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Specialist Smith - that dog don't hunt

JoeZhang

Vice Admiral
Admiral
Part 1: 2283 – Star dock 1, earth orbit.

He had been sitting cross-legged, cleaning his combat boots when the call came in, the physical motion of applying the polish and buffing the boots was one that held memory and significance, meaning. His hands went backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards – there was no conscious thought, his fingers performed a dance they knew well.

The task was something that could be performed by a servobot, but it provided a reminder of what had been, where he’d come from and he’d be damned if he’s give up one of the final pieces of his past.

He rose from the floor and moved across his quarters - they covered an area twice as large as standard quarters and this was because they were two quarters that had been converted into one. This was uncommon but this sector of the Habitat ring was one that sat directly above a series of power converters and therefore had a constant background hum – something that eventually drove everyone on this level to request a move, as space was not a issue, due to the close presence of earth – people who could put up with the hum therefore did what they want with the quarters.

Why, Smith required the space was a mystery that puzzled his seldom, infrequent visitors, since he didn’t own anything or indeed, seem intent on owning anything. Not even, as had been suggested on a number of occasions, a nice pot plant to sit in the window and give him something to water. His room just contained the basic furniture – mirrored from one half of the converted space to the other. Happy with the shine on his boots, he turned to place them back in his storage locker.

“Incoming message from Starfleet Recreational Services – Pools, Parks and Gardens Division, please provide authentication said the computer. Although this message would use the most complex and strongest encryption known, as was standard procedure, no name was given for the incoming caller, and no names would be used in the conversation - except for his - and that didn't matter as he didn't exist anyway.

“Authenticate – Smith, J. Specialist, Service number 023345345, alpha alpha one”.

“Voice print authenticated”, chimed the computer and with that, the holoprojectors discreetly hidden in two corners of the far wall sprung into life – instantly two figures appeared, a tall thin Vulcan and a squat broad tellarite.

Without preamble, the Vulcan spoke “There is a situation that requires immediate attention; a runabout has been pre-loaded with equipment and a mission briefing, it is awaiting you in docking bay B17. It will provide details of your legend for this mission.”

Smith twisted his head to one side and squinted his eyes “Come on, you've worked with me since I got here, you know by now, I like a bit of personal detail about my assignments, the computer briefings always miss something that can be key.”

In almost a mimicking gesture, the Vulcan tilted his head to the right – “if we must, you are to report to Kronos’s third moon immediately. There is a situation occurring, that, without swift action could blow up into a major diplomatic incident.”

“The situation being...?” prompted Smith.

The Vulcan looked almost pained, like he was about to recall a horrible childhood memory “I was coming to that Smith – a team of federation diplomats were asked to attend the annual tarq hunt”

“Those are those big klingons dogs things right?” prompted Smith.

“More similar to a giant earth boar but yes, those are targs anyway, one of the diplomats has been accused of..”, he hesitated “..Interfering with the imperial hunt and is currently being held pending execution. A federation citizen being executed by the Klingon Empire is something that we would rather avoid.”

Smith placed a hand on one of his cheeks, “interfering with the royal hunt? He’s an animal rights guy, something like that? You still have them? I can see how that might be a problem, but surely klingon security services could just kick him off the planet?” he made a brushing motion with his hands.

With a slight sideward glance at his associate, the tellarite took up the tale, “no, my colleague has been imprecise with his language, which is odd considering the form he’s currently taking, please observe this security camera footage”. With a gesture, an image appeared besides the Vulcan.

The backdrop was unclear and dark, but under a dim light sat a targ, the animal appeared to be sleeping... no not sleeping, it was drugged. In the distance a door could be heard opening, then, from the side of the image, a human male entered the frame, his features were obscured but he was clearly fit and active, he moved towards the targ and with a swift motion unbuttoned the front of his one piece jumpsuit...

Smith blinked and then blinked again as the footage rolled on, he moved to his left to a wall-mounted replicator “JD and coke, no make that a double... no a triple”, a drink appeared on the replicator pad, in one smooth motion; he lifted and drained the glass. “That’s a thing I’d rather not see again, when you say interfering, you really mean interfering.”


To be continued...
 
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WTF? I really hope that interference wasn't ...nah, couldn't be. Good way of conveying the idea of a time-traveler without actually saying it, too.
 
Uh ... yeah. Interfering .... right.

Anyway, intersting diplomatic debacle here.
 
WTF? I really hope that interference wasn't ...nah, couldn't be. Good way of conveying the idea of a time-traveler without actually saying it, too.

Heh - I knocked this up last night on the spur of the moment, I have never had a go at any type of creative writing - I must confess I found it quite enjoyable for my first attempt. Just in case anyone is offended by racy material - the hint you get in this first part about what the diplomat is as strong as it gets.

As for Smith, I have a back story worked out for him in my mind, I figure part of the fun of trying this sort of thing is letting the audience have a chance of working it out by dropping in clues as we go along.

I think the vibe I'm going for is quite light and fun, the "nature" of Smith (which I'll expand on once it's revealed) allows for a certain type of commentary on the concepts in Star trek which couldn't be done with other types of characters.

A couple of things I will give away -

Smith does work for Starfleet Recreational Services – Pools, Parks and Gardens Division in the same way that James Bond works for Universal import/exports.

Legend = the cover story a spy uses.
 
The backdrop was unclear and dark, but under a dim light sat a targ, the animal appeared to be sleeping... no not sleeping, it was drugged. In the distance a door could be heard opening, then, from the side of the image, a human male entered the frame, his features were obscured but he was clearly fit and active, he moved towards the targ and with a swift motion unbuttoned the front of his one piece jumpsuit...

Smith blinked and then blinked again as the footage rolled on, he moved to his left to a wall-mounted replicator “JD and coke, no make that a double... no a triple”, a drink appeared on the replicator pad, in one smooth motion; he lifted and drained the glass. “That’s a thing I’d rather not see again, when you say interfering, you really mean interfering.”


To be continued...

Ummm... yeah.

Although, credit where credit is due. Even druged, I can't imagine that doing...that with a targ is easy. :klingon:

Aaron McGuire
 
Chapter 2: 2382 – “Hunter’s moon”, classified location in Klingon Space.

48 hours later...


The prisoner has not been thrown into a Klingon’s prison – this was highly fortunate for him, because the life expectation of humans in such places was measured in hours, their tasty meat was much desired (slow cooked, just a touch of oil) by many of the degenerate species you’d expect to find in such a place, and the considered wisdom was that it was best to get them in the pot while they still had a nice layer of fat.

Instead, while the seemingly endless discussions between the federation and the empire continued, he was placed in a brig intended for drunk and misbehaving officers of the Defence Force. This was only slightly better than Klingon’s prison in term of comfort but at least there was no chance of him being a first rate second course. As the brig only held one prisoner, it was only attended by one officer, because why would you need more than one Klingon to hold a puny human? Indeed, why would you even need a whole Klingon? Using this sound logic (although they’d never use such a shameful Vulcan term) as a basis for action, a one-armed officer named Toral was considered ample to act as a warden.

Toral wished he was anywhere but here, the damp on the planet made his stump itch and worse, he had developed an on-going cold. Obviously as a proud warrior race, his people had never developed any cold remedies. This meant that at certain times of the year, many duels would occur as warriors with blocked noises would encounter each other and a simple “how is the proud mother of your house?” would be transformed by the inability to breath via the nose into something far less complementary and far more likely to start a fight and a blood feud that would last generations.

With nothing else to do, Toral settled with a Padd to watch an episode of the holo-vid 'The Black Fleet: The Next Generation'. Toral always thought this was a stupid name; the black fleet was eternal and anyway it wasn’t half as good as the original series 'The Black Fleet'. He was near the end of the episode 'The traitor' when the whine of a federation transporter broke his train of thought.

This was a shame; in this episode a Romulan defector had crossed the Klingon – Romulan neutral zone with information about a planned invasion. For his trouble, the commander of the black fleet had tortured him, discovered it was a trick, cut his head off and then crushed the invasion fleet while singing 'your blood makes an excellent lubricant for the wheels of my wagon', a well known song from a equally well-known 20th century Klingon opera.

With a scowl he turned to see a human moving towards his position. The Human was wearing a pair of plain brown trousers offset with a colourful silky blouse – colourful in a way that would make a Klingon think he worked in a house of ill-repute. He was carrying a small attaché case, silver in colour and made from some material that the Klingon was unfamiliar with. Later, Toral would try and describe his features to officers of internal security but without success - humans all look the same with their silly flat heads , who can tell the difference?

Smith’s eyes blazed brightly as he approached the Klingon, and he struggled with his urge to grind his teeth. Reaching into his case, he produced a small Padd and turned it towards the man. “I bid you good afternoon, sir. I am Algonquin J. Calhoun, as you can see here, I am an accredited federation legal representative and I am here to represent my client...”

“I know who you are, command informed me of your arrival” growled the Klingon, “Well Legal representative..” He paused and considered Smith’s face closely. He edged close, his head tilted forward and his eyes became narrow slits, his gaze was fixated on a particular aspect of smith’s face “what is this white powder around your nose, human?”

With a swift motion, Smith used his thumb and forefinger to clean his nose “Well Sir, it is a cold remedy - for Denobulan flu. It has provided a most effective remedy for my aliment.” He reached into his case, and pulls a small vial out for inspection, “you see, nothing to worry about”.

“I will take some for... inspection purposes. This will not be a problem?” said Toral with the hint of a cruel smile that indicated that this better not be a problem.

Smith seem to consider this for a moment, then for a moment more “Well if you insist, I am not sure what.. well I would not like to cause a incident, hee hee”. He handed over a vial of the cold remedy and then procedured to give the Klingon detailed instructions on how to use the preparation.

Toral led Smith down a semi-light corridor, past a number of cells – unlike Humans, Klingons did not use forcefield technology to guard their prisoners but relied on old fashioned bars. Why waste the power?

“I’m a federation citizen, I have my rights!” cried the prisoner through the bars of his cell.

“You are far from federation space, you flithy pahtk, even looking at you fills me with rage, now shut up before I come in there and feed you your own tongue. I have to keep you alive, I do not have to keep you whole” shouted Toral through the bars of the cell, revealing an impressive set of lungs in the process.

“This...” he gave Smith a look of distain like he was looking at some spoilt gagh “is your.. what were you human?”

“Algonquin J. Calhoun, your legal representative” said Smith, looking directly at the human in the cell with a small tight smile and a nod of his head.

Unlocking the cell with an electronic key attached to his belt, Toral turned away and without a backward glance grunted “I will be at my station”.

The man in the cell looked younger than Smith’s records indicated; he had olive-skin and brown hair that matched his brown eyes. He also had a thin pencil moustache that covered his top lip. Before Smith could say a word, the man started talking and gesturing with his hands, it was all a terrible mistake, the targ was ill he was just checking on it and on and on and on.. excuse after excuse. Smith put one finger slowly to his mouth, he reached into his attaché case and pulled out a small black box, although there was no visible buttons, the olive skinned man heard a click when he pushed one side.

“This cell is now shielded; the listening devices are now picking up a computer generated pre-recorded conversation between the two of us, I am what you would called a specialist, so let’s get to business and the truth of the matter”.

To his credit, the olive-skinned man didn’t blink, he continued with his story as if the listening devices were still operational. Smith gave me the man a cold hard look, “do I look like I’ve just come from the circus?”

“What? Circus? What do you mean? Will there be animals at this circus?” replied the olive-skinned man with a hungry look on his face, “there haven’t been animals at a federation circus since...”

Clamping his hand over the man’s mouth, “I mean.. I'm not a clown and you need to stop treating me like one, doctor”.

The olive skinned man was visibly shaken, and took a step back “but.. how do you know?”

Smith’s eyes bulged in a mock gesture of ‘are you kidding me?; “How do I know? You are lucky half of the empire doesn’t know, it’s not like you are an unknown figure in those parts Doc. Starfleet intelligence broke your alias and identified you before I left earth. Is that ludicrous moustache suppose to fool anyone? Is that part of the thrill, knowing you’ll get caught at any moment?”

The olive-skinned man went to answer, Smith held up his hand.

“No, don’t, I don’t really need or want to know, let’s concentrate on getting you out of this mess”.

The olive skinned man turned away and seemed to look straight through the wall of the cell. “You don’t understand... I’m was augmented, as a child, in lots of different ways... it leaves me with..” he paused and rolled a word around in his mouth, trying it for size.. “a different perspective than base-line humans. It was... I thought my posting was going to be a backwater, where I could quietly deal with things and then it turned into the centre of the universe... I have to get away occasionally to find myself.”

With a weary look and a quick glance outside of the cell door, smith turned to the man, “Well, whatever, that’s between you and your shrink, let’s concentrate on the mission and get you out of here before the Klingons work it out”.

“How do you plan to do that?” asked the tall dark-skinned man.

“Oh that’s easy”, Smith started looking in his attaché case, his head bobbing from side to side as his hands shuffled around. “ah, here it is” and with that, Smith pulled an antique Colt .45 pistol from his case and shot the man once in the forehead. With a lock of utter astonishment, the olive-skinned man fell to the ground as if he’d been shot, more than likely because he has just been shot. Smith replaced the pistol in his case, and took a leaning position against the far war of the cell and waited.

Heavy footsteps could be heard pounding down the corridor, with a mighty cry, Toral came charging into the cell, his disrupter armed and ready. Taking in the scene, his look was one of incomprehension, the prisoner lay dead, a neat hole in his forehead!

With a cheerful look, Smith scratched the collar of his brightly coloured blouse and asked “Hello good sir, I have concluded the consultation with my client, is there a bar around here?”

To be continued.
 
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Uh, ok... wow, I'm curious about what will happen next. I like your slightly ironic writing style. I wonder who the prisoner was or is.
 
opps! I got the date wrong in the first one - it's 2382 or round about "present" with the current novels - it's post nemesis, not during the TOS movie era! :guffaw:

As for who the prisoner is... hum.. maybe we will find out next time.
 
An interesting and viable solution (in Klingon space, at least). um, "had" just been shot, not has. (I nitpick, sorry)
 
An interesting and viable solution (in Klingon space, at least). um, "had" just been shot, not has. (I nitpick, sorry)

Sadly, it's now impossible to edit - I'll do another episode on Saturday when I get a moment - which will wrap up this story and provide a short preview of the next.

I think I'll have to make it a bit more obvious who the doctor is...
 
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