Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
Note: This story takes place during the episode "Much Ado About Boimler".
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Flying Miss Tendi
“Nooo,” Boimler moaned watching the group of deformed Starfleet officers and attractive spa attendants disappear from sight as the shuttlecraft departed the surface of Endicronimas V. “Why did we have to leave? Those ladies liked me. They accepted me…”
“Aw, cheer up, Boimler,” Tendi smiled sitting next to him. “Sure, The Farm’s a great beautiful spa with paradisal weather, amazing food and dozens of friendly willing attendants to see to your every need, but it’s not home.”
“I’ll say it’s not,” Boimler whimpered longingly. “That was the first time I was able to completely rest and relax without fear of being mocked or interrupted by one of Mariner’s annoying, potentially career-ending antics in months.”
“At least you’ve stopped glowing and are all back in phase,” Tendi pointed out. “I’m sure you’ll cheer up and feel much better once we get back to the Cerritos.”
“I suppose,” Boimler sighed slumping in his seat. “Though maybe I could submit a transfer request to Division 14…” Boimler then realized he was in a fully functional shuttlecraft with Tendi in the pilot’s seat. “Oh no…”
“Alright, we’ve cleared Endicronimas V’s atmosphere,” Tendi smiled working the controls. “Cerritos, here we come!”
“No! Wait…AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Boimler screamed as the shuttlecraft leapt to warp.
“Wow, look at that,” Tendi marveled gazing out the fore viewport. “Isn’t it amazing? It’s hard to imagine just how mind-blowingly fast we’re going just by watching the passing starscape streak by.”
“If only!” Boimler yelped plastered back in his seat. “Gahhh, what’s wrong with this shuttle’s inertial dampers? I feel like I’m being sat on by a mugato!”
“Oh, don’t worry. I just tweaked them a bit,” Tendi waved. “Scaling the inertial dampers back just a tad really helps me become better attuned to the shuttlecraft’s natural vibrations when traveling multiple times faster than the speed of light.”
“Just like my pulse and inevitable heart attack!” Boimler paled griping his seat for dear life. “YAAAHHHHHH! SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN!”
“Boy, this is great!” Tendi chirped while continuing to increase their speed. “This is my first time piloting a shuttlecraft while at warp. And it will count towards my official piloting lesson hours since you’re here right along with me.”
“A position I really wish I wasn’t in!” Boimler gulped. “Look out for rogue asteroids! Waaahhhhhh!”
“Relax, Boimler. I squeezed us between them with at least two meters to spare,” Tendi smiled. “Ooo, lookie! See the way the upcoming globular cluster appears while we’re at warp? We can observe the blue shift effect like this.”
“More like a violet shift!” Boimler blanched at the swiftly approaching stellar phenomena. “Which may soon become a violent shift!”
“Wheeeeee! This is so cool!” Tendi chirped happily gunning the engines some more. “What are the odds of there being a spare Starfleet-issue shuttlecraft lying around a secluded medical spa and the staff generously allowing us to use it? Boy, are we ever lucky!”
“‘Lucky’ definitely isn’t the word I would use to describe the situation right now!” Boimler gulped turning even paler than his knuckles. “Cursed, ill-fated and doomed however…GAAAHHHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! DON’T JUMP ACROSS NEUTRINO EDDIES LIKE THAT! LOOK OUT FOR THE ANCIENT EARTH SATELLITE! WATCH OUT FOR THE CIVILIAN CONVOY…NO, NOT INTO THE NEBULA! AAAUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!”
“Hey look. This nebula is also a stellar nursery,” Tendi noted zooming through the massive clouds of hot glowing gases. “See all the new baby stars being born around us? Aw, they’re so cute!”
“ARE YOU CRAZY?!” Boimler shrieked as Tendi surfed along the edges of the bright blue stars’ burning coronas and gravitational fields. “LOOK OUT FOR THE SOLAR FLARES! HAAAUUUHHHHHHHHH!”
“Ooo, pretty,” Tendi cooed weaving in and out amongst the stars while still flying at warp speed. “I’ve never seen solar flares burst out from baby stars like that. It’s like they’re burping.”
“More like another kind of humanoid bodily function,” Boimler gurgled turning green. “And they aren’t the only ones…glup!”
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
“Aaaccckkk!” Boimler yelped as the shuttlecraft shook ominously. “What the heck was that?”
“Oops,” Tendi checked the sensors. “Looks like I accidently ran into one of the large metreon gas pockets floating within the nebula. It exploded and set off a cascade reaction causing half the nebula to go up in flames.”
“WHAT?!” Boimler cried.
“Don’t worry, Boimler,” Tendi said punching in a set of commands. “I’ll get us out of here!”
“That’s what I’m afraid of…WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!” Boimler screamed as the shuttlecraft tore through the rapidly exploding nebula.
“It’s okay, Boimler. I got this,” Tendi assured swerving around multiple stars and gas pockets. “You know, this kind of reminds me of an old Earth song Rutherford and I listened to once. ‘Stairway to Heaven’.”
“More like being on the Highway to He…EEEAAAUUUHHHHHH!” Boimler screamed as more violent shockwaves shook the shuttlecraft.
“Okay, we’re clear,” Tendi chirped as they finally emerged from the exploding nebula. “That wasn’t so bad. Sure was a good test of my piloting skills. It was really fun!”
“Are you insane?!” Boimler yelped. “What am I saying?”
“Don’t worry, Boimler. Things may have gotten a little rough in there, but we came out of it just fine,” Tendi said running a quick system’s check. “Sure, half the nebula blew up and scattered dozens of new baby stars all across the sector, but that’s okay. We helped spread new stars to areas of space that wouldn’t otherwise have been warmed by their radiant, effervescent glows. We may have helped set up conditions for new life to form within the next few million years.”
“Which is directly inverse of my remaining will to live,” Boimler whimpered. “And my probable life expectancy!”
“Okay, some astronomers may need to make some minor changes to their existing star charts,” Tendi went on. “But besides that, I don’t think anyone will notice much.”
“Who dares disturb my slumber?” A giant, glowing bearded face suddenly appeared in front of the shuttlecraft. “It has been millennia since I witnessed such a massive, uncontrollable swatch of wild, chaotic destruction.”
“Eeep!” Boimler goggled.
“Ooo, look! It must be some kind of ancient, non-corporeal entity!” Tendi squealed excitedly. She waved at it through the viewport. “Hi there! I’m Tendi! Nice to meet you!”
“Silence, mortal!” The bearded head glared flying after the departing shuttlecraft. “You dare attempt to flee from the great Erragal?”
“The great what?” Boimler gasped.
“I dunno. Never heard of it,” Tendi shrugged running a quick computer search. “Oh, here it is. Erragal is the name of some ancient Earth deity. Sumerian or something. He was apparently a minor god of storms and destruction.”
“How apropos,” Boimler groaned. “Great, we’ve awoken and tickled off an alien lifeform who may have been the basis of a minor figure from an ancient Earth pantheon. Guess even so-called gods and alien lifeforms have their own versions of the lower decks.”
“Come back here!” The glowing head of Erragal roared while chasing after them at warp speed. “You can not escape me!”
“Oh, it’s a race he wants, does he?” Tendi’s eyes gleamed wickedly. “I’m game! Let’s hit it!”
“NO! NO! NO!” Boimler screamed in terror as Tendi proceeded to push the shuttlecraft past its rated design limits. “WE’RE NOT RACING THAT THING! BRING THIS SHUTTLECRAFT TO A FULL STOP RIGHT NOW!”
“Sorry, no-can-do,” Tendi shook her head determinedly. “We can’t let that ancient, non-corporeal entity beat us in a race. Starfleet’s pride and honor are on the line!”
“So are our lives!” Boimler shrieked even higher than the straining engines’ feedback. “Not to mention my remaining sanity…AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!”
“He, he, he!” Tendi giggled plunging the shuttlecraft into a nearby plasma storm while performing a series of reverse barrel rolls. “This is great! Bet we’ll get a lot of style points for this! That alien entity doesn’t stand a chance!”
“No kidding,” Boimler whimpered. “Then again, neither do I!”
“Foolish mortals!” Erragal boomed closing in on them. “Do you really think you will evade me in this puny tempest? I am the master of storms and destruction!”
“I’ll admit you might have a decent claim to that first one,” Boimler moaned as Tendi proceeded to cackle maniacally. “As for the second, I’d say you’ve definitely met your match!”
“Wow, he’s good,” Tendi commented as they and Erragal burst out from the plasma storm. “But don’t worry. I know how to lose him!”
“If only I could do the same with you…GAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler yelled. “TENDI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU’RE FLYING US DIRECTLY TOWARDS A BLACK HOLE!”
“No, I’m not,” Tendi defended. “I’m only aiming for the event horizon of the black hole.”
“WHAT?!” Boimler screeched in fear.
“Don’t worry, Boimler. I got this,” Tendi assured as the battered shuttlecraft hurled towards one of the universe’s ultimate voids. “I think…”
“YOU THINK?!” Boimler screamed. “AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH! PULL UP! PULL UP!”
“Too late. The momentum and force vectors are too great,” Tendi said. “Here we go!”
“Pathetic mortals!” Erragal roared following them in. “Your futile efforts have been in vain! I have you now…YAAAHHHHHH!”
“Sorry, Mr. Erragal, but you really should work on your turns,” Tendi waved as the shuttlecraft whirled around just outside the black hole’s event horizon. “Ooo, this is fun! Wheeeeee!”
“WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!” Boimler blanched in terror. “I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die!”
“Aaaggghhhhhh!” Erragal howled dipping below the point of no-return. “My immortal existence can not end like this! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“Waaahoooooo!” Tendi cheered as the shuttlecraft finally turned away from the massive gravity well and zoomed back out into space. “And it’s Starfleet for the win! Yay!”
“Ugh, so much for that alien lifeform,” Boimler groaned as Erragal disappeared into the black hole, never to return. “His torment and suffering are finally at an end. Gosh, I envy him!”
“Wow, that was great!” Tendi beamed. “I can’t wait to tell Rutherford about this…” A warning light suddenly caught her attention. “Uh oh. All this fancy flying has really overloaded the engines. They need to cool down.”
“Thank goodness!” Boimler sighed. “My prayers have been answered! Thank you, Erragal!”
“But if we shut down the engines we’ll miss rendezvousing with the Cerritos,” Tendi mused. “Though there is another way to bring us up to speed.”
“What?!” Boimler yelped. “What are you talking about…AAAHHHHHH!”
“Okay, found one,” Tendi smiled working a panel. “This might just work out after all.”
“What will work out? What have you found…WAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler cried as the shuttlecraft abruptly changed course. “Tendi, what are you doing?! We’re heading straight for a pulsar! Gaaahhh, how can we be running into so many interstellar phenomena in so short a time in the infinite vastness of space?”
“Just lucky I guess,” Tendi grinned. “Don’t worry, Boimler. The engines will probably hold together long enough for us to pull this off…”
“PROBABLY?!” Boimler screeched in horror. “WHAT KIND OF CRAZY, INSANE MANEUVER ARE YOU SENDING US INTO THIS TIME…AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!”
“Wheeeeee!” Tendi giggled whipping the shuttlecraft around the pulsar in a slingshot effect before shooting away from it like a bat out of heck. “Hey, it worked! The shuttlecraft didn’t break apart. Now we’ll be able to temporarily shut down the engines while still breaking the faster-than-light barrier.”
“We’re going to end up breaking the galactic barrier if this cursed shuttle trip lasts must longer!” Boimler shrieked watching the starscape whiz by. “At this rate we’ll eventually hit Warp Ten, turn into a pair of giant amphibians and end up back at The Farm!”
“Here we are!” Tendi sang out as the shuttlecraft entered the Khwopa system. “Wow, we got here a lot faster than I thought we would.”
“Gee, I wonder why,” Boimler groaned. “Now we can finally drop out of warp. I’m saved!”
“Hmmm, that’s strange. I’m not detecting the Cerritos anywhere,” Tendi frowned running a sensor scan. “Aha, got her on long-range sensors. Just a quick warp jump away.”
“I spoke too soon,” Boimler gulped as the shuttlecraft leapt to warp once more. “AAAGGGHHHHHH, NOT AGAIN!”
“There she is,” Tendi smiled spotting the familiar California-class silhouette. She brought the shuttlecraft out of warp. “And the Main Shuttlebay is clear for landing. Here we go!”
“Mother…YAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler cried as the shuttlecraft crashed into the empty shuttlebay. “Ohhh, my bones. Tendi, you have to stop trying to land while flying at one-quarter impulse…huh?” He blinked and looked out the viewport. “Hey, since when did the Main Shuttlebay have Jefferies tube accesses on the port side? And why is everything glowing?”
“Oops,” Tendi checked the sensors once again. “Looks like I made a little mistake. This isn’t the Cerritos. It’s the Rubidoux.”
“I should have known,” Boimler groaned as a mass of glowing tendrils quickly tore the shuttlebay apart.
“Don’t worry, Boimler. I’ll get us out of here,” Tendi said firing up the engines.
“Do you have to…WAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler cried as the shuttlecraft roared away from the Rubidoux just as the entire ship broke apart.
“Wow, look at that,” Tendi commented at the sight. “Wonder what happened over there? We’ll have to ask Rutherford and Mariner about it later.”
“If we live that long,” Boimler moaned. “I’m surprised we’ve managed to make it this far!”
“Ah, here we are,” Tendi grinned turning the shuttlecraft around and circled the Cerritos before crashing into the Main Shuttlebay. “Home at last!”
“Thank goodness,” Boimler warbled prying his fingers from the indentations he had made in his seat. He slowly staggered out the starboard hatch. “I’m finally safe.”
“You! Ensign!” A black-clad Captain Freeman stood waiting for him. “Are you the one responsible for this?”
“Huh?” Boimler blinked noticing he and Tendi had crashed into the rear of another shuttlecraft which had just delivered Freeman, Commander Ransom and Lieutenant Shaxs back to the Cerritos. “Oh no!”
“The Captain asked you a question, Ensign,” Shaxs rumbled. “Answer her!”
“Uh,” Boimler gulped.
“Oops, sorry about that, Captain,” Tendi apologized emerging from their wrecked, doomed shuttlecraft. “It was all my fault. I take full responsibility.”
“Really?” Freeman fixed her with a look. “Well done!”
“Huh?” Boimler and Tendi gaped at her.
“Excellent job noticing our remaining cargo of rulot seeds had become unstable and broken free of their stasis units,” Freeman said indicating a mass of macerated plant matter and sample containers crushed between the two destroyed shuttlecraft. “If you hadn’t crashed and squashed them all like you did, they would have quickly germinated and spread their volatile seedlings all over the ship.”
“Oh,” Tendi nodded. “Okay. You’re welcome.”
“Whaaa?” Boimler’s jaw practically touched the floor.
“Great job, Ensign,” Freeman nodded. “Keep up the good work.”
“Thank you, Captain,” Tendi beamed proudly. “But it wasn’t all my doing. Ensign Boimler here has been helping me become a fully certified pilot. He was with me every step of the way.”
“Unfortunately,” Boimler muttered under his breath.
“Really?” Ransom said studying Boimler appraisingly. “Well done, Mister Boimler. ‘Attaway to show initiative with your fellow ensign here. I’ll schedule you two for more piloting lessons and move your names to the top of the Main Backup Shuttlecraft Team list for all future side missions.”
“WHAT?!” Boimler yelped.
“Really? Yay!” Tendi cheered as Freeman, Ransom and Shaxs exited the shuttlebay. “Thank you, sir! I won’t let you down!”
“Noooooo,” Boimler groaned sinking to the floor. “I should have just stayed behind on the farm. And I’m not talking about Endicronimas V!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
Note: This story takes place during the episode "Much Ado About Boimler".
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Flying Miss Tendi
“Nooo,” Boimler moaned watching the group of deformed Starfleet officers and attractive spa attendants disappear from sight as the shuttlecraft departed the surface of Endicronimas V. “Why did we have to leave? Those ladies liked me. They accepted me…”
“Aw, cheer up, Boimler,” Tendi smiled sitting next to him. “Sure, The Farm’s a great beautiful spa with paradisal weather, amazing food and dozens of friendly willing attendants to see to your every need, but it’s not home.”
“I’ll say it’s not,” Boimler whimpered longingly. “That was the first time I was able to completely rest and relax without fear of being mocked or interrupted by one of Mariner’s annoying, potentially career-ending antics in months.”
“At least you’ve stopped glowing and are all back in phase,” Tendi pointed out. “I’m sure you’ll cheer up and feel much better once we get back to the Cerritos.”
“I suppose,” Boimler sighed slumping in his seat. “Though maybe I could submit a transfer request to Division 14…” Boimler then realized he was in a fully functional shuttlecraft with Tendi in the pilot’s seat. “Oh no…”
“Alright, we’ve cleared Endicronimas V’s atmosphere,” Tendi smiled working the controls. “Cerritos, here we come!”
“No! Wait…AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Boimler screamed as the shuttlecraft leapt to warp.
“Wow, look at that,” Tendi marveled gazing out the fore viewport. “Isn’t it amazing? It’s hard to imagine just how mind-blowingly fast we’re going just by watching the passing starscape streak by.”
“If only!” Boimler yelped plastered back in his seat. “Gahhh, what’s wrong with this shuttle’s inertial dampers? I feel like I’m being sat on by a mugato!”
“Oh, don’t worry. I just tweaked them a bit,” Tendi waved. “Scaling the inertial dampers back just a tad really helps me become better attuned to the shuttlecraft’s natural vibrations when traveling multiple times faster than the speed of light.”
“Just like my pulse and inevitable heart attack!” Boimler paled griping his seat for dear life. “YAAAHHHHHH! SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN!”
“Boy, this is great!” Tendi chirped while continuing to increase their speed. “This is my first time piloting a shuttlecraft while at warp. And it will count towards my official piloting lesson hours since you’re here right along with me.”
“A position I really wish I wasn’t in!” Boimler gulped. “Look out for rogue asteroids! Waaahhhhhh!”
“Relax, Boimler. I squeezed us between them with at least two meters to spare,” Tendi smiled. “Ooo, lookie! See the way the upcoming globular cluster appears while we’re at warp? We can observe the blue shift effect like this.”
“More like a violet shift!” Boimler blanched at the swiftly approaching stellar phenomena. “Which may soon become a violent shift!”
“Wheeeeee! This is so cool!” Tendi chirped happily gunning the engines some more. “What are the odds of there being a spare Starfleet-issue shuttlecraft lying around a secluded medical spa and the staff generously allowing us to use it? Boy, are we ever lucky!”
“‘Lucky’ definitely isn’t the word I would use to describe the situation right now!” Boimler gulped turning even paler than his knuckles. “Cursed, ill-fated and doomed however…GAAAHHHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! DON’T JUMP ACROSS NEUTRINO EDDIES LIKE THAT! LOOK OUT FOR THE ANCIENT EARTH SATELLITE! WATCH OUT FOR THE CIVILIAN CONVOY…NO, NOT INTO THE NEBULA! AAAUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!”
“Hey look. This nebula is also a stellar nursery,” Tendi noted zooming through the massive clouds of hot glowing gases. “See all the new baby stars being born around us? Aw, they’re so cute!”
“ARE YOU CRAZY?!” Boimler shrieked as Tendi surfed along the edges of the bright blue stars’ burning coronas and gravitational fields. “LOOK OUT FOR THE SOLAR FLARES! HAAAUUUHHHHHHHHH!”
“Ooo, pretty,” Tendi cooed weaving in and out amongst the stars while still flying at warp speed. “I’ve never seen solar flares burst out from baby stars like that. It’s like they’re burping.”
“More like another kind of humanoid bodily function,” Boimler gurgled turning green. “And they aren’t the only ones…glup!”
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
“Aaaccckkk!” Boimler yelped as the shuttlecraft shook ominously. “What the heck was that?”
“Oops,” Tendi checked the sensors. “Looks like I accidently ran into one of the large metreon gas pockets floating within the nebula. It exploded and set off a cascade reaction causing half the nebula to go up in flames.”
“WHAT?!” Boimler cried.
“Don’t worry, Boimler,” Tendi said punching in a set of commands. “I’ll get us out of here!”
“That’s what I’m afraid of…WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!” Boimler screamed as the shuttlecraft tore through the rapidly exploding nebula.
“It’s okay, Boimler. I got this,” Tendi assured swerving around multiple stars and gas pockets. “You know, this kind of reminds me of an old Earth song Rutherford and I listened to once. ‘Stairway to Heaven’.”
“More like being on the Highway to He…EEEAAAUUUHHHHHH!” Boimler screamed as more violent shockwaves shook the shuttlecraft.
“Okay, we’re clear,” Tendi chirped as they finally emerged from the exploding nebula. “That wasn’t so bad. Sure was a good test of my piloting skills. It was really fun!”
“Are you insane?!” Boimler yelped. “What am I saying?”
“Don’t worry, Boimler. Things may have gotten a little rough in there, but we came out of it just fine,” Tendi said running a quick system’s check. “Sure, half the nebula blew up and scattered dozens of new baby stars all across the sector, but that’s okay. We helped spread new stars to areas of space that wouldn’t otherwise have been warmed by their radiant, effervescent glows. We may have helped set up conditions for new life to form within the next few million years.”
“Which is directly inverse of my remaining will to live,” Boimler whimpered. “And my probable life expectancy!”
“Okay, some astronomers may need to make some minor changes to their existing star charts,” Tendi went on. “But besides that, I don’t think anyone will notice much.”
“Who dares disturb my slumber?” A giant, glowing bearded face suddenly appeared in front of the shuttlecraft. “It has been millennia since I witnessed such a massive, uncontrollable swatch of wild, chaotic destruction.”
“Eeep!” Boimler goggled.
“Ooo, look! It must be some kind of ancient, non-corporeal entity!” Tendi squealed excitedly. She waved at it through the viewport. “Hi there! I’m Tendi! Nice to meet you!”
“Silence, mortal!” The bearded head glared flying after the departing shuttlecraft. “You dare attempt to flee from the great Erragal?”
“The great what?” Boimler gasped.
“I dunno. Never heard of it,” Tendi shrugged running a quick computer search. “Oh, here it is. Erragal is the name of some ancient Earth deity. Sumerian or something. He was apparently a minor god of storms and destruction.”
“How apropos,” Boimler groaned. “Great, we’ve awoken and tickled off an alien lifeform who may have been the basis of a minor figure from an ancient Earth pantheon. Guess even so-called gods and alien lifeforms have their own versions of the lower decks.”
“Come back here!” The glowing head of Erragal roared while chasing after them at warp speed. “You can not escape me!”
“Oh, it’s a race he wants, does he?” Tendi’s eyes gleamed wickedly. “I’m game! Let’s hit it!”
“NO! NO! NO!” Boimler screamed in terror as Tendi proceeded to push the shuttlecraft past its rated design limits. “WE’RE NOT RACING THAT THING! BRING THIS SHUTTLECRAFT TO A FULL STOP RIGHT NOW!”
“Sorry, no-can-do,” Tendi shook her head determinedly. “We can’t let that ancient, non-corporeal entity beat us in a race. Starfleet’s pride and honor are on the line!”
“So are our lives!” Boimler shrieked even higher than the straining engines’ feedback. “Not to mention my remaining sanity…AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!”
“He, he, he!” Tendi giggled plunging the shuttlecraft into a nearby plasma storm while performing a series of reverse barrel rolls. “This is great! Bet we’ll get a lot of style points for this! That alien entity doesn’t stand a chance!”
“No kidding,” Boimler whimpered. “Then again, neither do I!”
“Foolish mortals!” Erragal boomed closing in on them. “Do you really think you will evade me in this puny tempest? I am the master of storms and destruction!”
“I’ll admit you might have a decent claim to that first one,” Boimler moaned as Tendi proceeded to cackle maniacally. “As for the second, I’d say you’ve definitely met your match!”
“Wow, he’s good,” Tendi commented as they and Erragal burst out from the plasma storm. “But don’t worry. I know how to lose him!”
“If only I could do the same with you…GAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler yelled. “TENDI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU’RE FLYING US DIRECTLY TOWARDS A BLACK HOLE!”
“No, I’m not,” Tendi defended. “I’m only aiming for the event horizon of the black hole.”
“WHAT?!” Boimler screeched in fear.
“Don’t worry, Boimler. I got this,” Tendi assured as the battered shuttlecraft hurled towards one of the universe’s ultimate voids. “I think…”
“YOU THINK?!” Boimler screamed. “AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH! PULL UP! PULL UP!”
“Too late. The momentum and force vectors are too great,” Tendi said. “Here we go!”
“Pathetic mortals!” Erragal roared following them in. “Your futile efforts have been in vain! I have you now…YAAAHHHHHH!”
“Sorry, Mr. Erragal, but you really should work on your turns,” Tendi waved as the shuttlecraft whirled around just outside the black hole’s event horizon. “Ooo, this is fun! Wheeeeee!”
“WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!” Boimler blanched in terror. “I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die!”
“Aaaggghhhhhh!” Erragal howled dipping below the point of no-return. “My immortal existence can not end like this! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“Waaahoooooo!” Tendi cheered as the shuttlecraft finally turned away from the massive gravity well and zoomed back out into space. “And it’s Starfleet for the win! Yay!”
“Ugh, so much for that alien lifeform,” Boimler groaned as Erragal disappeared into the black hole, never to return. “His torment and suffering are finally at an end. Gosh, I envy him!”
“Wow, that was great!” Tendi beamed. “I can’t wait to tell Rutherford about this…” A warning light suddenly caught her attention. “Uh oh. All this fancy flying has really overloaded the engines. They need to cool down.”
“Thank goodness!” Boimler sighed. “My prayers have been answered! Thank you, Erragal!”
“But if we shut down the engines we’ll miss rendezvousing with the Cerritos,” Tendi mused. “Though there is another way to bring us up to speed.”
“What?!” Boimler yelped. “What are you talking about…AAAHHHHHH!”
“Okay, found one,” Tendi smiled working a panel. “This might just work out after all.”
“What will work out? What have you found…WAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler cried as the shuttlecraft abruptly changed course. “Tendi, what are you doing?! We’re heading straight for a pulsar! Gaaahhh, how can we be running into so many interstellar phenomena in so short a time in the infinite vastness of space?”
“Just lucky I guess,” Tendi grinned. “Don’t worry, Boimler. The engines will probably hold together long enough for us to pull this off…”
“PROBABLY?!” Boimler screeched in horror. “WHAT KIND OF CRAZY, INSANE MANEUVER ARE YOU SENDING US INTO THIS TIME…AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!”
“Wheeeeee!” Tendi giggled whipping the shuttlecraft around the pulsar in a slingshot effect before shooting away from it like a bat out of heck. “Hey, it worked! The shuttlecraft didn’t break apart. Now we’ll be able to temporarily shut down the engines while still breaking the faster-than-light barrier.”
“We’re going to end up breaking the galactic barrier if this cursed shuttle trip lasts must longer!” Boimler shrieked watching the starscape whiz by. “At this rate we’ll eventually hit Warp Ten, turn into a pair of giant amphibians and end up back at The Farm!”
“Here we are!” Tendi sang out as the shuttlecraft entered the Khwopa system. “Wow, we got here a lot faster than I thought we would.”
“Gee, I wonder why,” Boimler groaned. “Now we can finally drop out of warp. I’m saved!”
“Hmmm, that’s strange. I’m not detecting the Cerritos anywhere,” Tendi frowned running a sensor scan. “Aha, got her on long-range sensors. Just a quick warp jump away.”
“I spoke too soon,” Boimler gulped as the shuttlecraft leapt to warp once more. “AAAGGGHHHHHH, NOT AGAIN!”
“There she is,” Tendi smiled spotting the familiar California-class silhouette. She brought the shuttlecraft out of warp. “And the Main Shuttlebay is clear for landing. Here we go!”
“Mother…YAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler cried as the shuttlecraft crashed into the empty shuttlebay. “Ohhh, my bones. Tendi, you have to stop trying to land while flying at one-quarter impulse…huh?” He blinked and looked out the viewport. “Hey, since when did the Main Shuttlebay have Jefferies tube accesses on the port side? And why is everything glowing?”
“Oops,” Tendi checked the sensors once again. “Looks like I made a little mistake. This isn’t the Cerritos. It’s the Rubidoux.”
“I should have known,” Boimler groaned as a mass of glowing tendrils quickly tore the shuttlebay apart.
“Don’t worry, Boimler. I’ll get us out of here,” Tendi said firing up the engines.
“Do you have to…WAAAHHHHHH!” Boimler cried as the shuttlecraft roared away from the Rubidoux just as the entire ship broke apart.
“Wow, look at that,” Tendi commented at the sight. “Wonder what happened over there? We’ll have to ask Rutherford and Mariner about it later.”
“If we live that long,” Boimler moaned. “I’m surprised we’ve managed to make it this far!”
“Ah, here we are,” Tendi grinned turning the shuttlecraft around and circled the Cerritos before crashing into the Main Shuttlebay. “Home at last!”
“Thank goodness,” Boimler warbled prying his fingers from the indentations he had made in his seat. He slowly staggered out the starboard hatch. “I’m finally safe.”
“You! Ensign!” A black-clad Captain Freeman stood waiting for him. “Are you the one responsible for this?”
“Huh?” Boimler blinked noticing he and Tendi had crashed into the rear of another shuttlecraft which had just delivered Freeman, Commander Ransom and Lieutenant Shaxs back to the Cerritos. “Oh no!”
“The Captain asked you a question, Ensign,” Shaxs rumbled. “Answer her!”
“Uh,” Boimler gulped.
“Oops, sorry about that, Captain,” Tendi apologized emerging from their wrecked, doomed shuttlecraft. “It was all my fault. I take full responsibility.”
“Really?” Freeman fixed her with a look. “Well done!”
“Huh?” Boimler and Tendi gaped at her.
“Excellent job noticing our remaining cargo of rulot seeds had become unstable and broken free of their stasis units,” Freeman said indicating a mass of macerated plant matter and sample containers crushed between the two destroyed shuttlecraft. “If you hadn’t crashed and squashed them all like you did, they would have quickly germinated and spread their volatile seedlings all over the ship.”
“Oh,” Tendi nodded. “Okay. You’re welcome.”
“Whaaa?” Boimler’s jaw practically touched the floor.
“Great job, Ensign,” Freeman nodded. “Keep up the good work.”
“Thank you, Captain,” Tendi beamed proudly. “But it wasn’t all my doing. Ensign Boimler here has been helping me become a fully certified pilot. He was with me every step of the way.”
“Unfortunately,” Boimler muttered under his breath.
“Really?” Ransom said studying Boimler appraisingly. “Well done, Mister Boimler. ‘Attaway to show initiative with your fellow ensign here. I’ll schedule you two for more piloting lessons and move your names to the top of the Main Backup Shuttlecraft Team list for all future side missions.”
“WHAT?!” Boimler yelped.
“Really? Yay!” Tendi cheered as Freeman, Ransom and Shaxs exited the shuttlebay. “Thank you, sir! I won’t let you down!”
“Noooooo,” Boimler groaned sinking to the floor. “I should have just stayed behind on the farm. And I’m not talking about Endicronimas V!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
