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Star Trek: Remington - "Inceptum"

Kevin W.

Commander
Red Shirt
Some of you have probably seen me post some of my writing on here. It's been a while since I posted but I'm back for more. I've been updating the first episode of Star Trek: Remington bit-by-bit and here's where it stands right now.

http://thepegasus1935.deviantart.com/art/Episode-I-Inceptum-383046738

It isn't done yet, of course, and having a full-time job limits the time I have to work on it to nothing more than writing a couple paragraphs at a time, but I persist.

I'd appreciate any advice you can offer regarding improving the narrative portion of the story. I can write dialogue without a problem. It's the other half of the formula that I need to work on.
 
Crap crap crap crap crap I completely forgot that I'd already posted in my old topic for this series. Uh, ignore the old one please.
 
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