Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
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Boimler's Revenge
“Stupid Mariner,” Boimler muttered sitting on one of the catwalks in Engineering. “Ruining my date with Ensign sh’Reyan. Making me look like a lunatic in front of the entire ship.”
“C’mon, man. It wasn’t the entire ship,” Rutherford said while working at a nearby station. “It was just a handful of night-owls from Alpha shift, the typical crowd just getting off Beta shift, a few dozen buffer time takers from Delta shift, some civilians…”
“I can’t believe she did that to me,” Boimler grumbled leaning against the railing. “It wasn’t enough for her to mock me about getting a date, oh no. She had the nerve to go and spy on me too!”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry about helping set up that subcutaneous communicator for her,” Rutherford coughed nervously. “Um, things are cool between us, right? We’re good?”
“Yeah, yeah. I know it wasn’t your fault,” Boimler sighed with his legs dangling over the catwalk’s edge. “It was Mariner’s. She manipulated you into helping her just like she manipulates everyone else into breaking protocol, going along with her impulsive whims and doing whatever the heck she wants.”
“Manipulates, right,” Rutherford whistled.
“Mariner may be a friend, but she just makes me so angry sometimes,” Boimler went on. “It’s like she turns into this annoying, loudmouth, unrealistically behaving Starfleet ensign who I just want to shoot and shove out an airlock…”
“Whoa, calm down, man. There’s no need to think like that,” Rutherford said. “You know that’s just what Mariner is like. She can’t help being herself.”
“You’re right. Sorry,” Boimler took several slow, deep breaths while listening to the warp core’s constant, steady hum. “I admit Mariner’s unorthodox behavior can be helpful sometimes, but she still ruined my date. I gotta get her back.”
“Um, are you sure you want to do that?” Rutherford asked. “You didn’t fare too well during the last prank war that popped up between us and Delta shift.”
“Don’t remind me. My hair still has molecular bonding compound stuck in it,” Boimler groaned rubbing his head. “Hmmm, how am I going to get Mariner back? I could reprogram the main computer into reading her personal logs aloud over the entire ship’s comm system. Or have her ‘volunteer’ to scrub plasma conduits or some other dirty, hazardous ship’s duty…” He blinked and trailed off. “Wait, that’s it!”
“What? Are you going to sign her up to tap dance and sing Italian opera for the next Talent Show?” Rutherford asked.
“Oh no. This is much better than that!” Boimler grinned evilly. “Mariner is going down! She’s going to pay!” He began to cackle maniacally.
“Uh oh,” Rutherford gulped as Boimler’s mad laughter echoed throughout Engineering. “This isn’t going to be pretty…”
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The next day…
“Man, I sure got the better of swapping duty assignments with Boimler this time,” Mariner smirked sauntering into the Main Shuttlebay. “I’ll be out deploying sensor buoys around some random gas giant near the Neutral Zone while he’s stuck onboard polishing and cleaning display screens. That boy really needs to work on his haggling skills. Though he did seem strangely smug about it…”
“Hi, Mariner!” Tendi smiled skipping up to her. “Boimler said you’d be my supervisor during my piloting lesson today.”
“Huh?” Mariner blinked in surprise. “Sorry to disappoint ya T, but I’m on buoy deploying duty…”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Tendi waved. “Boimler traded that assignment with Castro and took on extra shifts so I could log a few hours working toward my pilot’s certification.”
“He what?” Mariner did a take. “Wait, that means Boimler planned this all along…”
“C’mon, let’s go!” Tendi chirped while practically dragging Mariner into the waiting shuttlecraft Death Valley. “Look, I already prepped the shuttle, ran through the pre-flight checklist and everything!”
“Seriously, T? Man, you’re setting the bar way too low when you get this excited over a simple piloting lesson,” Mariner drawled taking a seat. “We oughta go for a joyride in the Captain’s yacht sometime.”
“Okay, aft hatch is closed,” Tendi grinned readying the controls. “Shuttle Control Officer says we’re cleared for departure.”
“Great. Once around the park then home, Tendi…AAAHHHHHH!” Mariner yelped as the Death Valley quickly rose up before tearing out of the shuttlebay like a bat out of heck.
“Alright! Let’s do this! Whoo-hoo!” Tendi cheered.
“Gahhhhhh! Tendi!” Mariner grabbed her seat in a death grip as they swiftly sped away from the Cerritos. “Slow down! For the love of Kahless, slow down!”
“Oooo, this is so cool! Much better than the holodeck!” Tendi chirped happily. “Only I can’t ask the computer to restart the program after I cause the shuttle to crash and burn.”
“WHAT?!” Mariner yelped.
“Oh, I mean if I cause the shuttle to crash and burn,” Tendi corrected casually. “It doesn’t happen that often. Only about every other simulation…”
“He set me up,” Mariner hissed. “That little weasel set me up!”
“Hey, did I tell you about this neat trick I learned about diverting power from the inertial dampeners to the structural integrity field?” Tendi asked as the shuttle began to groan and shake ominously. “It really lets me get a feel on just how fast this puppy is moving!”
“I’ll kill him,” Mariner twitched. “I’ll kill him!”
“Ooo, this gas giant is so pretty,” Tendi marveled. “Let’s get a closer look!”
“IF I DON’T DIE FIRST!” Mariner screamed as the shuttle speedily dove beneath the gas giant’s surface. “TENDI LOOK OUT FOR THE ANTICYLONIC STORM!”
“Wheeeeee!” Tendi giggled as the shuttle pitched, rolled and yawed all at the same time. “This is fun! Hey, there’s an eighteen thousand kph cross-current up ahead. Let’s ride it!”
“Let’s not!” Mariner gulped turning green. “Ohhh, I knew I shouldn’t have had all those Delvan fluff pastries for breakfast.”
“Oops! I think I got a little turned around,” Tendi said checking the sensors. “Don’t worry. I can fix it!”
“Wanna bet?!” Mariner yelped as the shuttle’s artificial gravity net began to fluctuate. “What the…are we upside-down?! Are you having us fly backward?!”
“Yep! It’s surprisingly easy,” Tendi beamed proudly while performing a series of reverse barrel rolls. “Look, I can do it with one hand.”
“AGGGHHH! NO!” Mariner blanched gripping her seat in terror. “KEEP BOTH HANDS ON THE CONTROLS! KEEP BOTH HANDS ON THE CONTROLS!”
“Hmmm, I think there’s a magnetic storm coming up in the next thermal layer,” Tendi glanced at a display. “It’s kinda hard to tell with all the radiation interference…”
“I’ll show you interference!” Mariner leapt up in an attempt to knock Tendi out of the pilot’s seat.
“Don’t worry, Mariner. I’ll take care of it!” Tendi vowed gunning the engines.
“No you won’t…gaaahhhhhh!” Mariner flew back and slammed against the rear of the shuttle. “Ohhh, what does Starfleet have against equipping their ships with safety harnesses and seat restraints?”
“Wow! That was neat!” Tendi squealed gleefully taking the shuttle up and out from the bowels of the gas giant. “Hey, I forgot this planet has rings! Watch this!”
“Like I have a choice?” Mariner paled as the resulting g-forces kept her pinned against the aft hatch while the shuttle flew through the gas giant’s many rings. “Aaahhhhhh! Tendi you maniac! Watch out for the meteor! Watch out for the giant chunks of ice! No, don’t take us between them! YAAAHHHHHH!”
“Aw! What a pretty obstacle course!” Tendi cooed zipping out of the rings. “I gotta take some holophotos of them before we leave the system…uh oh.”
“Uh oh?!” Mariner twitched. “What’s ‘uh oh’?!”
“All that flying inside the gas giant unbalanced the shuttle’s dilithium reaction,” Tendi said. “Engines are offline and I’ll have to restart the warp core.”
“Thank goodness!” Mariner sighed. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”
“Yeah, but we’re also heading straight toward the gas giant’s largest moon,” Tendi continued. “We’re caught in its gravitational field and will crash into it in about thirty seconds.”
“WHAT?!” Mariner shrieked.
“Don’t worry, Mariner. I know what to do,” Tendi grinned working the controls. “We still have maneuvering thrusters. I’ll just point us directly at the moon and set the thrusters to maximum…”
“WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!” Mariner screamed as the planet-sized moon quickly filled the main viewport as they careered towards the surface. “OH SH…!”
“Okay, warp core is back online!” Tendi smiled. “Pulling up…now!”
“OH MY GAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Mariner yelled as the shuttle zoomed downward before quickly changing course and bouncing off the moon’s atmosphere.
“Hey, it worked!” Tendi chirped happily. “First time I ever tried that particular maneuver.”
“This is the first time I ever tried intentionally passing out,” Mariner gasped. “Dang, it didn’t work.”
“Alright, I can check that one off my flight list. Yay!” Tendi whooped in celebration. Her hand accidently hit a series of buttons. “Oops!”
“Oops?!” Mariner twitched and began to sweat in fear. “Whaddya mean by ‘oops’…AAAUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!” She cried as the inertial dampener-compromised shuttle suddenly leapt to warp.
“Uh, don’t worry, Mariner. I can fix this,” Tendi quickly brought them out of warp. “See? No problem.”
“You had us do a warp jump inside a solar system?” Mariner gasped. “Are you insane?! What am I saying?”
“Calm down, Mariner. Everything is under control,” Tendi smiled glancing back at her.
“TENDI! EYES FRONT!” Mariner screamed. “AAAHHHHHH! LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!”
“Huh?” Tendi turned and saw the star system’s massive sun rapidly fill the viewport. “Oh.”
“WAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Mariner shrieked as shuttle’s interior began to overheat. “YEEEOOOWWW! HOT! HOT! HOT!”
“Don’t worry, Mariner. I got this,” Tendi declared. “I just need to repeat that bouncing maneuver a second time on a larger scale.”
“WHAT?!” Mariner yelled as they hurled toward the sun’s corona. “AAAGGGHHHH! STOP! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“Ta-da!” Tendi beamed red-lining the engines before bouncing the shuttle off the sun’s atmosphere. “See? Nothing to it.”
WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!
“YAAAHHHHHH!” Mariner blanched as they were nearly engulfed by a series of violent solar flares. “OH MAN THAT’S HOT! AGGGHHH! THE HEAT OF THE INNER HULL IS BURNING MY UNIFORM! AND MY HAIR!”
“Don’t worry, Mariner. This shuttle is equipped with a blast shield,” Tendi waved. “And metaphasic shielding.”
“If only it had insanity shielding,” Mariner moaned. “I’d give a years’ worth of seniority and a cargo bay full of contraband for that!”
“Wheeeeee, that was fun!” Tendi giggled. “I’m really getting the hang of this! Full Starfleet pilot certification here I come!”
CRUNCH!
“Huh?” Tendi blinked as a section of the shuttle’s upper hull suddenly buckled inward. “Hey, I think we hit something.”
“You’re just realizing this now?” Mariner gasped.
“That’s weird. There’s nothing else around here,” Tendi said checking the sensors.
“Except that,” Mariner gulped as a display showed the space behind the shuttle appearing to shimmer.
“Oh, that explains it,” Tendi nodded in confirmation. “We ran right into a cloaked Romulan warbird.”
BRWWWRRR!
“And by the look of things, they’re not happy,” Tendi commented as the warbird attempted to catch the shuttle in a tractor beam.
“When are Romulans ever happy?” Mariner groaned.
“Don’t worry, Mariner. I’ll get us out of this!” Tendi gunned the engines again.
“Do you have to?” Mariner blanched as the shuttle shot away with the warbird hot in pursuit. “‘Cause I think I’d rather be captured.”
“Hang on. We’ll lose them in the asteroid belt,” Tendi said diving into a thick field of rocks and ice fragments. “Good thing this star system has three of them.”
“I take it back. I’d definitely rather be captured!” Mariner gulped as Tendi threw them into a series of bizarre, evasive corkscrew maneuvers. “Gahhh, you’re gonna put every Romulan interrogator out of a job! Just have their poor interrogation victims give you a piloting lesson! That’ll make anybody crack!”
“Starfleet shuttlecraft! You will pay for attacking an Imperial warbird!” A very angry and very annoyed Romulan voice snapped over the comm. “You better not have damaged my ship’s paint job you lowly little veruul!”
“Hey, there’s no need for that kind of language,” Tendi protested closing the channel. “Some people are so rude!”
“Oh man, I’m gonna have nightmares and mental scars for life,” Mariner moaned as they continued to zoom through one asteroid belt to the next. “I may even voluntarily see a ship’s counselor after this!”
“Besides, they have absolutely no right to be mad,” Tendi went on. “They’re the ones we caught sneaking around inside Federation space. Wait, are we still friends with the Romulans? I know we were allied with them during the Dominion War…”
“If we weren’t before, we sure the heck ain’t now!” Mariner yelped as Tendi dodged to avoid both Romulan tractor beams and asteroid collisions. “Aggghhh! Pull up! Pull up!”
“Wow, these guys are good,” Tendi commented weaving in and out amongst the asteroids. “But they’ll rue the day they messed with the Anti-Grav Lift Racing champion of the Cerritos!”
“Uh, Tendi? Hello? Starfleet to Tendi, are you in there?” Mariner gulped as Tendi proceeded to cackle maniacally. “Okay Ms. Crazy Lady, I’d really like to speak to Tendi now…”
“Uh oh. The last asteroid belt is thinning out,” Tendi warned. “I can’t evade them much longer.”
“Hallelujah! My prayers have been answered!” Mariner nearly wept in relief. “I’m saved!”
“Don’t worry. I have one more trick up my sleeve,” Tendi grinned working the controls.
“No! No more tricks…WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!” Mariner screamed and flew back into her seat as Tendi abruptly threw the shuttle in reverse.
“Ha, ha, ha!” Tendi laughed as they zoomed through the empty space between the warbird’s upper and lower wings before zipping out the back. “That was great! I didn’t know a shuttlecraft could do that.”
“Neither did I,” Mariner moaned as the surprised Romulan warbird practically squawked before crashing into an asteroid. “Hopefully I’ll never do it again!”
“Well, that takes care of the Romulans,” Tendi smiled. “We better tell Starfleet about them before they repair their ship and cloak…”
“Warning. Containment field failure,” The shuttle’s computer reported. “Warp core breech in thirty seconds.”
“WHAT?!” Mariner yelped.
“Uh oh. Looks like all that fancy flying overloaded the warp coils,” Tendi said as more alarms went off. “And I may have accidentally clipped one of the nacelles at some point. Don’t worry. We can still make it back to the Cerritos. I just have to fly the shuttle apart before it explodes…”
“You WHAT?!” Mariner yelled.
“Warning. Warp core breech in twenty seconds,” The computer droned.
“Here we go!” Tendi quickly sent them hurling back towards the Cerritos. “Diverting all power to the engines. That should get us back in time. I think…”
“YOU THINK?!” Mariner blanched as the shuttle began to literally fall to pieces around them. “Aaahhhhhh! We’re not gonna make it! Computer! Two for emergency beam-out to the Cerritos!”
“Warning. Transporter operations are not recommended at this velocity…” The computer began.
“JUST DO IT!” Mariner screamed. “DO IT NOW!”
“Energizing,” The transporter activated and whisked the two ensigns away right before the entire shuttlecraft blew up.
“Aaahhhhhhhhh!” Mariner yelled as she rematerialized inside the Cerritos’ Main Shuttlebay before crashing to the floor. “Ohhh, I can’t believe I survived…I can’t believe I survived…”
“Aw, it’s over already?” Tendi pouted looking around. “But I didn’t even log half a flight hour yet.”
“Hey you,” The Shuttle Control Officer noticed them. “What’s the big idea beaming in here? What’s your friend doing on the floor?”
“Floor?” Mariner blinked slowly. “FLOOR!” She gratefully hugged the gold-lined duranium. “Beautiful, beautiful floor! Never again will I leave you!” She began kissing it.
“Sheesh, what a weirdo,” The Shuttle Control Officer rolled his eyes. “Where’s your shuttlecraft?”
“Uh, somewhere outside the ship in a few million pieces or so,” Tendi whistled. “We kinda wrecked it.”
“You what?” The Shuttle Control Officer glared at her. “Not again. You ensigns need to learn how to take better care of Starfleet equipment. Shuttles don’t replace themselves. We can’t just cobble together new shuttlecraft from scratch. What ship do you think this is, Voyager?”
“Sorry. We’ll do better next time,” Tendi promised.
“You’d better,” The Shuttle Control Officer warned walking away.
“Thanks for the piloting lesson, Mariner. I learned a lot today,” Tendi chirped happily. “Sure, things didn’t go exactly as planned, but I think I was doing pretty well until the end.”
“Are you joking?!” Mariner yelled staggering to her feet. “Please tell me you’re joking!”
“You are up for doing this with me again, right?” Tendi asked hopefully. “I still have a few more supervised flight hours to go before completing all the necessary pilot requirements…”
“No! I’m never riding inside another shuttle with you again! You hear me? Never, never, never!” A frazzled Mariner vowed as she slowly wobbled out of the shuttlebay.
“Hello, Mariner,” Boimler grinned casually leaning against a bulkhead in the corridor. “Have a nice time?”
“You…!” Mariner hissed staring daggers of death at him.
“Told you you’d pay for wrecking my date with Ensign sh’Reyan,” Boimler smirked. “Now we’re even.”
“Brad Boimler,” Mariner twitched. “PREPARE TO DIE!”
“Hey, where are you two going?” Tendi asked as Boimler ran off with a howling Mariner chasing after him. “We still need to report about running into a cloaked Romulan warbird. And when’s the next piloting lesson?”
“YOU EVIL, DUPLICITOUS, MACHIAVELLIAN LITTLE WEASEL!” Mariner screamed as she chased Boimler through the Cerritos with murder in her eyes. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH?! YOU’RE GONNA DIE! DIE I TELL YOU!”
“Hahahahaha!” Boimler crowed gleefully while staying one step ahead of Mariner. “That one Klingon proverb is almost right! Revenge is a dish best served fast!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
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Boimler's Revenge
“Stupid Mariner,” Boimler muttered sitting on one of the catwalks in Engineering. “Ruining my date with Ensign sh’Reyan. Making me look like a lunatic in front of the entire ship.”
“C’mon, man. It wasn’t the entire ship,” Rutherford said while working at a nearby station. “It was just a handful of night-owls from Alpha shift, the typical crowd just getting off Beta shift, a few dozen buffer time takers from Delta shift, some civilians…”
“I can’t believe she did that to me,” Boimler grumbled leaning against the railing. “It wasn’t enough for her to mock me about getting a date, oh no. She had the nerve to go and spy on me too!”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry about helping set up that subcutaneous communicator for her,” Rutherford coughed nervously. “Um, things are cool between us, right? We’re good?”
“Yeah, yeah. I know it wasn’t your fault,” Boimler sighed with his legs dangling over the catwalk’s edge. “It was Mariner’s. She manipulated you into helping her just like she manipulates everyone else into breaking protocol, going along with her impulsive whims and doing whatever the heck she wants.”
“Manipulates, right,” Rutherford whistled.
“Mariner may be a friend, but she just makes me so angry sometimes,” Boimler went on. “It’s like she turns into this annoying, loudmouth, unrealistically behaving Starfleet ensign who I just want to shoot and shove out an airlock…”
“Whoa, calm down, man. There’s no need to think like that,” Rutherford said. “You know that’s just what Mariner is like. She can’t help being herself.”
“You’re right. Sorry,” Boimler took several slow, deep breaths while listening to the warp core’s constant, steady hum. “I admit Mariner’s unorthodox behavior can be helpful sometimes, but she still ruined my date. I gotta get her back.”
“Um, are you sure you want to do that?” Rutherford asked. “You didn’t fare too well during the last prank war that popped up between us and Delta shift.”
“Don’t remind me. My hair still has molecular bonding compound stuck in it,” Boimler groaned rubbing his head. “Hmmm, how am I going to get Mariner back? I could reprogram the main computer into reading her personal logs aloud over the entire ship’s comm system. Or have her ‘volunteer’ to scrub plasma conduits or some other dirty, hazardous ship’s duty…” He blinked and trailed off. “Wait, that’s it!”
“What? Are you going to sign her up to tap dance and sing Italian opera for the next Talent Show?” Rutherford asked.
“Oh no. This is much better than that!” Boimler grinned evilly. “Mariner is going down! She’s going to pay!” He began to cackle maniacally.
“Uh oh,” Rutherford gulped as Boimler’s mad laughter echoed throughout Engineering. “This isn’t going to be pretty…”
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The next day…
“Man, I sure got the better of swapping duty assignments with Boimler this time,” Mariner smirked sauntering into the Main Shuttlebay. “I’ll be out deploying sensor buoys around some random gas giant near the Neutral Zone while he’s stuck onboard polishing and cleaning display screens. That boy really needs to work on his haggling skills. Though he did seem strangely smug about it…”
“Hi, Mariner!” Tendi smiled skipping up to her. “Boimler said you’d be my supervisor during my piloting lesson today.”
“Huh?” Mariner blinked in surprise. “Sorry to disappoint ya T, but I’m on buoy deploying duty…”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Tendi waved. “Boimler traded that assignment with Castro and took on extra shifts so I could log a few hours working toward my pilot’s certification.”
“He what?” Mariner did a take. “Wait, that means Boimler planned this all along…”
“C’mon, let’s go!” Tendi chirped while practically dragging Mariner into the waiting shuttlecraft Death Valley. “Look, I already prepped the shuttle, ran through the pre-flight checklist and everything!”
“Seriously, T? Man, you’re setting the bar way too low when you get this excited over a simple piloting lesson,” Mariner drawled taking a seat. “We oughta go for a joyride in the Captain’s yacht sometime.”
“Okay, aft hatch is closed,” Tendi grinned readying the controls. “Shuttle Control Officer says we’re cleared for departure.”
“Great. Once around the park then home, Tendi…AAAHHHHHH!” Mariner yelped as the Death Valley quickly rose up before tearing out of the shuttlebay like a bat out of heck.
“Alright! Let’s do this! Whoo-hoo!” Tendi cheered.
“Gahhhhhh! Tendi!” Mariner grabbed her seat in a death grip as they swiftly sped away from the Cerritos. “Slow down! For the love of Kahless, slow down!”
“Oooo, this is so cool! Much better than the holodeck!” Tendi chirped happily. “Only I can’t ask the computer to restart the program after I cause the shuttle to crash and burn.”
“WHAT?!” Mariner yelped.
“Oh, I mean if I cause the shuttle to crash and burn,” Tendi corrected casually. “It doesn’t happen that often. Only about every other simulation…”
“He set me up,” Mariner hissed. “That little weasel set me up!”
“Hey, did I tell you about this neat trick I learned about diverting power from the inertial dampeners to the structural integrity field?” Tendi asked as the shuttle began to groan and shake ominously. “It really lets me get a feel on just how fast this puppy is moving!”
“I’ll kill him,” Mariner twitched. “I’ll kill him!”
“Ooo, this gas giant is so pretty,” Tendi marveled. “Let’s get a closer look!”
“IF I DON’T DIE FIRST!” Mariner screamed as the shuttle speedily dove beneath the gas giant’s surface. “TENDI LOOK OUT FOR THE ANTICYLONIC STORM!”
“Wheeeeee!” Tendi giggled as the shuttle pitched, rolled and yawed all at the same time. “This is fun! Hey, there’s an eighteen thousand kph cross-current up ahead. Let’s ride it!”
“Let’s not!” Mariner gulped turning green. “Ohhh, I knew I shouldn’t have had all those Delvan fluff pastries for breakfast.”
“Oops! I think I got a little turned around,” Tendi said checking the sensors. “Don’t worry. I can fix it!”
“Wanna bet?!” Mariner yelped as the shuttle’s artificial gravity net began to fluctuate. “What the…are we upside-down?! Are you having us fly backward?!”
“Yep! It’s surprisingly easy,” Tendi beamed proudly while performing a series of reverse barrel rolls. “Look, I can do it with one hand.”
“AGGGHHH! NO!” Mariner blanched gripping her seat in terror. “KEEP BOTH HANDS ON THE CONTROLS! KEEP BOTH HANDS ON THE CONTROLS!”
“Hmmm, I think there’s a magnetic storm coming up in the next thermal layer,” Tendi glanced at a display. “It’s kinda hard to tell with all the radiation interference…”
“I’ll show you interference!” Mariner leapt up in an attempt to knock Tendi out of the pilot’s seat.
“Don’t worry, Mariner. I’ll take care of it!” Tendi vowed gunning the engines.
“No you won’t…gaaahhhhhh!” Mariner flew back and slammed against the rear of the shuttle. “Ohhh, what does Starfleet have against equipping their ships with safety harnesses and seat restraints?”
“Wow! That was neat!” Tendi squealed gleefully taking the shuttle up and out from the bowels of the gas giant. “Hey, I forgot this planet has rings! Watch this!”
“Like I have a choice?” Mariner paled as the resulting g-forces kept her pinned against the aft hatch while the shuttle flew through the gas giant’s many rings. “Aaahhhhhh! Tendi you maniac! Watch out for the meteor! Watch out for the giant chunks of ice! No, don’t take us between them! YAAAHHHHHH!”
“Aw! What a pretty obstacle course!” Tendi cooed zipping out of the rings. “I gotta take some holophotos of them before we leave the system…uh oh.”
“Uh oh?!” Mariner twitched. “What’s ‘uh oh’?!”
“All that flying inside the gas giant unbalanced the shuttle’s dilithium reaction,” Tendi said. “Engines are offline and I’ll have to restart the warp core.”
“Thank goodness!” Mariner sighed. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”
“Yeah, but we’re also heading straight toward the gas giant’s largest moon,” Tendi continued. “We’re caught in its gravitational field and will crash into it in about thirty seconds.”
“WHAT?!” Mariner shrieked.
“Don’t worry, Mariner. I know what to do,” Tendi grinned working the controls. “We still have maneuvering thrusters. I’ll just point us directly at the moon and set the thrusters to maximum…”
“WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!” Mariner screamed as the planet-sized moon quickly filled the main viewport as they careered towards the surface. “OH SH…!”
“Okay, warp core is back online!” Tendi smiled. “Pulling up…now!”
“OH MY GAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Mariner yelled as the shuttle zoomed downward before quickly changing course and bouncing off the moon’s atmosphere.
“Hey, it worked!” Tendi chirped happily. “First time I ever tried that particular maneuver.”
“This is the first time I ever tried intentionally passing out,” Mariner gasped. “Dang, it didn’t work.”
“Alright, I can check that one off my flight list. Yay!” Tendi whooped in celebration. Her hand accidently hit a series of buttons. “Oops!”
“Oops?!” Mariner twitched and began to sweat in fear. “Whaddya mean by ‘oops’…AAAUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH!” She cried as the inertial dampener-compromised shuttle suddenly leapt to warp.
“Uh, don’t worry, Mariner. I can fix this,” Tendi quickly brought them out of warp. “See? No problem.”
“You had us do a warp jump inside a solar system?” Mariner gasped. “Are you insane?! What am I saying?”
“Calm down, Mariner. Everything is under control,” Tendi smiled glancing back at her.
“TENDI! EYES FRONT!” Mariner screamed. “AAAHHHHHH! LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!”
“Huh?” Tendi turned and saw the star system’s massive sun rapidly fill the viewport. “Oh.”
“WAAAHHHHHHHHH!” Mariner shrieked as shuttle’s interior began to overheat. “YEEEOOOWWW! HOT! HOT! HOT!”
“Don’t worry, Mariner. I got this,” Tendi declared. “I just need to repeat that bouncing maneuver a second time on a larger scale.”
“WHAT?!” Mariner yelled as they hurled toward the sun’s corona. “AAAGGGHHHH! STOP! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“Ta-da!” Tendi beamed red-lining the engines before bouncing the shuttle off the sun’s atmosphere. “See? Nothing to it.”
WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!
“YAAAHHHHHH!” Mariner blanched as they were nearly engulfed by a series of violent solar flares. “OH MAN THAT’S HOT! AGGGHHH! THE HEAT OF THE INNER HULL IS BURNING MY UNIFORM! AND MY HAIR!”
“Don’t worry, Mariner. This shuttle is equipped with a blast shield,” Tendi waved. “And metaphasic shielding.”
“If only it had insanity shielding,” Mariner moaned. “I’d give a years’ worth of seniority and a cargo bay full of contraband for that!”
“Wheeeeee, that was fun!” Tendi giggled. “I’m really getting the hang of this! Full Starfleet pilot certification here I come!”
CRUNCH!
“Huh?” Tendi blinked as a section of the shuttle’s upper hull suddenly buckled inward. “Hey, I think we hit something.”
“You’re just realizing this now?” Mariner gasped.
“That’s weird. There’s nothing else around here,” Tendi said checking the sensors.
“Except that,” Mariner gulped as a display showed the space behind the shuttle appearing to shimmer.
“Oh, that explains it,” Tendi nodded in confirmation. “We ran right into a cloaked Romulan warbird.”
BRWWWRRR!
“And by the look of things, they’re not happy,” Tendi commented as the warbird attempted to catch the shuttle in a tractor beam.
“When are Romulans ever happy?” Mariner groaned.
“Don’t worry, Mariner. I’ll get us out of this!” Tendi gunned the engines again.
“Do you have to?” Mariner blanched as the shuttle shot away with the warbird hot in pursuit. “‘Cause I think I’d rather be captured.”
“Hang on. We’ll lose them in the asteroid belt,” Tendi said diving into a thick field of rocks and ice fragments. “Good thing this star system has three of them.”
“I take it back. I’d definitely rather be captured!” Mariner gulped as Tendi threw them into a series of bizarre, evasive corkscrew maneuvers. “Gahhh, you’re gonna put every Romulan interrogator out of a job! Just have their poor interrogation victims give you a piloting lesson! That’ll make anybody crack!”
“Starfleet shuttlecraft! You will pay for attacking an Imperial warbird!” A very angry and very annoyed Romulan voice snapped over the comm. “You better not have damaged my ship’s paint job you lowly little veruul!”
“Hey, there’s no need for that kind of language,” Tendi protested closing the channel. “Some people are so rude!”
“Oh man, I’m gonna have nightmares and mental scars for life,” Mariner moaned as they continued to zoom through one asteroid belt to the next. “I may even voluntarily see a ship’s counselor after this!”
“Besides, they have absolutely no right to be mad,” Tendi went on. “They’re the ones we caught sneaking around inside Federation space. Wait, are we still friends with the Romulans? I know we were allied with them during the Dominion War…”
“If we weren’t before, we sure the heck ain’t now!” Mariner yelped as Tendi dodged to avoid both Romulan tractor beams and asteroid collisions. “Aggghhh! Pull up! Pull up!”
“Wow, these guys are good,” Tendi commented weaving in and out amongst the asteroids. “But they’ll rue the day they messed with the Anti-Grav Lift Racing champion of the Cerritos!”
“Uh, Tendi? Hello? Starfleet to Tendi, are you in there?” Mariner gulped as Tendi proceeded to cackle maniacally. “Okay Ms. Crazy Lady, I’d really like to speak to Tendi now…”
“Uh oh. The last asteroid belt is thinning out,” Tendi warned. “I can’t evade them much longer.”
“Hallelujah! My prayers have been answered!” Mariner nearly wept in relief. “I’m saved!”
“Don’t worry. I have one more trick up my sleeve,” Tendi grinned working the controls.
“No! No more tricks…WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!” Mariner screamed and flew back into her seat as Tendi abruptly threw the shuttle in reverse.
“Ha, ha, ha!” Tendi laughed as they zoomed through the empty space between the warbird’s upper and lower wings before zipping out the back. “That was great! I didn’t know a shuttlecraft could do that.”
“Neither did I,” Mariner moaned as the surprised Romulan warbird practically squawked before crashing into an asteroid. “Hopefully I’ll never do it again!”
“Well, that takes care of the Romulans,” Tendi smiled. “We better tell Starfleet about them before they repair their ship and cloak…”
“Warning. Containment field failure,” The shuttle’s computer reported. “Warp core breech in thirty seconds.”
“WHAT?!” Mariner yelped.
“Uh oh. Looks like all that fancy flying overloaded the warp coils,” Tendi said as more alarms went off. “And I may have accidentally clipped one of the nacelles at some point. Don’t worry. We can still make it back to the Cerritos. I just have to fly the shuttle apart before it explodes…”
“You WHAT?!” Mariner yelled.
“Warning. Warp core breech in twenty seconds,” The computer droned.
“Here we go!” Tendi quickly sent them hurling back towards the Cerritos. “Diverting all power to the engines. That should get us back in time. I think…”
“YOU THINK?!” Mariner blanched as the shuttle began to literally fall to pieces around them. “Aaahhhhhh! We’re not gonna make it! Computer! Two for emergency beam-out to the Cerritos!”
“Warning. Transporter operations are not recommended at this velocity…” The computer began.
“JUST DO IT!” Mariner screamed. “DO IT NOW!”
“Energizing,” The transporter activated and whisked the two ensigns away right before the entire shuttlecraft blew up.
“Aaahhhhhhhhh!” Mariner yelled as she rematerialized inside the Cerritos’ Main Shuttlebay before crashing to the floor. “Ohhh, I can’t believe I survived…I can’t believe I survived…”
“Aw, it’s over already?” Tendi pouted looking around. “But I didn’t even log half a flight hour yet.”
“Hey you,” The Shuttle Control Officer noticed them. “What’s the big idea beaming in here? What’s your friend doing on the floor?”
“Floor?” Mariner blinked slowly. “FLOOR!” She gratefully hugged the gold-lined duranium. “Beautiful, beautiful floor! Never again will I leave you!” She began kissing it.
“Sheesh, what a weirdo,” The Shuttle Control Officer rolled his eyes. “Where’s your shuttlecraft?”
“Uh, somewhere outside the ship in a few million pieces or so,” Tendi whistled. “We kinda wrecked it.”
“You what?” The Shuttle Control Officer glared at her. “Not again. You ensigns need to learn how to take better care of Starfleet equipment. Shuttles don’t replace themselves. We can’t just cobble together new shuttlecraft from scratch. What ship do you think this is, Voyager?”
“Sorry. We’ll do better next time,” Tendi promised.
“You’d better,” The Shuttle Control Officer warned walking away.
“Thanks for the piloting lesson, Mariner. I learned a lot today,” Tendi chirped happily. “Sure, things didn’t go exactly as planned, but I think I was doing pretty well until the end.”
“Are you joking?!” Mariner yelled staggering to her feet. “Please tell me you’re joking!”
“You are up for doing this with me again, right?” Tendi asked hopefully. “I still have a few more supervised flight hours to go before completing all the necessary pilot requirements…”
“No! I’m never riding inside another shuttle with you again! You hear me? Never, never, never!” A frazzled Mariner vowed as she slowly wobbled out of the shuttlebay.
“Hello, Mariner,” Boimler grinned casually leaning against a bulkhead in the corridor. “Have a nice time?”
“You…!” Mariner hissed staring daggers of death at him.
“Told you you’d pay for wrecking my date with Ensign sh’Reyan,” Boimler smirked. “Now we’re even.”
“Brad Boimler,” Mariner twitched. “PREPARE TO DIE!”
“Hey, where are you two going?” Tendi asked as Boimler ran off with a howling Mariner chasing after him. “We still need to report about running into a cloaked Romulan warbird. And when’s the next piloting lesson?”
“YOU EVIL, DUPLICITOUS, MACHIAVELLIAN LITTLE WEASEL!” Mariner screamed as she chased Boimler through the Cerritos with murder in her eyes. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH?! YOU’RE GONNA DIE! DIE I TELL YOU!”
“Hahahahaha!” Boimler crowed gleefully while staying one step ahead of Mariner. “That one Klingon proverb is almost right! Revenge is a dish best served fast!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
