Seperate bedrooms in relationship?

[TerokNor]

While reading through the "On which side of the bed do you sleep post" I wondered.... do you find it necessary for a couple to share the bedroom?
I would really prefer, also in a relationship, to have two seperate bedrooms... that one CAN share, if both want, sometimes the one room, sometimes the other room, but that one must not share and where one can shut the door and have a restful sleep alone, without the annoying snoring or even only breathing, which can be annoying too, of a second being.

And then there is the even more extreme way of course with being a couple, but not even living together in the same apartement. I don´t mean distant relationships or "younger relationships", can be in the same town and a years long one, but still with different apartements and not the intention to ever share one.
What do you say to that kind of living? I find it not that bad...feels more free, while still bound in a relationship.


TerokNor

 

[An Officer]

I'd say Woody Allen had it right - whatever works.

 

[FPAlpha]

Disregarding such things as heavy snoring and a light sleeper or some medical issues i don't see a reason ever to not intentionally share the same bed.

If i'm in love with someone i want that person around me and there's nothing better that to fall asleep knowing a very important person is next to you.

Also there is the thing about spontaneous nightly.. activities

 

[Brolan]

When you share a bedroom and bed, you also share an intimacy beyond sex. While I think a relationship can survive different bedrooms, I would examine what else is missing, as I see this as a danger sign.

 

[Small White Car]

When you share a bedroom and bed, you also share an intimacy beyond sex.

I don't know how you sleep but I have no clue what's going on around me while I'm unconscious.

 

[Timby]

Ever since my now-wife moved in with me and we left my first shoebox apartment, we've always lived in two-bedroom apartments. There are a few benefits, not the least of which is additional storage space. In our case, the twin bed in the extra bedroom is so much more comfortable for my back than the queen-size in our bedroom, so when I choose to take a cat-nap during the day, it's always in the extra bedroom.

Also, quite frankly, sometimes you just have a nasty, nasty argument and it's better to say, "Look, I'm going to go to sleep, I'm sleeping on the extra bed and we'll figure this out in the morning." That's what works for us. (It's very rare -- I don't think we've had such a fight in well over a year -- but it does happen on occasion.)

 

[RJDiogenes]

A friend of mine had a partner that she was very serious with who moved to Washington DC to pursue his career. She was unwilling to leave Boston, or her family in Taunton, so she didn't go. They split up for a while, but then starting commuting back and forth to be together every couple of weeks, and eventually they got married. They still live in different cities, and it's been probably close to ten years now. I imagine they'll move in together when they retire-- and I often wonder how that will go.

 

[Mr Light]

My fiancee and I have slept in separate beds for, I don't know, several years now. I like to sleep with the TV on and she likes to read with the light on. Plus I'm a very light sleeper so her slightest movement would wake me up.

 

[JarodRussell]

Also, quite frankly, sometimes you just have a nasty, nasty argument and it's better to say, "Look, I'm going to go to sleep, I'm sleeping on the extra bed and we'll figure this out in the morning." That's what works for us. (It's very rare -- I don't think we've had such a fight in well over a year -- but it does happen on occasion.)

Don't you have a couch?

 

[Miss Chicken]

I had a female friend who, after one of her children left home, decided to turn his bedroom into her own bedroom.

Her husband was very upset by her decision but after a few weeks he had really warmed to the situation. He would knock on her bedroom door and ask if he could come in. He started bringing her flowers from the garden and said it was like courting her again. Sometimes she would let him stay the night. Sometimes it was she who knocked on his door. He also said that he was sleeping better, as was she.

As far as I know they still have separate rooms.

 

[Timby]

Also, quite frankly, sometimes you just have a nasty, nasty argument and it's better to say, "Look, I'm going to go to sleep, I'm sleeping on the extra bed and we'll figure this out in the morning." That's what works for us. (It's very rare -- I don't think we've had such a fight in well over a year -- but it does happen on occasion.)

Don't you have a couch?

We have a small loveseat, in which the total seating area stretches about five feet across. Why do you care?

 

[Kestra]

I don't believe in doing separate bedrooms, but I'm the one that's a terror when I sleep. I don't think there's something wrong if people are sleeping apart in a relationship. There are many valid reasons to do so and who cares, as long as you still maintain intimacy in your relationship?

Also I would never ask my husband to sleep on the couch. That's so uncomfortable!

 

[HighteeHeller]

I had a female friend who, after one of her children left home, decided to turn his bedroom into her own bedroom.

Her husband was very upset by her decision but after a few weeks he had really warmed to the situation. He would knock on her bedroom door and ask if he could come in. He started bringing her flowers from the garden and said it was like courting her again. Sometimes she would let him stay the night. Sometimes it was she who knocked on his door. He also said that he was sleeping better, as was she.

As far as I know they still have separate rooms.

Thats both romantic and strange at the same time.

 

[bigdaddy]

I think it's stupid. I can't stand houses with more bathrooms than bedrooms.

I have literally slept with three friends this year, slept fine each time except once when the guy hogged the blanket and his room didn't have heat until May.

Share the bed, share the bedroom, share the bathroom, share the kitchen, share the living room, share your life. That's the point of a relationship, sharing, and caring.

 

[propita]

I can understand that some couples would prefer, for whatever reasons, to sleep apart. I like being able to reach out at night and touch Hubby, knowing he's there beside me. He's said that he like knowing that I'm next to him.

Once in a long while, if he's mad at me, he'll sleep on the couch or the guest room, at his choosing, I did not kick him out. He tends to sleep badly those nights. We've even both been too angry and literally boycotted our bed for a night. I did that twice, then realized we spent a few grand on a temperpedic bed and figured it would be a waste not to sleep on that.

 

[HighteeHeller]

. I did that twice, then realized we spent a few grand on a temperpedic bed and figured it would be a waste not to sleep on that.

So practical of you both! I love it!

 

[Spot's Meow]

My boyfriend and I have lived together but kept separate bedrooms for about 3 years now. We originally wanted to save sharing a room for marriage, but I like things the way they are right now and at that point I'm not sure if we'll start to share a bed. I am a very light sleeper and even with him in his own room I wake up sometimes if I hear him working or watching TV through the wall. He needs the TV on to fall asleep, I can't stand it. We also have vastly different biological clocks; he stays up until 2 AM and wakes up around noon. I go to sleep around 10 PM and wake up around 7 AM. On nights that we do sleep in the same bed I have felt restless and never able to get a deep sleep, so I don't mind having separate beds.

It also never occured to me that it was an odd thing because my grandparents, who have been married for almost 60 years, have always had separate bedrooms.

 

[RoJoHen]

My grandparents didn't even live together for the bulk of their marriage. It wasn't until they retired that they moved back in together! They still have separate rooms.

I, personally, have a hard enough time falling asleep on my own. If I had to share a bed, I would never be able to sleep.

 

[Brolan]

When you share a bedroom and bed, you also share an intimacy beyond sex.

I don't know how you sleep but I have no clue what's going on around me while I'm unconscious.

Im taking about cuddling, talking before sleeping and after waking, spooning, and just plain being together.

 

[RoJoHen]

Ew, cuddling.