Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
Note: This story takes place sometime after the episode "Much Ado About Boimler".
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Fun With Plasmas
“Are you sure about this?” Boimler asked warily.
“Relax, man. I got it all figured out,” Rutherford assured him while checking a padd in the Repair Bay. A dozen sample containers filled with various substances lay on the main repair table next to him. “I’ve collected a wide variety of ancient plasmas possessing an assortment of known, unknown or questionable properties. I originally intended to experiment with them to find a way to improve warp core and EPS efficiency, but I’m more than willing to try and use them to temporarily mess you up again. That’s what friends do.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Boimler said. “Wait, won’t exposure to the various plasmas give me plasma burns or end up completely liquifying my flesh?”
“Theoretically yes, but that’s why I reconfigured this baby,” Rutherford patted the modified one-person transporter booth he had previously been working on. “I’ll use this new testing chamber to carefully expose your body to the various exotic particles contained within the plasmas without exposing the plasmas to you directly. And for the more hazardous plasmas I’ll load them into a specially modified generator and use it to bathe your body in their corresponding exotic fields.”
“Okay,” Boimler nodded and stepped into the booth before being smoothly sealed inside behind a transparent aluminum shield. “Let’s get this questionably-wise science project started before I change my mind.”
“Don’t worry, Boimler. I’m sure everything will be just fine,” Tendi chirped assuringly while holding a medkit and tricorder. “I’ll be right here monitoring you the whole time and ready to step in to treat any unexpected dangerous conditions or side effects.”
“And I’m here to provide moral support,” Mariner smirked leaning back in a nearby chair. “Also to get a good laugh and record every second of this soon-to-be disaster for future blackmail and posterity.”
“Thanks a lot, Mariner,” Boimler rolled his eyes and mentally prepared himself. “Okay, Rutherford. Hit me.”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford smiled loading a sample container into the equipment connected to the testing chamber. “We’ll start with a simple tetryon-based plasma infused with a combination of plekton and verteron particles.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t sound dangerous at all,” Mariner drawled sarcastically.
“It shouldn’t be,” Tendi commented. “And if it does somehow end up negatively affecting Boimler, Rutherford will simply flood the testing chamber with the corresponding antiparticles, thus neutralizing them and hopefully without blowing up Boimler in the process.”
“Exactly,” Boimler said before doing a double-take. “Wait, what?!”
“Hold on,” Mariner held up a hand. “If it’s so easy to reverse the effects of all the exotic particle plasma whatever, then why is Boims even bothering to put himself through this? Won’t the doctors and researchers at Division 14 just scan him, zap with the necessary antiparticles and send him right back to the Cerritos?”
“Not if they can’t determine the exact combination of exotic fields and particles that affected him in the first place,” Tendi explained. “Which they won’t if Boimler carries a miniature thoron generator on him to neutralize their sensors. If they notice the thorons Boimler can claim his body is generating the particles as a side effect of his condition.”
“Wow, that’s pretty sneaky,” Mariner commented. “I like it!”
“Yeah, I’m actually kind of proud of myself for coming up with it,” Boimler admitted. “And it will even technically be the truth when Tendi surgically inserts the miniature thoron generator up my…”
“Never mind the details, Boims,” Mariner cut him off. “Let’s just get on with messing you up. I gotta see a man about a load of contraband in an hour.” She pointed a finger at Rutherford. “Boim him, Ruthy.”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford smiled and entered a series of commands into a control panel. A stream of sparkling, glowing particles immediately flooded the testing chamber.
“Ooo, pretty,” Tendi cooed. “Nice touch.”
“Yeah, I thought it might be helpful to visually see the particles along with measuring them with sensors,” Rutherford said as the cloud of glowing particles quickly fused with Boimler’s body. “How are you feeling in there, Boimler?”
“Fine. I’m not in pain or anything. Tingles a little though,” Boimler said as the glowing particles seemed to disappear. “So, did it work? Am I messed up?”
“No more than usual,” Mariner quipped.
“Let’s see,” Tendi quickly scanned Boimler with her tricorder. “Lifesigns normal…no detectable phase variances…wait, aha! Your eyes are now a different color!”
“They are?” Boimler blinked.
“Yep,” Tendi said peering at him through the transparent aluminum shield. “One pupil is now striped purple and the other is covered with pink polka dots.”
“Gotta admit, that’s not exactly the kind of change I was expecting,” Mariner commented glancing at Boimler. “Wait, what’s your original eye color anyway? What’s the color of any of our eyes? It’s so hard to tell…”
“Ah, this is no good,” Boimler frowned as Tendi helpfully took out a mirror from a supply drawer and stuck it onto the transparent shield. “You can’t even tell I’m messed up. I need something a little more noticeable.”
“Not to worry, Boimler. I’m sure we’ll find something. We have plenty more plasmas to play with,” Rutherford said quickly flooding the testing chamber with antiparticles and returning Boimler to normal. He loaded a new sample container. “Okay, here goes attempt number two.”
“I still don’t feel anything,” Boimler remarked as a different cloud of particles fused with his body. “Well, how do I look? Any better?”
“You could say that,” Mariner smirked. “It’s definitely an improvement over your usual appearance.”
“Really? How?” Boimler looked in the mirror and saw his seemingly headless form. “AAAHHHHHH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HEAD?! IT’S GONE!”
“So has its contents,” Mariner quipped. “No change there.”
“Don’t worry, Boimler. Your head is right where it’s supposed to be,” Tendi assured him. “It’s just cloaked.”
“Cloaked?” Boimler yelped. “How is that possible?”
“I don’t have the slightest idea,” Rutherford scratched his head in confusion. “But it sure is interesting.”
“I’ll say,” Mariner grinned at Boimler. “Now when you go running around like a chicken with its head cut off, you’ll truly look the part.”
“Aggghhh! No! This won’t work!” Boimler cried hopping about like said chicken. “I need people to be able to see me! I’m a cutie! I can’t have a cloaked head hiding my best features!”
“It might not be all bad,” Tendi attempted to cheer him up. “At least the rest of your body isn’t cloaked.”
“That I know of,” Boimler yelped lifting his uniform jacket and undershirt. “YAAAHHHHHH! THERE’S A HOLE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CHEST!”
“Yuck, now that’s definitely not a good look,” Mariner made a face. “On the other hand, you won’t have to worry about anyone calling you spineless. If they do, just lift up your shirt and let them see the proof for themselves.”
“Okay, okay. Everybody calm down. I can fix this,” Rutherford said working the control panel. “There. All done.”
“Thank goodness,” Boimler sighed gazing at his restored reflection in relief. “I’m back! I can see my face again! Oh, how I’ve missed you!”
“Sheesh,” Mariner rolled her eyes. “And I thought Ransom was obsessed with his looks.”
“Alright, that one didn’t work,” Rutherford loaded another sample container. “How about this one?”
“Let’s see…GAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler shrieked as his skin was suddenly covered in fist-sized purple pimples. Some of them grew and tore holes right through his uniform. “AAAUUUUUUGGGHHH! WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?!”
“Yikes!” Mariner winced. “Talk about a bad case of acne.”
“Oooh, fascinating,” Tendi’s eyes widened as she studied her tricorder readings. “Boimler’s body is going through an incredible metamorphosis. Hmmm, you know, this could make a really cool Medical side project…”
“TENDI!” A pimple-covered Boimler howled.
“Sorry, sorry!” Tendi quickly apologized. “Reverse it, Rutherford!”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford swiftly did so. “Next sample. We’ll try exposing you to a plasma-based exotic field this time.”
“Ugh, my skin,” Boimler groaned at the blotches the overgrown pimples left as they receded back into his body. “I can’t have my body covered in stretch marks. I’ll have to replicate a good Vulcan moisturizing cream.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that, Boims,” Mariner said. “Nobody will notice a few stretch marks on ya. They won’t be able to.”
“Why? Is my face cloaked again?” Boimler asked glancing up at her. He then realized he needed to look quite a ways up. “AAAHHHHHH! WHAT THE HECK?! HOW DID YOU GUYS GET SO BIG?”
“More like the other way around,” Tendi blinked at the now miniature-sized Boimler. “Wow, you look kind of like some of the Marauder Mo action figures I used to ply…I mean, play with when I was a kid.”
“Really?” Rutherford glanced at her. “I thought Marauder Mo action figures were rare and highly sought after Ferengi collector items. How did you manage to get your hands on them?”
“Well, you see…” Tendi coughed nervously.
“HELLO! WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME?!” Boimler screamed while frantically waving his arms. His voice was clearly heard over his friend’s combadges. “I CAN’T GO TO THE FARM LIKE THIS!”
“Why not?” Rutherford asked. “Division 14 certainly won’t be able to deny you entry. Especially since other Starfleet officers have experienced a similar condition in the past…”
“Yeah, you should consider trying it out for a week or two, Boimler,” Tendi suggested. “Just think. You could be the model for a new line of collectable Starfleet action figures.”
“Yeah right, as if anyone would ever consider that stuff to be particularly valuable or prized,” Mariner snorted while mockingly gesturing with her hands. “I can see it all now: acquire any action figure, get Boimler free.”
“SHUT UP!” Boimler howled. “THIS ISN’T FUNNY!”
“It’s a little funny,” Mariner smirked at him. “Okay, more like a lot.”
“RUTHERFORD!” Boimler screamed.
“Don’t worry, I’m on it,” Rutherford said and quickly reversed the process. “There, all done. On to the next sample…”
“Oh, thank goodness!” Boimler sighed and hugged himself as he returned to his normal size. “You have no idea what it’s like to view things from that scale. Speaking of which, your guys really need to trim your nasal hairs…”
“Aaahhhhhh!” Mariner, Tendi and Rutherford yelped suddenly.
“Huh?” Boimler blinked, confused. “That’s strange. Usually I’m one shouting in discomfort.”
“It’s more than that!” Tendi moaned shielding her eyes as Boimler’s body began to shine brighter than a star. “Ooo, I think I just went blind!”
“My implant’s overloaded!” Rutherford cried. “The automatic viewing filters didn’t react fast enough!”
“Oh man,” Mariner winced covering her face. “Somebody hit the dim switch!”
“I don’t get it,” Boimler frowned gazing down at himself. “I can look at myself just fine. The light doesn’t bother me. And there’s no corresponding emissions of radiation or heat.”
“Yeah, but nobody else can look at you,” Tendi pointed out. “And you thought you were hard to look at when you were in phase.”
“Just like a Medusan,” Mariner quipped. “A single exposure to Boimler will drive anybody insane.”
“That’s the effect you have on people,” Boimler glared at her. “Unfortunately, that condition can’t be reversed. Speaking of which, Rutherford!”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford blindly poked at the control panel until Boimler ceased glowing. “Ohhh, that’s better.”
“I’ll say,” Tendi blinked rubbing her face. “Ooo, I have a whole bunch of pretty spots in front of my eyes.”
“They’re not just in front of your eyes,” Mariner said sounding stunned. “They’re all over Boimler too.”
“Huh?” Boimler looked at his reflection in the mirror to see he was now covered in thousands of tiny, flashing points of light. “Ahhh, what the heck is this? I look like I’m caught in a permanent mid-transporter effect from the 60’s!”
“Only with more intense light flashes,” Tendi winced holding her head. “Ohhh, I’m getting dizzy…”
“Oops! Sorry, man,” Rutherford checked the control panel. “I accidently loaded and started the next sample test by mistake.”
“Some mistake,” Boimler groaned closing his eyes. “Ugh, the strobing lights are too much. I can’t even look at myself without feeling sick!”
“That’s different from your usual state, how?” Mariner teased before placing a hand over her stomach. “Ohhh, on second thought, the flashing lights really do make ya feel kinda queasy…”
“Aggghhh, this is no good! I can’t go to The Farm like this!” Boimler cried throwing up his hands. “I’ll make everybody feel sick. No one will want to be around me.”
“Again, not that different from your typical state,” Mariner quipped averting her eyes.
“Don’t worry, man. We’ll find some acceptable way to mess you up,” Rutherford said reversing the effects. “Here, let’s see what the next sample does.”
Note: This story takes place sometime after the episode "Much Ado About Boimler".
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Fun With Plasmas
“Are you sure about this?” Boimler asked warily.
“Relax, man. I got it all figured out,” Rutherford assured him while checking a padd in the Repair Bay. A dozen sample containers filled with various substances lay on the main repair table next to him. “I’ve collected a wide variety of ancient plasmas possessing an assortment of known, unknown or questionable properties. I originally intended to experiment with them to find a way to improve warp core and EPS efficiency, but I’m more than willing to try and use them to temporarily mess you up again. That’s what friends do.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Boimler said. “Wait, won’t exposure to the various plasmas give me plasma burns or end up completely liquifying my flesh?”
“Theoretically yes, but that’s why I reconfigured this baby,” Rutherford patted the modified one-person transporter booth he had previously been working on. “I’ll use this new testing chamber to carefully expose your body to the various exotic particles contained within the plasmas without exposing the plasmas to you directly. And for the more hazardous plasmas I’ll load them into a specially modified generator and use it to bathe your body in their corresponding exotic fields.”
“Okay,” Boimler nodded and stepped into the booth before being smoothly sealed inside behind a transparent aluminum shield. “Let’s get this questionably-wise science project started before I change my mind.”
“Don’t worry, Boimler. I’m sure everything will be just fine,” Tendi chirped assuringly while holding a medkit and tricorder. “I’ll be right here monitoring you the whole time and ready to step in to treat any unexpected dangerous conditions or side effects.”
“And I’m here to provide moral support,” Mariner smirked leaning back in a nearby chair. “Also to get a good laugh and record every second of this soon-to-be disaster for future blackmail and posterity.”
“Thanks a lot, Mariner,” Boimler rolled his eyes and mentally prepared himself. “Okay, Rutherford. Hit me.”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford smiled loading a sample container into the equipment connected to the testing chamber. “We’ll start with a simple tetryon-based plasma infused with a combination of plekton and verteron particles.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t sound dangerous at all,” Mariner drawled sarcastically.
“It shouldn’t be,” Tendi commented. “And if it does somehow end up negatively affecting Boimler, Rutherford will simply flood the testing chamber with the corresponding antiparticles, thus neutralizing them and hopefully without blowing up Boimler in the process.”
“Exactly,” Boimler said before doing a double-take. “Wait, what?!”
“Hold on,” Mariner held up a hand. “If it’s so easy to reverse the effects of all the exotic particle plasma whatever, then why is Boims even bothering to put himself through this? Won’t the doctors and researchers at Division 14 just scan him, zap with the necessary antiparticles and send him right back to the Cerritos?”
“Not if they can’t determine the exact combination of exotic fields and particles that affected him in the first place,” Tendi explained. “Which they won’t if Boimler carries a miniature thoron generator on him to neutralize their sensors. If they notice the thorons Boimler can claim his body is generating the particles as a side effect of his condition.”
“Wow, that’s pretty sneaky,” Mariner commented. “I like it!”
“Yeah, I’m actually kind of proud of myself for coming up with it,” Boimler admitted. “And it will even technically be the truth when Tendi surgically inserts the miniature thoron generator up my…”
“Never mind the details, Boims,” Mariner cut him off. “Let’s just get on with messing you up. I gotta see a man about a load of contraband in an hour.” She pointed a finger at Rutherford. “Boim him, Ruthy.”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford smiled and entered a series of commands into a control panel. A stream of sparkling, glowing particles immediately flooded the testing chamber.
“Ooo, pretty,” Tendi cooed. “Nice touch.”
“Yeah, I thought it might be helpful to visually see the particles along with measuring them with sensors,” Rutherford said as the cloud of glowing particles quickly fused with Boimler’s body. “How are you feeling in there, Boimler?”
“Fine. I’m not in pain or anything. Tingles a little though,” Boimler said as the glowing particles seemed to disappear. “So, did it work? Am I messed up?”
“No more than usual,” Mariner quipped.
“Let’s see,” Tendi quickly scanned Boimler with her tricorder. “Lifesigns normal…no detectable phase variances…wait, aha! Your eyes are now a different color!”
“They are?” Boimler blinked.
“Yep,” Tendi said peering at him through the transparent aluminum shield. “One pupil is now striped purple and the other is covered with pink polka dots.”
“Gotta admit, that’s not exactly the kind of change I was expecting,” Mariner commented glancing at Boimler. “Wait, what’s your original eye color anyway? What’s the color of any of our eyes? It’s so hard to tell…”
“Ah, this is no good,” Boimler frowned as Tendi helpfully took out a mirror from a supply drawer and stuck it onto the transparent shield. “You can’t even tell I’m messed up. I need something a little more noticeable.”
“Not to worry, Boimler. I’m sure we’ll find something. We have plenty more plasmas to play with,” Rutherford said quickly flooding the testing chamber with antiparticles and returning Boimler to normal. He loaded a new sample container. “Okay, here goes attempt number two.”
“I still don’t feel anything,” Boimler remarked as a different cloud of particles fused with his body. “Well, how do I look? Any better?”
“You could say that,” Mariner smirked. “It’s definitely an improvement over your usual appearance.”
“Really? How?” Boimler looked in the mirror and saw his seemingly headless form. “AAAHHHHHH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HEAD?! IT’S GONE!”
“So has its contents,” Mariner quipped. “No change there.”
“Don’t worry, Boimler. Your head is right where it’s supposed to be,” Tendi assured him. “It’s just cloaked.”
“Cloaked?” Boimler yelped. “How is that possible?”
“I don’t have the slightest idea,” Rutherford scratched his head in confusion. “But it sure is interesting.”
“I’ll say,” Mariner grinned at Boimler. “Now when you go running around like a chicken with its head cut off, you’ll truly look the part.”
“Aggghhh! No! This won’t work!” Boimler cried hopping about like said chicken. “I need people to be able to see me! I’m a cutie! I can’t have a cloaked head hiding my best features!”
“It might not be all bad,” Tendi attempted to cheer him up. “At least the rest of your body isn’t cloaked.”
“That I know of,” Boimler yelped lifting his uniform jacket and undershirt. “YAAAHHHHHH! THERE’S A HOLE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CHEST!”
“Yuck, now that’s definitely not a good look,” Mariner made a face. “On the other hand, you won’t have to worry about anyone calling you spineless. If they do, just lift up your shirt and let them see the proof for themselves.”
“Okay, okay. Everybody calm down. I can fix this,” Rutherford said working the control panel. “There. All done.”
“Thank goodness,” Boimler sighed gazing at his restored reflection in relief. “I’m back! I can see my face again! Oh, how I’ve missed you!”
“Sheesh,” Mariner rolled her eyes. “And I thought Ransom was obsessed with his looks.”
“Alright, that one didn’t work,” Rutherford loaded another sample container. “How about this one?”
“Let’s see…GAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler shrieked as his skin was suddenly covered in fist-sized purple pimples. Some of them grew and tore holes right through his uniform. “AAAUUUUUUGGGHHH! WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?!”
“Yikes!” Mariner winced. “Talk about a bad case of acne.”
“Oooh, fascinating,” Tendi’s eyes widened as she studied her tricorder readings. “Boimler’s body is going through an incredible metamorphosis. Hmmm, you know, this could make a really cool Medical side project…”
“TENDI!” A pimple-covered Boimler howled.
“Sorry, sorry!” Tendi quickly apologized. “Reverse it, Rutherford!”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford swiftly did so. “Next sample. We’ll try exposing you to a plasma-based exotic field this time.”
“Ugh, my skin,” Boimler groaned at the blotches the overgrown pimples left as they receded back into his body. “I can’t have my body covered in stretch marks. I’ll have to replicate a good Vulcan moisturizing cream.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that, Boims,” Mariner said. “Nobody will notice a few stretch marks on ya. They won’t be able to.”
“Why? Is my face cloaked again?” Boimler asked glancing up at her. He then realized he needed to look quite a ways up. “AAAHHHHHH! WHAT THE HECK?! HOW DID YOU GUYS GET SO BIG?”
“More like the other way around,” Tendi blinked at the now miniature-sized Boimler. “Wow, you look kind of like some of the Marauder Mo action figures I used to ply…I mean, play with when I was a kid.”
“Really?” Rutherford glanced at her. “I thought Marauder Mo action figures were rare and highly sought after Ferengi collector items. How did you manage to get your hands on them?”
“Well, you see…” Tendi coughed nervously.
“HELLO! WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME?!” Boimler screamed while frantically waving his arms. His voice was clearly heard over his friend’s combadges. “I CAN’T GO TO THE FARM LIKE THIS!”
“Why not?” Rutherford asked. “Division 14 certainly won’t be able to deny you entry. Especially since other Starfleet officers have experienced a similar condition in the past…”
“Yeah, you should consider trying it out for a week or two, Boimler,” Tendi suggested. “Just think. You could be the model for a new line of collectable Starfleet action figures.”
“Yeah right, as if anyone would ever consider that stuff to be particularly valuable or prized,” Mariner snorted while mockingly gesturing with her hands. “I can see it all now: acquire any action figure, get Boimler free.”
“SHUT UP!” Boimler howled. “THIS ISN’T FUNNY!”
“It’s a little funny,” Mariner smirked at him. “Okay, more like a lot.”
“RUTHERFORD!” Boimler screamed.
“Don’t worry, I’m on it,” Rutherford said and quickly reversed the process. “There, all done. On to the next sample…”
“Oh, thank goodness!” Boimler sighed and hugged himself as he returned to his normal size. “You have no idea what it’s like to view things from that scale. Speaking of which, your guys really need to trim your nasal hairs…”
“Aaahhhhhh!” Mariner, Tendi and Rutherford yelped suddenly.
“Huh?” Boimler blinked, confused. “That’s strange. Usually I’m one shouting in discomfort.”
“It’s more than that!” Tendi moaned shielding her eyes as Boimler’s body began to shine brighter than a star. “Ooo, I think I just went blind!”
“My implant’s overloaded!” Rutherford cried. “The automatic viewing filters didn’t react fast enough!”
“Oh man,” Mariner winced covering her face. “Somebody hit the dim switch!”
“I don’t get it,” Boimler frowned gazing down at himself. “I can look at myself just fine. The light doesn’t bother me. And there’s no corresponding emissions of radiation or heat.”
“Yeah, but nobody else can look at you,” Tendi pointed out. “And you thought you were hard to look at when you were in phase.”
“Just like a Medusan,” Mariner quipped. “A single exposure to Boimler will drive anybody insane.”
“That’s the effect you have on people,” Boimler glared at her. “Unfortunately, that condition can’t be reversed. Speaking of which, Rutherford!”
“Okey-dokey,” Rutherford blindly poked at the control panel until Boimler ceased glowing. “Ohhh, that’s better.”
“I’ll say,” Tendi blinked rubbing her face. “Ooo, I have a whole bunch of pretty spots in front of my eyes.”
“They’re not just in front of your eyes,” Mariner said sounding stunned. “They’re all over Boimler too.”
“Huh?” Boimler looked at his reflection in the mirror to see he was now covered in thousands of tiny, flashing points of light. “Ahhh, what the heck is this? I look like I’m caught in a permanent mid-transporter effect from the 60’s!”
“Only with more intense light flashes,” Tendi winced holding her head. “Ohhh, I’m getting dizzy…”
“Oops! Sorry, man,” Rutherford checked the control panel. “I accidently loaded and started the next sample test by mistake.”
“Some mistake,” Boimler groaned closing his eyes. “Ugh, the strobing lights are too much. I can’t even look at myself without feeling sick!”
“That’s different from your usual state, how?” Mariner teased before placing a hand over her stomach. “Ohhh, on second thought, the flashing lights really do make ya feel kinda queasy…”
“Aggghhh, this is no good! I can’t go to The Farm like this!” Boimler cried throwing up his hands. “I’ll make everybody feel sick. No one will want to be around me.”
“Again, not that different from your typical state,” Mariner quipped averting her eyes.
“Don’t worry, man. We’ll find some acceptable way to mess you up,” Rutherford said reversing the effects. “Here, let’s see what the next sample does.”
