^I don't think that's how it would work. Starfleet would not kill the rest of the crew simply because the bridge crews were gone. If they have a chance to escape, it's their right to try as hard as they can. Starfleet wouldn't simply sacrifice them.
The only real reason to self-destruct is so that the ship doesn't fall into enemy hands. If whoever with sufficient command authority orders self-destruct (and wasn't countered by anyone else) we can safely assume that the vessel is either in the heat of battle or has had all hands abandon ship already.
The computers on Federation ships are given a lot of autonomous authority in deciding what should be done in which circumstances. The argument that the crew should be given every chance to escape doesn't effect who issues the order to self destruct. If a captain orders the self-destruct with all hands on board the vessel, he must have a good reason. It can be argued that the computer, given the same situation to make a choice, can and will arrive at the same conclusion.