A revised version of the teaser. Thoughts?
TEASER
TEXT scrolls up the screen:
ON STARDATE 52988.31, THE DOMINION WAR DREW TO
A CLOSE. WHILST THE KLINGONS AND THE ROMULANS
REBUILT THEIR CRIPPLED EMPIRES, STARFLEET RENEWED
THEIR POLICY OF EXPLORATION.
SINCE THAT DATE, FOURTEEN YEARS HAVE PASSED ...
EXT. DEEP SPACE
MAJESTIC, BEAUTIFUL and SERENE - an ubroken field of stars stretches as far as the eye can see ...
CAPTION STARDATE 66402.01
UNTIL the BAJORAN WORMHOLE blossoms into reality and the USS DEFIANT soars out and approaches the camera.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. DEFIANT / BRIDGE
A handsome twenty-something male, at the helm, passes his hands over his controls - this is LIEUTENANT JG FEDERICO ROSSI.
ROSSI
Welcome to the Gamma Quadrant, ladies,
gentlemen and crewmembers of other and
neither gender ...
AZHAN (OS)
As soon as we're clear, take us to warp.
ROSSI
Aye, Sir.
REVEAL the figure who just gave the order. Small breasts, muscular physique, shoulder length hair and hazel eyes that glitter with the anticipation of doing some exploration.
This is Commander Azhan 982 and s/he is a Hermat.
S/he shifts in hir chair when the stars on the main viewscreen elongate as the Defiant goes to warp.
AZHAN
ETA?
ROSSI
Five hours, twenty minutes.
EXT. SPACE
DEFIANT is at warp speed - the stars zipping past.
INT. DEFIANT / COMMANDER'S QUARTERS
Azhan lies on the bed holding a PADD, engrossed in whatever it is that s/he's reading s/he barely registers the first chime of the communicator. The second stirs hir from hish reverie and s/he hits the communicator :-
AZHAN
Azhan.
ROSSI (over comms)
Rossi here. We're on approach to the
Omarion Nebula, Commander. I thought
you'd want to know ...
AZHAN
Thankyou, Lieutenant. I'll be up there in
a second. Azhan out.
Azhan taps hish communicator - tosses hish PADD back onto the bunk and we HOLD on the PADD as Azhan exits. The title page of the book that Azhan was reading shows it to be 'RISK IS MY GAME: A BIOGRAPHY OF JAMES T. KIRK'.
INT. DEFIANT / BRIDGE
Azhan strides onto the bridge. On the viewscreen, the gaseous flares of a nebula flicker with interior light and a dull, ruddy planet grows nearer to the ship.
Rossi looks back from his position at the helm as Azhan takes up position in front of hish chair.
AZHAN
Mister Commerson, raise the Founders on
the usual channels ...
A crewman (COMMERSON) goes to work - another crewman turns from the science station:
CREWMAN
Sir, this can't be right - the sensors aren't
picking up any lifeforms on the planetoid.
Azhan arches hish eyebrow.
AZHAN
None at all?
The crewman nods affirmative.
CREWMAN
None at all.
AZHAN
Commerson?
COMMERSON
No response on any channel.
Azhan sits, steeples hish fingers in front of hir and considers hish options as hish crew turn their heads from their stations in front of hir to see what s/he's going to do.
After a moment of silence:
AZHAN
Ensign Kelby, you're with me. Rossi, you
have the conn ...
Azhan rises, exits the Bridge, closely followed by the youthful crewman who had been manning the science station.
EXT. FOUNDER PLANETOID
Rocky ground as far as the eye can see, no life and no vegetation can be seen as Azhan and the crewman materialise at the peak of a rocky mound and look round.
AZHAN
Crewman?
The crewman works her tricorder - then shrugs:
CREWMAN
Still nothing, I'm afraid. I can run more
scans if you want, but ...
AZHAN
Do it.
S/he scans the horizon for a moment whilst the crewman conducts further sensor sweeps, then taps hir communicator.
AZHAN
Azhan to Defiant.
ROSSI (over comms)
Defiant. Rossi here. Find anything, Sir?
Azhan looks across at the crewman - but she just shakes her head again:
AZHAN
Nothing.
(beat)
Lieutenant, open a channel to Starfleet
Headquarters. I need to speak to Admiral
Reinhardt immediately ...
PULL BACK from Azhan to show the vast swathes of rocky ground that lie around the two Starfleet officers - the absence of anything but rocky ground ...
FADE THROUGH
TO:
TITLE SEQUENCE
