SFJAG

[Kaziarl]

This story is going to be about what starfleet's JAG corps might be like. I know there's a debate going on about what crime and punishment is like in the future, but I think JAG still has a place.

It's going to be shakey at first, I've never tried writing a law story before, but I'm going to try to combine elements from JAG, Law&Order, NCIS, and CSI.

Anyway, here's the first couple of scenes, introducing two of the main characters. Feedback is greatly appreciated.

Stardate 56547.3 1430 hours GAMAZULU

The Class-II fighter skimmed over asteroid after asteroid as Cadet Francis Reed piloted it on his final test. It had been four years of hard training, but he had finally come to the final days of his Academy training, and he would be sure this class year would be remembered by everyone.

"Falcon squad, this is Falcon 1, do you read me?" he said into the communicator. One by one, the other trainee's responded with acknowledgments. They all knew what he was planning, hell, they were all part of it. They wanted to show the instructors that they were the best of the best.

"All right Falcon Squad, just like we practiced."

Five fighters came round a planet killer asteroid, all withing 150 meters of it. As they approached each other they opened their plasma manifolds, venting a trail of charged plasma. Circling dangerously close, the fighters sped away from each other igniting their trail. Reed looked over his shoulder as he watched the starburst pattern form behind the squad.

"Falcon Squad, secure your manifolds."

"Falcon 2 Secured." came the first reply, quickly followed by more.

"Falcon 4 Secured."

"Falcon 5 Secured."

Reed waited a moment, then another which seemed much longer. It shouldn't be taking this long, he thought to himself.

"Falcon 3, report!" he ordered.

"Manifolds wont secure, they appear to be jammed."

Damn, he though. He looked over his shoulder again to see the plasma fire getting closer to Falcon 3.

"Myers! punch it. You have to out run the fire!"

"Trying to Falcon 1, its not working. Manifolds still jammed, engines are beginning to overheat. Flight Control, this is Falcon 3. Mayday Mayday Ma---"

All that came through after that was static. Reed pulled his fighter back around as Falcon 3 exploded in a ball of fire. He couldn't believe it. Myers was gone, just like that.

"Falcon Squad, this is Flight Control. Power down and prepare to be beamed aboard the Adventurous."

Reed hung his head, not knowing what to think as the fighter disappeared around him.





Stardate 56548.1 0900 GAMMAZULU

Commander Mitchell walked through the doors to his new office. When he first joined Starfleets legal corps he never imagined he would be stationed at the main JAG building on Earth, yet here he was. This was even better then he imagined, the solid oak desk, the view of the gardens, even the leather chair he had requested. Mitchell had grown up watching old holo-vids of law shows. Perry Mason, Law & Order, and NCIS from back in the late 20th and early 21st century were some of his favorites, and almost all the lawyers in them had leather chairs. Seeing that after all these years, he knew he had to have a chair of his own.

"Commander?" came a voice from behind him. He turned to face a short, bald, yet stunningly beautiful Deltan ensign standing in the doorway.

"What can I do for you ensign?" he asked, setting his briefcase on the desk.

"Sorry to disturb you sir," she replied, holding out a PADD. "The Admiral wanted me to bring you this."

Mitchell took the PADD and scanned the first couple lines. "Ah, my first case," he sighed. "So much for settling in."

"Aye sir, the admiral can be like that at times."

"So I've heard," he replied. "Whats your name ensign?"

"Denalla, sir."

"Nice to meet you Ensign Denalla, and congratulations."

"Sir?" she returned, puzzled.

"You're my new partner. Arrange for transportation while I go over the case, gimme about... 30 minutes?"

"Yes sir," she replied as she turned to leave.

Mitchell had a guess that it was going to be a long first day.

 

[mirandafave]

Wow you work fast Kaziarl! Only just read about your ideas for a JAG series and here we are with the first installment. Good to see that you went with the idea. I personally think it is worth trying out. It will be difficult obviously to carry out but it should work as an investigative story with twists no doubt.

Constructive criticism: Would like a little more emotion to the dialogue, how a person says something for example so we get a feeling for the type of person your characters are.

A few typos - such as though instead of thought and 'it is' should be 'it's'

Your enthusiastic investigator is hitting the ground running and I'm interested to see how this case develops and how he goes about his investigation. Good luck with the rest of the story.

 

[BrotherBenny]

I'm looking forward to reading more.

I just have one question. What is GAMAZULU? And what's wrong with just using Zulu since it would be the same as the UTC used currently.

Keep it up, and man, why can't these new cadets stop trying the Kolvoord Starburst. Don't they read history?

 

[Kaziarl]

I'm looking forward to reading more.

I just have one question. What is GAMAZULU? And what's wrong with just using Zulu since it would be the same as the UTC used currently.

Keep it up, and man, why can't these new cadets stop trying the Kolvoord Starburst. Don't they read history?

Well, Zulu is used on earth. I assumes it could still be used, but I would would imagine they had to come up with something else just like switching to stardate instead of using an earth calendar.

 

[BrotherBenny]

I'm looking forward to reading more.

I just have one question. What is GAMAZULU? And what's wrong with just using Zulu since it would be the same as the UTC used currently.

Keep it up, and man, why can't these new cadets stop trying the Kolvoord Starburst. Don't they read history?

Well, Zulu is used on earth. I assumes it could still be used, but I would would imagine they had to come up with something else just like switching to stardate instead of using an earth calendar.

To be honest, I don't see the need to change it. All western military forces, as far as I am aware, use Zulu (or Universal Time Code as they call it now). Therefore, since Starfleet appears to use current military timekeeping with "x hundred hours," I think it would make sense to keep it as it as. Federation Standard is English, so I suppose you could call it FST, Federation Standard Time??

 

[Kaziarl]

I'm looking forward to reading more.

I just have one question. What is GAMAZULU? And what's wrong with just using Zulu since it would be the same as the UTC used currently.

Keep it up, and man, why can't these new cadets stop trying the Kolvoord Starburst. Don't they read history?

Well, Zulu is used on earth. I assumes it could still be used, but I would would imagine they had to come up with something else just like switching to stardate instead of using an earth calendar.

To be honest, I don't see the need to change it. All western military forces, as far as I am aware, use Zulu (or Universal Time Code as they call it now). Therefore, since Starfleet appears to use current military timekeeping with "x hundred hours," I think it would make sense to keep it as it as. Federation Standard is English, so I suppose you could call it FST, Federation Standard Time??

Well I'm not sure of all the details, but stardates adjust for a relativistic time shift that occurs when you are dealing with different star systems, plus all the star ships flying around. I guess I interparated this kind of like the international date line, and figured they would have a "time zone" equivalent. Didn't really know what they would call it, so I just used gammazulu. Could be dancing chicken time for all I know. Just wanted to make that distinction that while it was a similar concept as Zulu time, it was on a much larger scale.

 

[Kaziarl]

The next part of this one will probably take a bit. I've got to look up all the legal jargon that would apply to this situation.

I'm thinking Conduct Unbecoming, Negligence, Dereliction of Duty, and Disobeying Standing Orders to start with. Probably Willful Endangerment and Involuntary Manslaughter as well. These guys could be in trouble...

 

[CeJay]

I like the Stafleet JAG idea. We know it exists as it was seen in TNG.

I'm interested to see what kind of spin you might put on this story and who is going to end up paying the price (besides the dead cadet, that is).

I'll be honest, I think Trek characters referencing famous contemporary TV shows is a bit strange. But that's just me.

I am immensely jealous of Michell though. I'd want Denalla as my partner too.

 

[Kaziarl]

I like the Stafleet JAG idea. We know it exists as it was seen in TNG.

I'm interested to see what kind of spin you might put on this story and who is going to end up paying the price (besides the dead cadet, that is).

I'll be honest, I think Trek characters referencing famous contemporary TV shows is a bit strange. But that's just me.

I am immensely jealous of Michell though. I'd want Denalla as my partner too.

Well I could make up a couple of shows, like how captain proton seems to come from buck rogers.

Also, I know the characters are bland right now. It's because I don't really know them yet. They haven't told me enough about themselves, but in time they will develop.

And that last line made me sound completely crazy I'm sure, but it's how I write.

I'm doing some research now for the story. I'm not well versed in law, so I'm going to have to do this alot. I hope I can get this out fast enough though.

 

[Admiral2]

This story is going to be about what starfleet's JAG corps might be like. I know there's a debate going on about what crime and punishment is like in the future, but I think JAG still has a place.

It's going to be shakey at first, I've never tried writing a law story before, but I'm going to try to combine elements from JAG, Law&Order, NCIS, and CSI.

Anyway, here's the first couple of scenes, introducing two of the main characters. Feedback is greatly appreciated.

Stardate 56547.3 1430 hours GAMAZULU

The Class-II fighter skimmed over asteroid after asteroid as Cadet Francis Reed piloted it on his final test. It had been four years of hard training, but he had finally come to the final days of his Academy training, and he would be sure this class year would be remembered by everyone.

"Falcon squad, this is Falcon 1, do you read me?" he said into the communicator. One by one, the other trainee's responded with acknowledgments. They all knew what he was planning, hell, they were all part of it. They wanted to show the instructors that they were the best of the best.

"All right Falcon Squad, just like we practiced."

Five fighters came round a planet killer asteroid, all withing 150 meters of it. As they approached each other they opened their plasma manifolds, venting a trail of charged plasma. Circling dangerously close, the fighters sped away from each other igniting their trail. Reed looked over his shoulder as he watched the starburst pattern form behind the squad.

"Falcon Squad, secure your manifolds."

"Falcon 2 Secured." came the first reply, quickly followed by more.

"Falcon 4 Secured."

"Falcon 5 Secured."

Reed waited a moment, then another which seemed much longer. It shouldn't be taking this long, he thought to himself.

"Falcon 3, report!" he ordered.

"Manifolds wont secure, they appear to be jammed."

Damn, he though. He looked over his shoulder again to see the plasma fire getting closer to Falcon 3.

"Myers! punch it. You have to out run the fire!"

"Trying to Falcon 1, its not working. Manifolds still jammed, engines are beginning to overheat. Flight Control, this is Falcon 3. Mayday Mayday Ma---"

All that came through after that was static. Reed pulled his fighter back around as Falcon 3 exploded in a ball of fire. He couldn't believe it. Myers was gone, just like that.

"Falcon Squad, this is Flight Control. Power down and prepare to be beamed aboard the Adventurous."

Reed hung his head, not knowing what to think as the fighter disappeared around him.





Stardate 56548.1 0900 GAMMAZULU

Commander Mitchell walked through the doors to his new office. When he first joined Starfleets legal corps he never imagined he would be stationed at the main JAG building on Earth, yet here he was. This was even better then he imagined, the solid oak desk, the view of the gardens, even the leather chair he had requested. Mitchell had grown up watching old holo-vids of law shows. Perry Mason, Law & Order, and NCIS from back in the late 20th and early 21st century were some of his favorites, and almost all the lawyers in them had leather chairs. Seeing that after all these years, he knew he had to have a chair of his own.

"Commander?" came a voice from behind him. He turned to face a short, bald, yet stunningly beautiful Deltan ensign standing in the doorway.

"What can I do for you ensign?" he asked, setting his briefcase on the desk.

"Sorry to disturb you sir," she replied, holding out a PADD. "The Admiral wanted me to bring you this."

Mitchell took the PADD and scanned the first couple lines. "Ah, my first case," he sighed. "So much for settling in."

"Aye sir, the admiral can be like that at times."

"So I've heard," he replied. "Whats your name ensign?"

"Denalla, sir."

"Nice to meet you Ensign Denalla, and congratulations."

"Sir?" she returned, puzzled.

"You're my new partner. Arrange for transportation while I go over the case, gimme about... 30 minutes?"

"Yes sir," she replied as she turned to leave.

Mitchell had a guess that it was going to be a long first day.

My gut reactions:

-Dump the stardates and the "Gamma". If you're gonna do JAG, do JAG, and on JAG for most of the episodes they gave up date stamping completely. At the beginning of a scene you'd usually see Zulu (greenwich mean time) and location details and heaven help you if you couldn't figure out for yourself that the scene was taking place on a different day. Personally, I liked that, and that's what i'd do if I were doing this. (But obviously, I'm not, you are, so up to you).

-Reference "ancient" stuff all you like. Most of your audience has probably seen it and some of us like that kind of thing every now and then.

Pretty good so far.

 

[Kaziarl]

For now I'm going to keep the GammaZulu. Mainly because it's part of the thought process now, and in the past when I've broken that, my story would get writer's blocked to death. Anyway, here's part two.


Reed sat in the mess hall with the other members of Falcon Squad, minus Myers. Gorok, the Benzite, sat to his left; Laan Toban, from Bajor, sat across from him, and Prina, the first female Ferangi in Starfleet, was to his right.

"Reed?" Gorok broke the silence. "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing!" Reed replied. "So far as they know it was just an accident. We stick with that, and we're in the clear."

"Yeah?" Toban interrupted. "Thats all great except Myers is dead because of us."

"Thats not true." argued Prina. "We didn't cause the manifold to malfunction."

"Quiet," Reed raised his voice to get there attention. "Look, we have to stick together, got it? Just like they teach us, if one of us fails, we all fail. So keep your traps shut and hope Myers' folks don't cry for blood."

The four of them spent the rest of the lunch period in silence. When the chime sounded over the intercom, they stood up and filed out into the hallway to their next class.


Stardate 56548.5 1145 GAMMAZULU

A single Starfleet shuttlecraft sped over the terrain as it made its way towards the Academy grounds. In the co-pilot's seat Commander Mitchell read over the files of the cadets involved in the accident. He looked out the window and sighed. They were just kids, the oldest one being thirty, and her race lived at least 150 years according to some.

Mitchell sat the PADD down, sighed again, then turned to Denalla.

"So tell me about yourself Ensign," he said, trying to fill the silence.

"There is not much to tell Sir," she replied. "My entire life I've had to suppress my nature to do what I'm meant to do. Thats about it.

"You mean the oath?"

"Yes sir." she continued. "I must say it has been difficult. There was one or two occasions where I found someone to my liking, but because of the oath I am not able to pursue it while in Starfleet."

"Must be hard," he replied. "I doubt I could imagine my life like that."

"What about you Sir?" Denalla asked. "Where are you from?"

"Oh, here and there." Mitchell replied. "My parents were in Starfleet, so we moved around alot. I think our longest time in one place was on the USS Fairchild."

"That must have been exciting."

"It had it's moments," he replied as the shuttle began its final approach to the landing pad. "I remember when the Nimitz was sent on a mission to capture space pirates."

"Pirates sir?"

"Yeah, no peg legs or parrots, but they were intimidating to be sure."

"Commander?" the pilot called from the controls. "we've arrived. Watch your step."

"Thank you Crewman." Mitchell said as he collected his case and stood up. "Do you have anything else to do today?"

"No Sir."

"Good, go ahead and take the day off till I call you. I'm sure there's a couple of teachers you'd like to visit? We've all got our favorites."

"Yes sir, Thank you sir." he replied as he started powering down the shuttle.


Commandant Dravis sat behind his desk reviewing the reports. It was a nightmare, one cadet was dead, four others on the chopping block. He had to explain to Myers' parents why their son wasn't coming home, and that was the hardest thing any superior had to deal with.

"Enter," he said, responding to the door chime.

"Commandant," Mitchell said as he entered the office. "It's good to see you again sir."

"Mitchell," he replied. "You have moved up since you've been here. How's your folks?"

"Good sir," he said as he straighten his expression. "Unfortunately I'm here on business sir, not pleasure."

"You're the JAG lawyer?"

"Yes sir," he replied. "And this is my partner. Ensign Denalla."

"Pleased to meet you sir." she said.

"Of course," Dravis replied. "So whats your take on the situation."

"Well sir," Mitchell sat down and pulled one of his PADD's out. "According to the logs the pilots attempted the Kolvoord Starburst maneuver, which as you know is against regulations."

"Yes, and since it's been banned it's been tried three times now. Once with that Crusher boy."

"Yes sir, so at a minimum we have disobeying standing orders, involuntary manslaughter, and reckless endangerment."

"Minimum?" shot Dravis. "That would end their career's. Discharging the Ferangi, Prina, would be a nightmare in of it self. Not only is she the second Ferangi in Starfleet, but she's the first Ferangi female. Starfleet hasn't had to deal with this kind of political pressure since Worf joined Starfleet."

"Understandable sir," Denalla interjected. "But we want to send the right message. Everyone is accountable under the same law. And that dead cadet deserves some justice."

"Ensign," Dravis responded. "You act as though you think they killed him on purpose."

"That remains to be seen." Mitchell said before she could reply. "I think right now we should talk to the Cadets."

"Of course." conceded the commandant. "I'm giving you full access for the duration of this case."

Mitchell and Denalla stood, saluted, and exited the office. 'I'll have to have a chat with Denalla' Mitchell thought to himself as they made their was to the dorms. 'Talking to a commandant like that is unacceptable.'

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Wow...you'd think people would wise up about the Kolvoord Starburst, given its record of claiming lives AND causing punishments to those who live.

Though you HAVE raised an interesting possibility, when it comes to the idea of sabotage...

 

[Kaziarl]

Wow...you'd think people would wise up about the Kolvoord Starburst, given its record of claiming lives AND causing punishments to those who live.

Though you HAVE raised an interesting possibility, when it comes to the idea of sabotage...

Really? I hadn't noticed?

And since when do our youth learn from the mistakes of their elders?

 

[mirandafave]

I wondered how you'd twist this story to up the ante and make it a political nightmare, the first female ferengi plot should allow for that. Well done this is going well and we start finding out a bit more about our investigators a bit. Keep going.

 

[McCovey Cove]

Interesting read, though by contemporary terms, a first-time JAG lawyer would be a company grade officer (Ens/LTJG/LT) rather than a field grade officer (LCDR/CDR/CAPT). Seems like a huge jump to me without fully understanding the background the character. Even Rabb started out as a Lieutenant. Is this guy kind of like Perry Mason, with years and years of civilian legal experience who was offered a staff officer's commission?

-- ZC

 

[BrotherBenny]

Interesting read, though by contemporary terms, a first-time JAG lawyer would be a company grade officer (Ens/LTJG/LT) rather than a field grade officer (LCDR/CDR/CAPT). Seems like a huge jump to me without fully understanding the background the character. Even Rabb started out as a Lieutenant. Is this guy kind of like Perry Mason, with years and years of civilian legal experience who was offered a staff officer's commission?

-- ZC

Actually, Rabb was a Lt Cdr in the pilot, but addressed as such rarely. In fact, hardly anyone in the JAG office was addressed by rank until the second episode.

 

[McCovey Cove]

He was wearing two stripes in the pilot. I have it on DVD.

-- ZC

 

[Admiral2]

He was wearing two stripes in the pilot. I have it on DVD.

-- ZC

And it just aired on USA. Zef is right on this one. Harm was a looie in the pilot and for pretty much the first season.

 

[BrotherBenny]

I stand corrected.

 

[Kaziarl]

Interesting read, though by contemporary terms, a first-time JAG lawyer would be a company grade officer (Ens/LTJG/LT) rather than a field grade officer (LCDR/CDR/CAPT). Seems like a huge jump to me without fully understanding the background the character. Even Rabb started out as a Lieutenant. Is this guy kind of like Perry Mason, with years and years of civilian legal experience who was offered a staff officer's commission?

-- ZC

Personally I'm thinking he's just been around the block. Probably was a low ranked jag lawyer on a starship till he requested a transfer to the JAG office.