64.
Been in hospital for two months. Kidney's were screwed. He developed an infection that took this from a bad compilation to serious territory a few days ago. I've shared all sorts here over the years and here I am, having lost my Dad 3 hours ago.
I'm really not in touch with my emotions; my brother is distraught yet I'm extremely calm. Hey I've shared shit here for nearly 20 years-- it occurred to me to post this. Messed up, hmm?
Condolences for your loss. I lost my father suddenly aged 75 on November 3rd last year (so I'm fast approaching the first anniversary), the guy was one of the fittest people I knew, and just had a stroke in his sleep, never woke up and that was that.
The subsequent grief has been one of the most life changing things I've ever experienced. One one hand I sobbed for the first few weeks, and was going through all sorts of emotions - looking at bottles of whisky to take down to him on the day I found out he'd died on the way to his house, going through all sorts of madness thinking 'has he realised he just went to bed and not woken up' - like the film
Ghost that kind of thing. Seeing his body in the chapel of rest thinking he could hear us talking about him, all sorts of stuff - it really made me think about why religion exists etc despite being totally not religious in any way shape or form, it just utterly twisted my head for a while. It's massively affected my relationship with my mother too, and we're barely on speaking terms at the moment.
Then on the other hand I felt like I pulled myself together within 3 months or so - which prompted feelings of guilt, but really looking back it was acceptance that it had happened and was the beginning of getting over the initial shock. I feel like I
have accepted it now, but just occasionally I get feelings of 'I can't believe he's gone etc' but I think I'm getting used to it now, which I guess is a common thing I've read that you never get
over it, just
used to it. I really thought I would go to pieces having a history of depression but I didn't. It's really made me think about my own mortality a lot more too.
I guess November the 3rd is the next milestone in all of this, then Christmas and so on...
