lid back on the box, it picked up the box and made its way out your back door.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Jeffery asked.

“I thought I was dreaming,” Beebo said. “It’s not everyday that you see a tree-monster walking into your best friend’s door.”

Spock piloted the shuttle up to the beam, and analyzed it with the sensors.

Kirk watched as Spock’s fingers danced over the control panel, operating the sensors, waiting to hear what his science officer was able to deduce.

“This twig is man made,” Spock reported. “It was created from a fabric, polyester.”

“So,” Kirk deduced, “the…tree monster that abducted the…Enterprise, my….Ent..er..prise, was not a monster…at all, but…a MAN…in a tree suit.”

“It would seem so,” Spock said.

“Spock,” Kirk added, “if…a man in…a tree suit broke in, and….took, the enterprise…can WE..assume that they knew the…Enterprise…was here?”

Spock nodded, and then arched an eyebrow.

“That is a brilliant deduction,” Spock said to Kirk.

“Spock,” Kirk said with a smile, “I…am…a trained starship captain. Figuring out…these puzzles of life are part…of the job…I signed up for.”

“I shall endeavor to remember that.” Spock replied. “Captain, I am picking up residual subspace waves in the material that makes up this fake tree element. I believe that our use of subspace communications has not gone un-noticed.”

“Umm,” Jeffery said, hearing the conversation via the outside audio equipment of the shuttle parked on his shoulder, “are you going to go after the man in the tree?”

“We have to,” Kirk replied.

“Then we’re coming too,” Beebo said to the shuttlecraft.

“I can’t,” Kirk began to say to Beebo and Jeffery, “let…you two young children…risk your lives trying to…help us.”

“But we want to help,” Jeffery said.

“You children belong in school,” Spock told them, trying as Kirk had, to not involve themselves any further.

“First off,” Beebo said, “I’m not a child, I’m twelve years old, and so is Jeffery. Plus, it is still Christmas Vacation so we don’t have any school, and finally,” Beebo offered, “we live in Savannah Georgia; there ain’t much to do around here.”

“Captain,” Spock said to Kirk, “there appears to be some kind of subspace distortion surrounding this shuttle, as well as the Enterprise. I now believe that if we were to transport off this shuttle, into this world, we would indeed rematerialize on the other side of the distortion at our regular sizes.”

Kirk thought for a moment.

“Can it work, both ways?” Kirk asked. “We need the shuttle, for now, and…Jeffery and Beebo could…help us I suppose. Could…we…beam them aboard the shuttle?”

Spock nodded.

“It is possible,” Spock said to Kirk.

“We heard what you were saying,” Jeffery said. “Are you going to shrink ...(please click here to continue with the story...and thanks...>>>>>>>>>>>> cookie!!!)
 
And so it was that our two heroes, Jeffery, a boy who had lost both his parents to suicide, and Beebo, a Hawaiian boy who’s arms were so short he could only find work as a human cannonball, were beamed aboard the fingernail sized space ship. Neither one of them felt awe while standing in the presence of the legendary Captain Kirk. Neither one of them found it quite odd that Spock had pointed ears. There was no reverie felt because, in their lives, Star Trek didn’t mean a thing. (GASP Mistal, okay!)

They had never seen Kirk face the trials of killing a man, only to find that the man who was thought to be dead had framed Kirk out of an act of revenge. Nor had Jeffery and Beebo been caught up in the debate as to which version of City on The Edge of Forever was the superior version (Roddenberry’s of course). Their knuckles had not become white as Kirk faced certain peril as the starship Constellation was gobbled up by the planet killer. None of that world, that science fiction world from which Kirk and Spock sprang fun, existed in their minds. To them, Star Trek was just some old TV show that their dads, and other old goobers, had watched.

And yet, now, here they were. They were soaring through the sky, as Mr. Spock expertly piloted the shuttle, carefully avoiding the stray bird or large sized insect that were tracked on the shuttle’s sensor array.

“This is so cool,” Jeffery said as he stared from his seat out the main viewing screen above the forward consol where Kirk and Spock sat. “I mean, we’re so small, not much larger than a booger.”

“I don’t know how small your boogers are, but if they’re anything like mine,” Beebo said, “we’re even smaller.”

Kirk listened to the two young boys in the passenger compartment, and then he looked to Spock.

“Mr. Spock,” Kirk said, “You don’t think beaming the two boys aboard…the shuttle…will have any…negative impact…on them?”

Spock looked to Kirk.

“I can not rule out every possibility,” Spock said, “but the odds are 47852 to 1 that they will not be harmed.”

“And yet,” Kirk said as he thought of it further, “we…you and I…even this shuttle, come from…a fictitious realm, according…to the Jeffery and his friend.”

“There has been much speculation,” Spock said, “about the mind and its affect on the universe. There is a theory that what the mind creates may actually manifest somewhere in the infinite universe.”

“You mean,” Kirk said, “every living being can create…imagine…worlds, even universes, in their minds…and that somewhere in infinity it…becomes real?”

“As I said,” Spock said, “it is just a theory.”

Kirk shook his head, and then thought of more important matters.

“What about the Enterprise?” Kirk asked.

“I am still detecting the quantum signature of the Enterprise,” Spock replied. “I believe we are actually making progress.”

“Even if we find the ship,” Kirk added, “how… as small as we are… get it out of a heavily armed...facility?”

Spock looked Kirk.

“I am quite confident,” Spock said, “that you will devise a plan.”

“Thank…you, for your…ahhhhh,” Kirk said with a smile, “confidence.”

“Not at all captain,” Spock said.

--
Cindy Donovan waited patiently in the hotel room she shared with her husband, Mike, who had disappeared for nearly an entire day on some kind of secret mission. Finally, around ten in the morning, the door opened and Sergeant Mike Donovan entered the room, carrying the shoebox containing the Enterprise.

“Where the hell have you been?” Cindy demanded. “If I had known you were going to vanish on our vacation I would have brought a book or something.”

Mike placed the box on the small table near the television. He had already paid Hank Dumerville $500 to keep silent, and as a further bribe, let Hank keep the rubber-tree outfit as well, so as to keep silent bout the small Enterprise, and how it was a top-secret operation. Now Sergeant Donovan had to come up with some way to satisfy his wife’s anger.

“I’m sorry honey,” Mike said as he slid onto the bed next to his wife, who was only in her bra and panties. “Maybe,” he said as he trailed his fingers up her exposed arms, “I can make up for it now, before we have to check out in two hours.”

She smiled and then they began to kiss. Soon their clothes were off, and Mike and Cindy Donovan began to make love.
--

The cosmos was filled with the act of making love. It was how life went on, how it progressed through time. And yet, with that entire love making in the universe going on, there was also the occasional obstacle. And at that moment, outside of the Motel-6 where the Donovan’s were staying, a black van pulled up to a nearby curb.

Inside the van was Captain in the Russian Army. His name was Anton Denovich, and he, like Mike Donovan, had a special device which could track subspace communications. His search had brought him to the trailer-park where Jeffery had lived. And, as fate would have it, Anton arrived in time to see a large tree walk out of Jeffery’s trailer, and the tree was holding a common shoebox, which according to Captain Denovich’s device, contained the source of the subspace signals.

Tailing Sergeant Donovan’s rental car, Capt Denovich had kept a safe distance in his rented black van, so as not to cause suspicion. This kind of cloak and dagger had been common back in the cold war days; but the USA and Russia were “friends” now.

But the super-secret arm of the still active KGB was not dubious about any use of subspace signals. Was the American government in top-secret communications with alien life forms? Capt. Denovich was dispatched to America find out, and if at all possible, acquire the source of the subspace communications; at all cost!

Continued…


STAR TREK
SHOEBOX
 
With Beebo and Jeffery aboard the shuttle, Spock set a course toward the Enterprise’s quantum signature. Unfortunately, the course took them past a large park where a large amount of pigeons were flying about. A flock of nearly twenty pigeons gave chase. Spock expertly flew the shuttle, zig-zagging as he did. Spock was able to out fly the bulk of the flock, but two of the pigeons remained, and were proving to be more than a match for Spock’s Starfleet training.

The Shuttlecraft dove down from the sky, being chased by the last two pigeons. Spock did his best and pitched the shuttle in various directions, trying to stay one step ahead of the pigeons and their snapping beaks. But the two pigeons were determined to capture the fingernail sized shuttle. Kirk was beginning to worry about their fate.

“Spock,” Kirk said, “you can’t keep this up forever!” Kirk said as he looked back to make sure the two boys were fine. He saw them raising their hands above their heads each time the ship dove downward. “What,” Kirk said to them, “are you…two…doing?”

“This shit is fricking great,” Jeffery said, “it’s like we’re on some kind of rollercoaster. Tell your friend Spock to go faster!!” Jeffery said excitedly.

“Jeffery,” Beebo said as he looked at his friend, “your mom told you to stop cussing like that and she offered me a quarter for each time I told her you cussed.”

“She isn’t my real mother,” Jeffery said, “so I don’t care what she has to say.”

“Jeffery,” Kirk said to the young boy, “she may…not be your real…mother. But that should not…alter…the respect you show…to….her.”

“I know,” Jeffery said, “I’m just having fun and so I said shit. It’s not like I meant to hurt anyone.”

Spock, hearing the conversation, decided to throw them all a curve, and then put the shuttle into a spin as it dove.

“Holy shit!” Beebo said as the shuttle dove sharply.

“Oh crap!” Jeffery said, “We’re all going to die!!”

The shuttle spun as it dove, but eventually regained control.

“Okay,” Beebo said to Jeffery, “I won’t tell.”

“Just promise me,” Kirk said to Jeffery, “that you will…respect your stepmother.”

Jeffery bowed his head.


“I will sir,” Jeffery replied.

Kirk looked over to Beebo who was equally in a state of glee, raising his two stubby arms as well, each time the ship dove. Kirk could only shake his head. The situation Kirk and Spock found themselves in had actually started nearly a week ago. Kirk recalled it all so perfectly;

FLASH BACK

The Enterprise was patrolling along the Neutral Zone between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. It was then that the Enterprise encountered a strange plasma cloud which was showing signs of being able to accelerate and slow down as the Enterprise approached.

“Captain,” Spock announced from his science post on the bridge of the Enterprise, “I believe we are dealing with an advanced form of life.”

“Are yah daft?” Engineer Scott said from his engineering post. “It’s just a cloud’a’gas. It canna be intelligent.”

“Engineer Scott,” Spock said to Scotty. “The composition of a life form, or the size of its brain, has no bearing on its perceived intelligence level. For example…”

Spock was cut off my Scotty.

“Cap’n Kirk,” Scotty said excitedly.

“Excellent example,” Spock went on.

Kirk, who was drinking a cup of coffee, arched his eyebrow at Spock’s comment when suddenly the ship was rocked. Kirk dropped his coffee, and watched as some of the crew had been thrown to the floor.

“Spock,” Kirk called out, “what was that?”

“Captain,” Sulu said from his post, “negative control at helm!”

Kirk stood up and went over to Spock’s station. Spock was bent down, gazing into his sensor scanner. “Spock,” Kirk said, “what…can you… tell me about that…un--ex---pected jolt?”

Spock stood up.

“Captain,” Spock reported, “we are caught in a tractor-beam.”

“Oh no cap’n,” Scotty said in a highly concerned tone, “what are we gonna dooooo?”

Kirk looked at his crew because they were all looking to him for inspiration.

“I,” Kirk began to say, “will tell you….what… we’re not…going tooooooo…do. We’re not,” Kirk paused as he brought each of his elbows to his ribs, and held out his arms in an open gesture, “going to…paaaannnnnnic.”

The crew all smiled, and felt relieved. Kirk gave the greatest pep talks.

END OF FLASH BACK

Kirk was brought out of his memory.

“Captain,” Spock said, “The last two pigeons have broken off their pursuit,” Spock continued to stay. “Luckily the maneuver did not take us too far off of course. I have set a direct course back to the coordinates of the Enterprise’s position.”

“Very well Spock,” Kirk said.

Kirk had to wonder why the Enterprise had not tried to contact them. Perhaps Scotty and the others were aware of the fact that their communications we’re being monitored, and had gone silent for security reasons.

--
USS ENTERPRISE
INSIDE THE SHOEBOX

Scotty sat in the command chair on the bridge of the Enterprise. He had read many of the status reports, and one of them concerned him. Apparently the anti-matter containment field was showing very minute structural concerns. It posed little threat to the ship’s crew, but if left unattended, it would become a problem.

“Mr. Scott,” Uhura said as she came over to Scotty. “Do you think we should try and contact the Captain and Mr. Spock?”

“Not afta’ yee detected that someone has been monitoring our communications,” Scotty said. “We will stay silent for now. I’m quite sure that the Captain is on his way.”


Continued...

S T A R T R E K
SHOEBOX
 
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