"Dear morons of the future,
The reason you are sooo stupid is that the under 35s of my day spend all their time texting while driving. The generation born around 1986 is the reason why your world is in the shitty state it is. Good luck trying to fix it, but with your complete lack of gray matter, I don't hold out much hope. The moral here is NEVER trust anybody under 40. They are to be seen, not heard.
And slapped."