The episode (Cage/Menagerie) where a woman was actually shown in command of a starship
But there the woman was filling in for the missing commanding officer.
That's really splitting hairs, I think, and it's not a very logical position. Why would Number One be a command-track officer in Starfleet at all if she were ineligible for a captaincy or admiralty? The existence of a female first officer implies the existence of a system that allows female captains. No, it doesn't absolutely prove it, but that's the more likely and natural interpretation, and the burden of proof is always on the less likely interpretation.
On ST: Enterprise, I doubt that it was Starfleet policy for Vulcans (of either gender) to command their starships. If something had happen to Archer on one of the missions, it's unlikely that T'Pol would retain command of the ship longer than the time it would take to replace her.
"Twilight" suggests otherwise.
And of course, if you're going to use ENT as evidence, then Erika Hernandez's captaincy of
Columbia proves that Starfleet was fine with female captains in the 22nd century -- which makes it even more unlikely that it forbade them a century later.
And let's not get too confident about how much we've progressed. There are still men today, young as well as old, that don't accept certain doors being open for women. I know of at least two individuals in my immediate circle and both of them are home grown right here. And we know it's still around as evidenced by the well established pay inequity that still exists. Yeah, it could be that certain roles don't appeal to many women, but also some women might be put off by what they see as resistance to them trying to walk through those doors.
Excellent point. No society is monolithic. Even if Pike and some others in Starfleet Command had some resistance to gender equality at that point in Starfleet history for some reason, that doesn't make it an absolute, culture-wide rule.
Still, most tie-ins have been content to ignore things like Pike's "woman on the bridge" line and the dialogue from "Turnabout Intruder" and to portray the 23rd century the way it was intended, as a benchmark of equality and inclusion. We don't let a couple of unfortunate glitches compromise the underlying intent. So in the books and comics, it's taken for granted that Starfleet had full gender equality in the 23rd century. We do the same thing with GLBT equality -- there were never any gay or lesbian characters acknowledged in the shows, but it was never said there couldn't be, so the novels and comics have included quite a few.
Being faithful to
Star Trek is not about obsessively clinging to every tiny detail, even the ones that contradict the rest or that were obviously mistakes. It's about being true to the big picture, the underlying intent. The intent was to portray an equal society, and we should be faithful to that, not to the occasional instances where they stumbled and fell short of that ideal.