Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
Note: This story occurs after the events in the episode "Cupid's Errant Arrow".
--------------------------------------
Chaos Among Thieves
“So, how much longer are we going to hang around this star system anyway?” Mariner asked while taking down her conspiracy board in the Repair Bay. “Are we just chilling out or is there another unstable moon or two that needs imploding?”
“Well, right now we’re ferrying a group of inhabitants who were previously living on Mixtus III’s fifth moon to the sixth,” Boimler said consulting his padd. “It’s part of the diplomatic agreement Captain Freeman mediated which allowed the fifth moon to be imploded in the first place.”
“Great, we’ve been reduced to a bunch of furniture movers,” Mariner rolled her eyes. “All part of a glamorous life in Starfleet.”
“It’s better than the Vancouver’s current assignment,” Boimler pointed out. “Relocating the rich couple living on Mixtus II. And all of their belongings. Ensign Casey overheard their head representative demanded the Vancouver carve out the entire island their house was on with a tractor beam and tow it to their new home.”
“Ugh, what a snob,” Mariner huffed. “Talk about impractical ideas. Who does that guy think we are, the Borg?”
“Anyway, once we finish with the relocation we’ll head back to Mixtus III,” Boimler continued. “We should arrive in about an hour.”
“Are you kidding me? Why so long?” Mariner asked. “We’re in a starship for crying out loud! At full impulse we could make the trip in six seconds!”
“I think it’s to give the ship’s cetaceans more time to enjoy being on Mixtus III,” Boimler said. “I heard Commander Ransom mention the ships’ entire cetacean population initially beamed down to monitor planetary conditions during the moon demolition. Afterward they stayed to help install new tidal gravity systems and for shore leave. It’s not often they get to visit such a watery world.”
“Yeah, I bet there are some really sweet water parks down there,” Mariner commented. “Though I doubt they have a wickeder water slide than the one we set up in Stellar Cartography last week…”
“Attention all decks,” Captain Freeman suddenly boomed over the ship’s comm system. “Several pieces of classified, cutting-edge Starfleet equipment have gone missing from the Vancouver. It’s possible this equipment is currently aboard the Cerritos without authorization. Vancouver security teams will be transporting aboard shortly to conduct a thorough search. I expect everyone to give them your full cooperation. Freeman out.”
“Missing classified Starfleet equipment?” Boimler repeated giving his friend a look. “Mariner…”
“Hey, don’t look at me, man,” Mariner held up her hands. “I didn’t nick anything I wasn’t supposed to this time.”
“That’ll be a first,” Boimler sighed. “Wait a second, what do you mean ‘this time’?”
“Oh no, no, no, no, no!” Tendi and Rutherford suddenly burst into the Repair Bay each carrying a duffle bag. “We’re dead! We are so dead!”
“This is terrible! We’re terrible!” Tendi wailed. “We’re the worst!”
“Okay, stay calm. Don’t panic!” Rutherford’s eye darted around fugitively. “We can still get out of this. Maybe they won’t trace them back to us…” He then noticed Mariner and Boimler. “Oh, hi guys.”
“Hi yourself,” Boimler raised an eyebrow at Rutherford’s and Tendi’s obvious twitchy states. “And just what has you two so wound up?”
“Oh, nothing,” Tendi laughed nervously. “Nothing at all!”
“Really?” Mariner gazed at her skeptically. “You guys wouldn’t know anything about those missing pieces of classified equipment from the Vancouver, would you?”
“Aghhh! Alright! We confess!” Tendi and Rutherford babbled falling to their knees. “We admit it! We did it! We’re guilty! Arrest us!”
“Gee, way to hang tough you two,” Mariner drawled sarcastically. “I’ve seen Delovian soufflés that held up better under pressure.”
“Okay, what did you guys do?” Boimler asked. “And just how bad is it?”
“We stole a bunch of T-88s from the Vancouver,” Tendi confessed. “But we didn’t think they’d mind! Or find out about them so fast! They have so many!”
“Ron must have sold us out,” Rutherford groaned.
“Who’s Ron?” Boimler blinked.
“Lt. Commander Ron Docent. Operations officer on the Vancouver,” Rutherford explained as he and Tendi stood up. “I used my implant to blackmail him into giving us our own T-88s, but we swiped a few extras ones before we left.”
“Extra?” Boimler repeated. “How much is extra?”
“Not many,” Tendi coughed nervously. “Just one or two…dozen.”
“What?” Boimler yelped. “Are you crazy? Whatever possessed you two to steal classified Starfleet equipment in the first place?”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Rutherford laughed weakly.
“Whoa, you guys blackmailed a commander?” Mariner looked surprised. “I gotta admit I’m impressed. Way to go!”
“Don’t encourage them,” Boimler scolded. “This is serious!”
“Aw, relax Boims. It’s no big deal,” Mariner waved. “So they nicked a few fancy tricorders or whatever. Who cares? It’s not like they stole an entire starship or anything.”
“Somebody obviously cares!” Boimler shouted. “That’s why the ship is about to be crawling with Starfleet Security!”
“T-88s haven’t been distributed to the rest of the fleet yet,” Rutherford gulped while glancing around anxiously. “They’re still considered classified technology. That’s why Security is so focused on tracking them down! We gotta hide ‘em!”
“You can’t hide things from Starfleet Security!” Tendi fretted. “They’re professionals! They know everything!”
“Well, what do you expect us to do?” Rutherford panicked. “Hide the T-88s in our bunks?”
“Oh, like that’s a great idea. Why don’t ya throw a blanket over ‘em while you’re at it,” Mariner rolled her eyes. “What kind of absolute idiot would try hiding missing tech in their bunk?”
“Ahhh, we’re doomed! Doomed!” Tendi wailed. “I stole official Starfleet equipment! I’m going to prove all the terrible stereotypes about Orions being thieves and liars right!”
“I’m gonna be kicked out of Starfleet!” Rutherford cried. “I’m gonna wind up monitoring penal colony waste extraction systems in New Zealand or on Jaros II!”
“Calm down, guys. Nobody is getting kicked out of Starfleet,” Mariner soothed. “We’ll stash your load of stolen doohickeys in one of my scanproof contraband caches then get your Bonnie and Clyde behinds cleaned up so no one suspects ya.”
“You…you will?” Tendi sniffed hopefully.
“Sure. I got tons of illegal junk tucked away around the ship that neither Shaxs or Ransom have ever found,” Mariner smirked. “Heck, even I have trouble finding some of it.”
“That’s because you’re usually drunk at the time after cleaning out your other stashes,” Boimler pointed out.
“Really?” Tendi gave Mariner a relieved hug. “Gee, thanks Mariner!”
“Wait, what about Ron?” Rutherford asked. “He’s the one who probably told Security about the theft. It’s his word against ours. He’s a witness!”
“Can’t you just blackmail him into retracting his statement and keeping his big mouth shut?” Mariner asked.
“No, the recording of Ron we used as blackmail includes evidence of us planning to use it as blackmail,” Rutherford explained. “If it gets out, we’ll be implicating ourselves!”
“How ironic,” Boimler drawled. “This is why honesty is always the best policy.”
“Always?” Mariner gave him a look.
“Well, almost,” Boimler coughed sheepishly.
“I thought so,” Mariner smirked prying Tendi off her. “Okay, enough lounging around. Let’s hurry and stash the loot before Security shows up.”
“Security. Nobody move!” A tall, stern-looking lieutenant commander from the Vancouver entered the Repair Bay leading a full security team. “Everyone remain where you are and keep your hands where we can see them!”
“You were saying?” Boimler whispered.
“Oops,” Mariner blinked. “Uh oh.”
“Oh no!” Rutherford quickly grabbed both duffle bags and tossed them into the dilapidated shuttlecraft in the corner.
“At ease, people!” Lieutenant Shaxs barked accompanying his counterpart from the Vancouver. “This is a standard security scan. It won’t take long.”
“I bet,” Boimler muttered under his breath.
“Oh man, oh man, oh man,” Rutherford began to sweat nervously.
“This can’t be happening,” Tendi moaned. “I’m going to be deported!”
“Shhh, keep calm,” Mariner advised. “When…I mean, if they find the stuff just act real surprised and maybe we can bluff our way out of this.”
“Sir! I found them!” A Vancouver security officer held up the pair of duffle bags. She opened them revealing each packed with T-88s. “All the missing equipment has been accounted for. And the names on these bags are for an Ensign Tendi and Rutherford.”
“Seriously?” Mariner stared at her two guilty-looking friends. “Ugh, you guys are the worse thieves ever!”
“What? Is this true, Baby Bear?” Shaxs roared looming over Rutherford. “Did you and Ensign Orion here take all these T-88s from the Vancouver?”
“Yes, sir,” Rutherford signed miserably. “We took them all.”
“It was just the two of us,” Tendi spoke up. “Ensigns Boimler and Mariner had nothing to do with it.”
“Yes we did…ooofff!” Mariner gasped as Tendi subtly elbowed her in the ribs. “Uh, I mean yes, we didn’t suspect a thing.”
“Really?” The Vancouver commander looked skeptical.
“It’s true,” Rutherford insisted. “Scan the T-88s. The only DNA traces on them are from us. We even ran a few diagnostics with the T-88s on the Cerritos.”
“You did?” The Vancouver commander gasped in surprise. “That’s outstanding! Well done!”
“WHAT?!” All four Cerritos ensigns yelped.
“You ensigns certainly are initiative and vigilant,” The Vancouver commander praised as the security team carefully packed up the batch of T-88s. “We just recently learned all the T-88s aboard the Vancouver had been infected with a Romulan eavesdropping program. The notice about you discovering and warning Lt. Commander Docent about it must have gotten lost during the business with the imploding moon.”
“Uh…” Rutherford stuttered, stunned.
“The eavesdropping program was embedded in the rootkit of every single T-88, copies of their original schematics and their replicator program patterns,” The Vancouver commander went on. “The Romulans planned to use them to collect classified information about the Vancouver. Good job thwarting their insidious plan.”
“Uh…” Tendi was literally slack-jawed.
“Yeah, great job guys!” Mariner quickly went with the flow and congratulated her crewmates. “You showed those sneaky Romulans not to try putting one over on Starfleet.”
“They did better than that. They gave us an opportunity to put one over on the Romulans,” The Vancouver commander grinned. “Our computer engineers will remove the eavesdropping programs from all the T-88s except for the ones these ensigns removed. They’ll simply switch the transponder codes so the Romulans will collect false diagnostic information about the seemingly top-of-the-line Vancouver when it will really be from the old, beat-up Cerritos.”
“Hey!” Boimler yelped, offended.
“Officially you ensigns are to receive reprimands for taking classified Starfleet equipment without waiting for proper authorization,” The Vancouver commander frowned at Tendi and Rutherford. “You did a bad thing. Don’t do it again. There, you’ve been reprimanded.”
“Uh,” Tendi and Rutherford blinked while still in states of utter shock.
“Unofficially, you are to be commended for your quick thinking and swift action,” The Vancouver commander shook their stunned hands.
“Uh, yes sir,” Tendi and Rutherford finally managed to get out. “Thank you.”
“You’ve done Starfleet proud today,” The Vancouver commander smiled. “Keep up the good work!”
“Great job, Baby Bear!” Shaxs grinned giving Rutherford a hearty slap on the back. “I knew that half-hour of counter-intelligence security training I pounded into you would pay off!”
“Uh, you’re welcome,” Rutherford stammered as Shaxs escorted the Vancouver commander, security team and recovered batch of T-88s out of the Repair Bay.
“O-kay,” Boimler blinked. “That was unexpected.”
“And close!” Tendi collapsed into a chair. “I thought we were going to be arrested for sure!”
“Not to mention court-martialed,” Rutherford sighed in relief. “This incident won’t even go into our official records.”
“Guess you guys Kirk-level lucked out this time,” Mariner grinned. “And nice job breaking protocol! But next time, cue me in at the beginning so I can help ya stash your ‘indefinitely-borrowed’ loot.”
“There won’t be a next time,” Boimler declared looking at his fellow ensigns in disapproval. “Because we’re Starfleet officers and Starfleet officers don’t steal classified equipment from other Starfleet vessels.”
“Oh really?” Mariner raised an eyebrow. “And what do normal, boring ol’ protocol-following Starfleet officers do?”
“They submit official requisitions for their own batch of T-88s,” Boimler said holding up his padd. “By the time this request makes its way through Starfleet’s bureaucracy chain, T-88s will have received approval for fleet-wide distribution and our requisition will be at the head of the line.”
“Really?” Rutherford blinked. “Alright!”
“Yay!” Tendi cheered. “Way to go, Boimler!”
“You’re welcome,” Boimler smiled looking smug. “See, that’s how things are supposed to get done in Starfleet.”
“Eh, maybe,” Mariner conceded. “But it’s not nearly as much fun.”
“Hey, do you think we could requisition a few more items while we’re at it?” Rutherford asked. “The Cerritos could use a few cutting-edge Mark IV quantum flux regulators.”
“Ooo, good idea!” Tendi chirped. “I’d love to have an isomolecular scanner to use in Sickbay.”
“The latest model of isomagnetic disintegrator would be sweet,” Mariner added. “And I’ve heard rumors of there being an update to the TR-116…”
“Hold on, that’s a lot of stuff,” Boimler protested. “We can’t requisition all that ourselves. And it would delay the delivery of the T-88s.”
“Not if we forge…er, I mean borrow Lieutenant Commander Billup’s authorization code,” Mariner grinned. “And throw in a complementary bottle of Saurian brandy or two to help expedite things…”
“What?” Boimler yelped. “You can’t do that!”
“You’re right. What was I thinking?” Mariner slapped her head. “We’ll use Commander Ransom’s authorization code instead. It’s higher ranking and much easier to get!”
“Oh no,” Boimler groaned. “Not again!”
“Uh, won’t we get in trouble for that?” Tendi asked.
“Oh sure. Now you’re worried about theft,” Boimler moaned.
“Don’t worry. I’ve done it before,” Mariner waved swiping Boimler’s padd. “Who do you think arranged for the Berengarian circus to come aboard for Ensign Castro’s birthday?”
“That was fun,” Rutherford smiled. “The dragon act was amazing. But not as amazing as when we receive our own batch of T-88s!”
“Don’t worry, Ruthy,” Mariner grinned as she quickly began adding to the requisition request. “Between Ransom’s authorization code and my palm greasing we could get what’s coming to us relatively soon. Say about five or six weeks.”
“More like five or six years once the judge advocate general finishes with us,” Boimler moaned. “Turns out time isn’t the only relative concept in the universe. So are Starfleet ethics!”
--------------------------------------
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
Note: This story occurs after the events in the episode "Cupid's Errant Arrow".
--------------------------------------
Chaos Among Thieves
“So, how much longer are we going to hang around this star system anyway?” Mariner asked while taking down her conspiracy board in the Repair Bay. “Are we just chilling out or is there another unstable moon or two that needs imploding?”
“Well, right now we’re ferrying a group of inhabitants who were previously living on Mixtus III’s fifth moon to the sixth,” Boimler said consulting his padd. “It’s part of the diplomatic agreement Captain Freeman mediated which allowed the fifth moon to be imploded in the first place.”
“Great, we’ve been reduced to a bunch of furniture movers,” Mariner rolled her eyes. “All part of a glamorous life in Starfleet.”
“It’s better than the Vancouver’s current assignment,” Boimler pointed out. “Relocating the rich couple living on Mixtus II. And all of their belongings. Ensign Casey overheard their head representative demanded the Vancouver carve out the entire island their house was on with a tractor beam and tow it to their new home.”
“Ugh, what a snob,” Mariner huffed. “Talk about impractical ideas. Who does that guy think we are, the Borg?”
“Anyway, once we finish with the relocation we’ll head back to Mixtus III,” Boimler continued. “We should arrive in about an hour.”
“Are you kidding me? Why so long?” Mariner asked. “We’re in a starship for crying out loud! At full impulse we could make the trip in six seconds!”
“I think it’s to give the ship’s cetaceans more time to enjoy being on Mixtus III,” Boimler said. “I heard Commander Ransom mention the ships’ entire cetacean population initially beamed down to monitor planetary conditions during the moon demolition. Afterward they stayed to help install new tidal gravity systems and for shore leave. It’s not often they get to visit such a watery world.”
“Yeah, I bet there are some really sweet water parks down there,” Mariner commented. “Though I doubt they have a wickeder water slide than the one we set up in Stellar Cartography last week…”
“Attention all decks,” Captain Freeman suddenly boomed over the ship’s comm system. “Several pieces of classified, cutting-edge Starfleet equipment have gone missing from the Vancouver. It’s possible this equipment is currently aboard the Cerritos without authorization. Vancouver security teams will be transporting aboard shortly to conduct a thorough search. I expect everyone to give them your full cooperation. Freeman out.”
“Missing classified Starfleet equipment?” Boimler repeated giving his friend a look. “Mariner…”
“Hey, don’t look at me, man,” Mariner held up her hands. “I didn’t nick anything I wasn’t supposed to this time.”
“That’ll be a first,” Boimler sighed. “Wait a second, what do you mean ‘this time’?”
“Oh no, no, no, no, no!” Tendi and Rutherford suddenly burst into the Repair Bay each carrying a duffle bag. “We’re dead! We are so dead!”
“This is terrible! We’re terrible!” Tendi wailed. “We’re the worst!”
“Okay, stay calm. Don’t panic!” Rutherford’s eye darted around fugitively. “We can still get out of this. Maybe they won’t trace them back to us…” He then noticed Mariner and Boimler. “Oh, hi guys.”
“Hi yourself,” Boimler raised an eyebrow at Rutherford’s and Tendi’s obvious twitchy states. “And just what has you two so wound up?”
“Oh, nothing,” Tendi laughed nervously. “Nothing at all!”
“Really?” Mariner gazed at her skeptically. “You guys wouldn’t know anything about those missing pieces of classified equipment from the Vancouver, would you?”
“Aghhh! Alright! We confess!” Tendi and Rutherford babbled falling to their knees. “We admit it! We did it! We’re guilty! Arrest us!”
“Gee, way to hang tough you two,” Mariner drawled sarcastically. “I’ve seen Delovian soufflés that held up better under pressure.”
“Okay, what did you guys do?” Boimler asked. “And just how bad is it?”
“We stole a bunch of T-88s from the Vancouver,” Tendi confessed. “But we didn’t think they’d mind! Or find out about them so fast! They have so many!”
“Ron must have sold us out,” Rutherford groaned.
“Who’s Ron?” Boimler blinked.
“Lt. Commander Ron Docent. Operations officer on the Vancouver,” Rutherford explained as he and Tendi stood up. “I used my implant to blackmail him into giving us our own T-88s, but we swiped a few extras ones before we left.”
“Extra?” Boimler repeated. “How much is extra?”
“Not many,” Tendi coughed nervously. “Just one or two…dozen.”
“What?” Boimler yelped. “Are you crazy? Whatever possessed you two to steal classified Starfleet equipment in the first place?”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Rutherford laughed weakly.
“Whoa, you guys blackmailed a commander?” Mariner looked surprised. “I gotta admit I’m impressed. Way to go!”
“Don’t encourage them,” Boimler scolded. “This is serious!”
“Aw, relax Boims. It’s no big deal,” Mariner waved. “So they nicked a few fancy tricorders or whatever. Who cares? It’s not like they stole an entire starship or anything.”
“Somebody obviously cares!” Boimler shouted. “That’s why the ship is about to be crawling with Starfleet Security!”
“T-88s haven’t been distributed to the rest of the fleet yet,” Rutherford gulped while glancing around anxiously. “They’re still considered classified technology. That’s why Security is so focused on tracking them down! We gotta hide ‘em!”
“You can’t hide things from Starfleet Security!” Tendi fretted. “They’re professionals! They know everything!”
“Well, what do you expect us to do?” Rutherford panicked. “Hide the T-88s in our bunks?”
“Oh, like that’s a great idea. Why don’t ya throw a blanket over ‘em while you’re at it,” Mariner rolled her eyes. “What kind of absolute idiot would try hiding missing tech in their bunk?”
“Ahhh, we’re doomed! Doomed!” Tendi wailed. “I stole official Starfleet equipment! I’m going to prove all the terrible stereotypes about Orions being thieves and liars right!”
“I’m gonna be kicked out of Starfleet!” Rutherford cried. “I’m gonna wind up monitoring penal colony waste extraction systems in New Zealand or on Jaros II!”
“Calm down, guys. Nobody is getting kicked out of Starfleet,” Mariner soothed. “We’ll stash your load of stolen doohickeys in one of my scanproof contraband caches then get your Bonnie and Clyde behinds cleaned up so no one suspects ya.”
“You…you will?” Tendi sniffed hopefully.
“Sure. I got tons of illegal junk tucked away around the ship that neither Shaxs or Ransom have ever found,” Mariner smirked. “Heck, even I have trouble finding some of it.”
“That’s because you’re usually drunk at the time after cleaning out your other stashes,” Boimler pointed out.
“Really?” Tendi gave Mariner a relieved hug. “Gee, thanks Mariner!”
“Wait, what about Ron?” Rutherford asked. “He’s the one who probably told Security about the theft. It’s his word against ours. He’s a witness!”
“Can’t you just blackmail him into retracting his statement and keeping his big mouth shut?” Mariner asked.
“No, the recording of Ron we used as blackmail includes evidence of us planning to use it as blackmail,” Rutherford explained. “If it gets out, we’ll be implicating ourselves!”
“How ironic,” Boimler drawled. “This is why honesty is always the best policy.”
“Always?” Mariner gave him a look.
“Well, almost,” Boimler coughed sheepishly.
“I thought so,” Mariner smirked prying Tendi off her. “Okay, enough lounging around. Let’s hurry and stash the loot before Security shows up.”
“Security. Nobody move!” A tall, stern-looking lieutenant commander from the Vancouver entered the Repair Bay leading a full security team. “Everyone remain where you are and keep your hands where we can see them!”
“You were saying?” Boimler whispered.
“Oops,” Mariner blinked. “Uh oh.”
“Oh no!” Rutherford quickly grabbed both duffle bags and tossed them into the dilapidated shuttlecraft in the corner.
“At ease, people!” Lieutenant Shaxs barked accompanying his counterpart from the Vancouver. “This is a standard security scan. It won’t take long.”
“I bet,” Boimler muttered under his breath.
“Oh man, oh man, oh man,” Rutherford began to sweat nervously.
“This can’t be happening,” Tendi moaned. “I’m going to be deported!”
“Shhh, keep calm,” Mariner advised. “When…I mean, if they find the stuff just act real surprised and maybe we can bluff our way out of this.”
“Sir! I found them!” A Vancouver security officer held up the pair of duffle bags. She opened them revealing each packed with T-88s. “All the missing equipment has been accounted for. And the names on these bags are for an Ensign Tendi and Rutherford.”
“Seriously?” Mariner stared at her two guilty-looking friends. “Ugh, you guys are the worse thieves ever!”
“What? Is this true, Baby Bear?” Shaxs roared looming over Rutherford. “Did you and Ensign Orion here take all these T-88s from the Vancouver?”
“Yes, sir,” Rutherford signed miserably. “We took them all.”
“It was just the two of us,” Tendi spoke up. “Ensigns Boimler and Mariner had nothing to do with it.”
“Yes we did…ooofff!” Mariner gasped as Tendi subtly elbowed her in the ribs. “Uh, I mean yes, we didn’t suspect a thing.”
“Really?” The Vancouver commander looked skeptical.
“It’s true,” Rutherford insisted. “Scan the T-88s. The only DNA traces on them are from us. We even ran a few diagnostics with the T-88s on the Cerritos.”
“You did?” The Vancouver commander gasped in surprise. “That’s outstanding! Well done!”
“WHAT?!” All four Cerritos ensigns yelped.
“You ensigns certainly are initiative and vigilant,” The Vancouver commander praised as the security team carefully packed up the batch of T-88s. “We just recently learned all the T-88s aboard the Vancouver had been infected with a Romulan eavesdropping program. The notice about you discovering and warning Lt. Commander Docent about it must have gotten lost during the business with the imploding moon.”
“Uh…” Rutherford stuttered, stunned.
“The eavesdropping program was embedded in the rootkit of every single T-88, copies of their original schematics and their replicator program patterns,” The Vancouver commander went on. “The Romulans planned to use them to collect classified information about the Vancouver. Good job thwarting their insidious plan.”
“Uh…” Tendi was literally slack-jawed.
“Yeah, great job guys!” Mariner quickly went with the flow and congratulated her crewmates. “You showed those sneaky Romulans not to try putting one over on Starfleet.”
“They did better than that. They gave us an opportunity to put one over on the Romulans,” The Vancouver commander grinned. “Our computer engineers will remove the eavesdropping programs from all the T-88s except for the ones these ensigns removed. They’ll simply switch the transponder codes so the Romulans will collect false diagnostic information about the seemingly top-of-the-line Vancouver when it will really be from the old, beat-up Cerritos.”
“Hey!” Boimler yelped, offended.
“Officially you ensigns are to receive reprimands for taking classified Starfleet equipment without waiting for proper authorization,” The Vancouver commander frowned at Tendi and Rutherford. “You did a bad thing. Don’t do it again. There, you’ve been reprimanded.”
“Uh,” Tendi and Rutherford blinked while still in states of utter shock.
“Unofficially, you are to be commended for your quick thinking and swift action,” The Vancouver commander shook their stunned hands.
“Uh, yes sir,” Tendi and Rutherford finally managed to get out. “Thank you.”
“You’ve done Starfleet proud today,” The Vancouver commander smiled. “Keep up the good work!”
“Great job, Baby Bear!” Shaxs grinned giving Rutherford a hearty slap on the back. “I knew that half-hour of counter-intelligence security training I pounded into you would pay off!”
“Uh, you’re welcome,” Rutherford stammered as Shaxs escorted the Vancouver commander, security team and recovered batch of T-88s out of the Repair Bay.
“O-kay,” Boimler blinked. “That was unexpected.”
“And close!” Tendi collapsed into a chair. “I thought we were going to be arrested for sure!”
“Not to mention court-martialed,” Rutherford sighed in relief. “This incident won’t even go into our official records.”
“Guess you guys Kirk-level lucked out this time,” Mariner grinned. “And nice job breaking protocol! But next time, cue me in at the beginning so I can help ya stash your ‘indefinitely-borrowed’ loot.”
“There won’t be a next time,” Boimler declared looking at his fellow ensigns in disapproval. “Because we’re Starfleet officers and Starfleet officers don’t steal classified equipment from other Starfleet vessels.”
“Oh really?” Mariner raised an eyebrow. “And what do normal, boring ol’ protocol-following Starfleet officers do?”
“They submit official requisitions for their own batch of T-88s,” Boimler said holding up his padd. “By the time this request makes its way through Starfleet’s bureaucracy chain, T-88s will have received approval for fleet-wide distribution and our requisition will be at the head of the line.”
“Really?” Rutherford blinked. “Alright!”
“Yay!” Tendi cheered. “Way to go, Boimler!”
“You’re welcome,” Boimler smiled looking smug. “See, that’s how things are supposed to get done in Starfleet.”
“Eh, maybe,” Mariner conceded. “But it’s not nearly as much fun.”
“Hey, do you think we could requisition a few more items while we’re at it?” Rutherford asked. “The Cerritos could use a few cutting-edge Mark IV quantum flux regulators.”
“Ooo, good idea!” Tendi chirped. “I’d love to have an isomolecular scanner to use in Sickbay.”
“The latest model of isomagnetic disintegrator would be sweet,” Mariner added. “And I’ve heard rumors of there being an update to the TR-116…”
“Hold on, that’s a lot of stuff,” Boimler protested. “We can’t requisition all that ourselves. And it would delay the delivery of the T-88s.”
“Not if we forge…er, I mean borrow Lieutenant Commander Billup’s authorization code,” Mariner grinned. “And throw in a complementary bottle of Saurian brandy or two to help expedite things…”
“What?” Boimler yelped. “You can’t do that!”
“You’re right. What was I thinking?” Mariner slapped her head. “We’ll use Commander Ransom’s authorization code instead. It’s higher ranking and much easier to get!”
“Oh no,” Boimler groaned. “Not again!”
“Uh, won’t we get in trouble for that?” Tendi asked.
“Oh sure. Now you’re worried about theft,” Boimler moaned.
“Don’t worry. I’ve done it before,” Mariner waved swiping Boimler’s padd. “Who do you think arranged for the Berengarian circus to come aboard for Ensign Castro’s birthday?”
“That was fun,” Rutherford smiled. “The dragon act was amazing. But not as amazing as when we receive our own batch of T-88s!”
“Don’t worry, Ruthy,” Mariner grinned as she quickly began adding to the requisition request. “Between Ransom’s authorization code and my palm greasing we could get what’s coming to us relatively soon. Say about five or six weeks.”
“More like five or six years once the judge advocate general finishes with us,” Boimler moaned. “Turns out time isn’t the only relative concept in the universe. So are Starfleet ethics!”
--------------------------------------
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
